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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Logistics of dropping freshers off

122 replies

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/09/2022 21:12

Help me settle a debate. I had assumed that when DS1 moves into halls on 1st October, we would just drive him down there at his halls with all his stuff (about a 4 hour drive) and we (DH and I and DS2) would stay over a night in a hotel to break up the day a bit, while DS1 got on with settling in and meeting people etc. In my head my plan was to facetime DS1 next morning to ask if he wants to meet for a quick coffee or for us to pick anything up for him before we head back home. I am fully expecting him to say that no, he is too busy, and that will be absolutely fine, and we'll drive home and that will be that.

DH, however, has this grand plan to drive down on Friday night (bearing in mind I'm in work all day. He can work from home or take leave. I can't). And stay the night in a hotel, all 4 of us. I asked him does he expect to just leave all his stuff in the car overnight. I just think it's stressful and pointless doing it that way. We would be having to eat our evening meal on the way anyway rather than in his uni city. So we'd literally be just paying for a hotel to sleep in (and risking the car getting broken into, or having to drag it all into the hotel for the night!)

He came up with that idea after I'd told him that his first idea was a bit of a non starter (to drive down on the Saturday, settle him into his room, then invite him back out for a "last family meal" together somewhere later on). He never went to uni and doesn't seem to understand the "form", so to speak, and doesn't realise that he will just be busy and needs to settle in when we've dropped him off, not letting new friends down by saying he needs to meet mummy and daddy for tea.

In my head, we will have a nice family meal at home on the Friday, head down on Saturday, and drop him off and that will be probably be that till he comes home at the end of term. I am right, aren't I?

OP posts:

Malbecfan · 06/09/2022 21:42

With DD1 at Cambridge, she loaded my car as soon as I got in from work on the Friday evening. My car lives in the garage so her stuff was fine. We left early on the Saturday and were there late morning. Helped her carry everything into her room & made her bed up. Went to get a coffee from the refectory then I think we might have had lunch. There was a tea in the Master's lodge for freshers' parents which we & DD2 went to then we drove home. It's 4 hours each way, so do-able in a day, especially if you leave early.

DD2 in the Midlands had a slot but we are 3.5 hours from there and due to horrendous traffic, we almost missed it. They were lovely and when they knew how far we'd come, they were very helpful. Moved her in then did a supermarket shop with her. All her flatmates were also moving in so she was keen for us to clear off so she could start socialising.

My main concern for your DH's plan is leaving your car with a load of stuff in it overnight in the uni town/city. Is your DC's stuff even insured in a locked car? Don't expect much of a FaceTime call; hopefully your DC will be having way too much fun to worry about that.

Original poster

CurlyhairedAssassin · 06/09/2022 22:09

I guess it’s unlikely we will be staying the night before now if DS has requested an afternoon arrival slot. But yeah, I wouldn’t be happy leaving anything in the car overnight. We’ve just come back for a US road trip and took everything into each hotel overnight as people said that even if you had taken your valuables into the hotel, desperate people would happily break into the car to root through it all to see if there was anything they could flog. I think it be a risk to leave a car with student stuff in it overnight. People know that often the stuff has been newly bought, even if it IS just a set of pans etc.

OP posts:

atiaofthejulii · 10/09/2022 19:49

I’ve done it both ways round, depending on the move in date given. Most recent was me and dd drove up in the afternoon, stayed in a hotel, moved her in in the morning, and I drove home, just because that’s what worked out better timing-wise. However, I wouldn’t really have liked to have stayed there in a hotel by myself after dropping her, I’d have worried too much and she would probably have wanted to have dinner/breakfast with me. (And I did worry about the car full of stuff, but it was ok.) But with her older siblings, dh and I were both there and the timings made sense to do it your way round. One joined us for breakfast the next day, one didn’t.

You must have a big car if 4 of you plus all ds’s belongings fit!

pointythings · 10/09/2022 19:52

I have (had) three at uni and have always done drive in, unpack, drop off. DD1 struggled during her first term and we had a lot of contact as well as interaction with support services, but it all came out well in the end. DS settled in really well, as did DD2 who is having a second year in Halls due to needing accessible accommodation. As she is 7 hours away, it's definitely drive in, unload, drop off - and that's with getting up at 3 am!

DadDadDad · 10/09/2022 21:08

Anyone dropping off at Edinburgh tomorrow - yes, tomorrow! Extra complication of driving into a city where road closures have just been announced and it will be filling up with mourners as Queen's coffin processes through!

Xenia · 10/09/2022 21:44

We always managed it in one day even if very early start in the morning. I would usualy stay about one hour maximum by the way in the university city of my 5 to give them time to unload the car and then I would be off, driving back hopefully by about 1pm

FooFightersFan · 10/09/2022 21:57

@ofwarren
I know it’s been a few days since your post, but how is your son settling in now?

Has anyone else joined him in his flat?

We have just dropped DS off today and he was the only one to arrive in his flat. I’m gutted for him. Although he is taking it pretty well. Obvs there are other people moving in all over the accommodation, but…

Basically it’s just not how I envisioned him arriving at uni 😞

LuftBalloons · 11/09/2022 08:06

On moving in day here, the local supermarkets are full of anxious parents trying to teach their children how to do their grocery shopping on a budget.

So the pattern of drop off stuff, go for lunch, do some grocery shopping , then leave them to it is pretty well established. There are always activities (organised and/or informal) for the freshers in halls.

crumpet · 11/09/2022 08:15

We had a 20 min drop off slot for parking, and there is no way we could have fitted 4 people into the car with the amount of stuff dd took. Hopefully she’ll be a bit more streamlined this year.

she was already in a WhatsApp group with her new housemates so at least they’d had some contact and she knows who would already have arrived.

TBH I just unloaded her, made up her bed so that at least it was done, and left her to it.

Andromachehadabadday · 11/09/2022 08:58

We moved dd yesterday. It was lovely day. Not rushed. Not stressed. Just really nice.

We paid extra for an early slot, think it was £15. It was a 10am slot. They called at 9.30am and said if we were close we could get access as they were ready.

We were met with drinks and snacks. Then shown how to get in the building and her flat. The woman that showed us round, wasn’t happy with the mattress, so she went and had it replaced. Which was done while we were unpacking. Dd was first in her flat.

Dd had found her flat mates on the building FB group so she unpacked her kitchen stuff talking to them on FaceTime.

The bed was bigger than expected, so we did the food shop and got sheets. Dropped the food and sheets off, went for lunch and then dropped her off and came home. She sent some videos of her room set up. One flatmate moved in the the afternoon and they made dinner together and shared some wine I bought them.

No parents were stressed. No students were stressed. The staff were great. We reported a few issues on the app, like the sofa was split. Just so they don’t try and charge dd when they leave. It’s all been really easy so far.

Andromachehadabadday · 11/09/2022 08:59

FooFightersFan · 10/09/2022 21:57

@ofwarren
I know it’s been a few days since your post, but how is your son settling in now?

Has anyone else joined him in his flat?

When are the others moving in?

FooFightersFan · 11/09/2022 09:12

@Andromachehadabadday
i have no idea.
For the past few weeks I’ve been telling him to try and connect with his flat mates. I think he could have done this through the uni accommodation portal. And I’ve tried to encourage him to explore FB groups to link up with people, but it’s fallen on deaf ears it seems.

Andromachehadabadday · 11/09/2022 09:15

FooFightersFan · 11/09/2022 09:12

Ah, I was going suggest he looks on some of the FB groups and the portal. hopefully they will arrive today and it’s a bit better for him.

BeyondMyWits · 11/09/2022 09:28

My 2 dds were both 1 hour slots , arrive, drop stuff, make bed, look around , check how shower works, toilet is clean, fridge space etc, scout out accomodation office "just in case" then a hug and goodbye.

FooFightersFan · 11/09/2022 09:39

@Andromachehadabadday
Thanks. It’s hard being home and thinking he’s alone. But he’s 19 and quite capable of leaving his room and finding others in the building.It’s hard letting go, as a mum. I guess he and I are both learning.

Andromachehadabadday · 11/09/2022 09:51

FooFightersFan · 11/09/2022 09:39

Oh it is. Dds university isn’t to far away 30 mins and I probably would have asked her to come home for the night tbh. She probably wouldn’t have wanted to but I would have offered.

I barely slept last night thinking of her there and she did have one flat mate. I would feel the same as you.

FooFightersFan · 11/09/2022 10:20

@Andromachehadabadday
Same here. A fitful nights sleep
for me last night. He’s almost 3 hours away, and he didn’t want to come home, he wanted to stay, which I totally understand.
30 mins away for you must make it tricky, but yes, we have to let them get on.
They are resilient, more than we like to believe. I’m going to keep repeating that for the next couple of days.
Best of luck to you both, and I hope your DD has a good first week x

Original poster

CurlyhairedAssassin · 11/09/2022 14:47

atiaofthejulii · 10/09/2022 19:49

You must have a big car if 4 of you plus all ds’s belongings fit!

He’s in catered halls so won’t be taking much. They provide pillow and duvet and blanket, we just need to take bed linen and towels, his laptop etc, some stationery and files etc , a VERY small amount ot kitchen stuff (they don’t have a proper kitchen), suitcase of clothes, laundry bag. He won’t need much else at all and I can’t see him wanting to decorate it if he has to remove it all at Christmas anyway. We don’t have a massive car but it does have decent boot space. Any food stuff we can buy there. I imagine there’ll be more when we collect him at Christmas.

OP posts:

PhotoDad · 11/09/2022 15:01

Dropped my DD off on Thursday. Our careful plans for an easy transfer and a nice family meal the night before etc were disrupted by Covid. I ended up taking a day off work (I originally wasn't going along) and driving 510 miles over the course of the day. Drove there, helped her unload, was escorted to the door, and drove home. In the rain!

She was already in touch with her housemates and was the 4th of 6 to arrive. Had our first mildly homesick call last night but we assured her that was normal... Freshers' Week starts properly tomorrow so that will give some structure.

Our strategy was to take minimal stuff (furniture/clothes/food) and she has been shopping for those... but that is only because she has a good supermarket, charity shops, and a Wilko's all with 10 minutes walk. Different if you're on a campus in the middle of nowhere!

aesopstables · 11/09/2022 15:20

DS is in private halls so we moved his stuff in a week early, as DH away the weekend before freshers.

it’s a 7 hour drive so we stayed the night. We helped DS unpack (no one else about in his flat), then went off together to explore the city and get some supper before walking him home and then staying the night round the corner ourselves in a hotel.

We then collected him the next morning and all drove home. He got the train back there yesterday on his own. Has seemed to work well!

FooFightersFan · 11/09/2022 17:20

Update. Still no flat mates arriving today but… DS is out with some others from the halls tonight.
So pleased for him 😃

Andromachehadabadday · 11/09/2022 17:31

FooFightersFan · 11/09/2022 17:20

Update. Still no flat mates arriving today but… DS is out with some others from the halls tonight.
So pleased for him 😃

Oh I am so glad. I have been thinking about you and your ds today. It’s really great he is spending time with others. Hope he gets some flat mates soon.

Dd had a good day and her other flatmate has moved in. I just know she won’t call me if she feels homesick, so I worry she will try and deal with it on her own.

Whataretheodds · 11/09/2022 17:36

Id leave him to it after you drop him off - stay overnight and mooch if you want to but don't be dropping by/messaging the next day. If he goes for lunch with you because he's at a loose end he won't be making new friends.

Threelittlelambs · 11/09/2022 17:42

We are going Thursday - dropping car stuff off late evening and all staying in a hotel DD/friend and her parents.
We’ll go for dinner and a late Asda shop and moving them in properly the next morning. Housemates don’t arrive until Monday so they’ll have the place to themselves.

Threelittlelambs · 11/09/2022 17:42

*We have to get a late flight home so will do some shopping before coming home.

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