Logistics of dropping freshers off

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Help me settle a debate. I had assumed that when DS1 moves into halls on 1st October, we would just drive him down there at his halls with all his stuff (about a 4 hour drive) and we (DH and I and DS2) would stay over a night in a hotel to break up the day a bit, while DS1 got on with settling in and meeting people etc. In my head my plan was to facetime DS1 next morning to ask if he wants to meet for a quick coffee or for us to pick anything up for him before we head back home. I am fully expecting him to say that no, he is too busy, and that will be absolutely fine, and we'll drive home and that will be that.

DH, however, has this grand plan to drive down on Friday night (bearing in mind I'm in work all day. He can work from home or take leave. I can't). And stay the night in a hotel, all 4 of us. I asked him does he expect to just leave all his stuff in the car overnight. I just think it's stressful and pointless doing it that way. We would be having to eat our evening meal on the way anyway rather than in his uni city. So we'd literally be just paying for a hotel to sleep in (and risking the car getting broken into, or having to drag it all into the hotel for the night!)

He came up with that idea after I'd told him that his first idea was a bit of a non starter (to drive down on the Saturday, settle him into his room, then invite him back out for a "last family meal" together somewhere later on). He never went to uni and doesn't seem to understand the "form", so to speak, and doesn't realise that he will just be busy and needs to settle in when we've dropped him off, not letting new friends down by saying he needs to meet mummy and daddy for tea.

In my head, we will have a nice family meal at home on the Friday, head down on Saturday, and drop him off and that will be probably be that till he comes home at the end of term. I am right, aren't I?

So essentially your DH first idea but not make the meal a big thing? Or just do what your DS wants to do!

Do all universities give slots now? Are they all in the same day at least?

My son went on his slot today and he's the only one there is his flat for 4 people.

Dds accommodation has timed slots.

But no, not everyone is living in the same day. We paid a bit extra for her to be able to move in a day early. Was cheap, so quite a few people might have done it.

That’s rubbish. Which university is that?

Salford
Doesn't help that he's ASD so he's fretting a bit really.

My DS hasn't managed to book a slot yet. He tried to fill in his online registration forms today but didn't get beyond the first paragraph! Our address is just our house name and then the village name, no house number or road name. They have a character limit on the first line and our house name is too long for it, and it also has road name as mandatory. So since he can't get beyond this, we can't even see what slots are available. He's emailed the help desk but no reply as yet. I'd have phoned, but I am trying not to interfere, so we'll see if there's any progress tomorrow.
It was never this complicated in my day! 😂

Big family dinner at home on Friday. It can be home or restaurant. That is the last hurrah.

do not pack all his belongings and leave them in the car overnight. people get targeted specifically at move in time. It’s not like the common hotels are a secret.

drive up and move in his things. Offer to do a store run right then for anything forgotten.

since it is a long drive and you are staying the night, have the offer of a supply run plus coffee on the morning on the table, but also offer to just be a courier and deliver anything he realizes he needs, drop, squeeze in one embarrassing last hug, and go.

I still remember the feeling of elation the moment my mother left my room. There was also fear, but it was the best kind of fear. The feeling of change and promise. It was 30 years ago and I can still close my eyes and go right back there . Let your son have his moment.

I love the last poster's "feeling of elation" - I remember this too, from nearly 40 years ago. The last thing I wanted was for my parents to hang around for more than the 15 minutes to move my stuff. Please everyone, be guided by your kids - all this family meal/next day checking in may not be what is wanted. Also, all students are perfectly capable of making up their own beds!

We are only a 2 hr drive away so not too bad. We still don’t have a definite move in day or time slot yet (Durham) but he will be paying rent from 2pm on the Saturday. But we still have no idea whether moving in day is the Saturday or the Sunday and a morning or an afternoon slot yet.

I envisaged a family meal a day or two before DS goes away but know he will also want at least one or two nights out with friends (so I’m flexible on when it is). But agree it has come round extremely fast since results day.

We will drive down help DS make his bed, set up computer and unpack a little if time permits, he wants us too and depending how many others in his flat are milling about. After that we will ask get the vibes from him as to whether he wants to go for a quick lunch/brunch, coffee with us and or do a quick food shop and then we will leave him to it. I have got him some basic dried goods (so he won’t starve) but the main thing is we want him to settle in with his new flat mates rather than have us hanging about longer than he wants us too and no doubt I will have tears in my eyes.

We’re going down the day before, having a day in her new city milling about and getting a bit familiar with it, dinner that night, nowt fancy, Nando’s or something then all back to the hotel. We’re bringing DD’s younger brother too (12), they’re very close. We plan to have a leisurely breakfast the next morning then her move in slot is 12-13:00. Help her get her stuff in (no idea how this is going to work in the middle of a city centre with no parking particularly nearby), help her unpack if she wants it and then leave her to it while I probably cry all the way home. So our plan is probably more similar to your DH’s but it’s whatever works for you.

@MrsAvocet Have you tried putting the village name in twice - ie for the street name as well as the town? I have to do similar for my work address sometimes as there is not a number just a name.

Solved thanks @Decorhate DS phoned this morning.
They told him to put half the house name in the first line and the second word in the "street name" line. Seems it doesn't matter what's actually in the box as long as it's not empty. Guess I should have been able to figure that out but it's been good for him to have to speak to them himself anyway.

I dropped my DD off at King's Cross.

Hi @CurlyhairedAssassin . I would have looked at this thread sooner if I'd known it was you! We are in the same boat, obv, and also 4 hours away!! My OH would think nothing of doing a round trip in a day but not me! Your post has made me think about this for the first time. Tbh I think we will go up on the Friday, all stay in a hotel that night (OH has a truck and if people want to nick DS's new duvet set from the back, c'est la vie!) and drop and run on the Saturday. I will see what DS says about that. I also don't know how tight the dropping off slots will be. DM me if you like.

We have a thirty minute slot and we aren't getting the details until the day. No vans no trailers no loitering.

No vans?

I've had several children at Uni's and we have the same set formula. Drive over early on the Saturday, help lug all their stuff in. Go do a supermarket shop with them to get all the staples (rice, pasta, herbs, spices, milk, oil etc plus buying beer and chocolates to share with new people). We then offer to go but they have always wanted to go out for a meal in their new city with us before we go. Not so much of a shock exit for them that way. The supermarkets and restaurants are full of parents doing the same thing, it's quite amusing. Our children have never been further than a five hour drive so we tend to do it all in one day. Just follow your son's lead, he'll let you know if he'd rather you went quickly or not. My children are really outgoing but they still needed us to be about for a bit that day. I then cry all the way home...every time!

Not the footwear. But, yes no vans.

I've done this 3 times. 1 had a drop off time, 2 didn't. We drove down on the morning (2 & 3 hours), unloaded, went for lunch. With 2 we did a supermarket shop, then home. Exactly as my mother did for me 30 years ago.
I so remember that feeling of wanting to get on with the next bit of my life.
For each of them we also went down a few weeks later & made a mini break of it (I think we went in the school half term week). An opportunity to go & buy anything they have forgotten or take home anything they have realised they don't need. They tended to meet us for dinner & then go out with their flatmates afterwards.

Warn dh to be prepared for DS not to want to go out for dinner. When Dd moved into halls last year she’d been on a WhatsApp group with her flatmates in the week beforehand (uni had set them all up on closed fb groups by halls of residence so they found each other there). They coordinated their arrival time. Dd was third out of six to arrive and the other two helped us unload the car, gave us a chance to settle her in and then the three of them practically walked dh and I to the door 😁.

Your plan is better but I’d just drive home the same day too.

My parents did not make a big deal of this and for that I’m grateful. Drove me there, helped me get my things up into my room, I think mum made up my bed, then they left. Ideal.

We * did go the night before last year but only because Dd had a time slot to move in at 9am and we live blimming miles away. It was a pia tbh
Your plan is better . I think it’s ok to stay the night particularly if it’s a long drive ( I found it knackering moving them in.. lots of stairs.. no lifts ) . Leave your Dc to settle by himself tho.. drop off.. and leave ( I did make DD’s bed) and go out for a nice meal by yourselves! . Quick text in the morning to see if everything’s ok before going

enjoying seeing how different else’s approach is and it’s made me see that I need to be a bit open minded about what might happen, both with timings that we are tied to at the halls and with how DS1 might feel.. I think I was just panicking about booking a hotel to late and everything being booked up. Hopefully it will be ok.

Thankyou, everyone, and good luck to everyone sending their lovely children off on their next journey in life.