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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

"settling" for a uni course- yikes

100 replies

piggyinthemiddl · 02/09/2022 17:20

DS is about to start university this September but I feel he has ‘settled’ for this course rather than looking forward enthusiastically. I feel guilty that I may have had a role to play in it.

Here’s the back story: DS enjoys sciences, is great with people and has volunteered in various care settings. He was struggling to choose between medicine and natural sciences (physics) throughout is A Levels.
He decided to do medicine, scored 3200 on UCAT, and then a few days before the UCAS deadline was up, decided that he’d rather do natural sciences. Abstract problem solving is funner, he said. I panicked, worried at this last-minute change of heart, but did not discourage him as I felt if he wasn’t 100% sure about medicine he should probably not do it.
In the end he ended up applying for 4 natural science places and 1 medicine place (based on a natural science physics personal statement).
I didn't discourage this.

The first huge disappointment was when Cambridge pooled but rejected his application.
He was gutted as he thought highly of the course.
He was offered places in the other natsci courses.
Was interviewed for medicine, rejected and then put on a reserve list with the university saying that they’ll let him know on results day whether he can get a place.
As we approached results day, there were these conversations about how medicine was indeed a great career and he may accept the place if offered. But he wasn’t offered a place and has decided to enrol in the natsci degree.
He has been subdued and quiet ever since the Cambridge rejection.
He does not want to reapply (too much effort) and does not really want to talk about the offers or his decision.
Oh and he scored 4 A*s in further maths, maths, chemistry and physics.
I feel he has ‘settled’ and has lost his umph a bit.
Afraid to talk to him about it as I might just introduce uncertainty when he has already enrolled at Bath and sorted accommodation.
In any case, I’m not sure what he’d want to reapply for if he did reapply. I just hope he won’t end up being disllusioed with his chosen course. Perhaps I should have steadied him when he wobbled over medicine.

OP posts:

Hellocatshome · 02/09/2022 17:29

What is he planning to do with his natural sciences degree. If he has a clear plan that's one thing if he is doing a secret for the sake of doing a degree I would be concerned.

BeyondMyWits · 02/09/2022 17:31

My daughter is at Bath doing pharmacology and absolutely loving it... both her course and the campus.

She says the science department is great and the teaching really stretches them whilst being supportive. Tutors there are responsive and the pastoral support for mental health and wellbeing is readily accessible.

Would not think of it as settling.

Original poster

piggyinthemiddl · 02/09/2022 17:33

Hellocatshome · 02/09/2022 17:29

What is he planning to do with his natural sciences degree. If he has a clear plan that's one thing if he is doing a secret for the sake of doing a degree I would be concerned.

he says physics opens many avenues. Management consulting is also an option

OP posts:

Flockameanie · 02/09/2022 17:35

I think ultimately it is his decision and you can’t, and shouldn’t, do anything to change his mind at this point. Apart from perhaps to reiterate that it’s not too late to change his mind if he wants to.

If it’s the wrong decision he has to come to that conclusion for himself and decide, again for himself, what he’d rather do.

I speak as someone who made the ‘wrong decision’ about what to study at uni. I swapped subjects once there and probably still didn’t make the right decision. But at least I had no one else to blame but myself.

Incidentally - it all worked out ok for me in the end. I went on to postgrad study and have a good career. Although I do sometimes wonder how life would have been different if I’d made different choices. But don’t we all?

MatildaJayne · 02/09/2022 17:36

I have a friend who did NatSci at Bath then went off to be a share trader in Hong Kong for 6 years, made his fortune and has retrained as a teacher, ‘to give something back.’ NatSci could lead to many different careers, many of which better paid than a doctor!

Original poster

piggyinthemiddl · 02/09/2022 17:38

BeyondMyWits · 02/09/2022 17:31

My daughter is at Bath doing pharmacology and absolutely loving it... both her course and the campus.

Would not think of it as settling.

thank you- yes I've heard great things about Bath and sciences. My worry is more about whether DS has made a choice he is not too excited about because I failed to support him when he wobbled over medicine a few days before the UCAS application. No point kicking myself I suppose.

OP posts:

Catch21 · 02/09/2022 17:38

Of course it's disappointing to be rejected from Cambridge, but natural sciences is a great degree choice.

mondaytosunday · 02/09/2022 17:38

Nobody likes rejection, and he has to accept that there will have been a number of kids who had similar high grades and there isn't enough places for everyone.
It seems he was leaning towards natural sciences anyway, and he's going to a great uni. People put oxbridge on such a high pedestal when there are many other fantastic unis and he can do equally well there.

Original poster

piggyinthemiddl · 02/09/2022 17:39

MatildaJayne · 02/09/2022 17:36

You are so right!! Thank you so much.

OP posts:

Smilingwithfangs · 02/09/2022 17:45

Doing medicine without being 100% sure would be a disaster. It is a very demanding course and career as I’m sure you know.

he can complete his nat sci and if medicine is still on his mind then he can apply for a graduate entry medical degree which is a year shorter and often much better as they are adept at learning and have great background knowledge.

he’s probably just a bit unsure and having a wobble. This is often the first time kids have had to truly face rejection and choices so it’s not surprising they are a bit knocked if it doesn’t run completely smoothly.

focus on getting excited with him about Bath else he will pick up on your concern and might assume you are disappointed in him. He will have a brilliant time.

cingolimama · 02/09/2022 17:50

Has your son considered taking a gap year and then applying next year to Cambridge with his 4 A*s?

One of my goddaughters did just this (Oxford in her case). She was rejected by Oxford (for Chemistry), accepted by Durham (who wouldn't allow her to defer). She decided to take a gap year - earned money and travelled a bit, then reapplied to Oxford with her 4 A*s and got her offer from Oxford.

Just a thought. Good luck to you and your DS.

Apl · 02/09/2022 17:59

He’s still mourning the idea of Cambridge. He’ll just have to get over it (unless he wants to risk a year off that may not change anything). Try to move him past it, I know a mum who still moans regularly about how her life would have been if she’d got into Oxford. Shit happens! We don’t always get picked for top jobs, we get dumped/overlooked by some of the hot people, we lose out on that house purchase that would have been so perfect… What matters is that he moves on and finds something else and doesn’t obsess about ‘might have been’.

It’s good he didn’t do medicine, that isn’t a course for people who are unsure. And isn’t it like 6 years and then poorly paid long hours for many more years?! Better off doing something like management consulting, paying off devts and becoming homeowner etc.

He’ll cheer up when he gets to uni and starts making friends.

SeasonFinale · 02/09/2022 17:59

It sounds to me like you feel he is "settling" not him.

You wanted him to be a doctor or go to Cambridge and are therefore disappointed. Please don't be. There are very many full set of A* kids who go to other unis and end up in successful careers.

Perhaps he has been subdued and quiet since his unsuccessful Cambridge application because he feels it was important to you.

SarahMused · 02/09/2022 18:01

Graduate medicine is much more competitive than undergraduate. If he thinks he wants to do medicine he should take a gap year, get appropriate work experience and reapply for next year. He stands a very good chance of getting a place with his achieved grades. If he is determined to go this year and there are significant advantages with loans and many other things, he should go to Bath. It is a great university and he will have fantastic opportunities. If he is still hankering after Cambridge he could always do what my oldest did after she was rejected after interview at Cambridge - reapply for masters and stay for a PhD.

abyssofwoah · 02/09/2022 18:30

Are you sure he isn’t suffering from a weight of expectation upon him? Might he feel like he’s disappointed you by not going for medicine and not getting into Cambridge?
It sounds like he’s definitely done the right thing in not going for medicine. It’s not settling to follow your interests and there’s no shame in not getting your first choice of uni.

chilliesandspices · 02/09/2022 19:20

The only person I know with a natsci degree is currently working in investment banking and making more per year than I'll make in the next 10 years. Your DS will still have options if he goes ahead and decides on a different path. Trying to plan your life path at 18 with minimal work experience is impossible.

CanThisBe · 02/09/2022 19:25

Honestly, I think you already sound too involved. He's obviously a bright lad and it's time for him to start making and standing by his own decisions.

Fruitygal · 02/09/2022 19:29

Medicine is a slog and you have to really want to do it! the fact he got 3200 and didn't get an offer from his interview makes me think he wasn't showing passion as he had an amazing score that would let him go to all medicine courses with the right prep and drive.

Natural sciences will allow him to be anything he wants to be and I know three doctors who came to medicine after their first degree.

My DD chose not to apply for Oxbridge after watching the online open day and feeling it was a shot in the dark despite great predicted and very stressful after the covid years at school. For a week or two I was a little sad as her brothers were not in the grade range for the uni and the reputation is amazing ! BUT she applied to Durham and has a place ... she says I made the right choice as she is nervously excited for starting date.

Your son can go to Oxbridge for his masters ....or he can become a trader etc and love the money....he'll love Bath x

SheilaFentiman · 02/09/2022 19:31

Maybe he is subdued because he is about to leave home and change his life? It’s a big step.

Original poster

piggyinthemiddl · 02/09/2022 19:34

thank you so much everyone-- I need a good dose of good sense being knocked into me and you've helped.

OP posts:

Original poster

piggyinthemiddl · 02/09/2022 19:35

CanThisBe · 02/09/2022 19:25

Honestly, I think you already sound too involved. He's obviously a bright lad and it's time for him to start making and standing by his own decisions.

well said. thanks.

OP posts:

Fruitygal · 02/09/2022 19:35

@piggyinthemiddl they can be very nervous at the moment as the day to leave gets close

TheLighthouse23 · 02/09/2022 19:49

Wow you must be so proud of him! I can't imagine how strange and amazing it must feel to have one of my children get such good grades in such tough subjects.
I know nothing about the uni system but I'm surprised he was rejected by any uni.
If Cambridge don't accept 4 As.. who would they accept? Does it get better than that?

mathanxiety · 02/09/2022 20:54

It's probably the Cambridge rejection that has him feeling down.

If he was able to get such good grades in hard sciences and maths, his school probably had him pegged for Oxbridge, and maybe deep down he thought he'd be a shoo in too.

Maybe he also thought he'd be left with the final choice between medicine and natsci, given his grade prospects, and he now finds himself lumped with people whose wildest aspirational dream was natsci at Bath.

He'll probably settle down and work hard. Once he gets into the swing of things he won't have time to second guess himself.

TheLighthouse23 · 02/09/2022 21:28

Is there no chance he could reapply next year? Maybe have a gap year as someone else said?

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