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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

"settling" for a uni course- yikes

100 replies

piggyinthemiddl · 02/09/2022 17:20

DS is about to start university this September but I feel he has ‘settled’ for this course rather than looking forward enthusiastically. I feel guilty that I may have had a role to play in it.

Here’s the back story: DS enjoys sciences, is great with people and has volunteered in various care settings. He was struggling to choose between medicine and natural sciences (physics) throughout is A Levels.
He decided to do medicine, scored 3200 on UCAT, and then a few days before the UCAS deadline was up, decided that he’d rather do natural sciences. Abstract problem solving is funner, he said. I panicked, worried at this last-minute change of heart, but did not discourage him as I felt if he wasn’t 100% sure about medicine he should probably not do it.
In the end he ended up applying for 4 natural science places and 1 medicine place (based on a natural science physics personal statement).
I didn't discourage this.

The first huge disappointment was when Cambridge pooled but rejected his application.
He was gutted as he thought highly of the course.
He was offered places in the other natsci courses.
Was interviewed for medicine, rejected and then put on a reserve list with the university saying that they’ll let him know on results day whether he can get a place.
As we approached results day, there were these conversations about how medicine was indeed a great career and he may accept the place if offered. But he wasn’t offered a place and has decided to enrol in the natsci degree.
He has been subdued and quiet ever since the Cambridge rejection.
He does not want to reapply (too much effort) and does not really want to talk about the offers or his decision.
Oh and he scored 4 A*s in further maths, maths, chemistry and physics.
I feel he has ‘settled’ and has lost his umph a bit.
Afraid to talk to him about it as I might just introduce uncertainty when he has already enrolled at Bath and sorted accommodation.
In any case, I’m not sure what he’d want to reapply for if he did reapply. I just hope he won’t end up being disllusioed with his chosen course. Perhaps I should have steadied him when he wobbled over medicine.

OP posts:
Thethingswedoforlove · 02/09/2022 21:45

How did he get such an amazing ucat score?! Wow. But that alone isn’t enough for medicine- he needed a real enthusiasm and passion - the interview would have tried to tease that out of him. He will return to medicine somehow if it is what he really really wants. You’ve done your bit and the support you gave at the time of application was not judgemental and was just what he needed. Trust your instincts as his journey unfolds and be the fantastic parent you clearly are

SkygardenTower · 02/09/2022 22:07

NatSci at Bath is a great course (not just because I did it many many years ago).

  1. it is a very well respected science university
  2. Nat Sci gives a great broad base to try different things
  3. you can add in a placement year to get industrial experience

If you don’t really want to do medicine it is a really tough course and there is a high drop out rate.

It is not uncommon to have a slump this time of year, the highs of A level have finished and yet uni doesn’t start for a few more weeks, and it can leave students feeling a bit adrift.

katishot · 03/09/2022 13:19

I think you have to leave it now. He's going to Bath. It's a good course. He doesn't necessarily have to stick with Physics if he become more interested in a different science.
If he doesn't like it at all he can consider his options then.
He can apply to graduate medicine if he decides in the next few years that is really what he wants to do.

thing47 · 03/09/2022 14:44

Another vote for Nat Sci at Bath here. DD1's best friend did that course and now has a fabulous job in a related field with a well known multinational company. She also really liked Bath as a place to live.

Original poster
piggyinthemiddl · 03/09/2022 21:23

oh no....I knew it was all too quiet to be true. DS says he wants to reapply. That since the medicine fiasco he has realised that he doesnt like chemistry as much as he thought and would rather do engineering or straight physics. He's gone off natsci. I am worried sick. He has enrolled at university and sorted out accommodation as well. His father thinks its a dreadful idea to reapply. That its a waste of a year if no proper work has been prepared and that math skills wane quickly. That one shouldn't flit from subject to subject like this. DS is quite distressed and isn't sure what to do. Any advise? I think why not. If you feel you dont like chemistry as much any more why lock your self to studying it?

OP posts:
kitnkaboodle · 03/09/2022 21:36

Hi OP. A year ago my DS had an offer from Bath, had accepted it and chosen accommodation. He then changed his mind and decided he wanted to reapply and try again for Oxford and for Imperial. There was no drama at all about cancelling Bath and student loan. I think you have a few more days when you can do that with no penalty. He even put Bath again as one of his choices the second time around.
This last year went by quickly, he got a job etc etc. Didn't get Oxford or Imperial, but now going to Bristol, which he is happier with than Bath. It wasn't a big deal and it wasn't a waste of a year. He is older and wiser and had driving lessons, etc. I feel that you maybe need to treat this as less of a disaster/drama and more just one of those things ... be supportive of him ...

NoYouSirName · 03/09/2022 21:37

Definitely back off, both you and DH, it sounds as though he’s under a lot of pressure with both of you having opinions on his choices. No wonder he doesn’t know what to do. Leo him organise his own year which could be the making of him, and reapply for what he wants?

kitnkaboodle · 03/09/2022 21:38

Hear hear @NoYouSirName ...

mathanxiety · 03/09/2022 22:03

He needs to cancel everything, get an engineering job for a year, and reapply.

Or can he try clearing for an engineering course?

kitnkaboodle · 03/09/2022 22:19

Both my DSs are off to study engineering this year and we've been through the application process 2 years running! I'd say that with A*s in Maths, FM and Physics, OP's son could pretty much apply wherever he fancies for any Physics or Engineering course. I don't think he'd even need to spend the gap year particularly doing engineer-y stuff. Writing a new personal statement could be the biggest challenge!

teezletangler · 03/09/2022 22:39

I can see why you're worried, OP. But it sounds like this setback has perhaps given him the focus and direction he needs? I agree with his grades he could go just about anywhere for engineering or physics next year. Or would he rather go for clearing now?

sendsummer · 03/09/2022 23:34

On the bright side his latest decision confirms that medicine was n’t right for him.

However his wish to withdraw now may be more about wanting to change university as he could do just physics and maths within the Bath’s natural sciences degree.
I would suggest to him that he jots down an outline of a PS for physics or engineering in the next couple of days. That should clarify his thoughts before he withdraws. Better that he has the courage to change direction now than passively go with the flow of a decision made by his younger self.

sendsummer · 03/09/2022 23:48

Actually sorry, having just checked, he would have to do chemistry in the Bath natural sciences course so if he wants to focus on physics from the start, it is not the right course for him.

Chattycathydoll · 03/09/2022 23:52

I work closely with uni undergrads- wait til he’s there. Truly. They find their feet, it’s like starting primary school all over again but the vast majority settle into a good group of friends and enjoy wherever they end up. They act weird in the run up to primary too, after all! Let him get into it, he’ll be fine.

MarchingFrogs · 04/09/2022 07:23

Given that Bath has no places in Clearing (not sure whether it did at all this year?), it is a long shot, bur if he is happy with Bath, just not the course, he could first ask (now, not wait to get there) whetherva change to Physics or a Physics and Maths combination is possible?

Candleabra · 04/09/2022 07:28

Let him reapply. It has to be his decision.
He can research jobs, courses for the year out that will keep his maths skills intact.
If he wants to do it he will.
He has perfect A level results so he will have the pick of most places. I assume he will want to reapply to Cambridge?

LuftBalloons · 04/09/2022 07:45

I think you need to step back. Or rather, empower him to take control, then step back. It’s his degree and his life. You sound a bit over-involved.

Bath is an excellent STEMM university and he’s got good A Levels. He’ll need to apply himself and take a bit more control, but maybe you need to enable that by stepping back.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 04/09/2022 08:12

One of the problems of being hardworking and disciplined is that you can end up doing really well in exams even if a subject doesn't interest you much deep down - and that can cause confusion!

Add in the lure of courses at elite universities - catnip to an ambitious student, not to mention ambitions parents - and it is no wonder there is bedazzlement and befuddlement all round.

From what you have written it sounds as if Chemistry might have seemed tolerable when part of a Cambridge study package but might make less sense otherwise. I think that’s a good reason to at least review the decision of going this year. Your DS no longer needs to feel locked into a NatSci mindset.

My question would be what does your DS watch YouTube videos on? Does he gravitate towards physics videos or engineering videos? What interests him when he is not dutifully studying?

This remark from him: ’Abstract problem solving is funner’ seems like a clue to what his future might hold but there must be other clues out there.

If he does want the ‘it’s a herculean effort but I can just about manage at this difficult to get into place’ experience, he might consider contacting admissions at Imperial College to get advice about whether it’s worth applying, grades in hand, for a physics or engineering course there next year.

In the end, his grades are incredible - well done to him. No doubt he could put up with Chemistry if he had to. He is in a position where he could go to university now and make a success of his studies - or defer and make a success of his studies!

I do wish there was less of a feeling of not-a-moment-to-lose around education. It’s not a race. It’s an individual journey.

Dreamtheimpossibledream · 04/09/2022 08:24

I would step back. His gut is obviously telling him this is the wrong thing and I think you have to let this play out. Taking a year out isn't a big deal and if he is so uncertain maybe he just needs some time and space to think. When he is at home with all his friends at university he's going to be focused on getting there.

SkygardenTower · 04/09/2022 08:25

My first advise is to slow down a bit and not panic. No decision needs to be made in the next 5 minutes!

The second thing would be to call Bath and see of he can swap courses.

Third, if he wants to reapply he needs to do it and come up with a plan for the year. This does need to be driven by him now.

It does sound like he doesn't really know what he wants to do and is flailing around a bit. He might just be putting off being an adult as well. A gap year might allow him to explore his options fully and avoid a costly mistake (so not a waste of a year).

howdidthatwork · 04/09/2022 08:48

I was going to come on as a medic and advise that I wouldn't necessarily encourage any 18-year-old in the direction of medicine at the moment without serious consideration, but I can see he's moved off that idea anyway 😁

NatSci is a great degree choice with a lot of career options - I have NatSci friends who are in consulting (pharmacology, sustainable energy), teaching, the food science industry (well paid and with a lot of travel!), finance, academia ...

However, it really sounds like he needs to sit down and think about this, with the support of both parents. It is understandable that DH is worried, but this is a big decision for DS and, as a poster said above, nothing needs to be decided in the next 5 minutes! Time out before uni is not necessarily a bad idea.

Ultimately, both NatSci and engineering will open plenty of doors, and he has wonderful A-level results behind him. Oxbridge can feel like the be-all and end-all, but (anecdotally) I know people who did not get in who ended up loving their time at York, Bristol, Durham etc. and now can't imagine having gone anywhere else.

Good luck to your DS!

Destiny123 · 04/09/2022 10:14

Honestly as a Dr currently, unless you absolutely live/ breathe /couldn't dream of anything else in life I wouldn't do it. The fees are higher, the pressures greater, the hours are grim, you have hardly any say in where you live until you finish training at around 34yo, the respect of the public is gone, the post grad exams are awful (many have 40% as the pass rate per exam and cost about £400-600ish per attempt, they're all self funded etc. So so many of my cohort have left medicine entirely, many are in oz and nz. I absolutely love anaesthetics and wouldn't change it now the exams are over, but I spent a lot of my post grad years verging on suicidal and questioning why I did it. Just support him in his way forward, he's clearly super smart and will go far x

Destiny123 · 04/09/2022 10:18

howdidthatwork · 04/09/2022 08:48

I was going to come on as a medic and advise that I wouldn't necessarily encourage any 18-year-old in the direction of medicine at the moment without serious consideration, but I can see he's moved off that idea anyway 😁

NatSci is a great degree choice with a lot of career options - I have NatSci friends who are in consulting (pharmacology, sustainable energy), teaching, the food science industry (well paid and with a lot of travel!), finance, academia ...

However, it really sounds like he needs to sit down and think about this, with the support of both parents. It is understandable that DH is worried, but this is a big decision for DS and, as a poster said above, nothing needs to be decided in the next 5 minutes! Time out before uni is not necessarily a bad idea.

Ultimately, both NatSci and engineering will open plenty of doors, and he has wonderful A-level results behind him. Oxbridge can feel like the be-all and end-all, but (anecdotally) I know people who did not get in who ended up loving their time at York, Bristol, Durham etc. and now can't imagine having gone anywhere else.

Good luck to your DS!

Lol medic that came on here to do just that!

BeyondMyWits · 04/09/2022 12:25

Maths skills do wane quickly.

Would be getting in touch with Bath to discuss course options. They would rather have someone change course if they can than drop out. If he still likes Bath.

I think a lot of the kids flip flopping and anxiety could be solved by not having to apply til they got results.

Libertyqueen · 04/09/2022 12:29

Bath is a great place to study and be a student. He can always do medicine later if he really wants to. It’s flipping hard work and I do think only people who feel a real vocation for it will make it through.

I think you should just big up how great it’s going to be and not add doubts that may not even be there.