Son (18) Distraught Over Results

[annelovesthebeach1975]

Hello everyone! I have been a longtime lurker of mumsnet for years now but today I have felt the need to finally make an account and post here, as my house has been plunged into chaos by the dreaded A Level results day. As the title says, my son has been absolutely distraught all day over the fact that his a level results were not what he wanted, and he got rejected by his dream uni, Newcastle University, and also his insurance choice, Birmingham. Although he only wanted to go to Newcastle so he doesn't really care about that. He received BCD although his predicted was AAB so obviously everyone was quite disappointed, but my son has taken it absolutely horrifically and it is breaking my heart. For some backstory, from when my son started lower sixth, his teachers helped students start looking for unis and courses during free periods at least once a week. From when my son began researching unis, he's only ever wanted to go to Newcastle University. When we went to the open day last year after he got his conditional offer he was hooked even further. He even knew what accomodation he wanted. He's a smart boy so I wasnt too worried about him getting in. However, after some of his exams he seemed quite unsure of himself, saying he didn't feel like he did a good job. I assumed this was just him overthinking it but now I believe the fact he didn't actually sit his GCSEs because of covid has had a negative effect on him since these were his first 'real exams.' He has been on the phone to clearing all day basically pleading for a biomed place at Newcastle and he has emailed them directly as well, although biomed and many other science courses are not clearing and his grades are much lower than the entry requirements so it has made things very difficult. I am putting on a brave face for him but on the inside I am heartbroken. This summer all he has talked about is what he's going to do when he goes to Newcastle, how excited he is, and how he's so excited for freshers week in newcastle. His eyes are red raw from crying in his room between contacting Newcastle over and over. He is not usually an emotional lad so this is very upsetting for me. I have contacted his sixth form for advice and they basically told me there is basically no chance he will find a biomed place at Newcastle with his grades, which were a shock to his teachers as they all thought he would breeze through his exams. It is looking like he will have to resit his a levels which while it is not the end of the world, it feels like it for my son when all his mates got into their unis, some Newcastle, and will be starting there next month. I am just looking for any advice on how to comfort him because I want him to know that I am there for him, and if there's any way I can get him a place at Newcastle on a science course that is biomed or similar.

I posted earlier but just want to add that I have chatted to my son today about this thread and he sends his best wishes to your son and 100% understands how upset he is ...he was there 4 years ago today!!Heart set on Leeds and ended up doing a similar course instead at Leeds .
Results day is in the top 3 days of worse days of his life !He is now really happy and says his A level results were the trigger to work so hard and get his 1st this year !!
Hopefully your son will meet up with his friends and drown his sorrows this weekend!
If he resits just remind him that he will see his friends during holidays and he can go and visit them at their Unis for weekends.He will probably have some friends still staying local taking gap year or working.
This isxwhere we as parents have to wear our hard hats and feed, water , love and support our darling children...he will get there in the end 💙

Maybe not ideal but could he consider doing a year at one uni then transfer to Newcastle for his second year onwards? Would that be a possibility? Could he ask the course director or admissions team.

Also maybe a year out to resit and get a part-time job isn't a bad thing. Of course not what he expected to do but he would have a wee bit of money behind him (and real life + work experience) for when he does go. Good luck

I got into Newcastle through emailing a different department under a subject I had an A* in. I was then given the opportunity to transfer subjects early on.

or could he do another subject then a masters in medicine.

how much lower. I was only 1 ucas point off my 1st choice) not Newcastle.

I think your DS needs to hear the story of Sir John Gurdon, a recipient of the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine a few years ago. His grades at school were awful and he was told by his teachers he shouldn’t even think about becoming a scientist. After he finished school he took a year out, crammed physics, chemistry and biology, and took the Oxford entrance exams, performing well enough to be accepted as a Zoology student.

A yellowing school report card with his bad exam results and damning teacher’s comments is now framed and hung up on his wall!

The best wines take longer to mature.

I will try and make a long story short, but from experience I can say that there is no shame in taking a gap year and resitting! I refused to do any other course apart from what I wanted and I was not happy to go through clearing. I actually decided to take 2 years out and completely resat all A/S and A levels! It was the best decision! Don’t go through clearing and do something you don’t want to do just to get into uni the same time as your friends! It’s such a waste of money too!

All my friends went to university and I stayed home. It didn’t bother me and by the time I finally went to uni I made some fantastic friends!

Stay back, get the grades he needs and do the degree he wants to do at his uni he wants to go to! Absolutely no shame in failing first time, or even second time. Keep trying and never give up what you want!

This also happened to me. I missed out on my grades and was forced to take a gap year unexpectedly. To say I was devastated was an understatement - I didn’t stop crying for days and I genuinely thought my future was shot.

But in hindsight it was the best thing to ever happen to me. I retook some exams, worked and travelled in that year and then when I got to uni I worked my butt off. It gave me a lot more focus. My A Levels were 18 years ago now, but I have a first class degree, masters and a very successful career. A levels are a distant memory.

He should resit them in a year, get the grades and then go. All is not lost

Poor kid definitely but also poor you, it's horrendous seeing your kids so upset like that and feeling helpless.

I have nothing practical to add but he will be ok and one day in the not too distant future this will just be part of his story it won't spoil his life. Hugs

OP - if your son looks for biomed courses elsewhere and does want to be a state registered BMS then please research it thoroughly with the IBMS and HCPC. The route via HND etc that a previous poster mentioned may not be viable.
I have seen so many young people on the IBMS FB group with a qualification that's not accepted that it is far better to take to check first.

I went to Northumbria Uni (in Newcastle) a few years back. I did really well in my first year (a general Biology degree) and at the end of the year applied to Newcastle to transfer onto their Genetics degree. The first year of Biomed science and the biology courses are almost the same so it’s fairly easy to switch if you get your head down and show them you are doing well.

Rather than resitting A levels would it be worth doing this?

Some of Newcastle’s biomeds are bound to drop out in the first year making space in the second year.

Knowing how to sit exams is an important part of succeeding at university. He will just need to resit the A levels (assuming the offer will still be valid for next year?).
It seems like the end of the world to him right now, but you know it isn't so it's up to you to act like it isn't.

If he's upset about not being with his mates for the nightlife, then he can just enrol on a lesser degree at Newcastle.

The irony is that this group of mates will probably stick together for a few days and then drift apart as they all discover new friends that are more compatible.

OP, regarding ways you support your son - It sounds like being practical, being grounded, encouraging a sense of perspective, and expanding of his horizons might all be valuable. Draw him out of his catastrophising and tunnel vision, don't join him there. University admission is a tricky juggling of future dreams, multiple pathways there, and not counting your chickens. Arguably, navigating this is as big a challenge as getting the right grades. Be positive. Your DS will be able to resit, if that's what he wants, and the maturity that comes with this experience will prove beneficial in the long run.

Research leader working in biomedical research here. So sorry your son is going through this. Most of us hitting an academic wall, where we struggle and it is tough when in an exam year. But it is great it means so much to him - I would like that quality in any young scientist I employ.
I hope he is beginning to feel a little bit better. x

This happened to me many years ago - with hindsight I think it was down to being a bit immature (for complicated reasons I had skipped a year so did A levels at 17) and simply not doing the work. I was pretty devastated but ended up retaking two of my subjects at a tutorial college, one of them being on a completely different syllabus so there was a lot of work to do. I actually ended up quite enjoying that year because the teachers were great and really stimulating and interesting, and I got As in both (no A*s. in those days!). When I went for university interviews I was completely open about why I flunked first time round, and I received offers from my top two choices and ended up at Bristol.

So I guess the lesson is that this may feel like the end of the world but it really doesn't have to be. Best of luck to your son, whatever he chooses to do.

Out of interest, what did you retrain as and how did you fund it after already having taken a degree?

Why not get your sons paper, get a tutor or pay a member of staff and find out where he went wrong. Resits sound a good idea

Surely it's a good thing to resist his A'levels. He can work really hard, have a tutor possibly - or probably won't need one, and get better grades, even, than predicted, as he'll know the syllabus inside out.

I would tell him the above, and say that he will know what's it's like to sit an exam, now, so better, second time round.

One benefit of a tutor, or family friend to help, is that it will be a fresh pair of eyes on his strengths and weak areas. I would be making an appointment to speak with the Head of Year and look at his mock results, and other test results, to see what may have gone wrong - as it's a drop in grades in each subject. Sorry to talk again about tutors, if that's unaffordable, but it's just that some are really passionate about pushing student grades up, and really know how to work to a time frame, and test regularly.

I admire the sound of your son, he's emotionally committed, he has an imagination for what his future could look like and then goes about realising it. I really want him to do well, though I don't know him, and I think a guy with his enthusiasm should do it all again and aim for all As.

Poor kid. Biomed at Newcastle is extremely competitive because there’s a path to transfer to medicine at the end of year one. Lots of medical applicants use it as their extra choice, so it’s basically all students in the AAA area.

Newcastle doesn’t have any places left in clearing (for any subject), so that’s not an option for this year. So he basically has the choice of resitting or getting a place elsewhere. Could you persuade him to look at clearing so he can hold a place while he decides whether to resit?

OP just wanted to say how great it is you are supporting your son. His head will be spinning but what's important is that you are listening and will accept what is essentially his decision of what to do next.
My situation was slightly different, also for a science field where I did not get the 'expected' grades. I went through a nervous wait but was very very lucky to get in to my university of choice although I was told it was my interview on the open day that won it (passion Vs paper). However, I could FEEL the disappointment from my parents that day, they expected different and I had failed them. I ended up extending my uni course to 4 years (with professional exp) and worked like a dog. I had insomnia in my final year beyond what I would consider anywhere near normal where I became obsessed with grades in every single module. I got a first in the end which was great and of course my parents were thrilled, but, I still feel sad that my parents didn't support MY disappointment from A levels, and that I essentially was stripped of many, many experiences at uni because I was scared to fail them again. I have had a career in a scientific field since Uni (I graduated in 2009) but I can't say for sure whether I feel the route here was worth it tbh, it changed my perception on a lot things that's for sure.

As I said, it's great you are supporting him. I hope he figures it all out 😊

Manage his shame.how he handles this mentally will be how he goes forward.he needs to be up up up.don’t let him spiral or think this is on him,about him,makes his worth.this is outside of him and not telling as him as a person.he has failed no one not even himself.shit really does just happen.
that is how he will get over this,by not sitting in it.
keep an eye on him.but don’t worry too much at this moment in time.he is raw and exposed with it right now. This reaction is normal.
get him to get support from his piers:
write lists.
weigh up pros and cons in options.
let him no he’s an absolute success.sitting here,having done the school years,woke,revision,exam he’s already succeeded.and his journey has way more to come.

@OutwiththeOutCrowd Your tale is disingenuous - you left out the fact that John Gurdon went to Eton and got his entry into Christ Church college to read classics and when there managed to persuade the college to let him study a science (of which zoology would have been the most likely to have a space vs chemistry etc)

Very very wise words.

Totally off topic, but OP you sound like such a lovely person. I want you to be my friend

It's tough. We have been there too...but hang in there...same happened to DD. Didn't get the results for her first choice (History) at a RG and was absolutely devastated. Did not want to go to her second choice but accepted.
So we kind of left it over the weekend with her hugely upset. Then on the Monday morning at 6am... hadn't slept, I decided to have a look what clearing places were available at her first choice. Found different course (human geography)...she had done Geography as one of her subjects. Got her out of bed to call the uni. She got the place and rejected second choice. Three years later she comes out with a 1st. Did a masters and now has a very successful career in London with a top company.
It will be a difficult weekend for you all but keep trying.
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