Son (18) Distraught Over Results

[annelovesthebeach1975]

Hello everyone! I have been a longtime lurker of mumsnet for years now but today I have felt the need to finally make an account and post here, as my house has been plunged into chaos by the dreaded A Level results day. As the title says, my son has been absolutely distraught all day over the fact that his a level results were not what he wanted, and he got rejected by his dream uni, Newcastle University, and also his insurance choice, Birmingham. Although he only wanted to go to Newcastle so he doesn't really care about that. He received BCD although his predicted was AAB so obviously everyone was quite disappointed, but my son has taken it absolutely horrifically and it is breaking my heart. For some backstory, from when my son started lower sixth, his teachers helped students start looking for unis and courses during free periods at least once a week. From when my son began researching unis, he's only ever wanted to go to Newcastle University. When we went to the open day last year after he got his conditional offer he was hooked even further. He even knew what accomodation he wanted. He's a smart boy so I wasnt too worried about him getting in. However, after some of his exams he seemed quite unsure of himself, saying he didn't feel like he did a good job. I assumed this was just him overthinking it but now I believe the fact he didn't actually sit his GCSEs because of covid has had a negative effect on him since these were his first 'real exams.' He has been on the phone to clearing all day basically pleading for a biomed place at Newcastle and he has emailed them directly as well, although biomed and many other science courses are not clearing and his grades are much lower than the entry requirements so it has made things very difficult. I am putting on a brave face for him but on the inside I am heartbroken. This summer all he has talked about is what he's going to do when he goes to Newcastle, how excited he is, and how he's so excited for freshers week in newcastle. His eyes are red raw from crying in his room between contacting Newcastle over and over. He is not usually an emotional lad so this is very upsetting for me. I have contacted his sixth form for advice and they basically told me there is basically no chance he will find a biomed place at Newcastle with his grades, which were a shock to his teachers as they all thought he would breeze through his exams. It is looking like he will have to resit his a levels which while it is not the end of the world, it feels like it for my son when all his mates got into their unis, some Newcastle, and will be starting there next month. I am just looking for any advice on how to comfort him because I want him to know that I am there for him, and if there's any way I can get him a place at Newcastle on a science course that is biomed or similar.

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Newcastle are very fussy about grades, the have more applicants than courses.

A good friend just posted that 25 years ago she didn’t get the results she wanted. She was desperate to do medicine

she went through clearing at Brunel for biomedical science, did the 4 year sandwich placement including 6 months in the US and then did a medical degree

she is now a paediatric hepatologist

Jeremy Clarkson..... every year he puts out his very low grades (must lower than the boy on this thread). However for now this boy just needs to be fed and told he is loved. If he thinks he could get higher grades if he resat he could try resits - perhaps even changing to a better school for a year or even a private school or grammar school for a year. If there is no chance resitting then he may just need to find a different university or way into the career he wants. I am from Newcastle and although it is a good university it is not the end of the world he did not get in.

My older son did not get into his first choice Exeter a few years ago and found something in clearing so all was well in the end.

@annelovesthebeach1975
I am sorry to hear. Give your son the time and chance to grieve over what’s happened. It will be hard for a few days, but he will get better. It’s not the end of the world; he can resit, and reapply. All the best.

@annelovesthebeach1975

I was where your son is, nearly 30 years ago.

I didn't get the grades for medicine and none of my 5 choices would take me. Long story short, I took a year out and got in the next year and I've been a doctor for >20 years.

I was devastated at the time though. And my parents were completely unsupportive. I had to wade through all the decision making myself and it was just really hard.

I can tell you what I wish they had done:

Helped me work out my priorities and weigh up my choices-
to start uni at the same time as my friends on an alternative course
vs doing the work to do the course I wanted a year later
Such a hard choice when you are young.

Reminded me of how short and insignificant one year is in the course of a whole life. It seemed massive to be delayed by a year after the relentless treadmill of school.

Made sure I still felt welcome at home! (I was definitely only tolerated, and eventually I got a job as a live in chambermaid in order to leave)

Talked about all the positive things that come from having a year in the workplace before uni -money saved, experiences, gaining some maturity. It really was good for me. And I didn't get out the habit of studying and exams, if anything it made me surer and more focused when I eventually went back to education.

They also made me feel like it was a done deal -if I hadn't got exactly what I needed, it was a sign I shouldn't do it, I wasn't good enough. This really hurt as they made it clear they didn't think I should keep trying and then I spent all my time at uni terrified of proving them right and it really made those 5 years unnecessarily stressful. Grades to get in are about number control, not the minimum necessary academic ability.

The fact that you've posted here and want to make your son feel better suggests you'll do a better job!

I was wondering this too.

Could he do an HNC/HND in Newcastle and gain entry into the degree course (if those still exist i'm going back 25 years) but that's how I got into my degree course. I didn't get qualifications for Communications degree so did a one year HNC in Advertising, Marketing and PR and got straight into the 2nd year of the degree course!

This was me 30 years ago - spectacularly missed my predictions and lost my place to do veterinary medicine.

What I should have done was go back and resit, instead I went through clearing and got into a course which in the end qualified me for nothing - it was a new degree in a very niche industry where there simply weren't the jobs available for graduates.

However I needed to get away from home and my parents and I would have taken any course if it meant I got out (long back story)

Anyway I am now working in a vet med associated industry and am totally happy - met my dh at uni and now have dc. It all worked out in the end but there's still a part of me which thinks "what if I'd swallowed my pride, stuck it out at home for a year and resat?"

Your DS needs to sit down and work out what he wants to do - resits or try through clearing. Unfortunately clearing moves fast so it's a decision that cants be put off. If it was my DS I would be encouraging a year out and trying again for September 23 intake -either with his current grades or after using the year to take the exams again. Good luck to him

It must be a horrible moment for him now, but it’s probably a good life lesson in the long term.

Life twists and turns. There are no guarantees. The way things turn out can be better than the way you planned it. There is more than one route to reach your goal. The goal you reach may not be the goal you tried to. Etc. etc.

It sucks today, but Newcastle University is really not the One True Path to Happiness. Good luck trying to convince your son of that.

Not to be too harsh but life is filled with disappointments. If he didn’t apply himself as he should that’s where his grades landed. Those are pretty low, so he must have really missed the mark unfortunately. I didn’t gr tinto my uni of choice - not because of grades - just not selected… life moves on and you adjust. If he is totally dedicated to Newcastle he will have To resit. Plenty of children were in the same circumstance as him and didn’t let nerves be their resin not to succeed. So sorry he is upset but we do need to teach our kids that life is tough, you don’t always get what you want and that it takes work and dedication and maybe a few tries!

Sometimes awful things are a blessing in disguise. It may feel like the end of the world now, but it isn’t. In the grand scheme of things it’s just a set back. When one door closes another one opens. A hug is what your son needs most now.

For context, I went to a mediocre uni, studied a useless subject, worked in admin, didn’t like it and changed careers (retrained). I earn more now than DH who has a similar job but went to Cambridge. Taught me that uni isn’t everything 😁

I got shit results in my a levels. I went back and retook them the next year and did much better. Is that an option?

Hi, when people have been mentioning retakes (I think a few posters said in October but I can’t see the posts now) do you mean resitting and taking the exam again in may/June next year? Some of my DS friends are retaking their a levels but it will take a year so I am curious if the resitting option is different.
Tia x

I absolutely think a year out would
be the best thing if he can resist them and also do something a bit different he enjoys or which would support his application. At my uni it was very clear who had take a year out and had perspective and those who did not. He could also spend that year looking at potential alternatives. It is an opportunity for growth.

Hi. I never respond to posts but I couldn’t not. I completely understand how your son (and you!) feel and I’m so sorry!

My own story - was back in 2009 so things have changed but I still wanted to share: I wanted to go to Newcastle to study Dentistry. I dropped a mark in biology getting a B rather than an A which was essential. Devastated is an understatement.

I knew I didn’t want to do anything else so I decided to give it another shot. I had a (fabulous - worked for half and travelled for half) gap year and during the first part of it, re-sat my Biology A-Level (and got the A) and re-applied (and got in).

Your son will have to check the acceptance requirements of students more than a year out of A-Levels but if Bio-med accept this (for Dentistry, it was only one year) then it’s a great option. I promise all hope is not lost.

Wishing him all the best

What an awful day for you all, I’m sorry. I’m a retired university head of department and have counselled many young people in the position your son finds himself in today. He obviously has his heart set on Newcastle at the moment and if this doesn’t change over the next few days while he explores other subject options at other universities that reflect his grades, I wonder if he (and you) might consider taking the next academic year out, reapplying to Newcastle and resitting his exams next year? Obviously, I don’t know your family’s position on the possibility of this course of action, but it would give him something positive to aim for.

This may be the first exam your son has sat, but it won't be the first exam his teachers have prepped pupils for. If his actual results are so far off his expected results, I'd be asking questions about how well they prepared him for the exams.

Moving forward, he's going to struggle to get a place with a D. His options are resitting, or taking a couple of years out and then applying for a foundation degree. It sucks right now, and I really do feel for him, but he can go on fulfil his aspirations, it's just going to take a bit longer.

I agree find a clearing place asap. He doesn’t actually have to go. It buys him a few days/weeks breathing space while he decides whether to resit or go for a different course.

I’ve been doing interviews for clearing places today and it’s first come, first served. Once the places have gone then they’ve gone. And they’re going fast.

There really is life after A-levels, and although he (and you) is completely entitled to the shock, heartbreak and every other emotion, things will settle.
He might re-sit, he might accept Northumbria, he might accept another place. Whatever happens, at some point he’ll meet a great group of friends, or maybe a perfect life partner or maybe just have a great time at university, and will say to himself….imagine if it had all happened differently…
Until that happens, I send all my best wishes and sympathy to him and to you. X

Ultimately, this could be the making of him.

He only has two choices really, to resit in order to gain a place at Newcastle, or to accept another uni through clearing. But he’s going to need to put in the work, and that in turn will be excellent preparation for uni itself.

it feels like the end of the world right now, possibly it’s the first time he’s ever really been told he can’t do what he’s set out to do.

I think it’s ok for him to wallow right now, and then to make a plan over the next few days.

This was my son in 2020. Massively blindsided - as were we all- by the chaos of the Covid A levels allocation fiasco, and the way the school capped the grades. He'd been so excited to be going in anticipation, and then all swept from under him.

He opted to take the exams in two subjects in the Autumn resits without school support. Went up massively in one subject, and stayed the same in the second, but meant it was then possible to get into the university he had wanted. However in the meantime he was so deflated (and wary of education) he wasn't sure he wanted to go the next year. It has taken another 18 months of working and later travelling a bit, to get him in a better place, and he is now going this October, to the original place. Plus sides, he is far more mature and has lots of work experience. But it hasn't been an easy time, and he did get very down at one stage.

I'm saying all this as in my experience, sometimes it can take longer than one year to bounce back. And there wasn't much bouncing in my son's case, just lots of hard graft - and then some great times on Thai beaches. It is really hard when as parents we feel so blindsided too, but I think they need us to model hope. It will feel better. If it matters, there will be ways to work round this. This isn't the end of the game in this area if it matters to him. Good luck OP.

And FWIW, I came to my uni by accident, ultimately intending to study something else somewhere else. Nearly 20 years later I’m still here - met DH and forgot to leave. The rest is ancient history!

can he go through clearing? If not he needs to grow a pair and resit: it’s not the end of the world.

Apologies @annelovesthebeach1975 if this has been suggested earlier - has he considered a foundation year? He still gets to go to Newcastle and just does an extra year before embarking on the full degree course. He might even find that the degree course has an accelerated version over two years, so that the total time will still be 3 years. Worth exploring - best wishes.