Son (18) Distraught Over Results

[annelovesthebeach1975]

Hello everyone! I have been a longtime lurker of mumsnet for years now but today I have felt the need to finally make an account and post here, as my house has been plunged into chaos by the dreaded A Level results day. As the title says, my son has been absolutely distraught all day over the fact that his a level results were not what he wanted, and he got rejected by his dream uni, Newcastle University, and also his insurance choice, Birmingham. Although he only wanted to go to Newcastle so he doesn't really care about that. He received BCD although his predicted was AAB so obviously everyone was quite disappointed, but my son has taken it absolutely horrifically and it is breaking my heart. For some backstory, from when my son started lower sixth, his teachers helped students start looking for unis and courses during free periods at least once a week. From when my son began researching unis, he's only ever wanted to go to Newcastle University. When we went to the open day last year after he got his conditional offer he was hooked even further. He even knew what accomodation he wanted. He's a smart boy so I wasnt too worried about him getting in. However, after some of his exams he seemed quite unsure of himself, saying he didn't feel like he did a good job. I assumed this was just him overthinking it but now I believe the fact he didn't actually sit his GCSEs because of covid has had a negative effect on him since these were his first 'real exams.' He has been on the phone to clearing all day basically pleading for a biomed place at Newcastle and he has emailed them directly as well, although biomed and many other science courses are not clearing and his grades are much lower than the entry requirements so it has made things very difficult. I am putting on a brave face for him but on the inside I am heartbroken. This summer all he has talked about is what he's going to do when he goes to Newcastle, how excited he is, and how he's so excited for freshers week in newcastle. His eyes are red raw from crying in his room between contacting Newcastle over and over. He is not usually an emotional lad so this is very upsetting for me. I have contacted his sixth form for advice and they basically told me there is basically no chance he will find a biomed place at Newcastle with his grades, which were a shock to his teachers as they all thought he would breeze through his exams. It is looking like he will have to resit his a levels which while it is not the end of the world, it feels like it for my son when all his mates got into their unis, some Newcastle, and will be starting there next month. I am just looking for any advice on how to comfort him because I want him to know that I am there for him, and if there's any way I can get him a place at Newcastle on a science course that is biomed or similar.

I teach biomed at a post 92. Plenty of universities are in clearing for the course. What was it about Newcastle that your DS loved? Perhaps we can help find a potential replacement.

@annelovesthebeach1975
No advice, just please give him a hug from me.. God love him. xx

And you know what? Some kids worry more than others about the state of the country, so that will affect their outlook. By that, I mean that the more switched on will see interest rates, propery and energy prices rocketing and just think that the ONLY way round this is to get into a good course at a good uni. We all know this isn't the case. I happened to see someone who was in my year at school's FB the other day. The kid was a jack the lad at school, not academic at primary school level, certainly waasn't in top sets in secondary school, in fact I didn't hear of him in secondary really as he didn't shine academically. He was the stereotypical class clown but a likeable enough chap. What is he doing now? He runs a v successful company, travels on private jets, has AMAZING holidays, gets corporate boxes all over the world at places like the Monaco Grand Prix.

At 18 , you just don' t know yourself really. The potential you have. Some people who shine academically at school end up "underperforming" at uni or end up in a less well-paying but satisfying job, like me, but very happy in life. Others go to top unis, get great jobs but are ultimately in unsatisfying corporate roles.

etc etc.

It's all good. It will work out.

First of all, I’m sorry to hear your son is so upset, it sounds like a terrible situation.

I didn’t finish my A Levels and ended up doing this course at Birkbeck in London.

www.bbk.ac.uk/study/2022/undergraduate/programmes/UCHLIFSC_C/0/life-sciences-for-subjects-allied-to-medicine-certificate-in-higher-education

It’s like an access course but they accept people from age 18 (for access you have to be 19 when you start in most cases). Most universities are happy to accept the course according to my tutors. Could be worth thinking about if you’re in/ close enough to commute to London.

Otherwise, I suppose the only option is to resit those two A Levels he got the B and C in if he won’t accept anywhere else. But I’d strongly encourage him to look at every clearing option. Because going to uni in September could save him a lot of money and the stress of having to resit.

*C and D

I find it hard to believe any school/sixth form college would say a student would breeze through their exams, especially given the Covid situation
If he really wants Newcastle, I'd suggest he resits .

Give him a big old hug and make him a nice dinner. Tell him how proud you are of him doing all the leg work today contacting the universities.

I personally think if he’s a bright lad set on Newcastle then retaking and aiming for that is a better option than settling for something else. A year feels like an eternity and the end of the world when you’re 18 but us oldies know it isn’t. If he can check out if Newcastle accept retakes that would be a good start. He could retake, maybe get a job and earn some cash which will always be useful, but will also put him in a much better position looking for jobs in the longer term. There is such a difference in graduates who have worked. Does he drive yet? Could he get that done with the time too? He could maybe go for more of an adventure job in the summer before university, holiday rep/Eurocamp/Camp America? He doesn’t need to decide all of this now but there will be opportunities.

If he’s not taking it from you because you’re an old fuddy duddy is there someone a little younger who could tell him there is no difference as an adult with a few years age difference and this situation is surprisingly common?

OP - I'm really sorry to hear about this about your DS. There is nothing worse than seeing your child so hurt and disappointed, and all you want to do as a Mum is take that all away and make it better and fix it.

But you can't. What you can do is to acknowledge how he is feeling. Let him know you are there for him. Today is the worst day, tomorrow will be better, and the day after a bit easier still.

You have got some excellent advice and stories here of many people and/or their dc coming through after unexpected exam results, and your ds will too. Remind him that he has choices and when he is ready to, you can discuss them with him. His 6th form college teachers will be there also to offer choices. Remember that having choices will offer him some hope when right now he probably feels he has none. So take deep breaths, and reasurre him and yourself that you can get through this - his is just a different path, and at the end he can still reach his end goals.

Why does he want to do Biomed? If he is thinking he will change to Medicine at the end of his first year, he is wasting his time- it almost never happens and he won't be allowed with those grades.

There is no guarantee he will do better in re-sits so he needs to bear that in mind when he is considering his options.

I would advise him to look carefully at what is available to him though clearing. Newcastle is not the be-all and end-all. It's a great city but there are lots of others as great with just as good unis where he would have just as good an experience. I wouldn't advise Northumbria- it's reputation has slipped in recent years, or Sunderland or Teeside (both grim places).

The school will have already looked at which students are close to the next grade boundaries for reviews of marking. If they haven't asked for permission to do a review when he picked his results up I suspect he's not that close.

PS He is shocked and scared at the minute but if he can get help from his school tomorrow he will start to feel better. Lots of teenagers go through this every year and the vast majority are really happy with where they end up and don't regret it.

Foundation year .

On results day it will be the hardest thing for your son to understand that it is very likely he will one day look back and realise that today set in train a chain of events that have led him to the happy life he then has.
I have been there myself 30 years ago and have been there with 2 out of 4 of my children. I have also seen the devastation of of my children’s friends who all felt their dreams were shattered by not getting the results/places they wanted. I can honestly say, without exception, that none of them would have changed the events that led them to where they are now. One of my friend’s sons who wanted to go to Newcastle to do the same course as your son got a place at an old ‘poly’ in another town which, at the time, he really was unsure about taking due to a misplaced sense of embarrassment. I cannot tell you how well he has done in the 4 years since graduating.
Of all of my children the one who went to a ‘poly’ is actually now the real high flier.
My younger son did not get the grades he needed so decided to resit. In fact, by applying to the university of his choice at an early stage the next year for a marginally different course he got an unconditional offer and then had the best gap year working, travelling and growing up.
there are so many options for him but all you can do is sympathise, support and encourage them in whatever their next step is.

As there is quite a discrepancy between his predicted & attained grades, you say his teachers are even shocked at his results, I would ask if it is possible for them to be checked/ remarked.
At the end of the day not everyone is good at exams & in the grand scheme of things this is only a small setback but for your son it is obviously massive right now.
He now has the opportunity to do much better in resits. He can almost take a year out & regroup so that next year he will be really ready for Uni.
Newcastle is a great one but Northumbria & Teesside are also up there so he should consider contacting their admissions too.
Take him for a nice meal to celebrate it all being over, whether he got the grades he wanted or not is not important right now, take a deep breath & plan for the next move.
Big hugs for him cos it can be so devastating when you are not used to educational setbacks.

I think he should consider re-sits, but should have a good plan B, as even with more study and perhaps less nerves, your DS may fall short of the grades needed.

OP, It might be worth some thorough research on the rest stats. Look at his subjects, what grades he needs, what the grades that previous students have achieved when they've resat.

Some of the crammer colleges have impressive stats but I seem to vaguely remember a teacher at my kids 6th form college say that kids doing XX subject rarely Improve it with resits. I can't remember the details at all but say your sons 'D' is in math and he needs to improve it to an 'A' you need to know how realistic that is.

The other thing he should look at is the stats of the Newcastle Biomed Course. It might be useful knowing how competitive it is and what accepted students grade profiles were. Some Unis give high grade requirements when the make offers but end up happy to accept lower achieved grades on results day.

Has he tried calling Newcastle? Dd has friends who got in on similar grades pre covid, they really aren't very fussy. If not she had two friends at Northumbria and they share facilities with Newcastle.

^^This is very wise advice. If he really wants Newcastle and nothing else will do, then resitting is his best option. Quite normal for him to be devastated now but it doesn't have to be the end of his dreams, just a bump along the way

Another thought is to try somewhere like Leicester who have a foundation degree option so lower grades in return for 4 years instead of 3

This breaks my heart. It will be ok xx

I buggered up my A levels 30 years ago and still feel the shame. I chose a uni in clearing that didn't suit me, dropped out and started work. Now it has all come relatively good, but I still have what ifs..

I would advise that he really chose the university and not panic. It'll be the friends you meet, the sports, the clubs as well as what you study.

Not necessarily true we send our top 5% of BMS students (if they apply) at the end of their first year up the road to our cities RG to take medicine.

If he has his heart set on Newcastle he will need to resit.

It'll only be a year then he will be at Newcastle, with an extra year of maturity on what he would have had.

Also his mates can go through it all a year ahead and give him the low down on what he needs/what he should do.

If he has mates going to Newcastle this year he can go visit them a lot and get an even better idea of best accommodation etc

It's really not the end of the world. It's a hiccough.

He should definitely wait for Newcastle though as he'll regret not going there.

I'm sorry ds is upset. Think very carefully overnight. Have you spoken to the school? If no other biomed courses are in clearing, then your options are limited. and if he hadn't quite got the exam technique and confidence to succeed this year, what are you intending to do to change this? Don't make any rash decisions.

I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if I repeat anyone else but has he looked to see if Northumbria has a course he likes/would get on? I went to Newcastle and it is a great city. Sorry he is having a shit day.