Oxford / Cambridge - current students support / chat thread 2022

[DadDadDad]

Continuing a thread for anyone who wants to talk about their sons' and daughters' experience being a student in Oxford or Cambridge. (Or nephews, granddaughters, sisters, uncles - or if you or they have now graduated but you want to share your thoughts - all are welcome!)

Some of us on this thread go back to I think to late 2019 when our DCs were going through the admission process. A lot's happened since!

Over to you...

I recommend TKMaxx for ballgowns. DD has sourced a couple from there spending less than £30m each on them. It helps that the large town in the SW of England where I sometimes play in concerts has a large branch. There is no university nearby so she does quite well in September or February. We used to have a House of Fraser nearby and their January sales were good for ballgown-hunting.

Oxfam online also surprisingly good for ballgowns!

Just asked DD what would have been handy to know before she started in terms of clothes, supplies etc.

1. Everyone in C wears a college puffer jacket so don't bother with buying coats. But spend the extra money (she thinks £20 more) for the kind with pockets and a hood. She hates not having pockets. They are sold in colleges in the first few days.
2. Buy sliders or crocs - everyone shoves them on to go to the buttery or to do their washing. Having to put actual shoes on is too much apparently.
3. Despite the gyps (staircase kitchens) being very limited (she has a 2 ring hob, no oven, a microwave, tiny fridge - shared between 6) she has cooked for herself a lot more than she expected. It is worth liaising with the others sharing the kitchen once you know them so you can avoid cluttering the kitchen with multiple frying pans / cheese graters etc.

@Decafcoffee Most of the college choirs at O and C have proper choir robes to sing in - they’re very warm (too warm in summer!). I’d stick with the lighter weight gown.

Great point about the C puffer jackets @Greatauntdymphna . They are very warm and wash well. You get your initials put on them, so that you can be identified for a "Crushbridge". Lots of people wear them at home too and they are a common sight round South Ken.

If your DD at C don't get kitchen access for their accommodation, they will be quite limited for food options. Toaster, fridge, microwave. Hall food is priced well, but the standard varies across colleges, so your DC may not enjoy eating there. DD1 is a vegetarian and will usually eat anything but hates her college veggie options.

Anything electrical you buy to cook food will be removed by the cleaners. DD1 has an egg cooker, which boils and poaches eggs, which she finds very useful for breakfast and hides in her room.

You must buy noise cancelling headphones. These are an absolute must. DD1 says everyone has them. Noise levels can be really bad in halls. She was begging for them by week three. A printer is useful, but not essential. That's up to you.

You can post as much stuff to your DC as you like; the college porters are extremely efficient at notifying them to come and collect, so anything you cannot fit in your cars can be ordered.

Welcome to all the new recruits and congratulations to all those who got their places!

Just to add a different perspective, none of dds crowd wore a college puffer and dd never owned one. She just wore normal clothes and her trainers for everything, including hall.

Interesting the different conventions around clothing! DS (Ox) has only worn his gown to Matriculation, Masters Collections and exams. Puffer jackets are also not a 'thing' at his college (just as well as he would rebel and refuse to buy one!)

DD wears her puffer jacket everywhere at C but refuses to wear it at home!

DS refuses to wear college 'stash' as the branded clothing such as puffer jackets seems to be termed at O but will wear college rowing 'stash' out and about- smart but pretty pricey. He does say College stash is pretty ubiquitous. All a matter of personal choice so key is for them to choose what they like.

I agree about not getting May Ball dresses yet, and long dresses may not be needed anyway.

This year they weren’t compulsory at Robinson or St John’s, and even at Trinity some women’s dresses were not full length (see picture in next post). I think men can get away with a dark suit and black bow tie - see picture of Robinson May Ball committee.

Facebook is the source of almost all these photos, so I second the suggestion of looking on social media.

Also, the ticket price for the bigger events can be very high, so students may wait until their third year - unless they work at them.

Trinity here.

DH managed his undergraduate time at C without a suit. That was a long time ago, but I doubt things have become more formal.

To the discussion I'll add, Cambridge have people from all backgrounds and personalities. If your dc don't seem that interested in things like balls, choirs, formals and societies, don't worry about the idea that they might be missing out on a traditional Cambridge experience. It's quite ok to be introverted and not enjoy group things while doing things in their own way. It's also fine to be neurodiverse and not mask. They can just be themselves and find their own tribe (or not if they don't want a tribe)

Im just saying that, in the hope that it might save some angst and putting pressure on to dc to do things that they might not enjoy.

This is my DC to a tee. Despite zero interest in balls, drinking, societies, sports etc they are absolutely loving O and finally feel they have found somewhere that they ‘fit’.

@OhYouBadBadKitten is very right.
DS is another who has zero interest in balls, drinking alcohol, doing any kind of sport or joining a choir (despite being a competent tenor who can sight read). He has found his niche, does several activities that he enjoys, and seems perfectly happy at Cambridge.

Such a relief to hear this as DS is quite introverted and very much dislikes drinking/going out. I do worry that he will struggle to find his people. He has a friend going to a different college and made a good group of friends at school but... sigh! I just want him to settle and enjoy it.

Hmm, DD doesn't have a college puffer jacket, only a hoodie. She does have a rowing club coat though. Not all colleges confiscate electrical items. DD & her friends had a table top oven for 3 years which they used for Christmas dinner. She absolutely does not have noise cancelling headphones. Her college is not right in the centre and is not noisy.

If you are reading this and thinking "what should we do?" wait til your DC gets their college parents and ask them. The gyps in DD's college have kettles, toasters, microwaves, fridges and a 2 ring hob. DD catered for herself quite happily on that until they decided to club together for the oven. She would have loved a freezer, but the gyps are too small.

@Malbecfan as you and others indicate huge variety between colleges.

My DS last year wasn't even allowed a toaster - no cooking facilities at all - no microwave, hob or toaster anywhere in his central college. He was only allowed a kettle. He resorted to Greggs a lot when he's missed meals.
Thankfully he is in college flats for the next two years further out where they have kitchens. College food wasn't great and charged by the item. As a rower (12x a week) he needs 5,000-7,000 calories a day and the vegetarian offer of cauliflower steak really didn't cut it. Sending him back with lots of steak and burgers.

DD's college is very different and has basic kitchens on every floor so they can eat in college or cook for themselves.

FWIW my dd bought a gown on eBay. She wore a trouser suit to the ball as did a few other girls, and some people wore their national dress or variations thereof, eg, salwar kameez or tartan trousers and a blazer (this is at Oxford btw)

Having got so overexcited and bought a gown I'm now trying to hold back so that poor ds gets to make some of the decisions, so this thread is a useful reminder that there's lots of variation both in colleges and personalities. I feel like ds will be someone who wants to wear college stuff but his college is deliberately aiming for a laid back vibe so it will be interesting to see how it all pans out. His only suit is pink so I'd better have a look at the dress code though.

DS1 loves his college puffer (with initials) with a passion. He wears it in both Oxford and at home in London. In our part of London you see a lot of them. He also loves all his college sporting stash and various t-shirts and hoodie.

I'm fully expecting DD to take to her college stash in a similar way as she is fan of school and team kit.

She has a number of ball type dresses already as she's been to a few black tie events, including my graduation ball dress (which we had altered for her).

DS1 bought his gown with his housemates in freshers week. I'm planning on leaving DD to do the same.

Meanwhile DD potters round with a coffee mug blazoned with one sibling’s university, shoulders bag from another, and my old university sweatshirt (not-Oxford). Says she enjoys confusing people.

I think there are some towns where you'd probably risk getting beaten up if you wandered round in a college puffer! Round here you'd stand out like a sore thumb - people would think it rather show-offy. Oxbridge students tend to number one or two a year from the schools.

@OhYouBadBadKitten - in our corner of London it's not that unusual tbh. Before results day I think there were 20 offers for Oxford and 20 for Cambridge from DD's year. I think that's gone down a bit but but much.

Thanks for all the info on here - really useful. DS definitely wants his college puffer jacket now!

DD lives in her College stash, tennis kit and rowing kit. She's only the 2nd one from our area to go to Oxbridge in around 10 years, so most people assume she's at Brookes. She's hoping to get more use out of her ballgown this year as it will be her final year. Then it's time to start job hunting.