Oxford / Cambridge - current students support / chat thread 2022

[DadDadDad]

Continuing a thread for anyone who wants to talk about their sons' and daughters' experience being a student in Oxford or Cambridge. (Or nephews, granddaughters, sisters, uncles - or if you or they have now graduated but you want to share your thoughts - all are welcome!)

Some of us on this thread go back to I think to late 2019 when our DCs were going through the admission process. A lot's happened since!

Over to you...

Like @OhYouBadBadKitten , our local school typically has 0-2 successful Oxbridge applicants a year. It has a large rural catchment, and in the area where we live, hardly anyone goes to university at all. I'm not sure many people here even know there's an Oxford Brookes to make the distinction. I don't know what they'd make of a college puffer; possibly think it an odd fashion item? Anyway, DD would be mortified to possess such a thing. I had no idea they existed until I read this conversation. So anyone with upcoming fresher offspring with a similar outlook, don't worry. Takes all sorts.

Another handy tip. Make sure your DC check out what their college will fund. Some will pay for books, some contribute towards sports and music stuff, some offer free language lessons. DD has played tennis in Portugal and also had most of her sports kit subsidised by her college over the last 2 years without any means testing.

Hi another newbie checking in - DD going to Cambridge to read Maths. Keep the tips coming!

New here also 😀DS is going to Oxford to read law.

Can anyone please advise about the subfusc?
do your DC wear the soft cap or the mortarboard? DS very indecisive but would hate to stand out in the ‘wrong’ one.

Congratulations - hardly anyone wears the soft cap (not that they actually wear them much anyway). Mortar board is far more popular.

That’s great Thankyou.
Can I just ask Bow tie or normal tie? The stress over small details is driving me mad 😂

Reading with intrigue

@Elliemayclampett - DS1 had white bow tie for matriculation.

@Elliemayclampett
www.chch.ox.ac.uk/blog/guide-sub-fusc

This may help

Thats great, thanks for the advice all. Much appreciated.

The soft hat is the women’s alternative to a mortar board. Women can wear either (but most wear a mortar board). Men wear a mortar board. In practice no one wears either except for pratting around in photos 😬

What @pantjog said!

My dd made her own soft cap

These days men can wear either too - same for the tie/bow tie/ribbon options

Interesting @Scrobbler !
My very definitive comment was based on my own experience from 30 years ago… I’m clearly out of date.

DD Just got sent her Oxford college "arrival" date and they have said Monday 4th October. Monday is actually 3rd October, but presuming it is a Monday that is my busiest day at work and there is no way I will get it off plus I have something booked for Tues 4th so can't help with lifts then either. I was assuming she would move in on a weekend. Does thos sound right to those of you with more experience? I will be very sad not to see her settled in/help her take her stuff but suppose she will cope somehow and we can find a way of dropping all her things at a later date.

Hi everyone, can I join please? My son will be going to Oxford after finally accepting his place yesterday. To be honest I’m feeling horribly anxious about it (although not letting him see!) I’m so worried that he won’t fit in, coming from a bog standard comp, in the North east. I know that he’ll have no truck with formal dinners, balls, gowns and mortar boards. It’s also so far away from home 😩
I’d really welcome any reassurance. It’s taken him a long time to make the decision to accept the place and now that he has he seems happy but I’m feeling wobbly!

My DD sounds similar. From low achieving school in South West. Will be doing maths at same college. She is not very sociable though. Is he on the Opportunity Oxford bridging programme?

@Bananabrain99 When D1 started, she had to book an arrival time through college and she just asked for the Saturday, it was fine. We had a 300 mile drive and an overnight stay and could only take her at the weekend. It may count as extra nights on her battels, vac res rates at D1's college is about £22 iirc. Ask your D to check if she has to book in for arrival and parking, she could also contact someone like the accommodation manager. I'm sure it will be fine.

@carben Hi, no he’s not on any kind of bridging programme. Is your dd? What does that entail?

Honestly... balls etc are just parties, and are optional. The clothes and labelled stuff are nearly all optional and the bits that aren't can be borrowed or bought second hand. Ds's college has a college parents scheme, I think most do these days- I think oxbridge are exceptionally good now at helping people feel they have joined a community which is there for them (having studied both at C and another uni). Communication with home is a lot easier these days. I'm not saying it will all get a breeze but a big number of O and C students are also allergic to the ceremonial stuff - provided they aren't horrible to those who enjoy it, it shouldnt be an issue.

www.ox.ac.uk/admissions/undergraduate/increasing-access/opportunity-oxford

Goes on a 2 week residential from 3/9 at a different college - all paid for including train fare plus some money for subsistence.

@PermanentTemporary @ScarlettDarling Absolutely agree with Permanent, my DS is doing all the eye rolling now but I’m pretty confident he will throw himself into uni life and embrace the tradition as well as the socialising.

@ScarlettDarling it really is fine. They don't need to be into any of that stuff, they can just be themselves. A lot of what I read on this thread is alien to me! dd went to a comprehensive school too. I shared this thread with her and she also didn't recognise the whole stash thing as being a big thing. She said that perhaps 10% of her college wore puffers.

With absolutely no unkindness or disrespect meant to others here whose dc enjoy Oxbridge in their way, this thread must be terrifying to potential new students. It all sounds very privileged and separate to the world most young people inhabit.

And yes, when they are there, there is an awful lot of that, but my advice is to take from it what they enjoy and leave the rest ie. - free expensive dinners? yes please! paying a fortune for a ball that you would hate? no thank you. Just be themselves.

They will find that they make friends with people from all backgrounds. It can take a while, but that's true for anyone, despite appearances.

@ScarlettDarling Just wanted to add my reassurance - my daughter (about to start third year geography at Oxford) was also entirely state school educated, and our home town is one of the most deprived towns in the UK in socioeconomic terms (North West England). Aside from Covid-related disruption initially, my daughter has loved her time at Oxford and feels very much part of a community in her college/on her course. Her closest friends have a wide range of backgrounds, including one lovely lad who came to Oxford from Eton, and there has never been so much as a hint of anyone implying that she doesn't fit in. A couple of her friends are from the North East (one from South Shields; not sure about the other) and they have also thrived.

Thank you all so much for your reassuring messages. @OhYouBadBadKitten you hit the nail on the head when you said that some of the stuff sounds like a different world from the one my son is used to.
I’m an emotional wreck at the best of times and the thought of my very down to earth son leaving home for this very different world is scaring me (a lot more than it’s scaring him!!)
He is a lovely lad, very sociable but shy too. Wow, it’s hard letting them go isn’t it?
I have a feeling I’m going to be around with a lot of questions for you all!