Oxford / Cambridge - current students support / chat thread 2022

[DadDadDad]

Continuing a thread for anyone who wants to talk about their sons' and daughters' experience being a student in Oxford or Cambridge. (Or nephews, granddaughters, sisters, uncles - or if you or they have now graduated but you want to share your thoughts - all are welcome!)

Some of us on this thread go back to I think to late 2019 when our DCs were going through the admission process. A lot's happened since!

Over to you...

@Toomuch999 - the college might allow students to book their own room for extra nights at vacation rate.

DS stayed in college for a few extra days at the start of the summer vacation when he caught Covid at the May Ball at the end of term and didn't want to bring it home (his father is immunosuppressed).

At dd's college most of them don't need to vacate but the ones who did could buy extra nights. She did vacate and needed to empty her room entirely so the train wouldn't have been an option for her. Lots of her friends did go on the train as they kept their rooms on.

@goodbyestranger he has to clear his room unfortunately so that’s not an option, although I do wonder how students in colleges where they have to leave who don’t have accommodating parents manage.

@Toomuch999 there are commercial storage facilities available in Oxford so if they're not able to book an extra night or two then perhaps use them and take the train / bus. www.oxfordsu.org/your-union/partners/partner01/

Also many colleges have more storage than they admit so being chatting up the college porter may produce some storage - at least for a few days.

It is a complete pain the emptying of rooms - the down side of more affordable lodging...if you look on the Durham thread and see what students have to pay there any student at O or C is fortunate.

@BenedictSlumberpatch all the very best to your DC in the coming year, sounds as though they've made the right choice even if not easy. As you say parenting continues to be important...

Toomuch999 to be fair DD4 is now treated as an international student since I moved to one of the western isles, so can leave her stuff in situ. But even when we were in Devon/ on the mainland there was always a room for my DC in all of their various colleges where they could leave a couple of boxes and a case. Once that was sorted, they just got on the train with a case or bag and rucksack. We haven't yet come across a college where there wasn't space.

Get him to check the details of his college accommodation - D1's battels covers 9 weeks so allows for a few days either side of term, anything outside of that is charged at vac res rates (£22 per night I think at D1's college). D1 usually has to book in the days she is arriving or leaving via email. We're not able to pick her up in December either, she is aiming to stay on for a week or so having applied for an intern job based at the Bodleian. She's hoping that she will be refunded any vac res charges for this. Her college has a tiny amount of storage space for non international students, literally a damp cupboard under the eaves. She will probably use someone like LoveSpace lovespace.co.uk/student-storage/oxford/ for storage and redelivery to college at the beginning of Hilary and Send My Bag www.sendmybag.com/ to send a suitcase home (about £20 I think) if she needs to.

@BenedictSlumberpatch Best wishes to your DC. This is something D1 seriously considered doing and a few of her friends have done.

I asked her if she'd heard of any jobs, and she says there are always waiting staff jobs in restaurants around St Clements and Cowley Rd, but many of them are very limited hours/shifts. Definitely worth giving Blackwell's a go, I used to work at Waterstone's and we always took on people at this time of year.

Thanks @JulesJules and everyone else for your help.

Toomuch999 another suggestion would be to ask for DS if they have a friend who is an international (or Scottish highlands, islands or Irish) who would mind your DS plonking his stuff in their room for the vacation. DD has certainly been fine with people doing this in previous terms.

@BenedictSlumberpatch Has your DC got any cafe/barista experience? This is in Waterstones

g.co/kgs/AxxmWU

twitter.com/AshmoleanMuseum/status/1586009755986063362?t=lmHIIDlipiNeyjFzBoPo5Q&s=19.

Some jobs at the Ashmolean @BenedictSlumberpatch

I hope everyone DCs are enjoying this term and not overworking. There seems to be a huge contrast between different subjects and work demand, with engineering being right up there as one of the busiest degrees.

@Panicmode1 I hope your DS is OK and starting to come to terms with the loss of a grandparent. It must be very tough right in the middle of a busy, short and intense term to have such a difficult thing happening. Hope he's coping - and all the family too of course, especially your DH.

Those with DCs finding things challenging, especially Freshers, I hope they're beginning to settle in and making good social connections and not just working all the time.

I met up with DS1 (C) and DS2 (O) in London recently, as the easiest equidistant location for both and they're still really enjoying themselves with choirs (both of them), rowing (senior for DS2 and novice for DS1) and lots of social commitments too. Their main focus now is on making the most of their remaining time at uni. - which seems to be going by so quickly - and putting energy into the next step - the working world and careers.

How is everyone else's DC getting on at this more or less mid-point in term-time?

Thanks so much @mutterphore - it's been difficult as there had to be a post mortem, which was inconclusive, but they have issued an interim certificate, so the funeral date is now set.

DS whizzed home for the day on Sunday because my parents and brother were here, and he seemed in good spirits - loving rowing (had never sat in a boat until he started, just used the ergo at home!) and debating, and seems to have got himself into a rhythym with his workload. Though they have been warned that in a couple of weeks time, they will need to be two weeks ahead of schedule because they will have 4 (I think?) projects to have completed, so he said he's a bit worried about his "spicy workload" at that point; learning coding seems to be a bit of a slog for him, but he's really glad he did Further Pure as one of his FM modules rather than the other choices, as most of the engineering maths they have been doing, he's found 'easy' so far - it's the physics he's finding harder.

All that said, he seems to be managing socialising, debating, rowing, formal halls etc alongside his workload and was just so enthusiastic about it all when talking to my parents about everything. He's also going on the Varsity skiing trip which he's super excited about - think it's just a way of pushing getting a holiday job a bit further down the road 😂

Hope everyone else's DCs are thriving - especially the Freshers - and how is your DS now @petitebleu - I hope he's found his feet a bit more now? I can't believe they've been there only a month - feels like months...!

Ds seems all right. Definitely more stressed about the Compsci workload than he was - finding the pace really fast - but at least feeling ok about the Maths side. He's enjoying rowing too and is in one of the novice boats. He seems to have settled into going out out on Saturday nights only. Am reflecting on my own choices in the first term long ago and thinking how much more sensible ds is, though to be fair a lot of my socialising was just chatting and getting off with rugby players in people's rooms, which I think he's also doing some of (maybe not the rugby players, though who knows). I'm going to visit him in C on Saturday which I'm really looking forward to. Really strange to have been apart for a month.

Jumping back in with the Cambridge engineer chat.

Sorry to hear about your bereavement, @Panicmode1 . There is no good time, but it must have added to the stresses of this year for your DS.

My DS is also working hard.
He reckons his total hours a day add up to about 12 hours.
He really does not want to get behind, so he is putting the hours in and doens't seem to do much fun socialising apart from playing for the second college football team.
He went to an engineering quiz, and has seen a couple of friends from school at different colleges to help them with their electronics project.
I THINK he is enjoying it, in his own way.
He doesn't seem miserable when we facetime him, he seems fairly relaxed and chatty, and is someone who does like his own company so I think it's all going fine.
He is eating well, sometimes twice a day in the dining hall if he can get back there for lunch. He definitely seems to enjoy being in/at Cambridge itself, finding the historical aspects interesting. We are visiting him at the weekend and we are all looking forward to seeing each other again and having a proper chat.

We have also had discussions about internships. They gave them a lecture on those in the first week I think! He has desires to go to the US for his, so I'm not totally sure if he realises how competitive they are 😆

Oh, I also asked him if he'd met many people from private school (he is northern state grammar). He said it doesn't usually come up in conversation and he can't really tell.

They are now halfway through the first term, so if they've made it this far and are reasonably ok then they are doing great, I think! I keep banging on to DS how hard the first term, and year, is, at any uni, and that friendships don't happy overnight. They happen gradually over the next year or so as you work with different people on projects or meet people through others. He's the sort of person who prefers a small circle of close friends rather than a very wide circle of people he knows less well so I think he'll be glad when time has passed and he's got to know people better.

We tell him often that he's doing great, that feeling pressured and a bit anxious and even lonely at times is entirely normal at this stage, but that if any time he feels like it's getting TOO much he is simply not to keep it all bottled up as no good will come of internalising it, and I do feel that he'd come to us to talk through it. He tends to treat anything he finds difficult in life as a problem to be thought about and overcome through thinking about solutions, so hopefully he would do that if he was finding things too difficult.

It'ws really hard, though, isn't it? I have no experience of such a pressured environment and couldn't imagine myself coping with it at all. But he's totally different to me, so I have to tell myself not to worry about the things which I worry about, because it's likely to be something that HE wouldn't worry about himself.

DS 1st year Mathematics at C. Turns 19 in a fortnight or so which will be the first time we will have seen him since 1st October. Enjoying the course and works about 8-10 hours daily with extensive socialising in town and in college later. He is keeping up with a couple of former school mates in other colleges and he has an older cousin living & working nearby with whom he gets on famously. He lost a hoodie to young Engineering student he met at at a club. The ransom? Buying her a coffee...

I visited DS (3rd year C. NatSci) last weekend and took him out for lunch (crêpes).

His minimalism extends to his communication with me during term time, so this was a good opportunity to catch up with his news and see how he is.

He seems happy and is enjoying all of his courses. He is in the middle of a two week practical project so is going to West Cambridge every afternoon to make the most of the available lab time.

He likes an advent calendar, so I've given him one to start on 11 November which will finish at the end of term. Then he'll come home and have a second advent calendar here.

@Ironoaks I've got my first visit to DS in Cambridge this weekend. Any recommendations as what to do? I think we will try the Fitzwilliam Museum but any other recommendations would be appreciated.

Several of our visits have been during the height of the pandemic, so not everything was open.

We liked the Zoology museum.
Fitzbillies is good for tea and cake.

I enjoy Anglican choral music, so one of my favourite activities was attending evensong at DS's college.

I hope to visit the botanical gardens next spring / summer.

Nice to hear some updates. My DC seem to be ok. DD1 is busy with studying and rowing. I can’t believe she’s in her final year and neither can she. DS is more or less keeping his head above water but the workload is beyond intense. We’re going to a formal hall with him next weekend so it will be good to catch up. DD2 is also working hard but getting great feedback which helps, and throwing herself in to many different musical activities. We’ve been to an evensong already and have several other concerts booked in — for both DDs.
I’m really looking forward to them coming home. Thought I was used to them being away but I’ve had to relearn!

Its good to hear the updates. My DD first year maths at C seems be doing well. She is working hard and I think finds lectures 6 days per week tough but likes the routine of lectures all being 10-12 each morning (plus of course supervisions, tutor session etc). From what I can see you really do need to love your subject to study at C. One of her factors in choosing her college was that it was not far from the maths faculty but as it turns out all her lectures are in the centre of C so has a 30 min walk. She is thinking about getting a bike but seems to like walking in with fellow mathematicians. Most her socialising seems to be with other maths students and seems quite tame but she seems happy. She is a regular at the Buttery for Saturday brunch but otherwise doing lots of cooking experimenting. We visited her a couple of weeks ago. We had a meal at Six (part of the Varsity Hotel). It was a lovely roof top restaurant, not cheap but the food was good. Although we are C newbies - a stop off at Fitzbillies is becoming a regular thing - their Chelsea buns are amazing.

We've enjoyed all the Cambridge museums we've been to over the years - the Archeology & Anthropology and the Geology museums on Downing Street are both good, and while you're in that area may be worth seeing what's on at the Heong gallery. (It's small, we only found it this year because there was a very interesting exhibition earlier in the year iirc 'Hockneys view' linked to one at the Fitz)

It's nice to occasionally drop in on these threads and see how new generations are doing. Managing some of the contact-heavy courses plus social activities can be a challenge - my DD had to quit rowing in the lent term because it clashed too much with early lectures or supos. If any of yours find that happens but they've got fond of messing about on the water, they might like the Canoe club (kayaking really) as a lower key option.

@ErrolTheDragon , I know that if he had a parallel life, DS would love to row or join the canoe club. He has committed to another year playing university level tennis and is treasurer of his college ball. That combined with being a finalist is about as much as he can manage without sacrificing his social life. DH and I are going to a formal at his college next weekend so looking forward to a catch up. Will also meet up with DD who is a month into her first grad job in Cambridge.
The Fitzwilliam is on the list for this visit. Have previously enjoyed the Botanic Gardens and the Polar and Zoology Museums. Grantchester has good pubs for dinner if your offspring want to escape the city centre.

I feel like a real slacker. I haven't visited a single museum in C and this is DD's 6th year there. I have been to 2 concerts in Trinity College (not DD's college, but our dear friends' DD's a couple of years ago). DD spends alternate weekends at her boyfriend's - he is now in his 1st year of teaching at a public school so he has accommodation provided. The weekends in between he visits DD. She has dance on Saturdays and rowing quite a few mornings. She has taken over from her old housemate as cox of the W1 boat, so she is really busy. She doesn't really talk about her work, but if she hasn't got her backside in gear at 23, there is no hope. Seriously though, she has always worked hard and played hard, so I have no concerns. Our relationship is such that she will get in touch if things are going awry, just to get a different perspective.

It's really good to hear that they seem to have settled in well, especially the 1st years. One thing worth noting is that when they come home for Christmas, they will invariably sleep for what feels like days as it's so full on. DD always spent her vacations sorting out notes or revising, so they might not take a lot of time off.

It's really good to hear that they seem to have settled in well, especially the 1st years. One thing worth noting is that when they come home for Christmas, they will invariably sleep for what feels like days as it's so full on. DD always spent her vacations sorting out notes or revising, so they might not take a lot of time off.

Yes... ours was rather firm on the difference between a vacation and a holiday!