Oxford / Cambridge - current students support / chat thread

[DadDadDad]

Continuing a thread for anyone who wants to talk about their sons' and daughters' experience being a student in Oxford or Cambridge. (Or nephews, granddaughters, sisters, uncles - or if you or they have now graduated but you want to share your thoughts - all are welcome!)

I have a DS in his second year at Oxford, studying a small humanity in a tiny college.

Over to you...

In which case the College should be exhibiting those from the independent sector like animals in a zoo, as it accepts 3 times as many from state schools. I don't actually believe that the college concerned does discriminate in the way you describe.

Let's look at it slightly differently, if a child aged 11 received a bursary to an independent school, would you expect them to be treated differently to their peer group or would you hope that their financial status was NOT highlighted? Surely you would just want them to be treated in the same way as everyone else, as their potential and academic prowess was the same as everyone else's there. You would be horrified if they had to wear a different tie because they had a bursary.

Although the college does have a picture of an earnest young man with a beard on their web page. Perhaps beards and tweed jackets are the new protected characteristics 😂

H2O if you look at all photos everywhere, for colleges at Oxford and Cambridge down to individual schools in the West Country (an area I know you are familiar with, and which is very white, for economic reasons) you will find the same hand picking going on in an attempt to either show or encourage inclusivity or to affect it. I would have thought that the cessation of special Eton dinners with the Principal chum of an old beak was long overdue. We also don't know the purpose of the dinner. Possibly it was a rather clumsy info gathering exercise. DD4 (she was Head Girl) was once asked to go and secure a non white students for a particular PR reason when at school - incredibly clumsy, but the intention behind it wasn't malign. I think she actually made an excuse (too hard to find in a hurry?), so she and her friends watched a particular teacher hasten off in the most likely direction, whatever that was.

Sorry messed up plurals and singulars there.

This is true. dd has starred quite heavily in STEM related photos. We all suspect that this is to encourage women into STEM and that's fine.

In years gone by when the local paper came to our school on results day it was also extremely noticeable that it would select the most attractive girls to photograph, jumping up in the air with their results sheet.

The classic Daily telegraph Identical Emma's shot.

As I said, I don't believe the College is selecting people on the grounds of their skin colour, financial status or sexuality for a photo opportunity, because there are far more within the college who don't fit the pale, stale & male tick box exercise than those who do. Even Rishi Sunak wears hoodies & sliders!

Sure about the Emmas. They are in a different category from the other marketing photos. That was an aside about selection in general.

Then perhaps it's for information gathering, to inform policy, as I said. I can't see that it's outrageous on that basis.

@HewasH2O, I really don't think this has anything to do with 'discrimination' and much more to do with showing inclusivity which is surely a very good thing. It seems so to me in any case and I would imagine good intentions are the motivation.

Had a lovely time in C yesterday where serendipitously DD1 was visiting her BF so we saw both offspring plus their other halves.

@mutterphore I've asked both DD and DS about parents' dinners... neither of their colleges do them.

DS still in the academic doldrums. Performed very badly in his exams from the beginning of term (unsurprisingly, given that he had glandular fever in Michaelmas and had to come home). But his whole cohort apparently did poorly, none getting above about 40%... strongly suggesting that there's something awry with the teaching at his college. I wish someone would take notice.

@Malbecfan sent you a DM.

@Pantjog, that's great that you had a good visit with your DS and saw your DD1 too. Sounds like a lovely family get-together plus their partners. Yes, it looks like many colleges just don't offer parents' dinners and maybe that's a lucky escape for me as I don't like 'dressing up', don't drink alcohol and don't like staying up late!

I'm really sorry to hear that your DS is still struggling. However, it's very telling that his whole cohort did badly in exams. It's quite possible that everyone was marked down or ,a s you say, that the teaching wasn't that good.

It's also one of the most demanding subjects and in addition, given your DS had glandular fever and had to come home last term, little wonder he can't easily manage. It's amazing he actually got back at all as I know of some people where it takes a very long time indeed to get over glandular fever and you just have to keep taking it easy, something that's hard to do at Oxbridge.

I hope his DOS has been supportive and sympathetic. Remember, they really wanted him there and they chose him after a rigorous selection process. They need to keep 'investing' in him and working out how to help him best and tailor an approach to what he needs right now. I hope things improve for him very soon.

DS1's Matric. photo has just arrived today, after he yet again contacted the company to ask where it was. He gave me permission to open it and I'm pleased to say that the actual hard copy is better than the one online and I can see DS1 quite clearly!

Good news about the photo Mutterphore.

It's DD's birthday later this month. Two years ago we were looking around Oxford trying to imagine her living there, as Edinburgh said thanks but no thanks. A year ago we sent cake and she had a College lockdown birthday, but was grateful not to be stuck at home with us. This year, hopefully, she'll be able to do whatever it is that 20 year olds do on their birthday. What a rollercoaster.

Thanks @pantjog. Good news about the photo @mutterphore.

The matriculation thing is odd. DD's college asked for suits/smarts in 2017 and again this year when she matriculated for her PhD. However, a student at another college that I taught at school had a different experience. They don't need gowns for formal dinners, so for matriculation there was just a bag of random ones that they were told to get. This student's DM is deeply over-invested in all aspects of her DD's life, making our happy little crew on this thread seem like negligent parents. Mother moaned to me (again) about the college and highlighting the fact that there isn't a photo of her DD in a gown yet. Well, that's the case almost everywhere else until they graduate! She really gets on my wick!

Not too much to report here. DS seems to have settled back OK but still not too much in the way of socialising. He has finished all but one of his problem sheets for the term (they seem to get them all given out at the beginning of term) so he tells me he was 3 weeks clear to relax a bit, revise and look at other stuff. College have arranged a 'freshers' drinks party which he is rather amused but has promised he will attend. The thing that seems to be exciting him most atm is the prospect of working the bar at the college ball this coming weekend

@pantjog - Sorry to hear that your DS is still facing challenges with the course. Reassuring for him in a way that the rest of the cohort are finding it similarly difficult (at least he knows it's not just him) but a bit concerning that the college hasn't spotted this.

DD is finally out of isolation having been noticeably ill throughout, and now gloomily facing the prospect of catching up two weeks' work in the remaining four weeks of term.

But at least she's out!

@Malbecfan that's the case almost everywhere else

well, that's the point, isn't it?

I mean, why on earth have we put all that effort in if we're not going to get extra special things we can airily downplay to our friends, like gowned photos in front of mullioned windows to hang in the loo? She might as well not be there at all!

(just realised I don't actually know what mullioned means...)

Hello all, sorry it's been a while.
DD has this morning booked her graduation date - it seemed like another milestone on this journey so prompted me to search for you all and see how you and your DC are all getting on.

Sorry to hear of all the covid cases, particularly the nasty ones. We all had it over Christmas - I think brought home from my School where it was spreading like wildfire.

Have just spent a very enjoyable half an hour catching up on the thread and all the news.

@OhYouBadBadKitten so pleased to hear your DD is doing well and has successfully secured her next step I can't quite believe it's been almost 4 years!

DD (O) also booked her graduation date this morning. DH and I finally managed a guest formal at her college last week and it was worth the (almost) two years wait.
DD will be in Cambridge this weekend for a Varsity competition and plans to visit DS at his college for the first time.

I'm flummoxed by the booking of graduation dates. DD obviously has a long way to go as a first year undergraduate on a (probably) four year course, but all the same, what? I'd assumed graduation would happen on a fixed date. What's the deal, then?

Half way hall for DD tonight. So quick. She’s having such a different Lent term compared to last year. Doing a paper she loves, terrifying supervisor turns out to be less scary ( though no less difficult to please) than she imagined, tonnes of hockey ( admirably scrappy performance in college league tables). She was wretchedly sad a year ago. STEM boyfriend has had a really academically tough term, having seemingly breezed through to date. Re relative hardness of degrees; doubt any are a walk in the park.

Not sure what booking graduation means? She's been given a date, isn't that okay?

Nice to hear you again Lobster and Spin. I wonder if our girls are in the same Varsity event this week?! 🤔

DD booked her first flight today for her far flung summer trip today. Yikes! She's an adult but I still worry.

Feel so grateful She's had the experience of Cambridge. What a privilege!

I think Cambridge have set dates as long as they go for the general admission graduation, whereas Oxford can choose.

Hey Lobster :) Good to catch up!

Squid I'm glad your dd is out. I really feel for her though. I hope that she has understanding tutors.

How exciting Sunndowne

Heads up about the weather of course. I'm a bit worried about them, especially the Cambridge lot if some of the models turn out to be accurate. No cycling on Friday!