Oxford / Cambridge - current students support / chat thread

[DadDadDad]

Continuing a thread for anyone who wants to talk about their sons' and daughters' experience being a student in Oxford or Cambridge. (Or nephews, granddaughters, sisters, uncles - or if you or they have now graduated but you want to share your thoughts - all are welcome!)

I have a DS in his second year at Oxford, studying a small humanity in a tiny college.

Over to you...

"Do your DC get exhausted because of the constant drive needed at Oxbridge?"

DS is quite good at pacing himself. He is planning an early night this evening after folk group. But he is a middle-aged person in a 19 year old's body.

Hope all offspring are well and escaping from isolation where relevant. We are going to see DS tomorrow evening; he's finally out of isolation so at least he won't be liable to be struck down just before we arrive...

Chatting to a parent last night whose DS has just got in to Cambridge for Music. It seems that DD's small comprehensive school has got twice as many Oxbridge Music offers (2) as Eton (1).

Have a lovely time Ironoaks.

DD rows, plays tennis, writes essays, goes to tutes & sleeps. She's permanently looking forward to a quick nap. She does take teenage girl supplements.

Hewas20 - can you recommend the supplements your dd uses? Think dd might be in need of something and supplements sound like a good place to start.

@Ironoaks, hope you and your DH have a lovely time at your DS's college formal hall and that Covid doesn't stop your plans. @Pantjog, I also hope your visit to your DS tomorrow goes very well and am glad he's now out of isolation. Mine still keep me 'at arm's length' during term time and neither has suggested we meet up or that I could come to dinner at college but we may all meet up again on neutral territory in London before their terms end.

I have no idea at all how my two seem endlessly full of energy, especially DS2, during term-time and vacations. I worry that he hasn't enough to do in the vacations although he's got a 5 day online mini internship the week he's back this time and has also been doing a mini online internship during term-time this term too.

I get exhausted just thinking about what they both do, on top of their work/essays. Both are in college choirs (DS1 became a choral scholar recently). DS2 does rowing, hockey, tennis and goes running every day, even after being up till the early hours at a Ball the night before. Both are deeply involved in several other activities/clubs, although DS1 does like more 'down-time' than DS2 and has some quiet nights in but also enjoys regular evenings out with his group of friends which has now nicely consolidated. DS2 rarely if ever doesn't go out in the evening to something - debates, concerts, social events, meeting for various positions he holds in societies. Neither drinks much if at all so I suspect this helps to keep them energised for the next day.

Meanwhile, I feel positively slug-like these days by comparison!

Ooh yes have a fab time @Ironoaks!

@mutterphore I must admit that when my DS asks for a visit I have mixed feelings. It usually means things aren't going too well, even though he doesn't open up much. By contrast DD loves lots of contact at any stage.

www.vitabiotics.com/products/wellteen-her-plus

Try these.

Just sent her some! Thank you!

The parents' dinner was very enjoyable and it was lovely to see DS.

@Ironoaks, I'm glad you enjoyed the parents' dinner and seeing your DS. You are indeed privileged that he invited you. For all I know, mine have had various Parents' Dinners and just haven't told me about them! Equally possible though that their colleges don't do these things.

Nice to read @Ironoaks. We've enjoyed some parental hospitality from DD's college and always enjoyed it.

Wow @pantjog amazing results from your DD's school in my subject! Which part of the country are you in, if you don't mind me asking? One of my best friend's DD read Music at Trinity C a few years ago and we were lucky enough to go to a couple of her concerts. They were amazing. My own DD was college mum to a Music student.

@mutterphore DD's college contacted us directly about their parents' lunch. It was scheduled for the weekend after the end of the undergraduate Lent term when lots of us would be collecting our DC. Their view is that we are all part of the college family so we do receive mailings every few months. My friends with the Trinity DD (which provides free port and hot chocolate after Compline) moaned and complained about how lucky we were to get to go to a lunch, or to have tea & cakes with the Master every year when we dropped DD off in the autumn as that sort of thing didn't happen at Trinity. I think each college does things in their own way.

I haven't heard from DD for a couple of days. Last thing she texted was that she was at a MCR formal but I know Saturdays include lots of dancing and Sundays mean Evensong. Hopefully DD2 and I will be there next Sunday, Covid permitting...

At DS's college the first years are invited to lunch with the master (in groups, not all at once). DS's turn is next weekend (postponed from next year).

@Malbecfan hope you are able to go to Evensong.

@Malbecfan, that's lovely to feel involved in your DD'd college. There's never been any kind of communication at all from either DS1 or DS2's colleges to parents and I've never even been able to look around the inside of DS2's (O) college except his accommodation area to drop off and pick up.

With DS1 (C), we did manage a sneaky peak around his whole accommodation block - but not the rest of the college, in the summer when he wanted to check this out (having been given his 5th choice of accommodation, although it's worked out fine) but the feeling you get as parents, is to keep out. I think this may well be more related to Covid than anything else.

@Ironoaks, again, that sounds amazing that first years get to meet and lunch with the college master. DS2 (O) has had lunches with other JCR Committee members with their principal and knows the principal quite well now but DS1 (C) has had no contact with his college principal. I think his college is very keen to help 'disadvantaged' students feel welcome and so a specific subgroup of those often gets invited to special events and meals with the principal, which is great. The rest however never even get to meet the principal at all and when DS1 emailed the principal to ask if he could interview them as part of his role as a features editor for a uni. publication, the principal never even replied.

DS1 (C) is still waiting for a copy of his one-year-late Matriculation photo, which he paid for last term and still hasn't received. I wonder if anyone else has had issues with the company that does these photos for colleges?

DD would be horrified if she felt she was labelled as "disadvantaged" by her college. All the first years in her college are rostered to walk the Warden's dog. That was probably the most scary thing she did last year, as nobody wishes to be responsible for losing the Warden's dog and it's quite a large, energetic one.

@Ironoaks that sounds very much like DD's college except it was dinner with the Master in his lodge, again in groups of around 10 students.

When we went to drop off DD for her 3rd year (Sept 2019), there was a low-key tea/cake thing for parents. DD muttered about it being an opportunity to tap us for cash, which indeed it was, but it was all done tastefully. As she gets a bursary, there wasn't a lot of point in asking us for money! The Master was there, shaking parents' hands. He looked at us and said "I recognise you, but I'm really sorry, I can't remember who your student is." As soon as I said DD's first name, he said "of course, she's doing an amazing job with the Twitter account for her course..." so he obviously knew her. She has done really well in all her UG exams, and every year a hand-written "from the Master of X college" postcard has come from him congratulating her. He is quite well-known in certain circles but a really lovely chap. DD gets on very well with him. He also organises various talks in college, or now virtually. One was by a pop legend of my era who is now in an entirely different field. DD met him, told him that she loved his music and the photo on the Master's Twitter feed was with DD standing next to the legend. I was so jealous!

@mutterphore which company? I ordered graduation ones in September which turned up in early November. One company was a lot faster than the other. I ordered them all online and had them delivered to our home.

It's probably worth chasing them up. I think Lafayette was the slow one, but when the photos finally showed up, they were lovely.

DS thinks the reason they are being invited in small groups is because the floorboards in the master's lodge are several hundred years old and can't cope with dozens of stampeding undergraduates. I think it's just as likely that the master doesn't want dozens of stampeding undergraduates in their home.

@Malbecfan, I'm not sure which company did the Matric. photo but DS1 has already chased them up once. It was taken in October. I got to see the photo online but there are so many students on it that everyone's image is very very tiny so you can hardly make out DS1.

DS1 said lots of people had deliberately 'dressed down' for the photo and so although some wore suits/ dresses and college gowns, many wore their oldest jeans and T shirts and had their hair across their faces! DS1 had wanted an individual photo as I've got one of DS2 but the college said it wouldn't offer those, sadly. I suppose it was already a whole year late anyway, so not quite the same as a proper Matric. photo.

@HewasH2O, I doubt the specially selected group who get to attend events with the principal and various prestigious visitors to the college actually get labelled 'disadvantaged' as such. I think the college just prides itself on 'diversity and inclusion' and has handpicked a subset of students to exemplify this, at any events they can then use for media purposes.

So they're going for the Angelina Jolie approach of picking students to attend events? How does the "subset of students" work? One wears a pride T shirt, another has a guide dog, one of each BAME group in college, one looks poor, one has a northern accent, another is Cornish carrying a pasty, one went to Eton? I'm sorry, but I find that very offensive & crass.

I really hope that the students going to these events don't realise that their peer group think they are part of a social experiment to demonstrate diversity & inclusion.

I was convinced my DD is at the same college as yours @mutterphore but I don't think it can be but as she has had a few parents' formals (that we haven't had a chance to go to as they've been super popular) and the president is apparently very accessible (when he's in Cambridge).
DD is super busy and back to burning the candle at both ends again. But she seems so happy. I managed to visit briefly for lunch and it was lovely to catch up.
She has started advising dc2 about applying later this year 😳

I can't get too stressed about what students choose to wear for their matriculation photos. It would be a bit worrying if they all chose to dress like future PMs or investment bankers.

Personally I think it's rather reassuring that these 18 year olds are confident enough to be themselves rather than conform to an outdated stereotype of what is 'right'.

dds college had an event that included parents in the first year but not since. I don't know how much covid has influenced things, but she has so transitioned in to the adult world, that it might feel a bit odd to be invited to anything college based now. It's her world. I look on with a little envy, some wistfulness that of course I wish I could be more part of it, but with immense pride at her confidence, enjoyment and path that she is taking.

@HewasH20, I just think the college is trying to make everyone feel welcome and show how inclusive it is and I don't think their peer group will have any thoughts of this being "part of a social experiment".

It's a tricky one for colleges and beyond because to what degree do you make a big thing of including those who may have once felt marginalised and excluded and to what degree do you treat everyone the same? Is it tokenistic or is it just society trying to create opportunities and level the playing field and wanting to advertise that fact?