Oxford / Cambridge - current students support / chat thread

[DadDadDad]

Continuing a thread for anyone who wants to talk about their sons' and daughters' experience being a student in Oxford or Cambridge. (Or nephews, granddaughters, sisters, uncles - or if you or they have now graduated but you want to share your thoughts - all are welcome!)

I have a DS in his second year at Oxford, studying a small humanity in a tiny college.

Over to you...

Thanks all. The landlord is Home UK (Oxford) Limited. It looks like DD signs rather than us as guarantors. Does that sound right?

@JulesJules would you mind sharing how you approached the change in tenancy agreement?

I take it back - we do have to be guarantors!

Yes DD had to sign, putting us as guarantors and we were originally asked to sign something which included the phrase 'unlimited liability' hahaha - which we obviously wouldn't sign (surely the landlord has insurance). DH emailed and they changed it, there was also a phrase in the lease which was contradictory.

Thanks @JulesJules !

@whiteroseredrose I told DD that I refused to guarantee anyone's rent but hers and would not sign up. She was in a group of 5 who were all ok with that so when they approached Letting Agencies, that was one of their criteria. It meant that there were fewer properties available, but I would not budge (northern, stubborn, blunt...)

They ended up with a very nice modern house and I am only tied to DD's rent. When DD2 rented privately elsewhere last year, the LA was very good and changed the term on the contract so that I was only responsible for her share. It might have helped that I told them I teach p/t and do not earn enough in a year to cover the entire rental, so they decided that the bird in the hand was worth 2 in the bush, or whatever the saying is.

@Malbecfan I will have to contact them. The annual rent on the shared house is nearly double my salary!

Haha, have just worked out D1's rent for the whole house over their 11 month contract and it's more (a lot more) than our entire household income. If only I'd thought to persue Oxford landlording as a career 😂

To be fair to DD2's non-Oxbridge LL, he was brilliant at sorting issues. They moved in across a weekend in September 2020. There were a number of issues so the lead tenant S emailed the LA 1st thing Monday. By Wednesday the broken toilet seat and non-draining sink had been sorted, the LL had passed on details of the wifi so that was sorted and something else was done. Then there was a problem with the fridge-freezer. He asked S to measure it and within 24 hours a new one was delivered. Given that in my home, I report an issue to DH who faffs and fannies around (he is really practical) then a month or so later, the issue is looked into, I thought DD's landlord was pretty decent.

D1 has texted to say she has to put in for accommodation this week - for final year! OMG, can't believe we are thinking about final year already, seems hardly any time since we were all posting about interviews and offers and the nightmare of A level grading. She needs to decide between cheaper, older rooms with shared bathrooms/ tiny kitchen, or the more expensive, newer rooms. I know what I would choose 😃

I am so glad we don't have the accommodation issue.

PRS tenancy information There are also some links if you scroll down to the bottom of the first page that take you through to Shelter.

I can't believe that it is end of term next week.

I'm slightly envious of those doing chemistry etc who will be there for 4 years and those who who have guaranteed college accommodation each year.

Many of you might remember me from the summer term. DS is at a C college and lasyt year he struggled with the workload. He only progressed to he second year due to Covid and automatic progression. This term seemed to be better, he has been telling us when he submits work. It has all been lies and he is in a mess. He has only submitted 2 essays all term. We are worried, angry, devastated. He should have had a meeting with his DOS and senior tutor last week but he didnt go. We have a meeting tomorrow with his tutor over zoom. I will be completely honest with her. He has registered for university counselling and has seen the nurse. There has been talk of ADHD. We are thinking of asking if he can intermit. Any eperience of this? Any advice gratefully received. The effect on the whole family is huge.

@Cliff1975
Sorry to hear that he is still struggling. I hope he is able to find a way forward.

@Cliff1975 - really sorry to hear it's not going better this term for your DS. I had DS home over the weekend and was astonished by how hard he is working, it is a very challenging environment for these young people to work in.

I've PMed you Cliff. I'm so sorry things haven't improved.

I'm so sorry @Cliff1975 I hope your DS can get the help he needs and that you can all find a way through this.

Your poor DS Cliff. My strong advice would be to dial down any anger. It will make things considerably worse.

I think waits for help are long; they seem to be at Oxford. If he intermits, he may come off the Cambridge waiting list but clearly he can't go on as things are, not without help and heaps of support.

What a shame, @Cliff1975 . The workload is enormous for every student, and it’s surprising that more don’t fall by the wayside.

On a trivial note, do students tip their bedders? (Cleaners/whatever the term is) Ds said some people bought a tin of Roses etc, but ds was too awkward as he had kind of befriended his cleaner, having chats every day, so he thought it would be patronising for a 18-year-old to present him with a box of Quality Street. Any thoughts?

So sorry @Cliff1975. I PMed you a while back but I’m not sure if you saw it.

My DS has missed a lot of work this term due to illness and his DoS has mentioned the possibility of repeating the year — but it hasn’t happened yet and DS would like to avoid it if possible.

I suppose the question is whether your DS really wants to be at Cambridge and just needs some support/interventions or whether his non-compliance and lies are a way of communicating that he doesn’t really want to be there? He could also be suffering from depression by the sound of it.

So tough for you and him. I really sympathise.

@DottyHarmer I think it can’t do any harm and is a nice gesture. DS left a box of chocs for his bedder last Christmas.

@DottyHarmer D1 and her household gave their scout (Oxford bedder!) chocolates last year from all of them. (The scouts were just doing the communal areas last year, due to covid they weren't doing the bedrooms)

Sorry Cliff
I agree with Goodbye, it's better if you can try and work out your angry feelings away from him. There's clearly something blocking him from being able to get on with it all. I think seeking help is a really good idea.

dd leaves a card and a present for her bedder in her room at the end of term. That way there's no awkward handing things over.

Chocolates or similar good, money bad (a bit Brideshead).

It is rather noblesse oblige ! Chocs are the way to go then. Good idea about dumping gift and running - saves awkwardness. DD’s scout (ah, that’s the right term) does clean her room and bathroom. For that the poor fellow deserves the whole Cadbury’s factory…..