Dd wants to take a year out but expects to land herself the ideal job…

[Lovemusic33]

Dd is in her final year of A levels, she’s alway been a high achiever and is expected to get A,A,B in her final exams. Over the past few months she has struggled a little, time off during lockdown and 2 weeks off last month with covid has put her behind a bit. Dd is also on the autistic spectrum and has some physical disabilities (dyspraxia and HMS), physically and mentally I don’t think she’s ready for uni. We have discussed options a lot and she has decided to defer uni for a year and to get some work experience, I support her fully with this but I do worry she won’t go back, I have mentioned a few places she could work for a year but she disagrees with all my suggestions saying “that’s not the area I want to work in”, the area she does want to work in is impossible to find work in because it’s mainly freelance (journalism) and she’s not done anything to push herself into gaining experience despite many people telling her too (with local papers etc…). Also we live rurally and she can’t drive, public transport isn’t great and she would be anxious using it. Dd dismisses any of my suggestions and seems to think the perfect gap year job will land in her lap.

I have asked Dd to consider going to our local uni, meaning she can live at home, get public transport to uni (or I could drive her occasionally), this would mean she can continue her education without being away from home. Dd isn’t happy about this suggestion as local uni is not a top uni (she wanted to go to Exeter after a gap year), she thinks people with low A level results go there 🤨.

I try not to get too involved with her choices, just gentle suggestions but in side I’m starting to feel a little fed up that nothing anyone suggests is good enough. I have a feeling she’s going to end up not going to uni and not finding work, she doesn’t seem to realise that everyone has to start at the bottom and sometimes we have to do jobs that we don’t really enjoy, just to get to where we want to go.

Am I expecting too much from her? I do feel for her, she does struggle with a lot of things and life hasn’t been easy for her so far. I just worry that like a lot of people on the spectrum she will end up with no job and turn into a recluse (she would happily just live in her room for the rest of her life with no social interaction).

Young people can change. But she would need to, because being lazy and lacking self confidence sound like the opposite of what you need to be to be a successful journalist. Does she have a real interest in journalism, or has she only thought of it because she's good at writing? Has she considered other jobs where she could use her writing skills?

Tell her she needs to up her confidence. It has to come from her unpopular opinion but the truth

It’s a bit harsh to say someone should up their confidence. They need the tools to do it. I’ve found speech and drama are excellent. Does she do any drama? You would be surprised how many people have to pitch and be confident in what they are saying. Speech and drama really helps. I would also look at other careers and explore them. It’s easy for teens to be one dimensional. They don’t have wider knowledge of work. A Morrissby test would help with careers but they cost money.

Just chatting about this to my DD who works in a local newsagent - she mentioned that they sell a parish magazine - an A5 stapled thing, printed out on an ordinary printer. They sell for £1 a go and she says lots of people come in wanting it. No skin of the newsagent's nose to sell it of course as those people also buy a chocolate bar or the Daily Mail.

Would this be something your DD could do? Local events, reports of societies, pictures of weddings - she could take pictures or get people to send them to her. She could interview someone interesting locally each month - I can think of half a dozen people off the top of my head local to me who would be good. It would take time to produce but then time is what she has. And I think, with the demise of actual local content in local newspapers, there is a real demand for a printed paper where people can see their cheque presentation or wedding pic. Just a thought anyway.

We have similar. In fact I have two as our house and garden fall into two parishes. I don’t think either would object to a young person making a contribution. They are rather well produced! No weddings but lots of local
Input. One person did a count down of his training regime for the London Marathon. I’ve seen articles about all sorts of things! Local history, the cricket team, the all the local clubs contribute, schools (write about your school news) interviews with local people who run something etc. There is quite a lot of scope. Definitely worth investigating.

Motability do 40 hours of free driving lessons
www.motability.co.uk/contact/faqs/how-can-i-get-help-with-the-cost-of-driving-lessons

I was thinking she could start her own, but of course if one already exists, even easier 👌

@clary
That could be very time consuming! However they all have deadlines for articles so that’s a great training! Pitching an idea is good too! It’s much easier to do one article and see how it goes.

I think you are expecting a hell of a lot from her. Most 18 year olds fuck about on their gap year and then head off to uni. You want her to get a job and learn to drive etc etc

What do you mean by "fuck about"? Do they just hang around at home? Or do you mean that their parents fund foreign travel?
I think that expecting her to get a job and to learn to drive are both very reasonable, if she isn't organising anything else. My DN had a gap year when she decided to have a 2nd attempt at Oxbridge. She moved across the country to work at a big accountancy firm for the year. Which helped her to become independent and to decide that she didn't want to be an accountant.

I think you should help her to do things for herself
It sounds as if she is quite immature and a year deferred could help her to grow up a bit before going to university particularly if she isn't sure that she is ready.
Learning to drive sounds like a priority and she will need to work.I would suggest that she gets any job to start with with a view to earning some money and being in a position to take up volunteering roles , do courses or internships if they come along. As she is shy a client facing role eg receptionist or shop assistant make sense to help her with the general public.
Thinking about it he volunteering side of things, have you got a hospital radio near by? Ours is always looking for help.

Most students do something constructive on a gap year. Volunteering actually costs parents money! Learning to drive is a great idea. But getting confidence to do something is what she needs. Many restaurants are very short staffed. Not sure about retail!

Has she thought about getting some skills that will help her if she becomes a journalist? Word processing, Shorthand, Audio typing are all things that would be useful & she may even be able to pick up some office holiday work while she is at University. You say she is interested in politics, ds is a member of the Green Party & has got involved with the transport planning committee with Green Party councillors, he also regularly gets letters printed in the local paper about topics he is interested in, like your dd he is in Y13, is autistic & interested in politics.

Journalism doesn’t sound a natural fit for her. It tends to suit very confident extroverts with a flexible approach to the truth, and while I don’t want to offend anyone, it isn’t a job usually chosen by top academic students.

As an academic introvert with great writing skills who is happy to be in her room alone for hours, she sounds like a novelist or book editor to me. Personally I’d steer her towards a creative writing course, the best in UK is at university of East Anglia. Or maybe a 1 yr diploma in creative writing somewhere? Or maybe publishing / editing?? She actually might make a fantastic editor and I know one freelance editor who earning £4k/ month to read books and point out plot holes… Maybe some publishing internships?

I wouldn’t push her towards Bournmouth, she’s right it isn’t a highly academic uni, my friend went to a v v similar uni and was disappointed how little work they did - there was a lot of focus on the social side.

Good luck it all sounds tricky!!

Might be worth checking out apprenticeships and getting employment support advice from REMPLOY

If she lacks confidence get her to start a blog/ ig account and write about what she is interested in/ current affairs. If she writes about local issues she could tag in local media and it’s a way to get noticed. She could then ask them for advice / work experience and thus show initiative which is what journalists are expected to do.

I think there’s plenty of evidence that very bright people become journalists. Look at the numbers of Oxbridge ones at the top newspapers or BBC and other broadcasters! That’s totally ridiculous to say they are not the brightest! However they don’t have a creative writing degree! They have PPE, History, MFL, Economics, and obviously lots of other subjects but they train as journalists after getting their academic degree. You certainly don’t need a degree in creative writing to be a journalist because it’s not a degree that shows great research or investigative skills. So get the best degree you can at the best university you can.

@skysblue I'd be offended by this:

it isn’t a job usually chosen by top academic students except that this

a flexible approach to the truth shows you don't know much about journalism.

Journalism is all about the facts, they are what journalists live by. Any journo with a flexible approach to the truth won't be in work or long.

As @tizerorFizz says, journalism has nothing to do with creative writing either. I'm not a novelist and I never will be. Op you've had some great suggestions on here, so i hope there is something useful for your dd. Good luck to her.

@Skysblue

Journalism doesn’t sound a natural fit for her. It tends to suit very confident extroverts with a flexible approach to the truth, and while I don’t want to offend anyone, it isn’t a job usually chosen by top academic students.

As an academic introvert with great writing skills who is happy to be in her room alone for hours, she sounds like a novelist or book editor to me. Personally I’d steer her towards a creative writing course, the best in UK is at university of East Anglia. Or maybe a 1 yr diploma in creative writing somewhere? Or maybe publishing / editing?? She actually might make a fantastic editor and I know one freelance editor who earning £4k/ month to read books and point out plot holes… Maybe some publishing internships?

I wouldn’t push her towards Bournmouth, she’s right it isn’t a highly academic uni, my friend went to a v v similar uni and was disappointed how little work they did - there was a lot of focus on the social side.

Good luck it all sounds tricky!!

Disagree with the point about academic career choice but personality is a valid point.

The ‘anyone can do anything if they just try’ mentality is detrimental. We all have our strengths , weaknesses and preferences. Yes, she can become more confident, but she’s unlikely to change from liking to sit in her room all day to wanting to talk to anybody and everybody.

The point is - don’t bank on her becoming a journalist. If she does start doing things and proves me wrong it would be great but you need a solid backup plan. Which leads to ‘don’t do a journalism degree’, and explore other options.

Anyway that’s not really the point of the AIBU … you can look up demand avoidance which may be why she’s ignoring things.

Would she be eligible for any of the Princes Trust projects or courses? www.princes-trust.org.uk

My ASD son was in a similar position this year - he finished 6th form, but didn't feel ready for uni yet.
We visited some FE centres with uni satellite hubs and he ended up signing on to do an HNC in computer science.
Win win really - he got a smaller campus and if he likes the course can go straight to second year of the degree at uni

[quote clary]@skysblue I'd be offended by this:

it isn’t a job usually chosen by top academic students except that this

a flexible approach to the truth shows you don't know much about journalism.

Journalism is all about the facts, they are what journalists live by. Any journo with a flexible approach to the truth won't be in work or long.

As @tizerorFizz says, journalism has nothing to do with creative writing either. I'm not a novelist and I never will be. Op you've had some great suggestions on here, so i hope there is something useful for your dd. Good luck to her.[/quote]
You don’t know much if you think ‘facts’ are the only aspect of the truth.
Selective evidence, biased sample selection, emotive language etc can all be used to present a ‘fact’ in a way that’s biased. Just look at the BBC - loads of ‘human interest’ stories with a couple of interviewees who have such an overblown reaction to minor events one wonders how they even live day to day!
Having gone through the majority of the top newspapers I rarely see an article that’s a fair representation of the facts. They are always geared towards an agenda - even when they’re supposed to be news stories and not opinion pieces.

this is why I now only read paid publications. Standards of journalism are very low across all (without exception) free publications. The style is intended to get more clicks, more views - which inflammatory/emotionally driven pieces do better.

Also @clary i realise you may be a journalist yourself - in which case you must agree that the truth is very subjective and unbiased reporting is not as simple as ‘present the facts’?

Even when reporting a goal… England ‘Seized’ the opportunity … the opponent ‘stole’ a goal.

I'm not really a journalist any more, and I have certainly come across some who are, who are not super intelligent. But I would say that grabbed, scored, stol a goal, while they have a different tone, are all true, if a goal was scored. If you report says the truth, that the result was 1-1, then that's good. If it says we won 4-0, then it's not the truth and it's no use.

Journalists, especially those working locally
which is most of them, need to stick to the truth or it will bite them in the bum. That's all I wanted to say really.

Haha sorry for typos, ironic really