Dd wants to take a year out but expects to land herself the ideal job…

[Lovemusic33]

Dd is in her final year of A levels, she’s alway been a high achiever and is expected to get A,A,B in her final exams. Over the past few months she has struggled a little, time off during lockdown and 2 weeks off last month with covid has put her behind a bit. Dd is also on the autistic spectrum and has some physical disabilities (dyspraxia and HMS), physically and mentally I don’t think she’s ready for uni. We have discussed options a lot and she has decided to defer uni for a year and to get some work experience, I support her fully with this but I do worry she won’t go back, I have mentioned a few places she could work for a year but she disagrees with all my suggestions saying “that’s not the area I want to work in”, the area she does want to work in is impossible to find work in because it’s mainly freelance (journalism) and she’s not done anything to push herself into gaining experience despite many people telling her too (with local papers etc…). Also we live rurally and she can’t drive, public transport isn’t great and she would be anxious using it. Dd dismisses any of my suggestions and seems to think the perfect gap year job will land in her lap.

I have asked Dd to consider going to our local uni, meaning she can live at home, get public transport to uni (or I could drive her occasionally), this would mean she can continue her education without being away from home. Dd isn’t happy about this suggestion as local uni is not a top uni (she wanted to go to Exeter after a gap year), she thinks people with low A level results go there 🤨.

I try not to get too involved with her choices, just gentle suggestions but in side I’m starting to feel a little fed up that nothing anyone suggests is good enough. I have a feeling she’s going to end up not going to uni and not finding work, she doesn’t seem to realise that everyone has to start at the bottom and sometimes we have to do jobs that we don’t really enjoy, just to get to where we want to go.

Am I expecting too much from her? I do feel for her, she does struggle with a lot of things and life hasn’t been easy for her so far. I just worry that like a lot of people on the spectrum she will end up with no job and turn into a recluse (she would happily just live in her room for the rest of her life with no social interaction).

Unis are just listed on UCAS in no particular order so there is no priority at this stage. That only comes when you firm/insure. So she would firm at AAA and then Exeter would update the offer grades.

I agree with ur DD on wanting to go to a top uni. IMO, there’s no point in wasting tax payer money etc on a degree from a low ranked uni. Maybe she can do some free lance work on the side?

I do think that the top ranked uni / RG uni thing is all a bit of a red herring. As an employer I’ve never prioritised an applicant based on where their degree is from (and I must have have recruited getting on for 500 grads) over the years.

I am sure that there are niches like the big 4 consulting firms and city law firms where it matters but I just don’t think it factors into the calculation for most employers.

I’d put passion for the role, work or volunteering experience and confidence over choice of uni every time.

You never know, I took a gap year and ended up applying for a PA/admin role advertised with the job centre of all places. It turned out to be mat leave cover working for a Bollywood choreographer, it was incredible. They were fine with the fact I was going off to uni. I then went to a very good university (with a lot more money in my pocket than if I'd gone straight from school), so a year or doesn't mean she won't go. I agree with her there's no point going somewhere without a decent reputation, degrees are ten a penny now.

If she doesn't know for certain what she wants to do then a year out is a good idea. It's what my son is doing.

There is a long time until summer so get her to apply for her dream job now. Asap. Then there is months for some reality to sink in.

I dont really mind if my son works his year off pot washing for minimum wage. If anything he might get some prospective.

Covid has been so hard on these kids so a year to decompress might be for the best. I also have a dyspraxic kid. I kind of hate this some times but a bit of "it's not a excuse, it's a reason" might be ok. So yes she has 100% genuine struggles. Yes of course. But it cant be banned about as a excuse either iykwim. My son is like this with the dishwasher. Sensory issues all very real. But one day he has to tackle it to "adult" as no one can wash up for him.

Hi OP. I did a journalism degree. Really it was a bit of a waste of time - I could write ok but I lacked confidence to do internships and I coasted through the 3 years. However I had a great time! I made amazing friends that I am close with 10 years later, I gained confidence and independence. Out of my friends on my course we went into marketing, events, shoot production, PR, copywriting. I do sometimes think back and wish I had studied something different but the grass is always greener and there is no way of knowing what I might have ended up doing.

If she lacks confidence, then that’s something she can improve. You can change being shy, it’s not a death sentence

”I feel bad telling her she has to work because currently I’m not working myself, I am a carer for her sister who is more severely autistic, I am studying at home myself trying to improve my own job prospects whilst juggling both DD’s.”

If you are not working presumably that is because you are entitled to certain benefits relating to being a carer. What is DD proposing to live on if she doesn’t get the job of her dreams? Surely not your benefits? I don’t think those are intended to support adult children, and presumably if you’re reliant on those and not working, you are living on a low budget and not able to subsidise?

@flowery

”I feel bad telling her she has to work because currently I’m not working myself, I am a carer for her sister who is more severely autistic, I am studying at home myself trying to improve my own job prospects whilst juggling both DD’s.”

If you are not working presumably that is because you are entitled to certain benefits relating to being a carer. What is DD proposing to live on if she doesn’t get the job of her dreams? Surely not your benefits? I don’t think those are intended to support adult children, and presumably if you’re reliant on those and not working, you are living on a low budget and not able to subsidise?

Yes, I get carers allowance. Dd does get higher rate PIP so she does have money available to her and a mobility car, this means she could possibly get away with working part time on her gap year, obviously she couldn’t live off PIP alone.

Is she declaring her issues on her application, applying for DSA? It might mean they give her some tolerance on entry grades.

@RestingPandaFace

I do think that the top ranked uni / RG uni thing is all a bit of a red herring. As an employer I’ve never prioritised an applicant based on where their degree is from (and I must have have recruited getting on for 500 grads) over the years.

I am sure that there are niches like the big 4 consulting firms and city law firms where it matters but I just don’t think it factors into the calculation for most employers.

I’d put passion for the role, work or volunteering experience and confidence over choice of uni every time.

It’s not just the name though - it’s the career service and employment connections. In theory yes, a self motivated student could look for opportunities and apply online like everyone else, reach out to people on LinkedIn etc. But there are more likely to be niche recruiters at elite universities. I’ve been to many recruiting fairs for my employers (who go to a larger than usual spread of career fairs) and there’s a clear difference in the variety of people. Ex-polytechnics for example have very good industry links with local employers, and in the specialist subject they’re known for (e.g aerodynamic engineering) but not much else. Students studying generic subjects like History for example won’t have access to as many resources as their RG uni peers.

Again very dependent on the subject and the unis reputation. Ravensbourne is last in rankings but THE university for media production so if you go somewhere like that RG/non-RG is irrelevant.

She should apply for the Guardian positive action scheme, but she’ll need to have demonstrated commitment to journalism before that and will have to go to their office near Kings Cross in London - it’s unpaid (2 week scheme) but iirc they pay travel expenses.

God help her when she's actually graduated then. As it's bloody hard to get into decent jobs with a degree let alone without one. I think you really need to let her learn from this. So don't let her just live off you but let her find her own way and probably find out she's not going to walk into a job with no experience. It will be a valuable life lesson whithout actually causing her much of a real challenge or set back overall.

@TuftyMarmoset like many internships and work experience schemes that one has been put on hold.

If she lacks confidence and has mobility problems, etc, isn't a highly competitive field where you constantly have to market yourself on a freelance basis and interview people, etc, an unlikely career for her?

She won't get into Oxbridge with 3As. She'd need at least one A*.
Have you considered sending her abroad to do a language course or a course run in English, or to do some volunteering? It would be a challenge and she'd learn a language.

But if money is an issue, she'd probably be looking at volunteering. In your place, I'd probably recommend a mix of things, to help her develop skills and gain maturity. Eg, a few months volunteering abroad, a few months at home doing a basic job and learning to drive.

On my gap year, my jobs included secretarial temping, agency waitressing and being a barmaid. There is no way any local paper or magazine is going to take her own without a cuttings file and evidence of her work being published, even if it's the school newspaper.

Going abroad with mobility difficulties is surely a step too far? Not any advantage in this case.

Very many journalists have general degrees and then a further degree/qualification in journalism. To get started they did school magazine, blogs, wrote about interests, got published in local journals and community magazines etc. I think a DC who isn’t into any of this isn’t really understanding how to get ahead in this career or be employable.

Many journalists earn around £10,000 a year. It’s hugely difficult now because anyone can publish anything - for free.

Therefore I would go for the best English degree she can. But if she’s politically active, get blogging. Find a niche interest and get going. There are niche political journals that she could submit to. As a young person they might be interested but she needs to be accurate in what she writes. She needs to meet people who are honest and realistic about this career because it’s poorly paid and ludicrously competitive. I’m sensing she thinks she’s better than she is!

@SecondRateFrog

She won't get into Oxbridge with 3As. She'd need at least one A*. Have you considered sending her abroad to do a language course or a course run in English, or to do some volunteering? It would be a challenge and she'd learn a language.

I think she’s ruled out Oxford, she did get a A* in computing in her end of year, the A,A,C should be the minimum she gets. She has considered Germany but I haven’t heard her mention it for a while.

I wouldn’t say she thinks she’s better than she is as such, she has good writing skills and has done since very young, her teachers have always praised everything she does and her current teacher says she has some of the best writing skills they have seen. It’s just she lacks the confidence needed to get herself out there, to put herself forward for things and she can be lazy so just “doesn’t get around to doing things”. She’s saying she will start blogging, she’s currently doing podcasts through school and she’s a member of the ‘debating team’ at school. School are trying to get her to talk more (public talking), she lacks the confidence with this because she has some speech issues (a lisp) due to issues with her jaw. She has been bullied nonstop since she started school so her confidence is pretty low 🙁.

I do think a journalist has to be confident. So perhaps LAMDA might help? I just think writing at school and being praised by teachers isn’t enough. Lots of DC fall into this category so it’s not very special. Hence my earlier comment as she does not seem to understand the extra that’s needed. It’s going above and beyond that will count and get noticed . Why not contact your local community magazine or even parish magazine? Start writing for them as a young person. They won’t want politics but they might want to know about other things regarding her life and opinions. Also start researching topics. Many journalists need to do this as opinion is often backed up by research.

Oh that’s a shame @LIZS, hopefully they can reinstate it soon. I did it while I was at university and it was a great experience. I didn’t become a journalist but my job does involve a lot of writing.

I also back up the suggestions about doing a general degree at a better university over doing a journalism degree. My sample will be biased as the university I went to didn’t offer journalism but I know several people who are now journalists or write for magazines and they studied English, history, theology, languages etc but wrote for/edited student newspapers which I think was the most useful thing in kickstarting their careers.

Has she tried to get work experience at the local newspaper/parish newsletter/radio station etc OP? If she’s interested in fashion she could contribute to collegefashion.net (American but Brits have contributed before) or equivalent for other topics.

I agree with Tufty. Also if she can get into Exeter that will help with many of the better paid careers in case she has a change of mind. It sounds like she has put in hi UCAS applicatio and is taking a gap year for 2022/23 and starting in 2023 so she will definitely be having the gap year.

@Lovemusic33

I wouldn’t say she thinks she’s better than she is as such, she has good writing skills and has done since very young, her teachers have always praised everything she does and her current teacher says she has some of the best writing skills they have seen. It’s just she lacks the confidence needed to get herself out there, to put herself forward for things and she can be lazy so just “doesn’t get around to doing things”. She’s saying she will start blogging, she’s currently doing podcasts through school and she’s a member of the ‘debating team’ at school. School are trying to get her to talk more (public talking), she lacks the confidence with this because she has some speech issues (a lisp) due to issues with her jaw. She has been bullied nonstop since she started school so her confidence is pretty low 🙁.

Good writing abilities are not only very common but also not the biggest part of being a professional. There's always a couple in every class. It's like thinking good grades alone will get you into Oxbridge when it's actually just the bare minimum.

You need the ability to tell a story creatively, motivation, a marketing angle, self determination. It's not just about confidence but the sheer hunger to succeed that gets you writing as much as possible, having a list of writing competitions/journals and sending out lots of your work. You don't need 'confidence' to do this as it's just you and your computer. It's her motivation and laziness that's an issue (and yes, I appreciate it's not as simple as laziness, as I have ADHD and also tend to not get around to doing things).

I was also always praised for my writing skills . I won many competitions as a teenager/young adult. I am now making a name for myself as a subject matter expert writer (I'm a software engineer). My father was a newspaper journalist for a short time.
So I'm not the kind of 'journalist' your daughter aspires to be but I still write. In fact I used to like writing short stories, poetry etc as a child but could never be bothered with the level of competition there despite being published in newspapers etc. Hence why I chose this path.

If just writing is what your daughter likes she can as pp have mentioned get a degree in something else and then become a writer in that. Technical writers etc make a good living.