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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Durham University

999 replies

KingscoteStaff · 18/09/2021 06:46

The continuation thread for those with DC at Durham, or applying to Durham, or alumni, or staff!

September 2021 finds us packing, unpacking, meeting old friends and new, and all with our fingers firmly crossed for a positive year!

OP posts:

Thread gallery

321zyx · 27/09/2021 20:22

@Gizmo98765 given that the goal posts changed so much this year I really wouldn't get hung up on college choice - they do really all get stuck in regardless of previous school/experience. DS (current Fresher) was allocated to a Bailey college (a small one near St Chad's) with mainly single rooms - he then spent 6 months on social media meeting his new college mates..........due to Durham over offering many of the 2021 cohort were subsequently reallocated (after A level results) to a different college (some off campus!). DS arrived in Durham yesterday to a reallocated Hill college and is in a shared room ......c'est la vie......

SpamhappyTootsie · 27/09/2021 20:30

Also Northern and state school here. DS really felt like Durham was a good fit for him and it was his first choice. Preferred Butler as more modern and best chance of single room, ensuite.
All the colleges seem to have slightly different personalities as well as facilities, so it depends on where you think you would feel most at home. I wouldn’t rule out any of them as exclusively for brash, privately educated students tbh.

Parsonage63 · 27/09/2021 20:42

@MidLifeCrisis007

I've tried pet picture emotional blackmail. No impact.

DS has sent one WhatsApp in his first 48 hours and that was about Fantasy Football not life at Durham. Sigh.

I think his maintenance loan gets deposited into his account today so he'll probably be on Amazon looking for bike accessories/clothing to waste it all on.

This made me laugh. My DC might respond to pet picture but holding out for awhile. Loved the comment about fantasy football. With my luck I will get something similar about a play station game when I finally resort to pet picture!

Longtimenewsee · 27/09/2021 20:42

Dd is northern and state school educated and is in a Bailey college. So far she says she’s met people from all over the place and from very varied backgrounds. I really think colleges are much more mixed up now ( and possibly even more so this year!)

ProggyMat · 27/09/2021 20:45

Now, then @Gizmo98765 my lass is also from the North and is fiercely proud of it- down to earth and gets on with all folk!
There aren’t any State Grammar Schools around these parts though? DD is applying to Unis ‘down South’ - apart from one ‘over the border’- but given how she is, she ain’t fretting owa folk she’d be sharing a college with and I don’t think your DS should either at Durham.

Gizmo98765 · 27/09/2021 21:03

Thanks all.

He’s busy with homework as doing 4 A levels and finalising his personal statement so I have been researching colleges.

Baytreemum · 27/09/2021 21:33

@PaulaMoM maybe you could encourage your DS to go and ask one of the freps how to get involved with football - I’m sure Mildert will have teams and kick-abouts. Also the late night tea and toast sessions if they have them are quite chill and relaxed - maybe a bit easier to meet a few people? At Hatfield the welfare team run nightly drop-ins and are really kind and supportive and know how hard it is in the first week - probably they have something similar at Mildert? Encourage him to look in the freshers handbook and maybe help him to get connected to college instagram. Also his department should get them involved soon and then it all seems a bit more purposeful. A nap definitely will help as he’s probably exhausted- it’s pretty noisy in college- and walking into town and buying some snacks in tesco is also a good way of starting to feel you belong. Also freshers’ fair is starting soon and he can join new teams and societies there. My DD’s a 3rd year now and she’ll be on a stand at the fair on Weds, so it’s definitely on then. Maybe you could go through the list of societies with him in advance and help him choose something familiar and then something new to try?

MargaretThursday · 27/09/2021 21:34

I asked dd once (she's now third year) whether she'd found lots of public school/private school people at Durham (she's state comp) and she looked blank and said she hadn't got a clue which schools people came from. She normally picks up info like that if it's being talked about (much more a listener than a talker) so I presume from that in her groups it was never talked about.
She's at Butler too btw. Her reasons for picking it was:

Very unlikely to share a room (she would have hugely struggled with that as she needs her own space)
Self catering (she's not a big eater and a bit fussy, she couldn't see herself wanting to eat breakfast nor lunch most of the time in college, so catered would have been a big waste of money)
The flat system (she's not very sociable and knows it, and felt that having 6 people was a nice number to get to know without feeling pressurised)

NCTDN · 27/09/2021 21:38

On the tour, I asked about private school percentages. Apparently there was 36% from private schools last year.

TheSilveryPussycat · 27/09/2021 22:27

Hello again. It is 51 years since I came to Durham University (not uni )

The first week me and my room-mate (Aidan's Maidens as colleges were single sex) got quite pissed. Several times.

I'm still here

One thing I thought might be useful to point out - in my first term I found it hard to get used to the shorter day lengths compared to London. By the end of term it is quite dark by around 4pm. I guess it was a form of Seasonal Affective Disorder.

321zyx · 27/09/2021 22:40

@TheSilveryPussycat ,

par05 · 28/09/2021 08:09

@MargaretThursday that's pretty similar to the reasons my dd choose butler too, self catered as not a big eater, pretty much guaranteed a single room too and only 6 per flat! She's enjoying so far, choosing the quieter options like tea and toast and watching bake off tonight, had a few wobbles but on the whole ok, waiting for her lectures to start.

MargaretThursday · 28/09/2021 08:12

@par05
If she likes BakeOff there's a baking society in Butler that meets once a week. DD loved it when she was in halls. They were a friendly bunch and you got cake!

Vargas · 28/09/2021 10:06

@Gizmo98765 My ds chose Hill as first choice, got moved to a Bailey and then back to a Hill college. I don't think the colleges have a set 'flavour' anymore so probs best to choose one that you like the look of. Most important factors are probably location, catered or not, room sharing or not.

DS's room at Van Mildert is tiny with just a sink, but he is not sharing which he's happy with. I think the extra space around the college will suit him, as he likes a kickabout with a football. It will be interesting to see how he feels about the 'commute' to lectures and sports fields...

Longtimenewsee · 28/09/2021 14:24

How is everyone’s dc getting on so far? I hope those having a wobble have had an easier time in the last 24 hours
Radio silence has been broken here and I have heard from dd. All ok so far

PaulaMoM · 28/09/2021 14:27

[quote Baytreemum]@PaulaMoM maybe you could encourage your DS to go and ask one of the freps how to get involved with football - I’m sure Mildert will have teams and kick-abouts. Also the late night tea and toast sessions if they have them are quite chill and relaxed - maybe a bit easier to meet a few people? At Hatfield the welfare team run nightly drop-ins and are really kind and supportive and know how hard it is in the first week - probably they have something similar at Mildert? Encourage him to look in the freshers handbook and maybe help him to get connected to college instagram. Also his department should get them involved soon and then it all seems a bit more purposeful. A nap definitely will help as he’s probably exhausted- it’s pretty noisy in college- and walking into town and buying some snacks in tesco is also a good way of starting to feel you belong. Also freshers’ fair is starting soon and he can join new teams and societies there. My DD’s a 3rd year now and she’ll be on a stand at the fair on Weds, so it’s definitely on then. Maybe you could go through the list of societies with him in advance and help him choose something familiar and then something new to try?[/quote]
@baytreemum I'll try that, thank you

SpamhappyTootsie · 28/09/2021 14:46

@Longtimenewsee

How is everyone’s dc getting on so far? I hope those having a wobble have had an easier time in the last 24 hours Radio silence has been broken here and I have heard from dd. All ok so far

Seems ok, going off the WhatsApp messages. I am avoiding the Big Questions, like “have you sorted out a Weekly Shop?” and “ have you found the laundry room?” as they will be seen as Mithering

I’m coming down with a post-Uni-drop-off stress cold 🥶. I will book a PCR test of course, but it’s basically just my immune system flailing madly under all the worry and caving in.

Meery · 28/09/2021 15:00

Well we were doing ok until I received a WhatsApp last night full of everything going wrong from hating room, fancy dress not working, not having the textbooks....since then radio silence which I am taking as a good sign.

SpamhappyTootsie · 28/09/2021 15:10

Aaargh, why do they do that, Meery? They know we can’t just go up and tap on their bedroom door and see if we can help.
But then, I was exactly the same. Dramatic phone call then silence………

wewereliars · 28/09/2021 15:51

My son at Milderts, just rang him. He was asleep!

He's having a good time, I think. Not too keen on the food!

Original poster

KingscoteStaff · 28/09/2021 16:26

But I remember doing that! Offload all worries onto parental shoulders and then skip off as light as air leaving them bowed over with stress!

OP posts:

chopc · 28/09/2021 18:46

@PaulaMoM my DS was happy for me to pass on his number. If you still like to put your DS in contact then send me a pm. He said there were other F1 fans as well

TheSilveryPussycat · 28/09/2021 19:00

There were a couple of payphones on corridor walls. The etiquette was, if it was ringing and you were passing, you answered it. And then went to find the person wanted on the phone.

So not a lot of phone contact, and no mother-henning . I did write letters home fairly often, though.

PickAChew · 28/09/2021 19:15

Supermarket shop shouldn't be an issue. Some of the staff at the tesco metro on silver Street genuinely look forward to this time of year, even if it's mayhem for a few weeks.

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 28/09/2021 19:41

Ds is communicating by texting, does not want to talk or facetime as he feels it will be too hard. They were at Klute last night, he said he feared for his safety as it was so crowded that when everyone jumped you feared an elbow to the face

He is glad he has experienced it but I don't think he will be in a rush to go back. He has said he is looking forward to starting actual work, the routine of the timetable.

His flat is half girls half boys, they seem to be a mix of from everywhere. Ds is Yorkshire and proud and from a state school. He is in South college which he chose purely on least likely to share then en-suite.

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