Another path - now we have a map

[chopc]

Chopc - Durham-History
@jano69 -Durham -History
@OnTheBenchOfDoom -Durham - Natural Sciences
@Majaso12 -Imperial - don't know subject
@bendmeoverbackwards -Bristol- History
@Pumpkintopf -Imperial/Cambridge -Natural Sciences
@ChimneyPot -Brown (US) - ? Subject
@Stillcrikey -Bristol -MML
@Tenpastseven - Bristol -also modern languages?
@Longtimenewsee - Durham - Chemistry?
@MidLifeCrisis007 - Durham -History
@BigWoollyJumpers - Exeter- History
@SeasonFinale -Bristol- History

@bendmeoverbackwards The JL does look better and it is neater.

Oh no @chopc has the taxi company managed to locate your DS's phone?

Apparently there were loads of taxis outside and he was put into one of them ..... so no idea which company. He will call all the cab companies tomorrow.

Natural instinct is to step in. But we replaced his phone last year after he went in the sea with it in his back pocket (🤦🏽‍♀️) so I need to sit back and let him sort it out

Feel in desperate need of a bit of gentle support from you lovely people.
Not sure how well I can write this evening but will try.
We did Edinburgh drop off today.
It has been a difficult few weeks and have only just caught up on the thread.
I fractured my humerus falling off my bike ( dominant arm ) been really painful ( and I’m made of pretty strong stuff ) also not allowed to drive for 8 weeks.
Managed family holiday in Scotland , was also difficult in part.
DS is dyslexic and we are increasingly aware is incapable of personal admin /organisation. We had a bad episode of unread emails including not having uploaded to uni GCSE Eng lang cert ,which he then could not find. Lots of stress/distress and then fortunately finally found. Also found out by fluke from a friend of my other daughter that he had to do an online maths assessment ( with a deadline a few hours from finding out )
We have been talking/asking him for weeks to sort his room out but then ended up very much last minute, what I found having finally gone in on last night pre departure I just cant write about and he was upset/stressed . With little sleep for anyone we got the washing done/ black rubbish bags filled and sorted to the point of being able to leave.
He is questioning his identity in many ways.
Fortunately I had done the collecting buying of items needed which I had stockpiled downstairs. This is my 3rd child leaving for uni and has been so much more difficult with issues relating to him. Empty nest thing is way down the list of worries.
Questioning everything ,including my parenting skills , working mothers guilt , hands off approach to 3 rd child , treating his dyslexia with a light touch etc etc
Had his and his sisters stuff in the car ( she is also edi student going into 5th year )
Journey fine and a familiar one , DS very tired.
Flat of 10 , room smaller than imagined. Pleased he was able to allow me and his sister to set it up for him ( if we hadn’t he wouldn’t have managed or done it ) Shared space in kitchen very good. Only 3 or so others had arrived by the time we left.
We stood outside waiting for ages with full car as he got caught up in an accomm tour without letting us know. Did allow me to watch a bit of the arrivals , cars/packing techniques etc
So what have I learnt tips wise from 3
IKEA blue bags invaluable
Door wedge
Box of home made brownies a good ice breaker
coat hangers
Print out some family photos
Drawing pins
Let the individual child ( mini adult ) take the lead on how much they want from you on the day ( unpacking/brunch/lunch/time /goodbyes )

DS has a list of tasks including trying to register with student disability services for assessment, really hope he will complete the list.

I’m really worried about him.
Worst thing is he does not ask for help early enough.
Quite a few red flags

I’m emotionally exhausted but will recover I hope.

Good luck to all of you who have been through drop off and to those still preparing.

@olliepolly I think you need a very big hug and possibly a very large glass of wine too.

I hope your DS settles into uni life and manages to access the help he needs with the admin side. At least you have a heads up from your DD as to what might crop up at uni so you can support your DS.

Finally I hope you are on the mend very soon and if you can't enjoy a glass of wine perhaps substitute with chocolate.

@olliepolly. Sorry you’ve had a such stressful time of it . I hope your break heals well too. You poor thing!
I hope you lad manages to settle in ok despite the difficult run up to his move there. It sounds like such a stressful day.
I hope he manages to register for help.. my oldest had a lot of help from student disability services. Might be worth calling them up yourself to find out the process for assessment? If you can relay it to him, perhaps he will go? My eldest ( with asd) was assessed in the summer before he went to uni and had a mentor assigned who helped enormously.

Oh @olliepolly hugs from me too.

My youngest child is diagnosed with autism and she is PDA too. I know how hard it is to have a child with any additional needs and how it consumes you. Feel free to PM me if you like.

@olliepolly offering a handhold and gentle support. Sounds like you’ve had an incredibly stressful time, and that your DS is fortunate to have such a caring and loving family around him.

Has your DS been assessed for support through DSA? The welfare teams may be offer weekly support for the life admin that he’s currently struggling with. Perhaps counselling would help with some of the other issues and red flags.

@olliepolly so sorry to hear of your hard time. I can imagine it is trickier for you than most "letting go".

How far are you from Edinburgh?

Also can he claim DSA? I don't know too much about it but I know one of my friend's sons need it to be able to access the additional help he needs at Uni.

Hope your arm heals well and you probably need a mental break too. Be kind to yourself and just "be" for a little while

Oh @olliepolly, that all sounds a bit overwhelming. Sending hugs. I’ve DM’d you.

@olliepolly that sounds very stressful for all of you.
I also have a DS with special needs ASD/ADHD/Dyspraxia/Dyslexia and a few other letters.
He is still in primary school but I find it hard to let him cross a road on his own I can’t imagine having to hope he copes with important life admin matters.

@olliepolly that sounds tough - I fell off my bike a few years back and broke my jaw and know how much it can shake you.... hope you're on the way to a full recovery soon. So sorry to hear the Edinburgh drop off was hard going, it sounds both emotionally and physically exhausting. I hope you get some sleep and tomorrow is a better day.

@olliepolly Has he had a DSA assessment. Through my son's he has received funding for a mentor an hour a week. My older stepson had this too and they would help with organisation matters including requesting deadlines (allowed if requested) and helping listvwhat needed to be done by when. DSD said this was almost more helpful than anybody the dyslexia software provided. I think for dyslexia the only thing disability services at the uni can agree is extra time.

Thank you all, reading your posts made me weepy but in a good way.
Did get a little more sleep last night which always helps and today is a new day.

Olliepolly - wow, you have had such a hard time, my heart goes out to you and your ds. Really hope you heal quickly, and your ds settles in well. Many thanks for the helpful list of things to pack.

Also thinking of the empty nesters, my youngest is 13 and I cannot even imagine what state I will be in when she leaves! Helpfully, ds has decided to be a bit annoying in order to ease the transition to Uni in a couple of weeks . He also has a stinking cold so I will not miss the sniffing and coughing (Covid test negative).

Good luck to all those preparing for Bristol at the weekend, and I hope all the Durham group get the required info ASAP. I have had a problem filling out the finance form, but I've sent them an email and I reckon this is one area where they will be keen to help quickly . Our spare room is piled high with stuff. DH is wondering if ds needs a rug but ds is not really one for creature comforts so I am thinking we won't bother. I have bought him a mattress topper as a friend with a Durham 2nd year said this was a good idea. Tomorrow I am going to drag ds out shopping for stationery as I'm not sure he even has a pen at the moment! They will cope on their own once they get there right?!?!

@Vargas- let’s hope so! Dd is very organised but not quite where she would have been in terms of experience had covid not come along.
Has anyone’s Dc taken / going to take their own printer? Ds bought one and took it along to uni and he used it a lot but that was 6 years ago. Do they even need printers anymore? Dd used home printer quite a lot during lockdown online schooling but I’m not sure she really needed to or if it was just convenience. I guess it might depend on room size too- Ds had a large modern ensuite whereas I’m not sure about dd yet.

DS does have a printer as it is one of the things supplied by DSA after assessment. However that is because his dyslexia means he finds it easier to proof read or annotate hard copies than on screen. They are so light and cheap these days that you may want to see how it goes but safe in the knowledge one can be there next day by the wonders of Amazon.

Not planning to send a printer.

DD1 didn't have a printer 6 years ago, and therefore we never really thought about it for DD2. So, no printer. Didn't see anyone else with one either.

@olliepolly - Goodness me, what a time you have had. I hope everything starts to get better for you and that your DS settles in well. It must help that your DD is there too, just in case.

DD has a printer, like @SeasonFinale it’s been provided by DSA for dyslexia.
But we would
Probably have got her one anyway as she prefers to work from a hard copy and add highlighters etc

Thanks all..Yes .. ds’s printer ( and ink) came with his dsa assessment.
But Dd also quite likes hard copy and highlighters ( as do I!) and she does use mine quite a bit. Something to think on.. can always order to her term address if she needs one

Thanks all for supportive comments, mumsnet at its best.
We are 2.5/3 hours from Edinburgh and at the moment I am relieved he did not end up further away.
DD1 being there is good though she gave me a hard time about it ( she is a little selfish ) I’m not asking her to parent him but just be a supportive big sister and there if he needs her. Interestingly he gets on better with his other sister who is in Bristol.
So DP has had txt saying he had been able to fill in a referral to student disability services ( whew )

Well DD seems to getting on well. Got extra stuff for her room that was missing, gone to town for weekly food shop, attending various freshers events. I am so proud of her, she is very socially anxious, and she is doing so well. A couple of years ago she couldn't even go into a shop to buy something without panicking, or on public transport. She worked on it, and over time, now copes pretty well. It's fab. I love that she is getting so independent and facing life's challenges.

First challenge, cutting her finger on her new sharp knife whilst washing up!! Welcome to the world of the cook, cut fingers and burnt hands .

That's so pleasing to hear @BigWoollyJumpers

That sounds like a good a start to uni as any @BigWoollyJumpers. Good on her

Well done to her @BigWoollyJumpers I totally understand having a dd who also struggles to cope with talking to people and lots of other things. She’s 14, I know they change a lot in 4 years.

You must be so relieved it’s all going well.