Cambridge and Oxford - ongoing chat for those with a student currently studying there

[DadDadDad]

Some of us have found these threads helpful, so I'm starting a new one to take us through

...end-of-year exams (and parties)

...homecoming for the vacation (and hibernation aestivation for this thread?)

...return in the autumn (and more normal college life?)

Posters old and new welcome to join the discussion. Any tips for finding a summer job?

Oh, and for reference, I have a DS just completing his first year in a small humanity in a tiny college.

I remember when my first two went to sixth form, the time passed in the blink of an eye. I hadn’t twigged that the same was likely for their degrees. Agh!

@DadDadDadI hadn’t heard of that Cambridge chucking out of degree results. Very dramatic!

That so true @pantjog, so actually that’s five years that have gone by in a flash.

@goodbyestranger are you staying locally or moving "up-country"? If DH hadn't got a new job, I would definitely want to return to my home city. DD1 would be happy there; I'm less sure about DD2.

I agree about the time whizzing by, I saw some photos the other day of when we dropped off fresher DD1 in 2017. It seems like it was last weekend!

I don't think the time will have whizzed by so fast for the youngsters. They have done so much learning, had new experiences and formed friendships in these years. The other day DH referred to something or other, maybe to do with A levels and said 'that was only 6 years ago' ... DD pointed out that's more than a quarter of her life.

I think you are right Errol. I think perception of time must be very different for them.

One thing I will be glad that is done at the end of it all is exams. I had a bit of a chat with dd today. She was obviously very focused on them and I became aware I was using up precious revision time. She's happy enough, but afterwards I ended up with a bad case of sympathy jitters and had to do some relaxation exercises of my own. I keep reminding myself that they aren't my exams! and I don't want to accidentally put pressure on her. I just want her to be happy whatever happens.

Hello all, checking into the new thread - thanks Dx3.

I have an Oxford fresher DS, who seems blissfully happy. Hopefully he has managed to tear himself away from rugby and new friends for long enough to prepare properly for his imminent exams. It must be hard for them though: finally they are able to have some sort of normality, it's beautiful weather and they should all be inside revising!

You will be pleased to know DD with her no exams course won't be disturbing the revision going on in Oxf... she is isolating for 7 days. as her Boyf... the mucky pups.

She is confined to her room - the college are delivering her dinner which she can order on line & have given her a fridge so she can keep her milk and beers cold. I am not sure how she is going go to the bathroom which is 4 floors below.

as her Boyf = as is her Boyf.

My DS (C) hasnt heard yet about second year accommodation. Have your DC all heard?

Room ballot results tomorrow for my C fresher's college.

Don't worry unescorted. She's not alone. One of the crews for this week's Torpids has had 3 members put into SI today. DD was asked to move up a boat, but has thankfully turned the opportunity down, just in case any more are told to SI. Her exams are in a fortnight and she needs to go to the library.

@Cliff1975 DS's college held their accommodation ballot at the end of Lent term. His name was one of the first dozen to be drawn, so he had a lot of choice (next year it will be reversed, and he'll get whatever is left). He knows which room he has been allocated, and thinks that two friends might have been allocated to rooms in the same staircase.

How irritating for her Unescorted

I guess it keeps her out of trouble. Her liver will be thankful.

DD had her room ballot a few weeks ago - she and a couple of her friends were high up the ballot & got to choose enough rooms in the block to put everyone else off. They get a proper kitchen so have a secondary ballot to decide who brings what to kit it out & stock the store cupboard.

Sorry to hear your DD is having to go into isolation again Unescorted. Awful timing and I hope she gets out soon.

DS2 (O) is really really happy following his college ballot and has got his favourite accommodation for next year, surrounded by friends and with an en suite! He's had several more lovely, well-organised college events that have given everyone more opportunities to meet more people and his college bar is also open now and busy! He's working hard for his four 3 hour exams coming up but is really enjoying everything.

DS1(C) really has drawn the short straw by comparison. His college bar is still not open. Why? There's no place for student to hang out informally and just meet others.

His 'Matriculation' at the start of the first term was sitting in a marquee watching the Principal 'on screen' and sipping half a plastic cup of cheap wine, along with a few other first years who all turned up in tracksuits and hoodies. He'd put on his suit for the (non) event but then of course felt embarrassed as everyone else deliberately dressed down. This was such a contrast to DS2's (O) Matriculation in full subfusc and a sense of an 'occasion' even in restricted times. The difference between their colleges is almost laughably extreme!

DS1 has asked again various people if they'd like to book a college Formal and no one wants to, although his college is now doing them. He's still been unable to meet anyone new at all as people seem to have formed connections mostly just with their households and otherwise are not really out of their rooms most of the time.

The JCR organised one recent event, which I won't disclose, for fear of identifying his college - but I have to say it was abysmally pathetically juvenile and simplistic and he doesn't think any or many went to it. Although he'd be open to opportunities to meet others, this event was just way out there in lacking in appeal!

Someone up thread mentioned their DD inviting people out for coffees, walks etc and DS1 has tried but no one he knows would even countenance this kind of thing. They just seem to want to sit in their rooms all the time. He's 'hungry' for like-minded company, just some interesting conversations and people who want to do things and get out there. He did have a great evening with some second year friends of his old school friend but he really needs some first year friends who are on his wavelength.

So he's making the best of it but he really could be at just about any university at all. He's craving more intellectual stimulation and social contact, which so far his college and his Cambridge experience hasn't really provided and I remain stunned by the limits of his experience compared to DS2's at Oxford.

Hi, @mutterphore I am really sorry to hear that your DS1 time has not improved. I can't believe that the colleges vary so wildly in their approaches.

Has he thought of joining more societies next year maybe or the running club?

Sorry posted too soon.

I am sure when things are hopefully back to normal next term he will be able to interact more with students on his course from other colleges and will meet more people this way.

Lovecats, DS1 has joined quite a few societies - and has some particular roles in a few of them - but the majority haven't met in person and this term, haven't happened at all, as people have exams.

He'd met a few much more like-minded people via these connections outside of his college, in the first term but then with the second term being at home, things didn't really keep going for those societies. He's tried to set up some get-togethers for one particular one but no one's been free to meet. He has online interaction related to two others but again, nothing in person, unlike DS2 where all his activities and societies not only happen in person but have also had social events connected to them too.

He does have plans to continue those societies and add some more as he's very keen to make more connections and friends. He does get on very well with a group from his household/corridor and has always been very good at making friends with everyone. It's just that he has little really in common with them. They're nice to hang out with but I suppose a main thing is he's an 'arts and humanities guy' and all of them are engineers. They also have a lot more work on than he does and they don't really want to try traditional, 'Oxbridge' things in the same way he does.

DS2 has had various social get-togethers and events for his subject at Oxford - but no one seems remotely interested in doing anything similar for DS1's subject at Cambridge. He had a mixed-college 'class' earlier in the term and was really excited that he might meet others from his subject at last who aren't at his college - but the supervisor would only do Zoom sessions. So that was another missed opportunity.

He's not even sure he'll have any 'out of college' supervisions for the whole time he's at Cambridge! The one and only subject cohort get-together at the end of his first term was apparently a very damp squib event in the marquee, with people sitting around, socially distanced, no one talking and the DOS not very good either at eliciting conversation. Nothing's happening for this term, not even a subject Formal.

DS2's college family have been and still are absolutely brilliant at hosting on-going social events and contact for their college family and have continued to be so. By contrast, yet again, DS1's college parents did one trip out in the first term that DS1 found rather awkward as the only male there and that's been the last contact they've had with their college 'children'.

I'm sure there are like-minded people in his own college but he's got no opportunity to meet them or anyone new there now. He's still happy and I suppose if he had nothing to compare with his own experience, he'd be OK - just slightly disappointed but when he hears about the brilliant time DS2 is having at Oxford, the contrast is stark.

mutterphore thankfully your ds1 is still happy. If must be hard as the contrast is, as you say extreme.
My ds is one of the students that spent most of the time in his room, when he was there. I had visions of him finding his tribe at university in a way he never has at school but it was/or is not yet to be. He very simply says that the Oxbridge 'experience' is not what he is at Oxford for and it is not important, the work is what he is there for. I have found this difficult and sad in equal measure but he seems relatively happy . There is still time and hopefully there will be time for your ds1 too. If not I will be sending the daughter of a friend who is enjoying the full Oxford experience to hunt him down (just joking ds)

HuaShan, unfortunately, DS1 is at Cambridge not Oxford, otherwise the daughter of your friend could happily hunt him down!

I hope your DS finds a better balance to life, although his commitment to work clearly pays off very well - but maybe he could try to relax a little bit too and hopefully meet some people next year. He sounds like one of those people who love their work so much that it may be his life's focus but could possibly be moderated a little by some social time too, especially if it were over a shared interest.

If HuaShans ds is like my dd, then maths is mostly a solo vocation. dd does like talking to people, but I've had to learn that it is utterly ok that she is most content when allowed to just be in the universe she's created in her head. I hope that doesn't sound pretentious.

Sorry to hear about your DD @Unescorted. What a bummer at this stage of the academic year.

@mutterphore, I really do feel for your DS1. Even my DS's (very cautious) college has now opened the bar, and even my fairly casual DS has been delighted to get dressed up in jacket and tie and gown for various formal halls although I can top your matriculation story. DS did his alone, in his room, online so he didn't even get a plastic glass of plonk! And his groups of friends (mixture of subjects) are definitely getting out and about, going swimming in Grantchester, having barbeques, etc. Your poor DS has been extremely unlucky. But it's great that he can remain fairly sanguine about it.

I think one of the hardest things for the students themselves, and their parents is that reality hasn't matched up to expectations in some cases. This has definitely been true for my DS whose experience overall has been pretty grotty, despite the recent improvement in his social life if not his work life. It's pretty crushing when you think you've won the jackpot and the reality is very different.

I fervently hope that things will be back to normal by October, but who knows.

PantJog & Mutter It is working out really well for her in terms of timing. She has finished for the year but all of her non course friends are revising. It means she is not rattling about getting bored and annoying her friends. She has collected all the log ins for streaming services & is catching up on her TV viewing and sleep. Her porters have been really helpful making several drop offs yesterday - fridge, microwave, materials, wine, food and online shopping goodies. Her top tip for isolation is be nice to the porters - if they are on your side it is a lot easier.

@Unescorted - you make it sound like a test cure!

I can report that DS1 is very wound up. First exam is tomorrow and it's in 'real life'. He is going to wear his gown and has the correct carnation. But he'd rather have an open book exam in his room.

He is grumbling about it being hard. I'm tempted to say 'what did you expect?' but am keeping that thought to myself. Heading out to send him a Greggs card as coffee and doughnuts will ease the pain.

She is very sanguine about it.

The exams sound horrendous - I know DD would not have been able to cope with the intensity and randomness.