Cambridge and Oxford - ongoing chat for those with a student currently studying there

[DadDadDad]

Some of us have found these threads helpful, so I'm starting a new one to take us through

...end-of-year exams (and parties)

...homecoming for the vacation (and hibernation aestivation for this thread?)

...return in the autumn (and more normal college life?)

Posters old and new welcome to join the discussion. Any tips for finding a summer job?

Oh, and for reference, I have a DS just completing his first year in a small humanity in a tiny college.

Interesting to hear these stories about ADHD. DS1 (currently in lower sixth) is considering applying to C for medicine. He is concerned that having ADHD may impact his chances.

Does anyone have any experience/advice? Did your son/daughter declare a disability in the application? If so was that helpful?

DS ticked the disability box on the UCAS form (multiple diagnoses including ADHD) but I think that's used for equality monitoring. I don't think the university admissions teams see the details. He didn't mention it in his personal statement or SAQ because he didn't feel that it was relevant.

The college asked applicants if they needed any adjustments at interview, and DS had to fill in a form to say that he didn't need any.

Thank you @ironoaks. Does he get any assistance at uni for his disabilities? DS1 only has ADHD, so there's nothing else to mention. Interesting that the University isn't aware of whether the box is ticked on the application. DS1 won't need any special arrangement for interview. He'll just need to remember to shut up now and then so the interviewer can talk too. :-)

@strix he doesn't really ask for much assistance?

DSA: provided a subsidised laptop and some software. They offered a learning mentor but DS declined.

College: have provided every adjustment he has requested e.g. early move-in slot in first year, quieter accommodation.

University Disability Services Centre: he was proactive about informing them of his needs and providing evidence before he started the course.
He is eligible to use a word processor to type exams rather than handwriting, but in reality this isn't feasible because it's mostly maths and equations.

Thanks all for your good wishes for DD. She went back to Oxford yesterday. Not quite fully recovered but enough to start fretting about all that she has missed. Her house friends were delighted to see her back and I left them catching up over hot chocolate and cake.
I hope all your DC struck down by the plague are recovering and not missing out on too much.
Meanwhile DS (C) appears to be making up for lost time last year. Busy with tennis, Union stuff and presumably some work too.

That's good news. DD assures me that tennis & rowing are excellent cures for lurgy.

@Hoghgyni

That's good news. DD assures me that tennis & rowing are excellent cures for lurgy.

Oh god, DD also seems to think that a 6 a.m. start on the river is a good way to ease herself gently back to health (cough, rasp, croak).

Haha @Hoghgyni and @FlyingSquid. That is precisely what DD will be doing at 6am tomorrow followed by a double rehearsal of the ballet dance she has choreographed for Varsity to make up for the rehearsals she couldn't teach from her hospital bed last week!

DD is house hunting. I would be happy to rent the first house she sent me details for.

@DadDadDad

On the career front, I sympathise, *@CinnamonJellyBeans* - DS has already started fretting that he has no clear idea what to do with the rest of his life - in a way there's been a logical progression to this point, and I don't know either what would suit him. I can imagine him staying in academia, but he too worries about not having much money if he pursues that...

I know, as you say, there's no rush, but the second year will fly by and then I guess early on in the third year they will want to start applying for things, so I think now is the time to start whittling down the options.

On a happier note, for the first time, today my parents are going to O to see DS and take him out for a good lunch. He's booked a table at Quod - it looks suitably swanky. Then I guess the proud grandparents will get DS's tour of the city.

Hi DadDadDad ! Firstly, well done for nudging this thread along! Secondly, your son sounds perfectly normal.

Four points:

1. The senior people I know all say the same thing. Most young people should focus on attributes and skills, not 'careers' in the traditional sense. Especially developing resilience, resourcefulness, creativity, adaptability. And getting along with people, making relationships work well enough. ... And humility. ... (And learn to operate in at least one language other than English!)

1. Looking forward, most people will need to be in several sectors and do more than one type of 'job' or be in more than one type of 'career'. The pace of change is so great that nothing else and nothing less will do.

1. My daughter found her formal and informal internships helpful, from Xmas of First Year onward. A 'prestigious', high profile internship completely put her off what she thought was her career choice. In that sense, it was invaluable. And unpaid, unpopular, passionate, draining activism led her to a new choice.

1. She is happy. So is a friend of hers who consciously chose to do ' a series of jobs' and have a happy lifestyle with no intention of having a 'career' as such. Both finally left Cambridge recently with two degrees each. (And yes, Covid-19 has helped some of them assess and reassess what they want their lives to be for.)

Sorry if this horrifies some parents.

Hope you don't mind me joining in.

Thanks for that @JBX2013 - and of course, you are very welcome to this thread.

Your comments will be in the back of mind next time I speak to DS about careers. We went to see him in Oxford on Friday, and he's mainly preoccupied with where he is going to live for his third year (the "in college" option is a bit limited).

On the languages point, he's studied a few, but unfortunately (from a job market point of view) they all stopped being spoken centuries ago!

Sadly today there are fewer “milk round” type careers. A general graduate trainee position is so much rarer than in my day: companies seem to want to employ people pigeonholed into specific areas.

Also as parents we have to get comfortable with the idea of portfolio careers - it will be unusual to sit in a company for decades with automatic progression. Restructuring/takeovers/sea changes of taste - and someone will be out.

Ds and most of his Cambridge pals are hopping about a year after graduation doing bits and bobs. Many firms were horrid about training schemes - just blew off their trainees when the pandemic struck, or kept them hanging on a string only to say, “Oh, we’ll just forget the 2020 group and start again”. Pah.

Thank you JBX2913 and dottyHarmer. Feedback on careers really helpful. Work life balance is DD's conundrum. She's actually thinking of bbritish council far flung for a little bit to decrease pressure and have a good think. She has really good internships under her belt. But i know from DS an engineer of high achievements, he got job no. 82 just before lockdown. He's very happy and has a good balance so it can be done. We have hope even if it takes a while.

DS is currently applying for a summer placement based in another country (it's very competitive so I doubt he will get shortlisted). They are asking for his university transcript to date, a list of the undergraduate courses he has taken / is taking in first and second year, and a certificate of enrollment. He doesn't even know who to contact to ask for the first one or the last one; he is planning to ask his DoS and tutor if either of them know.

My view is that there's a great deal to be said for keeping a very open mind about future careers/ jobs. I don't see anything wrong with meandering and seeing what leads where. The main thing is that there's no hurry and they shouldn't feel pressured to fill every vacation with vac schemes and banking internships etc, because time off with these intense degrees is essential for most normal kids. Burn out - not to be recommended.

Several of my DC have really surprised me by their choices. I wouldn't have predicted their outcomes, which is something I'm strangely pleased about.

In that I like the surprise of it.

DD has also had that wobble; internship/ greasy pole or am I ready? Am hopeful that the offer of a archeology dig in Greece from a contact of DH and a college travel grant will swing the balance in favour of making the most of being twenty next summer. There’s time enough isn’t there?
We were in O today visiting DT2, bright and beautiful day but so cold! Which bodes badly for weekend trip to C …

Yes absolutely there's time enough hobbema.

DS saw his tutor today who spoke encouragingly about the idea of him being capable of doing a masters, so I think that will appeal to him, and kick the career can another year down the road...

@hobbema - TAKE A HAT !!!!!! The wind whistling across the Fens from the Russian Steppes is enough to give you toothache for a month. I remember one half-term in C buying a woolly hat off the market because of the intense pain of walking down the narrow (wind tunnel) streets with no ear protection...

DadDadDad just in case finance is relevant, that option will probably cost around £24k, if funding for a History MSt is still hard to come by.

DD has expressed an interest in doing medicine after her degree, which means another undergrad degree. i was wondering if she will have to fund all 5 years of it. Any ideas?

Just leaving this here. (Pic rather than Daily Fail link.)

Apparently her son (Oxford econ & mgmt) set up a logistics co. when some vital documents he needed to enable him to change schools took too long to arrive. My DD would probably have just blamed me for ruining her life, not set up Swift247.

Progress for ds - he was a bit reluctant to return after being at home for since Christmas but did so and managed to get flu which knocked him for 6 and essentially meant he spent another 2 weeks in his room. He joined the University chess society and was picked for the 3rd team to play a tournament yesterday (in person at another college). He really enjoyed himself, he won his matches and Oxford won the tournament. It is literally the first non academic thing he has done so I'm thrilled.