Cambridge and Oxford - ongoing chat for those with a student currently studying there

[DadDadDad]

Some of us have found these threads helpful, so I'm starting a new one to take us through

...end-of-year exams (and parties)

...homecoming for the vacation (and hibernation aestivation for this thread?)

...return in the autumn (and more normal college life?)

Posters old and new welcome to join the discussion. Any tips for finding a summer job?

Oh, and for reference, I have a DS just completing his first year in a small humanity in a tiny college.

Sunndowne we've had France cancelled three times now, so are attempting Greece on Thursday, with a house move (after over forty years in the same house) on Tuesday. I can't believe I'm still packing, weeks later. These cupboards just keep on giving. It took a whole day for DD4 to try to work out who needed what paperwork (there are seven of us going) and all I really have on my mind at the moment is getting the other side of the border guys and forgetting about boxes, cellotape etc.

DD has just ventured through the rammed lanes (our beach gets swamped on days like today) to meet a college friend who has turned up on holiday in the nearby town. Can't believe their summer is nearly over.

[quote SandyBayley]@Sideeffectisgratefulchild - DS1 is from an independent school, a big name one. He is actually quite shy and took a while to settle socially at Oxford. He held back on the WhatsApp until he arrived.

The 'which school' question is just an opening question commonly used to try and find something in common (know someone, played you at sport). In my experience it's not very important, just an opening question.

Not all independently educated students are 'confident' but you will hear the ones who are. [/quote]
Thank you. I know you're right (and I think DD knows it really too) but I think she was just wobbling a little this weekend!

Good luck with the house move @goodbyestranger. You will be much missed in these parts. I hope DS4 will still be around periodically as my DD1 is very fond of him.

I hope it goes smoothly for you Goodbye. We've just sold the cottage my dad was born in 79 years ago and it was very sad shutting the door for the last time, even though my parents are still only 10 yards up the lane.

Sideeffect remember the majority will have come from state schools or international schools nobody has ever heard of, so the questioning quickly stops. The warden in DD's college had heard that someone from Winchester was reading PPE. He asked all the boys at their first formal, then discovered it was actually a girl who had been to Peter Symonds. I'm sure he was far too polite to look disappointed!

I remember being baffled by the 'what school did you go to' question thirty-odd years ago at my very-much-not Oxbridge redbrick. Why would they have heard of Bogge High? I wondered. But it was marginally better as an opening gambit than asking about A level grades, because yuck.
God knows how I made any friends. DD has been chatting about her subject with people on her course. That has to be an improvement.

OYBBK. I hate crowded rooms too! But running on that for hidden lawn would have been scandalous, must have caused more panic.

Big house move stranger!!! What a long time to be in a house!!! Enjoy that holiday. Good going if you've got all the family with you.

Regarding ensuite, my DD Never had one until abroad this year. In her college, the rooms are generally better without a bathroom. They get very used to corridor showers and they are cleaned constantly.

Fresher mums, you must all be so excited! Oxbridge is a treat!!!

*forbidden

Thank you so much Malbecfan :) First ever . DS4 will be back plenty for sure.

79 years! Did you grow up in that same cottage Hoghgyni?

All except two of the DC, who can't get leave Sunndowne. I hope a) we get through passport control with no issues b) no-one nicks my van full of packing boxes at Gatwick and c) that you get abroad yourself soon too.

Best of luck with the move, @goodbyestranger hope it all goes well, and have a great time in Greece

@goodbyestranger - I've been through Gatwick in the last fortnight (to and from Croatia) and can report it was as smooth as it's ever been. Coming back in we went from touch down to taxi in 45 minutes.

Have a lovely holiday!

My parents built the house I grew up in on land belonging to the cottage. They've been there for over 55 years now, so their house evolved over time. The cottage came with a free mineshaft under the kitchen & running through the garden which we only discovered after my grandparents died. Quite an interesting/challenging feature for our tenants, as there was always a degree of Russian roulette in where in the garden or when it would reappear. And DD thinks her College has quirky features!

Thanks so much JulesJules and that is seriously encouraging Sandy. You've done well with your pandemic holidays, if memory serves me right. Loving the idea of an uncrowded North Terminal!

It must be a huge wrench to sell on Hoghgyni. Yes I know that mineshafts are a big thing to the west of us. But then, if no member of your family or any visitors have plummeted down to Middle Earth in 55yrs, probably not too much to worry about. I gather prices have gone mad in your neck of the woods - less so here, sadly! Very tough for your Dad, saying goodbye after all that time.

At one point we had 6 inches of concrete between us and a 35 foot hole under the kitchen. We only discovered it when a scaffolding pole disappeared into the void & changed the renovations needed! The most recent one opened up as a fetching 30 foot deep plunge pool in the garden after heavy rain. Expanding concrete is incredible stuff. It has stayed within another side of the family, but that's only because everyone is related somewhere along the line.

@Goodbyestranger, very good luck with your house move and also your holiday and I hope both go smoothly. We're off an a UK cottage holiday in a few days and I can't wait for a break from work.

@Sideeffects, really don't worry about your DD. Most people won't be interested in what school she went to and the vast majority will be from state schools. The only 'prejudice' DS1 has experienced was a vague feeling from his peers that there was something different and alien about anyone from any type of fee-paying school and a bit of 'pointing out' the one boy from Eton at their college, who apparently appeared to be 'normal'. DS1 felt at first he had to hide the fact he'd been at a fee-paying school himself, although on a means-tested bursary and is aware that his Director of Studies is very vocally anti-private schools. So if anything, it seems to work the other way around and being from a fee-paying school is something to hide and that puts you in the minority.

Overall, though, once people get to know each other as people and not as a label or category, this kind of thing doesn't matter at all.

Your story about the mineshaft @Hoghgyni reminds me of one my dad tells. My late grandfather was the village plumber in a former mining village in the NW of England. One morning a chap banged on the door very worried and demanding to see DGF. He had lifted up a stone flag in the kitchen and found a hole. He dropped a pebble in the hole and didn't hear anything. What should he do? My DGF was as blunt as they come (can't think where I get it from!) and told him to put the slab back and forget about it. The guy wasn't happy and tipped barrowload after barrowload of rubble in there but in the end, decided my GF was probably correct and the flag was put back in place. I'll have to ask my father if he knows which house it is when I see him tomorrow. My uncle still lives in that village.

@goodbyestranger enjoy your holiday and say hello to the DC. No holiday for us again this year but we are holding out for Japan to admit DD2 and let us go to visit at Easter, which will also be our 25th wedding anniversary year...

Malbec that sounds familiar. Our builders tied a stone to the end of some bailer twine which kept going & going.then they made a rapid exit!

All this talk of holidaying abroad - I am envious.

There are parts of the NW that are like swiss cheese. Half of Winsford is propped up by expanding cement.

Sideeffects/chill - don't worry about the talk of private / public schools. DD is unashamedly northern inner city 6th form background and she has no problem.

@Chilldonaldchill

I think the number of Eton/Harrow/St Paul's Grammar/Westminster/Winchester varies according to the college. They're all pretty much networked with each other before they even apply to Oxbridge anyway.

DD says there is a very small public school set who mainly socialise with each other, but apart from that everyone is extremely friendly and they really don't care whether you are rich or what school you went to.

Your DD will get asked what school she went to, but there's no malice in it; they're just trying to place you and see what people you may have in common

DS has met a friendly lad from Harrow at his college through the tennis club. There was a lot of unpleasant private/public school bashing on the college group chat prior to starting so the lad keeps very quiet about his school background.

One of DDs good friends is from one of the above-mentioned schools, he didn't mention it at all to start with, she noticed he bumped into quite a lot of former schoolmates and there was something about the 'school chapel' which made her twig IIRC.... complete non issue. Quite a lot of her friends are from overseas anyway.

Thanks everyone. She's honestly not worried about it but it's just that she had assumed, based on statistics, that it would be a total non-issue as she assumed that being the only person from a particular state school would be the norm and then has seen that that might not be the case (or, more likely, that it will be the case but that that's not what she's seeing at the moment) and she was surprised to find the number of people talking about it, particularly several from a single school which is one from the list in @CinnamonJellyBeans post. I think she was just a little surprised and initially unnerved..
(Interestingly several of those people know a new friend of hers from an out of school hobby. When she asked her friend how, she also went to one of the schools on the list and DD had no idea. But said to me "she just seems like me!" so that was a useful lesson to learn before going 🙄 ).

Nowadays, people from private/ public schools are a very mixed lot in any case and even at the same school, you'll get some people from richer backgrounds than others and some only there because they're on a bursary not because they're posh.

At my DCs school, it was a real eclectic mix from those with parents and extended family all chipping in to help pay the school fees - at great sacrifice to themselves or, in my case as a single mum, my DCs on a means-tested bursary - alongside others whose families owned 3 properties, two cars and went on exotic holidays several times a year!

I remember being worried that my DCs would feel uncomfortable at Oxbridge that they've never yet been on an aeroplane or had a foreign family holiday, as I couldn't afford that kind of thing for them when they were growing up. Instead, DS1 has felt puzzled that some of his cohort at C have made wild assumptions about "people from fee-paying schools" that are far removed from the reality. Some of these people seem to have much more luxurious and richer lifestyles than many he met at his school and himself but have clearly been prejudiced, unwittingly, against everyone who went to a private school.

Hopefully, as people get to know each other as individuals, ideas and assumptions are replaced by the reality that we're all equal and you should never lump together any group of people and imagine they're all the same.

I suspect insecurity and nervousness about starting at uni. is the driving force for those on Freshers' chats who are searching for familiarity. With growing confidence across the first term/ year, I expect people will mix more and any initial assumptions will be replaced with interest and curiosity about their peers. Those you want as your friends will never be people who ostracise and exclude others based on background, in any case.

@mutterphore great post - thank you!
My best friends at uni came from completely different backgrounds to me (both ends of the spectrum; I was very boringly middle of the road).

Completely agree Mutterphore. Locally, there is a lot of switching between state and fee paying from nursery/pre-school through to A Levels and pretty much everyone ends up at Peter Symonds College, with increasing numbers from Winchester College, St Swithun's and selective independent day schools. And you cannot easily tell who went where: most of the PSC students who live in the expensive leafy suburbs/sought after surrounding villages, have overseas holidays and are dropped off in expensive cars are state educated throughout.

hello,

my son is off to Churchill college next month.
He likes to swim - there is no pool at the college.

Is anyone able to tell me the nearest pool that will be accessible to him? I remember the town centre municipal pool but I imagine there is one for students somewhere?