Oxford and Cambridge current students

[sandybayley]

Nearly filled up the old one...

Thanks @Hoghgyni.
The rowing races that DD2 has been taking part in recently have all been strictly "no spectators" so I did suspect that that would be the case in Oxford too. But the OURCs website is extremely thin on info. In that case we won't go. What a shame. DD1 is rowing in her college first eight and we were keen to go and support her. Ah well.

DD is W2, so I'm in awe of DD2's prowess. DD decided against W1 when she saw the ferocity of their training sessions.

Don't be too impressed Hogh! DD's boat is almost all novices like her. They are being chased in Torpids by a boat which has four blues in it so they are fully expecting to be bumped very quickly.

They do take things very seriously -- much more so than in my day. Mind you, back in the last millennium there was only one erg per college so there weren't the mega-erg sessions that they have now. Thankfully!

It makes me so happy to hear that 'normal' stuff is happening in Oxford. We visited DS1 this week and he looked really well and was full of life. DS2 is going to visit for a weekend after exams and DS1 is really excited to show him his new life.

@Cliff1975 - I hope you got to see your DS yesterday and give him a hug.

As Sandy says great to see the normal stuff. DD sent photos from a Pimms party at college on Saturday and they have a formal tonight. Her exams (O Stem subject) aren't until week 8 so she is still working very hard.

So an update: I went to visit my DS and took hm out for something to eat. We had a good talk. He assurres me that it id definitely what he wants to do and it is also definitely the right course but he knows he has messed up. He is really struggling with the exams as he just doesn't have the knowledge he should have as he has missed so much work. He is completing his exams but most answers are well below the word count (although what he is writing appears to be good- he just cant do waffle). So I came away feeling much better. He agreed to carry on working last night and to email me his latest exam submission. It didn't arrive and then he wouldn't answer his phone. I ended up contacting the college porter who was lovely. He was just about to go and check on DS when DS phoned me. He is taking the full 24 hours for each exam (he is sleeping) and is working right up to the deadline and producing very little. I just don't know....

Thanks for the update Cliff.

I would tentatively say that that all sounds better than I had feared from your earlier posts.

Also - obviously also saying this cautiously too - if it were me, I would tell my DC to forget about emailing submissions. It just seems that that could well be adding a second layer of pressure which in the circumstances can't be good. Obviously if he's keen then that's different, but if you think he's not positively keen, or has changed his mind if he was initially keen, then maybe knock it on the nut with the submissions being copied over.

I really hope that things work out ok.

Poor Cliff, the agony is continuing, but it is great that you have such good communication with your DS and that he evidently trusts you. Hopefully his college will be understanding when it comes to the exam marking and soon this little rough patch will be way behind him.

I spoke to my DS quite late last night because he is preparing for exams and wanted help (the only time he calls). He told me that he had cried off from a rugby social in order to work and apparently the other players (almost all older years or post-grads) had been absolutely incredulous that he would choose to curtail his social life for mere prelims.

Hello Cliff. I did exactly the same as your son did at university. It's easily done and easily fixed with support.

I agree with goodbyestranger that you shouldn't get him to email it to you. It's embarrassing to send subpar stuff to your parents when you know they idolise you and you are just going to put unnecessary pressure on him.

He's doing very well to actually submit the essays. You'd be better off just waiting until it's done and telling him well done son for making it to the other side of the battle armed with only a stanley knife. That shows pluck.

PS I wouldn't worry about the word count too much. DD is always massively over the count, but her exam essays have also been well under and she's happy(ish) so far.

Cliff, Prelims can be retaken at the best of times. In covid times, presumably they will give even more leeway? Agreed with PP that things aren’t as bad for your DS as they first appeared. Hopefully he can get through the exams and make a fresh start. I think some of our youngsters had a bit of growing up to do and unfortunately all the COVID weirdness hasn’t helped.

Nothing useful to add for Cliff but it sounds like you are doing a great job with your DS and he'll get there in his own time.

I saw DD briefly this morning en route to collecting DD2. DD1 (C) had her final exam this afternoon but is looking ahead so wanted a ball gown from home plus her suit and a white shirt for graduation, so I dropped them off for her. I expect she's out on the lash now.

Are torpids the same as bumps? DD1 is a cox for her college but hasn't done much this year. She wants to get back into it if she can stay on, which of course all depends on these results. Hopefully she'll know within a fortnight.

Cliff - I agree with CJB. DD has handed in her final work massively under the max limit. Her tutors are emphasising quality over quantity.

Goodbye & CJB also make a good point about additional pressure if your DS has to "submit" to you as well as his tutors.

DD is now on a non stop party to end of term. She has assured me that they will be keeping the noise down while the other subjects have their exams.

Just had a phone call from DS (at O) needing a pep-talk for his exam stress (prelims just over a week away). He mainly needed some perspective - he's not going to fail them, and it's his desire to live up to the promise he's shown through the year that is creating its own pressure.

It also helped to compare GCSEs and especially the horror of last year (A-level mock and coursework stress in February turning to a whole new anxiety with the cancellation of exams that lasted all the way to August ). He's doing a subject he likes and the world is not going to end.

Sorry, should have added - I have massive sympathy for those struggling, especially the difficulties of @Cliff1975 's DS. The stress can seem inescapable and no-one should be blamed if they find themselves falling apart - but it can feel harder to admit when everyone around you has expectations of you being a high-flyer / good at exams.

Hi @Malbecfan!

On Finals marks and staying on for a Masters, most Finalists do better than they imagined. And quality shown in some individual papers is more important than the overall marks (if it comes to it).

My daughter needed this flexibility last year, as did several of her peers: nearly 30% of my daughter's subject cohort stayed on for their MPhil (and are suffering for their thesis as we speak!). Looking even further forward, it means little in terms of any PhD place she may apply for, although the hassle starts next term! (My daughter was offered a PhD place at Oxford.)

Congratulations to your daughter on getting through Finals at Cambridge! She should certainly enjoy her 'lash' now; next year will be very busy and very demanding, and socially rewarding in a different way.

Hi @Cliff1975!

My daughter knows several Cambridge students, and some Oxford students, who struggled but then eventually recovered and were successful. The Colleges and Departments are quite used to it, are sympathetic and will offer a fresh start next year.

A big hug to you and your son!

@Malbecfan Torpids are the same as eights except they usually happen in Hilary (Lent) term. The rules are slightly different in Torpids and (Oxford) Eights (which is in Trinity term usually) but the powers that be have decided to run Torpids rather than Eights this term. The starting order will therefore follow Torpids 2019 rather than Eights 2019. Torpids 2020 was cancelled due to high water, not covid, so there are a lot of very inexperienced crews having their first bumps race!
(Sorry, more detail than you probably needed there...!)

Thank you everyone for your advice I have been so supported by you all on here and it has really helped. As for him submitting the work to us- crazy as it seems he does want to do this, it does add pressure but he says it helps. Actually it is one way that I am able to praise him as when he actually does the work it seems bloody good to me! We are very close and will get through this together.
Good luck to all of your DS and DDs.

I hadn't heard of 'Torpids'... DDs rowing stopped in her second term when she did her back in a bit. The Cardboard Boat Race is more her sort of event. I wonder if that's happening this year?

@sandybayley - are you going to start a new thread soon? This one is going to fill up in the next few days, and although I guess things will go quiet over the summer, I am sure some of us will continue to value the contact.

Waving to say I would definitely value a new thread. Thanks to all who have kept it going.

@JBX2013 thanks but she did her finals last summer. These are her Masters exams and whether or not she goes forward to the PhD depends on these. The first one was horrific in terms of timing apparently, but the whole cohort felt similarly, which is in its own way comforting.

@ErrolTheDragon, I hadn't either. I think it must be an Oxford term . DD does enjoy her coxing and the captain of the college boat club lives on her staircase/floor so she normally knows what's going on. She is, however, not a morning person and winter pre-dawn starts are not her favourite thing!

Can't believe you C parents haven't heard of Torpids ;-)

We are having a day of great excitement tomorrow, visiting DS for lunch in C and DD for supper in O. Really wish the East West railway line was already in operation!

@Malbecfan, Ahh! Mea culpa!

My daughter did not apply to Cambridge for her PhD in the end - they are struggling to support her particular specialism on the MPhil as it is and there was some other stuff going on. On the specific point about PhD entry, her offer from a London college was actually stiffer than the Oxford offer, and there was no interview for Oxford.

(People have asked me about PhD entry 'tariffs' for Arts-Humanities courses. Any information from experience, anyone?)

Good luck to your daughter, anyway! Sorry for my mistake!