Oxford and Cambridge current students

[sandybayley]

Nearly filled up the old one...

Some of the students are still living in different time zones, perhaps the 24h period is because of that.

They can get round the time zone / 24hr window by having a time window from the download time. Even the local 6th form college did this for mocks in lockdown so it can’t be beyond the university to do this.

DD (O) had a time window for her exams. Seems the better option to me.

Thank you Goodbye :)

Continued wishes of good luck for everyone!

C maths exams are still 4 x 3 hours long. One every other day for 8 days. It is a bit tough on those still in other time zones. I think it's much kinder than the 24/48 hour exams though.

Hopefully C will revert to the normal exam format for all subjects next year.
DD (O) had 4x4 hours Mon, Tues, Weds, Thurs.

My DD's exams have been 'open book' that is to say, multiple-day exams. Like extended essays maybe? She says it's to compensate for 'lack of proper teaching' this year. I said wouldn't it be easier just to sit in a room for 4 hours and then be finished. Rather than multiple subjects overlapping over multiple days?

@Cliff1975 I really feel for your son. It's been a horrible year in many ways. I think I would have done exactly like him. Falling behind is so scary and burying the truth/ the fear of shame is so strong in humans. Not realising that MANY students were struggling with this alien format. I am so glad the DoS and others have reached out to right the ship. My DD struggled in first term. Seriously. Couldn't get to grips with the remote schedule and admin. Missed supervisions!!! I was incredulous! DH reassured me that the school wants the kids to adjust and succeed and that she would get the hang of it (creative type, not a left brain). Second term she was at home instead of trapped in a room and managed to get on top of the admin and workload but I suspect that was with some prying by DoS and a couple of teachers and some practical help in setting a calendar to manage multiple deadlines across multiple subjects and to factor in that you have to turn in essays BEFORE the supervision so the tutor can read and evaluate. But she kind of played catch-up during that term. I think they see the first year as a learning curve. They do want them to achieve their potential and they will certainly offer practical and pastoral support to reassure him and guide him to better practices. For many of us, having to show up in a classroom is a motivator and so we keep up to an extent based on that. Having freshers on their own in a room with a screen. It's just horrible and unrelenting. I hope he can see a path forward and knows they are all backing him.

I am now at a complete loss of what to do. All day we have been supporting DS through his exam. He has claimed to have been working all day kept telling us how much he has done. We had an agreement that he would submit to us what he had done before he went to bed. He said he had done this and still no email appeared. He has done nothing, well he has apparently done notes on paper but not a word of actual answers. I have told him to get out of bed and write something!!! I am beside myself. I feel like I am going crazy. I am trying to support him but I keep getting more and more lies. I am at a loss of what to do but it is not going to end well.....

Sorry to post but please don't put pressure on your son
... He's obviously struggling and an honest talk to whether Cambridge is the right place for him is needed.... If he's not happy then please bring him home his mental health and happiness is far more important than being at Cambridge. There were a few loss of life's reported at other universities this week... Its been an awful year for students..be kind to yourself too.

He is probably lying because he doesn't know how to explain what is going on through anxiety or embarrassment or fear or who knows.
The problem is that if you are totally blocked in your work, you really just can't think what to write. It feels almost like a physical barrier. No amount of will power can push through it.

I think the best thing for you to do is to try and separate yourself from the work side of things and support the rest of his needs. Let him know he is loved and has a loving home with you no matter what happens (as long as you can provide that for him). Encourage him to keep an honest dialogue with his DoS and tutor. Basically be there ready to catch him. He is your son and academics are just one small part of him.

Totally agree with the posts. He can come home whenever he wants and he knows that. It is so hard because I know that isnt what he wants. We are telling him we love him and are proud of him all the time. It is so hard. I am going to go and see him saturday afternoon I think we just need to get him through until then.

@Cliff1975 that's good that you have made arrangements to see him on Saturday.
In the meantime, I'd suggest giving him achievable goals (shower, eat breakfast, get dressed) which could help him to break the cycle of feeling frozen / powerless, and also ensure that his physical needs are being met.

Cliff I feel so sorry for your DS, he's clearly hit a wall. OYBBK has it absolutely: the problem is that if you are totally blocked in your work, you really just can't think what to write. It feels almost like a physical barrier.

I would go sooner rather than later, if you possibly can.

All the very best of luck.

The porters should let you go to his room, if you explain the situation and how worried you are.

And a year out is something plenty do to re-charge. There's no shame in it and I would expect more than usual will have done it by the end of the academic year. Your DS very definitely sounds like he needs to take that option at the moment, and to understand just how many others have done it before. One of my DD's very closest friends froze ahead of his third year finals (he was on a four year course), took a year out and came back the following year to take the highest science first in Oxford - and hasn't looked back.

I am going to see him this evening. I will meet him take him for dinner and give him a big hug! I think I need to physically see him.

cliff1975 it has been a really hard year for the kids. I think Philippa Perry explained it really well on Art Club. She held up a really neat tapestry to the camera saying this is what you see when you look at someone / their life. Then she turned it around and it was a mess of knots and said that is what you show people. In essence the kids are seeing really motivated, bright, hard working peers. And they are comparing that façade with their own internal turmoil & perceived shortcomings. This year they have not had others to temper that view.

It is not helped by everyone (I include myself in this to my shame) saying how brilliant and amazing the students are & how much hard work it is going to be. Said from a place of love - pride in their achievement and to preempt a rejection through the application process. Now the kids are there it is difficult to turn that on its head and convince them they are as good as everyone they see around them. As OYBBK says it creates a mental block of "I am not good enough" "everyone is doing so much more work" " I can't compete so why try" "I don't want to ask for help because I don't want them to see what a fraud I am". Once those negative thoughts start circling it is a difficult cycle to break.

With DD we gave her permission to fail and failure had no consequence in the long term. The world still spins, the birds still sing and the sun and moon still chase each other across the sky. That way she can try things and aim high without worrying about the end consequence. If we hadn't allowed her she would have been paralysed by her fear of failure & would never have started.

That’s good news Cliff.

I'm really glad you are going Cliff. I think you will both feel better for it and years in the future he will remember how you were there for him when it got tough.

@Unescorted thank you for that. I am going to tell both my children about the tapestry analogy.
@Cliff1975 so glad you're going and lots of good advice here. Take care.

What a huge worry, Cliff, and I'm so glad you are going tonight. So many of them struggle at the best of times, let alone at these times. Threads like these sometimes give the mistaken impression that almost all the DC are having a wonderful time, and are utterly hardworking and virtuous. I know for a fact that that's not always the case... All the best to your son, and to you.

Good luck with your visit to your DS, Cliff. I hope things improve for him and echo what others have said about his happiness being far more important than his studies.

Plenty of people take time out and then return, if he feels he needs a break and a clean start. The main thing is that he doesn't feel bad about what's been happening for him and the Philippa Perry tapestry analogy is a good clear image for him to bear in mind at this point.

Hope you're OK too. It's really really hard when our DCs are suffering.

@Cliff1975 I have not been on the thread much as DS has his own issues (would not go back this term) and I'm so sorry about your DS's struggles. I'm sure you and he will feel better once you have seen him face to face. Ultimately he has parents who love and support him and together you will help him find a way through. (()) in a very un Mumsnet and Covid way

Does anyone know if spectators are allowed at Summer Torpids next week?

PantTwizzler DD says:
To the best of my knowledge, they’re shutting ChCh meadows in the afternoon for non-rowers. The opposite tow path can't be shut as it’s public, but there are rumours that if there are too many people the event will be cancelled mid week.

DD got in a boat for the first time ever on Easter Monday. She's very excited about taking part.