Another path to greatnesses

[chopc]

I woke up around 4:30 this morning and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. Couldn't get back to sleep so thought I will have a go and starting the new thread. Hope the title is not too cheesy

That’s lovely to hear @quest1on. well done her.

I’m so glad this thread can get back on track. I’ve been avoiding it for sometime but really still want and need to be part of this supportive group of us.

DS’s college did their ‘parent consultations’ last week and happy to report his tutors are really pleased with his progress and tenacity.

He’s still fairly set on Durham (and is fortunate enough to already have an offer).

I, however, still need some support to get over my (presumably irrational) fear that he won’t find his people there.

He’s not firmed yet and I’ve asked him to wait till he has at least done the virtual offer holder says at both Durham and Bristol but preferably to not make a final decision till we can actually step foot in each city.

I’m so hoping this thread can get back on track and whilst I appreciate this is a public space, it would be so nice to maintain this ‘conversation’ as one of excitement and support for our redirected young people (and their parents obviously).

@Crikeyblimey DD has 6 friends at Durham, all v different from normal comp. They're all having a fantastic time. Found friends and set up for next years houses. As is DD at Bristol. They will have fun wherever they chose to go, and find people like them. Or v unlike them and still be friends. DD is v good mates with a lad from Eton - he'd never met a state school student and was quite surprised by her I think. She's taught him how to budget, much to his dad's amusement- they own an island. We own a dog.

Did I read somewhere that Durham uni has the highest proportion of students who go on to get married?

Nice to hear about Durham. Whilst dd is still very keen and currently waiting nervously for an offer, she is concerned about the negative reports she’s heard about a so called ‘toxic’ environment. Has anyone had any direct experience of this?

Hello old friends 😘, thank you for returning. You have been such a support and helped me with my Oxbridge demons from a couple of years ago. Talk about free therapy!

Thank you Captain Tom too...

We've been full on arranging my dad's funeral and affairs (yes it's a little over 3 weeks since he passed) but it's good to hear your positive news concerning your dc.

@quest1on thank you for sharing your DD's heart warming my good news, well done her!

DD is over her Oxford disappointment and keeping her fingers crossed she meets her Durham offer and gets one of her top 6 college choices. Of course, there's still a small chance she could receive a St Andrews offer which will throw all our plans up in the air again.

I think there still be toxic people in all schools, universities and, as we know, life in general, bend. We spend so much time worrying about this uni or that, but the most important thing - the friends - is so random and unpredictable. All we want is for them to have a great time. I think you just have to hope for the best and that’s all you can do ..

Hi gang,

I'll come out of hiding as well then in a bid to get this supportive thread back on track.

DS is doing really well and is totally geared up for firming Bristol. So much so, that he's been researching accommodation options which is really fun and exciting. I've posted in another thread about this but it's a bit tumbleweedy there.

Like you @Pumpkintopf, I need something to worry about . Am I the only one worrying that there might be another monumental fuck up with TAGs, and despite his A level predictions (and internal tracking) being 2 A stars and 1 A, he might in some horrific twist of fate, miss his Bristol offer (A,A,B).

In other news, my eldest DS had a meeting this week to arrange deferring his final year at University (which he had already begun). This year was due to be a placement year, but he decided when COVID took hold that he'd just plough on to his final year instead. He is now regretting that decision given no contact time, no studio time etc etc. He has to pay half his fees from last term, but he is sucking that up and will work full time in his part time job once he is out of furlough to pay for his accommodation this year and to cover that extra. He will still get a student loan for next year. I feel relieved and pleased he's being pro-active even if i'm not entirely sure he's been making the best decisions to date.

Good to hear from you @Jan069 and thinking of you as you arrange the funeral etc. What are the current rules on numbers?

@mumsneedwine you’ve made me laugh out loud (literally) for the first time in ages. Love the ‘island vs dog’ comparison 🤣
Thanks for those words of encouragement, they’re really helping.
I know I’m being irrational really. I’m sure I’d be fretting about something wherever he was choosing to go. It has blindsided me a bit though cos all through his childhood, I’ve been so chilled about his decisions. DH has been the one to be worried. I’ve just been ‘ah, he’s great, he’ll be fine’ but this has floored me. Obviously my issue and not his.

Oh, I’m really pleased this is back on track.

So, @Jan069 would a St Andrew’s offer put the cat back amongst the pigeons? It is such a bloody long way from, well anywhere, isn’t it?

Aw, lovely to see you back @Tenpastseven.
Wow. Rollercoaster time for you what with all that going on.
Sounds like your young people are doing just fine though. Well done them in this very strange year x

Also @Jan069 thinking of you too. I’ve also had to arrange (well help arrange) a funeral recently, so want to add my best wishes. Hope all goes ok x

This is like a mini reunion - I thought you'd all gone!

@Tenpastseven I know what you mean, DD is predicted three A stars but we're thinking - what if everything goes tits up and she gets three Bs and ends up with nothing!

We got Dad cremated within two weeks of his passing - can't quite believe we did, but we did! It was oddly enjoyable with just 9 of us and everyone else attending remotely via webcast.

@Crikeyblimey I think I'm more in love with St Andrews than DD. I just have visions of beautiful walks on golden beaches but I'm probably being deluded.

@Jan069 glad you were able to have a few close people there to support you and the funeral was ok.

Great to see everyone and hear all the news!

@Tenpastseven yes I know what you mean about grades. DS has a contextual offer from Bristol too and I have to keep reminding him that it is a brilliant uni and he only has that offer because of where we live, otherwise it would be up there with his other choices for difficulty!

I filled out the dfe /Ofqual consultation that closed last week (or was it the week before- honestly the weeks do blend into one a bit at the moment) so interested to see the detailed proposal that I think they've said we'll see end of Feb - although the blog from Ofqual interim chief Simon Lebus did seem to suggest they are quite wedded to exam board involvement and those who've expressed concern this is just exams by the back door have simply 'misunderstood'

@Crikeyblimey what's your main concern? Would the (new for this year) Durham thing of allowing offer holders to place colleges in rank order help to allay that concern at all?

I think we will always find something to worry about, I'm absolutely with you though I'm hoping we can visit these places before a final decision is made.

@quest1on Congratulations to your DD. I totally understand how you feel. My 10 year old has special needs and is severely dyslexic. I cry over his achievements because he works so hard for them. Teaching him to read at home is one of my proudest achievements.

@Jan069 has your DD been to St Andrews. DD went to an open day there on a cold, wet day in 2019 and loved it. She is still waiting to see if she gets an offer.
If for some reason she can’t go to the US St Andrews would be her top choice in the U.K. if they give her an offer.

As for midterm, the exams here haven’t been cancelled. DDs mocks have been pushed out until the week after midterm, if they are physically back in school. And oral exams for her two languages should be in early March. So DD will be studying all over mid term.

@ChimneyPot We haven't been to St Andrews but we're tempted to visit the town and attend an online offer holders event should she get an offer. An offer would certainly warrant serious consideration. St Andrew's is so tiny, I can't see DD actually getting an offer though...

Thank you @ChimneyPot and @quest1on for sharing your experiences with your other dc's achievements. They sound amazing...

@Pumpkintopf it is hard to articulate without me sounding like a knob (possibly suggests I am actually being a knob).
He has ranked his colleges but firmly put the ‘posh’ Bailey ones top of his list!!
I worry he will be considerably poorer than his colleagues. He says that’s fine, he knows and it’s a non issue for him.
I worry it is too ‘narrow’ for him and a bigger vibrant city would be more stimulating. He says he really loves the idea of somewhere smaller and more ‘focused’.
I worry that as an only child who has never had to share a room let alone a bathroom (other than in scouts) he will bloody hate it (cos as the youngest of five children I know only too well how much I value my privacy).
I worry that it will be too conservative (small c) for him and his vegan / hippy tendencies will be quashed (amd I rather like that about him).
Oh, I worry about many things. But as I say, probably more my issue than his.
I really should trust his judgement cos all through his life he has danced to the beat of his own drum and found likeminded friends everywhere. He has a love of beautiful architecture and open spaces which he will have in spades at Durham.
I’m getting there but maybe it’ll take me longer than it has taken him.
Oh and of course the bloody worry that the results this year will be completely fucked up and he will feel his contextual offer from Bristol (only cos of where we live) will feel like second / third best.
As you can all now tell - I’m not being very objective about this! 😳
But hey, thanks for asking 🤣

Apologies for lack of paragraphs, I swear they were there when I posted.

@Crikeyblimey I'm the same as you worried dd, finding friends and also @bendmeoverbackwards I worries do much about the toxic things almost didn't want dd going there!

Sorry posted to soon, dd does want to go to Durham, she has been looking at society's/clubs there, an Indian society and also a welsh society, (might be outing) and a English lit society. So am feeling a bit better about her going there and also being able to choose a college helps, as she had put a open application.

DDs friend is in Castie. On full loan. And having a brilliant time.

Thanks, that’s lovely to hear.DS’s first choice is Castle. That does allay my fears somewhat.
Welsh Society you say?? DS is half Welsh (or completely Welsh as far as the rugby is concerned 🤣).

@Pumpkintopf thank you for updating, I will keep everything crossed for offers to flood in and that we actually get to physically visit these places.

Well done @quest1on's DD on her BTEC3 art course, fantastic news. And yes Durham does have a high marriage rate apparently, although I am not sure whether that is a good thing

@Crikeyblimey remind me what course your Ds has applied to do. Ds is doing compsci and Durham is fast becoming his firm choice. He has just submitted his college preferences. Ds2 is only yr 10 but is err, quirky? I worried about him finding his people at secondary as he went to one where he knew no-one but soon found several like-minded friends and they are still a tight knit group today.

@mumsneedwine thank you for sharing about Durham and Bristol it does help to hear the positives.

@bendmeoverbackwards I completely agree with question's take on this, there are toxic people everywhere not just in one uni. Hopefully people will not stand for this type of shit and find more positive people instead which surely must outnumber the insecure bullies.

@Jan069 I can't even imagine trying to deal with your Dad's funeral in a shitty lockdown situation. I hope your DD gets her first choice Durham college. We should all know soon.

Oh I’m so pleased we appear to be back on track.
I think I have been worried about dd fitting in at Durham but she seems ok about it all so I’m going with that. She will find her people

@crikeyblimey yep there is a welsh society, and wales and rugby hand in hand. It has allied my fears somewhat knowing there are diff society's that they can join, and hopefully find dcs in same boat so to speak.