Just want to add to the point lots of people have made that there will inevitably be a degree of randomness and luck in a process like this, given the strength of all the candidates.
I know that there's really nothing separating my sons in terms of academic ability. As identical twins, they've naturally gone out of their way to assert their individuality, going to different 6th forms (DT1 moved to a large 6th form in nearby city; DT2 stayed put at small 6th form of their catchment area comp.) and choosing different A level subjects.
But the fact is they've got virtually identical GCSEs, predicted grades, impressive academic records all the way through, like the children of everyone else here. The only difference really was that DT1, who didn't get an offer, was much keener and had done more preparation, as well as more supra-curricular work.
So I guess on the day DT2, despite being a bit more socially awkward at times than DT1, just did a bit better in interview, or was up against marginally less strong competition. Who knows - but it's inevitable that sometimes the luck will be in your favour and sometimes against. In our case, it was both; or doubly against, depending on POV, as it was DT1 who really wanted to go!
He's fine 2 days on, anyway. Would very much like to hear from Durham, as some of his friends already have offers (possibly contextual ones), but not agonizing over the fact that his brother got an offer and he didn't. If anything that underlines the closeness of the margins for him and makes it easier to take.
I, otoh, spent yesterday (silently, of course) cursing the way the cookie crumbled for us and feeling really sad for DT1. I know he'd have loved it at Oxford and really benefited from the teaching style. But I also know he'll be happy elsewhere.
DT2 is more of a worry, as I explained the other day. At the moment we've left it at the 'plenty of time to make a decision' stage and told him he doesn't need to justify his ambivalent feelings to anyone else. He's been stressing about what to say to teachers, friends who didn't get in, etc., so we've suggested just saying he hasn't made his mind up yet.
Re the randomness factor again, I honestly think what might have helped DT2 at interview is that his school completely fucked up the arrangements for him - they'd promised him a room and laptop - and neither were available, so 5 minutes before the interview he was racing around trying to find senior teachers or IT support staff and was logged in and ready to go with about 30 seconds to spare. He'd been feeling very negative about the interview but then had no time to be nervous and said 'it wasn't too bad, actually'.
DT1 had about an hour staring at his unseen poem and said he did get very nervous. Sometimes he talks too quickly out of nerves / excitement. Could well be that. He doesn't think atm that he'll ask for feedback. He knows he did pretty well in the ELAT and suspects they'll just say something diplomatic anyway, rather than telling him if his interviews were poor!
I loved Oxford and stayed to do an M.Phil. Met loads of people then who had gone elsewhere for first degrees, loved their courses and done exceptionally well. If any of our redirected children want to pursue study at that level Oxford is always an option later on.