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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Oxford and Cambridge current students discussion thread

999 replies

sandybayley · 20/11/2020 07:26

Starting a new one as we filled it up!

Can't believe DS1 will be home in 2 weeks. Must remember to adjust the Ocado shop for when he's back. I suspect we may end up with a few days of his favourite meals 😊

OP posts:
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SnapSnapDragon · 29/11/2020 14:33

Oh dear, mutter, I do feel for you and for DS1. I’m sure it’s hard not to get angry with the college (if it’s any consolation, I am quietly seething on your behalf) so I’m impressed that you have both been so patient and understanding so far, presumably because you realise it won’t help for him to hate his college. At the start of term we all blithely assured you that it was early days and that things would change, and hopefully that is still true, although it’s getting concerning that we are nearly at the end of term and there has been no sign of improvement at all. Let’s hope that relaxation of restrictions next term will signal a marked improvement. Perhaps, even probably, there are many others in his situation who, once able to meet, will fall into each other’s arms in relief.

mutterphore · 29/11/2020 16:06

Snap - thanks. On the bright side, he's very happy that he was lucky enough to get into Cambridge and he's trying to express loyalty to his college. He does like the 'gamers/ engineers' and at least these aren't the ones getting drunk and high and being disruptive at 3am. They're a friendly bunch although not often very sociable anyway.

However, the fact that he's also not really getting quite the same academic stimulation that he'd expected and his DOS has only so far marked 2 of the compulsory 6 essays across the whole term just feels like a bit much.

DS1 keeps making excuses for his DOS saying he's probably overworked and I know that they've been selecting for interviews for next year's students, in recent times of course - but DS2's tutor has never got behind with a single essay and DS2's essays are almost twice the length of DS1's and involve a heck of a lot more reading too.

The two things - not yet meeting any people on his wavelength in college, plus not getting the kind of intellectual stimulation he'd hoped for - in the midst of course of a pandemic, 14 days isolation, lockdown - have meant he's had to adapt and lower his expectations of Cambridge.

I've suggested to him things like trying to strike up conversations with anyone he sees in the dining hall - but he says it's usually empty and people just grab takeaway food and disappear into their rooms - whereas DS2 (O) often eats near to others in his college and even has a household Formal tonight too with a special menu and courses plus wine! DS1's food tends to be junk food from a plastic tray, by comparison (he sends photos and it does look rather dire!).

I suggested DS1 asks someone from his household to go for a walk and get a coffee - the kind of thing DS2 is doing a lot of the time with people he now knows from other colleges as well as his own - but DS1 found this laughable as he says there's not a single person he knows that would countenance a walk and a chat. They just don't 'do' that kind of thing.

It baffles me that at a university like Cambridge, DS1 is left hungry for intellectual stimulation and conversation. Of course I'm sure there has to be others - hidden away in their rooms - feeling the same as he does - but he's not finding them.

If I had the power, I'd suggest that the university (and other universities too of course) start up a college-wide app. where you can go on and find people to do 'walk and talk' or 'outdoor coffee socials', as a deliberate means of helping students to meet others wanting to find like-minded people at a time when it's almost impossible to meet anyone outside of your own college/household/corridor - but not make it a thing only for people who are struggling socially - just a 'normal' thing in these current times. I'm surprised that there isn't already something like this or that colleges haven't been more proactive in helping people to get-together - safely of course.

In pre-pandemic times, you might expect students to take more personal responsibility to find like-minded others - but these are not normal times and I do think Freshers need a bit more help at present.

Meanwhile, DS1 has apparently been given no expectations of any work recommended in the vacation whilst DS2 will be revising for college Collections (and is already doing this anyway alongside his continuing essays). I'm also finding this difference very weird as I've never known any Oxbridge college not to expect students to be given work in the vac. DS1 will no doubt do some reading anyway but there's just been no guidance or any kind of expectation at all.

Hoghgyni · 29/11/2020 16:42

Mutterphore are you sure that there aren't opportunities to meet like minded people in your DT's college. Most of them seem to be signposting opportunities to mix outside their households. There may have been something in his freshers guide or on his college news feed. I found this one linked from Twitter:

[[https://www.hughes.cam.ac.uk/hughesians-
together-and-taking-the-precious-from-the-vile/]]

Hoghgyni · 29/11/2020 16:49

Ok, so the link didn't work, but lots of them seem to be doing the same. Trinity has a sports challenge to encourage freshers to meet.

DadDadDad · 29/11/2020 17:41

So... is everyone making plans to bring their DCs home at the end of term?

We're looking to collect from Oxford next Sunday. (DS has been hard to pin down, and his college doesn't seem to have specified exact departure).

Ironoaks · 29/11/2020 17:50

DS had to submit a form with the date he is leaving college and the date he plans to return, but both of these were up to him to choose.

Ironoaks · 29/11/2020 17:52

Thankfully the difficulty he had earlier this term with his workload doesn't seem to have repeated itself. It was just that one week that he found problematic.

sandybayley · 29/11/2020 17:56

I'm hopefully picking DS1 up on Tuesday 8th evening. We've bought a new thermometer and DS2 and I are anxiously monitoring our temps and looking out for symptoms. I reckon if we can both get past this Tuesday we'll be ok as DH and DD are recovering nicely. Sod's law we'll develop symptoms after that though 😬

DS1 is back in Oxford on 9th January.

OP posts:
OhYouBadBadKitten · 29/11/2020 17:57

Dd has said that her Christmas work will consist of a computing project and watching lectures from courses she didn't have time to take. They are very much expected to take the initiative to arrange their own workload.

In terms of meeting people, it obviously isn't easy at the moment but there are still some societies operating. As your ds is into sports mutterphore he could very easily set up his own lockdown sports group.

The list of societies is massive!
www.cusu.co.uk/societies/directory/

OhYouBadBadKitten · 29/11/2020 17:59

Picking up dd this weekend. Cant wait :) I suppose I should dust her room.

Fingers crossed Sandy!

ofteninaspin · 29/11/2020 18:25

Thank you everyone for your birthday wishes for DD. We had a FaceTime call this morning with one very happy DD. Her housemates organised a day of celebration, starting with a walk along the river - fresh air at last! College have been very supportive throughout, delivering hot meals, prescriptions, post, and the all important reindeer craft kits! (I don't envy the scouts going in tomorrow to deep clean the communal areas!)
@sandybayley, sorry to hear of the positive results in your family. I hope none are too poorly with it.
@mutterphore, it must be so disappointing for your DS. Obviously, there is a lot of luck in landing in a household that "clicks" or otherwise but the rest of his experience does sound rubbish.

ofteninaspin · 29/11/2020 18:31

@OhYouBadBadKitten, not long to go now! DH finished repainting both DC's rooms this weekend :)

DD tells me she has completed 35 of 64 lectures (in addition to her project and weekly tutorial essays) so I know what she will be doing over the vac!

On the lockdown sports front at C, DS is playing no nets badminton with his household - one (overseas) student is a spectacularly good player apparently and DS is enjoying the challenge.

Hoghgyni · 29/11/2020 19:32

DD will be coming home on 6th & back on 10th. It's reassuring to see your DD's lecture stats Often as DD will be doing the same. A couple of tutors want them to rewrite their first essays now that they might now know something.

Unescorted · 29/11/2020 20:42

Happy birthday to your DD Spin

We are retrieving ours on Saturday - she has just texted to say she is negative. I might be really quite happy.

Thankfully she can leave most of her junk &crap things of importance that she wants next term in her room and studio. I guess they are doing online interviews this year... I thought ours had it rough with CAGs or not to CAGs but this year is a even worse. No clarity or consistency on exams and teaching hit and miss.

Mutter sorry your lad is still having a rubbish time of it.

Pepermintea · 29/11/2020 22:18

Had a nice chat with DS this evening. We are picking him up on Saturday morning and he seems to think he'll go back on 14th January. He seems quite happy and has made some friends, but I don't know if they are friends for life type or not!
Sorry that your DS1 isn't finding things as he hoped mutter. It does sound as if your DS2 has done incredibly well though, both with who he's met and his college. DS says that no college societies are happening at his college (O), but that could also be that he's not been particularly proactive!

EllieFredrickson · 29/11/2020 22:35

DD at O is being taught to test herself on Tuesday - 15 in a lecture theatre at a time. She then takes another test on Friday by herself and if both negative (and we stay healthy) we can get her on Saturday! January all very vague....

mutterphore · 01/12/2020 20:15

Hoghgyni, DS1 hasn't seen anything in his college that is enabling/ encouraging/ helping students to mix at all and I think as almost the entire first year were in social isolation for so long, earlier in the term, I assume the college doesn't want to encourage get-togethers, to reduce infection rates. Maybe that's why there are illicit student groups gathering at 3am with drugs and alcohol in the grounds, from what DS1 has heard.

OhYouBad, DS1 isn't into team sports, although usually runs and cycles on his own but the day he came out of isolation and went running for the first time in 14 days, he injured his knee and hasn't been able to exercise since then at all, poor thing - although he's still tried walking around town a bit and is recovering now. He like racket sports but isn't at university team level. He was able to do some racket sports at his college right at the start, a couple of time only - but they have to use off site town facilities for that and so it all stopped. He's not into rugby/football/rowing/team sports so that wouldn't work for him as a means of meeting new people.

He's had his last supervision of the term today but still hasn't got back most of the essays he completed across the term, apart from a couple at the start of term. He asked about what his DOS might expect and advise as vacation work and was told just to 'mull over and reflect on this term's texts' but 'no need to revise anything specific'.

He was also told that the in-house supervisor who usually teaches the paper for next term can't do this, so they've started to look for someone else to do it but can't say what texts they'll do yet - so can't give them a reading list to prepare for next term.

Am I misguided to be rather shocked by all this? Is this normal practice for arts and humanities at Cambridge? It's entirely and utterly different to DS2's experience at Oxford but maybe it's something about DS1 doing an English degree?

Has anyone else on this thread got a DC doing English at Cambridge - even in a higher year? I'd love to know if it's like this at other colleges. DS1 has no contact with anyone doing English at any other college so doesn't know whether this 'free and easy' approach is the Cambridge way or just his college.

All that said, he had a nice gathering in the college marquee with the whole English cohort, who he'd barely ever met, although I think people didn't talk much. Their DOS got them all a hot drink and was complimentary to them all but I don't know if they get any individual feedback about how they're performing or how to improve.

I'll be picking up DS1 on Saturday and then DS2 on Sunday. It'll be great to have them home again. I wish I could stop worrying though about DS1's very 'different' first term.

Unescorted · 01/12/2020 20:17

@OhYouBadBadKitten the 50million dollar question is it going to be snowing between the Peak District and Oxford on Saturday for pick up day. I realise that is sooooooo outing - but I care not.

hobbema · 01/12/2020 20:46

DD met with her tutor to review her end of term report; pastoral and academic with a heads up on roughly what degree level she’s performing at. She contacted her supervisor for next term to ask about preparatory reading and has a list tailored to her areas of interest. Exam when she goes back after Xmas. No comparison mutter... I’d ask is it students being expected to be self driven but DS1 clearly is that .. re sport etc, he might just considered something different to get out of the rut that has been this term ? Re drugs at 3 am in the grounds... where are the porters?!

Collecting DD1 this Friday and DD2 next week , new-boyfriend butterflies just thinking about it , though was geological amounts of time ago!!

Unescorted · 01/12/2020 20:55

new-boyfriend butterflies

The advantages of DDs 6th form version also being in Oxf is that we have already met him [totally adorable / patronising parent alert]. I also suspect he is the only reason DD applied.

hobbema · 01/12/2020 21:04

Haha Unescorted! Just re-read my post , sent while feeding a guinea pig and realise the ambiguity; I’ve got lovely anticipation butterflies at seeing them!! Makes a change from the interview/ offer/ grades dread we all lived through. BUT there is a new boyfriend, a Russian literature reading Engineer; shame for mutter’s DS1 he’s at another college, trying and failing to be breezily semi-interested...

Unescorted · 01/12/2020 21:18

hob I think all we can do is point them in the direction of a good contraception and offer a shoulder when it doesn't quite work out [contraception/ boyf].
Interviews, offers and grades were so last year. I was just looking on the aspirant thread and I can feel the dread disappointment and the drag out of second guessing what was needed for interview success. I am so glad that is over.

sandybayley · 01/12/2020 21:31

I'm picking up hints of a love interest from DS1 as well. He hinted at it when we saw him at the beginning of November and I'm picking up vibes from the siblings. I'm like a witch with my maternal instinct. I know something is up.

We put his advent calendar up for him last night. When he gets home he can eat 1-8.

@Unescorted - I do feel for those poor aspirants. It'll be me again next year with DD but I'm not going to think about it just yet 😬

OP posts:
goodbyestranger · 01/12/2020 21:44

I literally never ask about love interest. I get told when I'm told, which is usually after siblings are told.

I'm on the other thread. I think I have withdrawal symptoms. Not quite broody, but a hint of it :)

DD says her first test is negative. I reckon she's ready for a break. The house is a shit heap though (clearing out every single cupboard upstairs and down but since I have the attention span of a knat, every room is a tip as I go from cupboard to cupboard). Three days (evenings really) to get the place sorted....

goodbyestranger · 01/12/2020 21:45

Her first Covid test I should add.

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