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Oxford and Cambridge current students - discussion thread for anyone with daughters, sons etc there for Michaelmas 2020 (and not just freshers!)

999 replies

DadDadDad · 25/09/2020 17:36

A continuation thread for those attending Oxbridge for the first time this term, but it makes sense to throw it open to anyone with a DC there (or other family member, or maybe you're a student yourself or teach / work there - all welcome!) Share your thoughts and questions on college life, courses, etc. A certain virus has made it a bit different for everyone this year...

I have a DS who is a fresher at a small Oxford college in a small subject. We will be taking him there in just over a week.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 05/11/2020 12:16

He met someone coincidentally at his college the other day who he got on well with but feels he'd now be unlikely to see that person again, given all the current restrictions and they're not doing the same subject either. However, it gave him hope that there might be people out there even at his own college who are on the same wavelength as he is.

Does he know their email or can he find their pigeon hole? If so, he could send them a note saying he enjoyed their conversation the other day and was wondering if they'd be interested in a walk or something.

mutterphore · 05/11/2020 20:30

Ofteninaspin, DS1 has looked again at the CUL website and he can't find any way of booking a study slot except in a tiny seminar room, rather than the proper library, for a study period only and even then, he thinks this refers to pre-lockdown. He seems to think that otherwise the CUL is closed except for book collection. Do you know where it says on the website that you can still book time in the library?

Errol, I think DS1's encounter with the one like-minded person he met at his college was so brief that he'd neither feel able to make any further forays into eliciting contact nor know how to find the person again. It seems that hardly anyone eats in the hall and everything else in college is now closed. So people are just in their rooms a lot of the time.

Meanwhile, he's disclosed that the very very loud music in the corridor at 1am to 3am has continued unabated night after night outside his room. It might be the same person who got her friends to congregate there near the start of term (same one who brought Covid to the household too and who's been 'mixing' with others currently in isolation.) He feels powerless to do anything as he's on the top floor so no porter or anyone official even knows what's going on and of course DS1 doesn't want to 'tell tales'.

He's still getting on well enough with his household and corridor but they're just on a completely different wavelength to him and he's longing for some 'deeper' kind of conversation and intellectual stimulation, not even necessarily to do with his subject - but just the kind of conversations he's used to having at home or at school.

DS2 keeps reporting on his amazing and exciting tutorials, choir practice, rowing (pre-lockdown) his lovely group of friends where they'll discuss things like Heidegger, Historiography, America politics over drinks in the college bar and how he feels really in his element. I'm sure DS1 envies him as no one he's able to mix with seems interested in anything like that or talks about things except on a very superficial level.

I wish I could do something to help him. Pre-lockdown, he was very keen on trying to keep meeting people from other colleges but now of course all that is impossible.

Hoghgyni · 05/11/2020 21:49

DD has 4 worksheets or essays to submit each week. Her tutors realise that it isn't always possible to juggle everything each week, so I think that they have to submit 6 for each subject each term to ease the pressure from studying 3 subjects.

They are expected to rewrite their earlier essays again over Christmas and resubmit them once they actually know more of what's expected of them. After all, not everyone is fortunate enough to have had such a privileged early education as others and her tutors seem to have enough awareness of this to not make anyone feel inadequate or stupid at this stage. She has been getting the measure of others in her tutorials though, as it sounds as some are like the early episodes of The Apprentice with egos on display. She's going to get good practice giving Kamala Harris' line of 'I'm speaking".

She's found the pastoral support to be excellent. They have worked out a way for her to be able to come home for a funeral without compromising the College or national lockdown rules. She has made lots of friends in College from other subjects, finding that even if they all have different backgrounds and experiences, that they can still bond with each other in these strange times. She's also on a university sports team, but it's not elite enough to keep going at the mo. Still, it will still be there when lockdown eventually ends.

ErrolTheDragon · 05/11/2020 22:09

Meanwhile, he's disclosed that the very very loud music in the corridor at 1am to 3am has continued unabated night after night outside his room. It might be the same person who got her friends to congregate there near the start of term (same one who brought Covid to the household too and who's been 'mixing' with others currently in isolation.) He feels powerless to do anything as he's on the top floor so no porter or anyone official even knows what's going on and of course DS1 doesn't want to 'tell tales'.

That's not on. 'Portering' (and if that fails, 'Deaning') is, afaik a perfectly honourable tradition - the terms are short enough that studying (and getting enough sleep to do so) are a reasonable priority, weeknights at least. This person is being an inconsiderate brat, there are probably others suffering in silence.

ofteninaspin · 05/11/2020 22:13

@mutterphore, apologies for my mistake. DS has collected from the main library (study spaces not available yet) and booked study spaces in college/faculty library.

Your DT is having a very challenging first term. I am surprised that the late night noise hasn’t abated as the workload has increased.

hobbema · 05/11/2020 22:32

I enjoyed reading your positive post Hogh. Our DC are half way through their first term! Extraordinary. We cant go on a planned visit to offset week 4 blues this weekend but DT1 seems grand. She made a breakthrough with her supervisor and what he expects from her this week, got her first choice paper for the themes and source paper which starts next term and is still managing to enjoy a social life. Maybe she’s just lucky. I think finding the best in what you can do rather than mourning what you cant has to help. Her house bought a projector between themselves and have film nights on the enormous staircase wall. Having initially been frustrated by the library booking etc, she worked out it suits her better to book some time in the college and faculty libraries during the week to break up the monotony of her room, lovely though it is. It can be pretty solitary as a humanities student. I have a small box of lightweight Bridgemas decorations ready to post closer to the 25th. Now that I cant see her, Im really starting to miss her and DT2 :(

Hoghgyni · 05/11/2020 22:48

DD has been working in some beautiful rooms in various libraries. I know that when she managed to get a slot in a history reading room that she suffered serious bookcase envy.

She's struggled to deal with bereavement by herself, which is probably why she has been in regular contact with us, but she knows how lucky she is to have this opportunity and is desperately trying to make the most of every minute in case if gets snatched away again.

sandybayley · 06/11/2020 06:58

DS1 is fairly content at Oxford. He remains disappointed that he's not been able to do the amateur/ college sport he was hoping for (he is far from elite) but he's making the most of it.

He is mixing within his college and seems to be having fun. It's fun of their own making within college and, again, not what he'd hoped for but he's making friends and being independent.

These are extraordinary times and i don't think it's helpful for to dwell on what might have been. Our DC will get to experience Oxbridge in its its wonder during their time there, just not at the moment. And they'll probably appreciate it even more than they would have done if they hadn't been through this.

ofteninaspin · 06/11/2020 09:03

It’s so good to read of more positive experiences, especially from @hoghgyni’s DD who is additionally coping with a family bereavement. Very best wishes to your family Hogh.

When DH and I visited DS last weekend, he commented that when “things get back to normal” his cohort will still have loads of new stuff to experience. The college master has also promised that any special events that have had to be cancelled will happen at some point in the future.
DS’s household have Friday night film nights and singalongs around the piano. Not something likely to have happened without Covid!!

OhYouBadBadKitten · 06/11/2020 10:24

Thats a really good point Spin, for the freshers, there is so much good to look forward to.

Mutter It is quite alright for your ds to have a chat with someone about the noise. In the first instance he could even chat with his bedder about it. I wouldn't moan about occasional noise - or really odd cooking times (I'm looking at you sternly dds household mate) but sustained loud music is not on. the rules are there for a reason and theres a limit to reasonable stretching.

dd is very content. Shes enjoying the work still, feels happy with where shes at. She feels that her college are being very reasonable and that considering things, they are looking after them as best they can within covid limits. She all of a sudden seems to have turned into an adult - rather than almost an adult.

Hogh you must be so so proud of your dd. She sounds so resilient. Some kids do always stay in regular contact, she might end up being one of them.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 06/11/2020 10:35

If I start to feel a bit Confused and sad about their Oxbridge times, I just think about Newton and wonder what the plague experience was like for him! I also think about Ramanujan and WW1. It kind of comforts me if I link it back to history and how things go in cycles. ~

Turns out that living through a significant part of what will be history is fairly crap. (no shit sherlock!)

ofteninaspin · 06/11/2020 11:18

Apologies if someone else has already suggested this @mutterphore; could your DT have a chat with his non-academic tutor? Supervisions not being what was expected, unregulated noise in his accommodation and the difficulty in finding likeminded friends amongst his corridor are all issues that I am sure tutors would want to know about.

Definitely helps to keep a sense of perspective @OhYouBadBadKitten! Good to hear your DD is reasonably content this term.

On the subject of keeping in touch, DD maintains constant digital communication. DS does not. He occasionally requests advice (should a particular t shirt go in a dark or light wash) but otherwise imparts very little. Which is fine. Especially since I have had the opportunity to see that he is, in fact, fine in real life!

ErrolTheDragon · 06/11/2020 12:14

Turns out that living through a significant part of what will be history is fairly crap. (no shit sherlock!)

"may you live in interesting times", as the saying goes.

Ah well. I may have mentioned this before, at least it's not what happened to my DF - 3 rather than 4 years at oxford, out into the Signals in 1939. He did get to see the pyramids while recovering from dysentery.

hobbema · 06/11/2020 13:25

Yikes Errol..
DD did get an email to all the History students from one of the Fellows riffing on what a mixed blessing it was to be living through what are definitely rich picking times for future historians.
If you get lemons etc...

Hoghgyni · 06/11/2020 16:42

DD has a double dose of living history by studying PPE with Covid and Trump, the gift which keeps giving.

sandybayley · 06/11/2020 16:52

@Hoghgyni - you've missed Brexit. Bad things always come in threes.

MiniJellyBeans · 06/11/2020 18:05

These are extraordinary times and i don't think it's helpful for to dwell on what might have been. Our DC will get to experience Oxbridge in its its wonder during their time there, just not at the moment. And they'll probably appreciate it even more than they would have done if they hadn't been through this.

@sandybayley - what a lovely positive way of looking at things - thankyou :) My DD (O) is currently isolating because she is a close contact of a confirmed Covid case; I've been worried about her this week but she Facetimed today and she's coping fine. She has gorgeous views out of her window and can watch people coming and going, and even chat to friends in the quad! Her housemate (not isolating) is collecting a takeaway which she's looking forward to tonight. She'd be a lot more bored in isolation at home.

Hoghgyni · 06/11/2020 18:44

[quote sandybayley]@Hoghgyni - you've missed Brexit. Bad things always come in threes.[/quote]
Had hoped the funeral counted for the 3 and that the B word was a bad dream. Next you'll be telling me we have someone from the Jockey Club running Track & Trace and Boris brushed his hair earlier in the week.

sandybayley · 06/11/2020 19:10

@Hoghgyni - good things also come in threes. So if Biden gets to move into the White House we might get a little run of good luck 🤞

ErrolTheDragon · 07/11/2020 16:48

I've just been talking to DD - among other things, it sounds as though her department has worked out how to do the online lectures well. Some are 'live' via Teams, but others have been a step more innovative - the lectures are recorded, the students are expected to view them in advance and then the timetables lecture slot is used for Q&A and discussion. (This is 4th year MEng so options, not the whole 450 cohort at once!). The general consensus is that this is an improvement on going to a lecture and then having to hurry out to the next one or a lab. And then there's one lecturer who has taken it a step too far and is doing a prerecorded lecture plus a 'live' one.Grin

Flyonawalk · 07/11/2020 18:14

Biden has won and Trump is playing golf. Perfect spot for a tantrum in a bunker.

goodbyestranger · 07/11/2020 18:24

My brother was a professional golfer and once had a major tantrum which involved his entire bag of clubs getting lodged high up in a tree (lousy drive). I'm really looking forward to seeing Trump's tantrum (hopefully it will be filmed and aired), whether on or off the course.

ErrolTheDragon · 07/11/2020 18:52

Is there any chance he'll realise no-one likes a sore loser, and go without a toxic kerfuffle?

DadDadDad · 07/11/2020 19:35

@ErrolTheDragon

Is there any chance he'll realise no-one likes a sore loser, and go without a toxic kerfuffle?
Oh definitely. In my professional opinion as someone who works with statistics there is a chance similar to the probability that they will find Lord Lucan riding Shergar on Mars in the next year. Grin
OP posts:
mutterphore · 07/11/2020 21:53

Dad, that made me laugh! Thanks for that!

Hoghyni, I'm glad your DD has such good pastoral care at her college and also access to lots of lovely libraries. She's doing amazingly well coping without her family at a time of bereavement and that's so much to be managing along with everything else. It puts things in perspective for those not facing that kind of additional challenge and you must be very proud of her for showing such courage.

Hobbema, your DT1 seems to have a very supportive and sociable household with their film nights. What a very creative idea!

DS2 is having a brilliant time, with a good group of new friends and working in a selection of different libraries around O, often more than one a day. He's getting through copious amounts of work, goes for very long runs each day and is often the first up and out in the morning in his college, which he likes. He really thrives on being very busy and is still managing to do choir at his college which is apparently 'educational' and participating online in lots of other societies. The food is apparently excellent in his college and he describes enormous meals plus gets takeaway food and hot drinks on his way to and from various libraries.

I think it's partly because DS2 is having a 'peak experience' time at O that DS1, by contrast, has focused - with hyperbole - on his very 'different' experience at C but when pushed, he says he's also having a very good time overall. He's discovered that if the fire doors are shut, along his corridor, the night-time noise is much less, although he still doesn't want to report anyone for the noise. He likes to 'fit in' and is fairly easy going and unassuming and won't want to cause any problems.

Ofteninaspin, he doesn't really have any contact with his tutor who he only met briefly online for a few minutes at the start of term and again, he won't want to say anything about noise or the 'different' supervision method he's experiencing. He's not unhappy at all, just having a different kind of experience at his college, so far, to the one he'd hoped for and expected at C. He's very very pleased that his brother is so happy however and tends to 'put himself down' in order to 'big up' his bro.

Neither wants to Skype or talk on the telephone and DS2 says he's far too busy for that kind of thing! This seems like a good sign. DS1, who injured his leg on his first run after coming out of isolation, is still managing to go on walks - usually calling in for takeaway hot drinks and food at cafes too - and whilst he seems more isolated than DS2, managed a brief get-together with some old school friends also at C, just before lockdown.

DS1's the most easily sociable one of my DCs and I hope that in time, if things can become a bit more normal at some point across the next few years, he'll get the chance to find some proper friends at C. He enjoyed a face to face supervision outside in the college grounds the other day and although it was very cold by the end, he said face to face contact made all the difference.