Oxford and Cambridge current students - discussion thread for anyone with daughters, sons etc there for Michaelmas 2020 (and not just freshers!)

[DadDadDad]

A continuation thread for those attending Oxbridge for the first time this term, but it makes sense to throw it open to anyone with a DC there (or other family member, or maybe you're a student yourself or teach / work there - all welcome!) Share your thoughts and questions on college life, courses, etc. A certain virus has made it a bit different for everyone this year...

I have a DS who is a fresher at a small Oxford college in a small subject. We will be taking him there in just over a week.

@mutterphore, I'm sure your DT at C will find his people in time. It is still very early days. I was talking with a friend tonight by phone and she was saying how bitterly lonely she was in her first term at uni, decades ago. I think, Covid or not, the first term is really tough on a lot of students. It can be hard to find your crowd. DS2 has been - like your DT2 - very sociable but has admitted that he is hanging around with a group of people because they are the ones who have let him into their crowd, rather than because he feels any really close connection with them.

DS1 had a single day out of isolation before lockdown began. He managed a haircut, lunch with an old school friend, a walk with another friend and drinks with his bubble. He is very happy that choir is allowed as his sport is non existent this term and his college seem to be keeping formal hall and the bar open - not sure how that works!

Had a lovely family Zoom call at lunch time - our first so far.

He's discovered that if the fire doors are shut, along his corridor, the night-time noise is much less

I do hope that the doors are only kept open by means of the proper device having been fitted to them (which will close them automatically if there is a fire / the fire alarm sounds)? Otherwise, its not the noise I'd be worrying about, personally.

Yes, I was wondering why the fire doors weren't shut by default - an open fire door is pointless!

I don't know if I've said this before, but it took dd a full year to feel really settled and like she belonged. She won't mind me saying that. Now it feels like Home 2 for her. It just be even harder for freshers now, especially if they don't strike lucky with who they find.

My DS is in his second year and despite all the restrictions is so much happier than last year. It takes time, even in more normal times.

It's interesting how different some colleges are from others in what they're keeping available to students and DS2 (O) certainly has so much more available to him than DS1(C).

DS2 meets people at mealtimes (socially distanced of course) and can chat then and also at breaks at choir, on the way to various libraries that he's using and in other parts of his college. He'd become friends with several people prior to isolation and now lockdown - and so still keeps in touch with them in and around college.

Meanwhile, DS1(C) says virtually no one is eating in the college hall and just seem to pick up meals as takeaways from hall and then eat alone in their own rooms. Virtually no one is coming out of their rooms half the time and he barely speaks to anyone all day. He feels he's done and is doing more than most others to try to get out and about and connect with people but I think it's almost like his college is akin to a large, anonymous 'campus' with everybody hidden away in their own rooms.

All his clubs/ activities can't now happen and he's just trying to get out for exercise on his own each day and go into town to buy takeaway hot drinks but there's no opportunity to meet and chat with anyone or to get to know anyone he hasn't known before.

The only available library is his college library and he won't go in there as it's open plan and so he'd need to wear a face mask the whole time he was in there, which he doesn't want to do. He seems to be happy enough still and actively looks forward to supervisions, although his supervisor is also behind with marking any essays that anyone has chosen to do.

I don't know what's happening with the fire doors in college but he says the whole 'fire alarm practice' thing is a bit nonsensical anyway, as these can happen during the daytime when he - and probably others - maybe out. So he doesn't know how the college could check who's 'missing' if there were a real fire. I guess it's a 'tick box' exercise to have regular practice runs and maybe they don't want to keep waking people in the night and also mixing those in isolation with the rest. Obviously there's no provision for keeping them separate when they stream out of the buildings.

If he could only meet more people generally, which perhaps he will next term - (if they allow students to go back) - or in future years, if there's any possibility of this - then I'm sure he'll be able to find some friends.

I think, as usual, having the endless contrast between both DS1 and DS2's experiences must highlight the differences for me, whereas if there were only DS1, it would seem that his first term was basically going fine.

Gosh @mutterphore, it sounds pretty dismal and more akin to some of the stories that were coming out of Scottish universities at the start of term, with students eating on their own and not able to meet each other. As you say, so different from your O DS, who seems to be having a similar experience to mine. I do wonder how much this difference is driven by the decisions made, both by colleges and individual students. Some colleges have lively outdoor bars, for example, and some colleges serve meals in hall rather than offering take out. Some students push the boundaries, shall we say, and are therefore meeting more people than students who are more cautious about social distancing. Take the party girl on your DS1’s corridor, for example. I suspect her impressions of the social side of college and university may be very different to your DS1. But it sounds like she is the exception in his college and most people really are hanging out alone in their rooms, which is so hard to square with the impression I’m getting of college life.

My DS is very happy. He’s a bit frustrated because his sport is on hold (he’s in an elite squad and I was hopeful that it would still be going, but alas not). Sports aside, he thinks he may be having a better experience due to coronavirus because people are spending more time really getting to know each other and less time in pubs and clubs. Silver linings!

Do you think he could try the library again, mutter? At least he’d be seeing other human beings and may be able to arrange to walk into town with someone for lunch. Could he use a visor rather than a mask?

Snap, DS1 assures me that he's still having a good time but I think the combination of not really having much in common with his household, the fact that most of them are in their rooms a lot of the time anyway, two weeks in isolation near the start of term, followed by the rest of the entire first year in isolation still, once he got out, hasn't made it easy for him to 'find his tribe'.

Also, his college seems quite unusual in so many aspects and there's no sense that they've tried to enable students to meet and get to know one another - quite the opposite really. They're very 'restrictive'. I think he might try the college library once - as he's not even been in there so far - but isn't inclined to sit wearing a face mask for any length of time out of choice and he'd just feel self-conscious in a visor.

He participated in everything that anyone else was doing, socially, in his household and feels he did that more than anyone else, even though he hasn't got much in common with them but anything collective now seems to have stopped. The 'party girl' is on the same corridor but not in the same household. She and friends just chose at times to use the corridor area of his household to 'party' into the night!

The compare and contrast thing is quite humorous in a way when we're in touch via email: DS2 - who missed 'Matriculation' as he was in isolation, has got a special event coming up for his household where they can still have photos, in full subfusc and the college wants to make it a proper celebration for them, as far as lockdown will allow.

By contrast, DS1's 'Matriculation' at the start of term, was in a large, cold echoing tent, with a couple of 'households' in tracksuits and hoodies (except DS1 who wore his suit at least in part) a small plastic cup of weak champagne and a mumbled message from the Principal that most people ignored, after which everyone drifted off to their own rooms!

DS2 has fantastic meals in hall, sitting and chatting with very sociable like-minded people whilst DS1 walks to the local supermarket and buys a packet of sandwiches, if no meals are served in hall or eats the usual 'junk food' available most days in college hall on his own. DS2 had plenty of healthy meals provided to him whilst in isolation and his laundry done. DS1 was only given 2 meals per day and one of even two of those 'meals' was a single packet of dried up sandwiches and a bag of crisps! He had 3 weeks without clean clothes to wear!

I've told DS1 that at least, in his dotage, he can recount tales of 'my days at Cambridge' to his grandchildren and say, 'yes, this too was Oxbridge'. He's got a great sense of humour and is able to laugh about the endless on-going contrast between his life at C and his brother's life at O. Of course they're both different universities but they seem 'culturally' world and worlds apart.

Two people in DD's shared house of five became ill on Saturday and were confirmed positive today so DD and her housemates are now in isolation.
College is delivering meals, prescribed medication and library books. The college chaplain has provided a timetable of "isolation activities" including online knitting (!) and exercise classes.
DD is philosophical. Sad to cancel two weeks of library bookings and her daily run but at least she can still dance indoors!

If I was a Oxbridge applicant parent looking in, which many do, I’d be desperate to know your DS1 ‘s college mutterphore, ( which I know of course you wont and shouldnt disclose) and hoping my DC hadnt applied there! Such disparity with experiences of others of us with DC at different colleges. I cant see any reason, particularly with the exciting Pfizer vaccine news today why they wouldnt go back after Christmas and more normal-ish life becomes a reality in 2021.

Ofteninaspin, it sounds as if your DD is being well looked after by her college and I hope her time in isolation passes swiftly. It's difficult for everyone and more so, in some ways, for those who like to keep very active physically and go running once a day too. I've thought of providing DS1 and DS2 with a small, portable bike machine to take back next term just so they can do more than exercise with weights on their room floors but I'm not sure colleges will allow this!

Hobbema, I do need to re-emphasise that DS1's experience is through the eyes of one Fresher and others in the same college maybe experiencing and perceiving things differently.

Another way to look at his experience would be to say, what a refreshingly 'modern' approach to Oxbridge life, easing the students into academia very gently and slowly without too many demands on them, not alienating those who might be freaked out by Oxbridge's strange and ancient traditions in other colleges....allowing students to develop social connections in their own time and in their own way and stay in their rooms if they wish....allowing them to be very autonomous adults rather than provide a more college-led 'care' when in anyone is in isolation.

I guess it depends on how you look at it and where someone like DS1 would have preferred something more traditional like his brother is getting, DS1's college might suit a lot of people so much better. DS1 is continuing to feel loyal to his own college and happy and lucky to be there at all.

I'm sure things will get better for him if and when university life becomes more normal as - by nature - he makes friends quite easily and is good at adapting to whatever life throws at him.

Wasn't your DS1 even allowed to hand-wash his clothes, mutterphore? Please tell me he at least washed his underwear!
It's not a difference between Oxford and Cambridge as a whole, I'm pretty sure of that.

DS has just requested I post his skipping rope in case he ends up having to self isolate like his sister!
From comparing my DC’s experience, I would say their colleges are providing a similar level of care and as close to a “normal” experience as possible. DC’s C college isn’t making any allowances on the work front but, as DD pointed out, there is actually more time than usual with fewer distractions and commitments than in a normal term.

@ofteninaspin - it sounds as though your DD is able to access what she needs. Hopefully the time will pass fairly quickly before she is allowed out again.

mutterphore If your DT1 has issues with wearing a face mask and doesn't want to explain himself to others or receive glares, he could always purchase a Sunflower lanyard. Most people are aware of their meaning.

Greektome, I think the college finally handed out handwash laundry liquid near the end of his isolation - so a bit late in the day by then and to be honest, I think he missed being given any breakfast more than clean clothes!

Hoghyni, DS1 has no 'need' at all to not wear a face mask. He just prefers not to, like many of us and would rather work in his room, without one, than spend hours in the library, wearing one. He's completely fine wearing one where necessary, for example at some supervisions but any 'advantage' of working in the open plan library in a mask is outweighed by the comfort of working mask-free in his own room. He's not sure many people in college use the library in any case and the main reason for giving it a go would be to 'meet' other students and socialise.

It's a pity that even before lockdown, most college societies were only online but he has had a glimpse of how things might be different, pre-lockdown and after isolation, when he briefly accessed some face to face clubs/societies and met - in person - people he 'clicked' with. Let's hope there's some of this happening next term or beyond.

Ofteninaspin, a skipping rope for exercise in your room is a great idea. I'm not sure DS1's tiny room would allow this for him but DS2's room probably would and I might suggest this to him for next term.

Another way to look at his experience would be to say, what a refreshingly 'modern' approach to Oxbridge life, easing the students into academia very gently and slowly without too many demands on them, not alienating those who might be freaked out by Oxbridge's strange and ancient traditions in other colleges....allowing students to develop social connections in their own time and in their own way and stay in their rooms if they wish....allowing them to be very autonomous adults rather than provide a more college-led 'care' when in anyone is in isolation.

What an interesting view.

I think DD4, at the start of the original lockdown, was cheering herself up by the prospect of an even more heady start to Oxford than normal, rather than being 'eased in', academically or socially. Her siblings agreed that it could potentially be huge fun. Unfortunately things don't seem to have moved that fast with the pandemic, so they are what they are etc etc. That said, her experience doesn't seem too bad at all and she seems very content, although I haven't had a single conversation with her about tutorials (in fact I can't recall ever asking any of the DC about their tutorials - that just never featured in any messages or calls). She says she's very busy all the time which sounds good for an 18yr old. She was a bit surprised to be woken this morning by a window cleaner two inched from her face (curtainless tall narrow second window in her room), but apart from that she's quite mellow. She and her brother met up for a coffee and walk over the weekend and they've both reported back that the other looks well, seems happy etc.

*inches

I think I must have an incredibly low bar for my DC, judging by the posts of other posters. Nothing horribly wrong = good as far as I'm concerned and happy/ content is at least 6/10. My father was a very intelligent man (I now realise, rather late in the day, a decade after his death), and he often counselled my sister and brother and I not to think too much. So I don't, and life is much more peaceful than it might otherwise be.

@goodbyestranger - I'm with you. DS1 is fine. Not deliriously happy but not terribly sad. Pleased to be at Oxford and working very hard. Just getting on with life as it is at the moment and not pining for a dream
of what could be.

@Ironoaks, thank you. It is what it is and she will be fine. Don’t think there’s much chance of her taking up the offer of online crocheting though!!

I think I'm lucky that as DD is an "only" she's used to sharing all kinds of trivia with me & I'm naturally nosy. She had another blow yesterday, as 2 months after my dad had a cardiac arrest and 2 weeks after losing my MIL, my mum was taken to hospital after having a stroke. We're thinking of launching an NHS club card scheme to collect loyalty points! It never rains...

mutter He still has plenty of time to settle in. I am glad that he is not at O b/c I would worry that DD is Party Girl.

Oh no Hogh I'm so sorry, sending love to you all.