Oxford and Cambridge current students - discussion thread for anyone with daughters, sons etc there for Michaelmas 2020 (and not just freshers!)

[DadDadDad]

A continuation thread for those attending Oxbridge for the first time this term, but it makes sense to throw it open to anyone with a DC there (or other family member, or maybe you're a student yourself or teach / work there - all welcome!) Share your thoughts and questions on college life, courses, etc. A certain virus has made it a bit different for everyone this year...

I have a DS who is a fresher at a small Oxford college in a small subject. We will be taking him there in just over a week.

Another one here with a DC almost defeated by washing machine symbols ( finest minds etc...), also where to buy stamps.

I think it is impossible to expect uniformity across colleges Cole; the sheer variety of building shapes and accommodations mean there will invariably be differences of what can be managed and ultimately a degree of common sense must prevail. I feel the same applies to what’s been “provided” by fresher’s reps; despite all appearances to the contrary( see washing machine comment), our DC are now semi-independent adults. Oxbridge might spoon feed the education but they cant engineer a social life for them.

I say this with first hand painful experience of a DC who couldnt cope with University life at 18 and it’s agony as a parent, truly. I feel for anyone on the sidelines desperate for a text that means they're ok and you might sleep that night. Encouraging them not to solely look for “ like-minds” once the head is above water socially is a good idea. For anyone with a fresher who is thriving ( and DT1 is one), encourage them to maybe just knock again on that closed door with a coffee or hall invite. It was ultimately DS’s housemates who made the correct calls for help for him; a burden I feel dreadful they had to deal with, but there it is.

I withdrew a post at the weekend about DT1 living her dream because it seemed insensitive to the surrounding posts but I’m checking in with hope to see everyone’s DC settle and soon thrive.

@JulesJules, delighted the QUOD worked out!

@Coleoptera, DD reported a WiFi problem this morning which is being looked at right now. She says your DS should have a list of contacts for his college.
I don’t think DS has even registered yet the possibilities beyond college. He can even buy essentials such as milk, bread etc from the servery. I suppose it all helps to keep the virus at bay for the time being and DS is happy to stick to the rules - not least because he is desperate for tennis trials to go ahead before any lockdown!

I'm glad some of you are hearing how your DCs are getting on.

I'm hoping some of you are in my boat - apart from one text and a brief phonecall, we've heard little from DS, and I've no idea how things are going socially, practically, emotionally...

To be honest, I think it's right as a parent to wean off the school pattern of daily contact, and if I don't hear from him all week, I will take that as positive! (Although I won't deny there's a part of me who would happily want to know all the ins-and-outs of how things are going).

Haha Dad, DS @C is in a WhatsApp group with DD @O who relays snippets to us. I think they are having fun comparing and contrasting colleges. I suspect all will go quiet when term starts properly.

@huashan, hoping your drop off is going well today - you've certainly got the better weather!

I'm awestruck by the DC who have already ventured into the world of laundry...DS is perfectly able (has been on laundry rota at home for years) but tends to regard it as a very low priority exercise. If university changes that then I will know he has truly 'grown up' .

Much sympathy to @stucki and @MiniJellyBeans. Hard to describe the sinking feeling when you see them looking stressed. Or the relief when you Zoom them and they seem more positive.

@DadDadDad, I'd guess the lack of inbound communication is probably a tribute to your self control.

I'm ashamed to say I have been a bit stalkerish with poor DS (texts, emails and calls!) . I'm going to knock it off a bit now as I'm not sure whether he is experiencing it as supportive mother or just weirdly pressuring.

D1 (Ox joint) has had her first scheduling clash - the introduction events for her two subjects were at the same time! I hope this isn't going to be a theme. But her wifi is now sorted, and she has braved the dining hall and worked out the coffee machine, so she has internet and caffeine.

We dropped our dd off at C on Saturday, it was all very organised, 1 helper allowed so I stayed in the car, for me the easiest drop off. Dd is a postgrad, doing a masters, she is used to uni life, but new to C.

She is delighted with the catering, has declared no intention to cook at all! I gave her some emergency Tins of food for in case of a lockdown, it has been put away and I’m hoping it will just stay there.

Her college seem to have a balanced approach to Covid, strict about rule of 6, you need to book a gym slot etc. She said the social distancing is good in the dinning hall as no one would know if you had friends or not.
She has sorted a bike, had many coffees and messaged re finances.

I feel for all those who’s dcs are finding it a bit overwhelming, there is nothing worse than watching this from afar. We have had a chat about happiness and settling in and that if it’s not for her she can come home and do something else. Sometimes just saying that can help them to feel supported. I have Also been impressed that her college have been excellent in letting them know who the welfare officer is etc.

When I was an undergrad, it tooks ages to queue up for the payphones so my DM and I used to write to each other. I decided to do that with DD (although it's one way!). I drop her a postcard every few days and littlest DD (aged 9) writes to her too. She loves getting mail from home, and writes back to DD who loves being her penpal.

I've started dropping DS a postcard too. He definitely won't be anyone's penpal (writing is torture for him) but it does help me resist the urge to be calling or messaging him every day. We did speak yesterday. He sounds pretty subdued. Alas, the lack of contact doesn't betoken a fabulous social life, in his case.

@DadDadDad - I asked both DC to call us at least three times in 0th week and then, if all was well, once a week after that is fine. We do have to wean off but a bit of titration never did an inquisitive anxious parent any harm

Thanks, @monkeyonthetable. I might ask DS to call at the end of the week to let us know how it's going, but I'm afraid "at least three times in the week" is straying into helicopter territory for me.

DS finds phone conversations stressful (social cues are hard enough to interpret when you're face to face) so I'm not going to suggest a phone call, but he is sending WhatsApp messages every couple of days, and seems to be settling in fairly well so far.

I think this evening is his household's turn for the matriculation dinner (taking place in several sittings to enable distancing) so he'll get to wear his gown and experience formal hall.

I think lectures at C start this Thursday - is that right?

hobbema exactly. In fact that's what I said to DD about the one person who didn't join the others on the staircase on the first night. I said don't push it, but just check in from time to time and suggest joining in with whatever people are doing. If this person genuinely prefers their own company then it will soon be clear, in which case fair enough.

PS Sorry to spam the thread. Nice chat with DD (2nd year) sharing how she'd gone out for a meal with her college family. However, somewhat marred by the fact that her college "son" offered everyone coke, and not the drinking sort.

Please can someone sum up the Oxbridge experience for me at the moment. I know that there are no lectures. Are there supervisions? Practicals? If you are in college can you socialise at all? How do you make friends? dS wants to go next year and I am wondering whether to tell him to wait a year...

No lectures, supervisions mostly online (but at discretion of the supervisor I believe). Not sure about labs. Most societies seem to be "virtual" although sports can go ahead in some circumstances. Socialising very limited and mainly in "households" ie groups of 4-8 living together/sharing a kitchen/bathroom. Some colleges seem to be more creative in working with the rules than others. It's very early days, though, and who knows what it will be like next year.

Clara; DD (C) Has her first in person supervision tomorrow. Got an email saying “Come to my room at X O’clock”, some people are being given a choice. She’s delighted by F2F , it’s solo supervision though so appreciate harder if you are 2-3. Small group teaching also happening F2F ( Group of about 6-7). Lectures online start Thursday.
Socialising has been encouraged , outdoors as much as possible. DD has had an unexpectedly happy and sociable time . Her college , small, has been tolerant and sensible from a parent’s perspective, light touch monitoring.
Proud to report she has also coaxed the house recluse, previously only known to be alive by the smoking in the joint shower room to go to hall with her and friends tonight.

Ah thank you Hobbema- that all sounds better than I feared.. I saw something in the paper about C that seemed to show a girl stuck in her room with them dumping food outside her door. I presume she might have been an isolating international, but the article made it seem like this was the norm!

Dropped DS at Oxford and having a quiet coffee by myself before heading home. He was v nervous this morning so after a quick lunch I left him to get on with it which I know works better for him. @gizmo we met the Master plus dog. His household all seem to know each other quite well so I hope DS doesn't feel left out.

It's early days, and can only speak for one college at Cambridge, but...

Are there supervisions? Yes, combination of face to face and live video meeting.

Practicals?
At Cambridge:
Chemistry: no, they are prioritising lab space for 2nd and 3rd years. 1st years get online activities.
Physics: yes, but only half the number they would have had in a normal year. The rest is online.
Materials Science: not yet confirmed, but they hope to offer some.

If you are in college can you socialise at all?
The household can spend as much time together as they want. Socialising between households varies between colleges but usually acceptable in groups of up to 6 if there are mitigations e.g. outdoors / 2m distance / wearing masks.

How do you make friends?
WhatsApp groups, Zoom quizzes, outdoor meet-ups in marquees, joining clubs and societies. The Freshers reps are doing their best under the circumstances.

Very useful thanks! How many in a household? Is it like a shared staircase/kitchen?

How many in a household?
It varies. Usually about 6-8 but might be more or fewer.

Is it like a shared staircase/kitchen?
Yes, it's related to that. In DS's case there are 3 of them sharing a kitchen. Two of those groups of 3 are combined to form a household of 6. This is the same as their "testing pool" for the asymptomatic testing programme. Four groups of 6 make up their (rather large) staircase. Each college (and even within colleges) has a different accommodation structure, so the household size will vary.

Clara, DS is having face to face supervisions (outdoors in Fellows garden, indoors or in marquee depending on supervisor, number in supervision).
Households at his college are six to eleven, broadly grouped by subject and they share a staircase and kitchen.
College Freshers events have been in person (matriculation, pizza evening, chapel service, quiz night, fancy dress party). All meals are in Hall or marquee.
JCR events involving other years have been online. Some outdoor sports are happening but gym is closed.

DD is in a household of 1 as they have ensuite and no shared facilities. However, they can mix freely at the mo, as longer as there are never more than 6 together at once. Masks must be worn if they enter anyone else's room.

Dropped DS at Oxford today. All went well although DS was a bit disappointed with his room. He's in a household of 4 - so I'm hoping he's met them by now! He didn't want us to stay and help with unpacking, so we left him to it after having a quick lunch.