Oxford and Cambridge current students - discussion thread for anyone with daughters, sons etc there for Michaelmas 2020 (and not just freshers!)

[DadDadDad]

A continuation thread for those attending Oxbridge for the first time this term, but it makes sense to throw it open to anyone with a DC there (or other family member, or maybe you're a student yourself or teach / work there - all welcome!) Share your thoughts and questions on college life, courses, etc. A certain virus has made it a bit different for everyone this year...

I have a DS who is a fresher at a small Oxford college in a small subject. We will be taking him there in just over a week.

Coleoptera I'm sure it will change for DT1 once the excitement of freshers has worn off for the others - perhaps he needs to meet more people? I've told DS to try and meet as many different people as possible in the next few days in case he doesn't really 'gel' with his household. AS far as I could see today the ones I met were very lovely confident girls (DS overawed) studying languages and PPE! Praying for an engineer or Mathematician....

@Coleoptera tell him to hang in there. Freshers is a weird time with no structure and especially this year. Once term starts it will help.

My Ds is at C and the key to finding like minded people is via extra curriculars. He found that hard in first term balancing with a high workload, but it was worth persevering.

I don't think it's entirely accurate either that C students all are just academic and competitive. I think many want a very rounded experience as well, and my Ds was definitely encouraged in that direction by Tutors.Definitely encourage him to give it time and I am sure he will find his tribe.

Coleoptera I think my DC have all been genuinely interested in their subject but at the same time I can't for a single second imagine any one of them diving into conversations about it as an ice breaker in freshers' week! It will be fine - settling in socially is what matters initially.

@Coleoptera, your DT's are that much more mature than the other freshers, don't forget, because they had a year off. The other freshers may be feeling that Uni is an extension of school, and even more so now when many of them intent on dodging the authority figures in order to make connections. It sounds like DT2 (O) has got lucky with the people he's met so far, but DT1 (C) is having probably the more normal experience. Hopefully once people have got fresher's week out of their system they'll knuckle down. I bet they are passionate about their subjects underneath the bravado and excitement.

Or maybe it's a Cambridge thing! I remember when I started there myself (many years ago) there were plenty of people who hadn't done the summer work :)

Colepetera Freshers is weird - everyone is trying out new personas to impress / get by. Not all the new personalities fit yet so the result is a little off kilter.

DD is finding it all a bit posh atm. She went to a inner city 6th form where she was considered posh by her peers. In Oxford she is almost GTA in comparison to the people she has met so far and the contrast is a bit bewildering. I suspect some of the people she is meeting find her a bit overwhelming too... she has a really deadpan sense of humour coupled with her Manc accent makes it difficult to pick up when she is joking.

Reading backwards and a bit randomly.

What a gauche son your DD has found herself in charge of PantTwizzler.... Oh dear.

Actually when DD1 and DS4 and his gf ( a third year medic at Oxford) and I had supper on Sunday night, one of the things they said was how they always made sure other students who were seriously drunk etc were put on their beds in the recovery position. I don't think that was something I ever thought about or did when I was at uni, even though drink/ drugs were everywhere there too.

Gauche indeed! Sounds like your DD has got quite the parenting challenge there @PantTwizzler!

(I'm not suggesting she takes on the challenge by the way; best to steer clear I think).

Talking of parents, DS tells me he witnessed a proposal yesterday. I'm not sure I'm ready to think of him as a parent quite yet!!!

I think we did that a few times Goodbye, but always with a solid bin alongside, after an unfortunate incident with a wicker bin once.

Not a good image before supper Hoghgyni!

It wasn't pleasant 30 odd years ago either! Back to Bake Off now...

Seriously though, this generation sound more savvy than I ever was. That recovery position could save a life, otherwise needlessly wasted.

I've lost track of the days after my roadtrip! Bake Off is on? I'm over to that now too!

Cheers Hoghgyni :)

DD was unimpressed by her son's behaviour and commented wisely, "I think he just wants to prove his laddishness".

Meanwhile, back in Cambridge, DS is sending me poignant pics (from an engineering WA group) of students at another college who had a formal matriculation. At his college, it was a question of submitting the form online. That was it. There's no Hall, and takeaway meals only from the informal dining place. There have been barely any events as far as I can tell. All DS's teaching is going to be online, even supervisions, apart from labs. I feel really sad and sorry for DS that he is getting such a limited and atomised experience, and cross that his college is taking the covid limitations far beyond the official recommendations. We have family friends in Cambridge with a son at a neighbouring college, who offered to meet DS/introduce him to fellow engineers but DS has been so consumed by the Borg that all he could say was "We're not supposed to mix with people outside our college."

He is extremely dyslexic so the tidal wave of emails and web info is very hard for him to digest, not to mention the badly laid out and set up webpages and forms. There was much talk of support for students with additional needs before and during the application process but not much evidence of that in practice. If he were blind he'd get the documentation in Braille. As he's dyslexic, he's just got to plough through all the verbiage and somehow make sense of it. He is very clever at his subject, which is why they selected him, but very very challenged with processing long documentation.

I am by nature a worryguts but I am really worried about DS and whether he will have any chance to make friends and have the sort of enjoyable Cambridge existence I wished for him.

Sorry for the lengthy wail. I am reading and sympathising/rejoicing at everyone's updates, honestly!

Belated thanks to @Biscuitburglar and @gizmo for thinking of me - had a long, non-stop day at work today which was possibly just as well in terms of distraction! I think DD is coping better than I am - I had a lot of worries overnight about all sorts of things, but today have had several fairly cheerful messages/pictures from her where she seems to be socialising and smiling She suggested FaceTiming me this morning but I was just about to drive to work so wasn't free - it was probably for the best because I think I would have cried, which wouldn't have been helpful to her! Reflecting on it, I think I'm probably projecting my own experiences of homesickness in various situations, including when starting uni - but I knew nobody, whereas she had got to know loads of freshers via Zoom before she arrived, so she's much less isolated.

Back home after two long days driving. DD safely deposited and drop-off well managed and friendly. Tiny room at the very top of a narrow staircase but good view So far, so good....will take that for a start, especially for our lovely but slightly gormless DD.....

Well done to @justaweebit and @MiniJellyBeans on drop offs. Hope the early days go well.
@PantTwizzler, I am so sorry to read about your DS’s experience so far.
DS’s college enforces Covid rules but is being creative with the usual traditions. This is clearly being driven enthusiastically by the Master who posts updates and photos every day.
I really cannot understand why some colleges are only providing takeaway food. Is this a temporary measure during freshers? Other colleges (In C and O) are staggering mealtimes, providing table service only, using booking apps etc.

Just seen this on Twitter and sent it to D1 twitter.com/1stoxfordwomen/status/1313751586716475392?s=19 100 years ago today, the first women were allowed to matriculate.

Well ahead of Cambridge JulesJules.

Your poor DS, @PantTwizzler. It’s extraordinary that they are not even allowed to eat together. Poor students, and poor freshers in particular. Presumably the decision to impose ultra-strict rules was made because the college authorities felt this was safest for their community, and maybe the wider community too. However, I can’t see how this plan will work in the long term if they are surrounded by less strict colleges, not to mention I can’t see the harm in allowing people to eat in households. When the dust finally settles and we are able to assess the damage I’d be surprised if there’s any difference between colleges when it comes to direct CV19 impact. However, I can easily imagine that there will be a difference in terms of mental health, drop out rates etc. Sorry, that was a bit of a rant and, much like this thread steers clear of the B-word, I know it’s not the place for airing lockdown views. I’ll think I’ll head over to the CV-19 threads to vent after I’ve posted this!

Back to your DS and his difficulties processing written instructions, perhaps you could step in and help? I know we should be leaving them to their own devices, but lockdown is clearly making things much harder for your DS so I think you can be forgiven a little bit of helicopter parenting in the circumstances.

Thanks all. To clarify, DS's college does allow them to eat in their household. But not in Hall. Takeaway meals in brown paper bags.

Just got a call from DS because his mouse wasn't working (I'm only needed when problems need solving) - solution was literally that it needed to be switched on . So now he's back browsing the online Freshers' Fair.

Having confidently told me that he would turn up for college breakfast every day (because he's paying for it), after I predicted that he wouldn't keep that up for long, he admitted that he's eating in his room, and nobody gets up in time for breakfast...

@Coleoptera when I first arrived at university I was struggling under the weight of imposter syndrome and anxiety about making friends. I think I would have been terrified to discuss my subject immediately with anyone, particularly anyone that I felt was ‘cleverer’ than me. The first week or so was all about small talk, exploring who might possibly end up a friend, working out independent living. I’d also (and this isn’t so much the case this year) not had a huge amount of time since the stress of A levels and the subsequent relaxation, and had worked all summer so my brain wasn’t as much in the academic space as it might have been. I suspect now some of the kids are feeling quite daunted at re-engaging after the length of time away from any sort of structured learning.

In short, DT1 should give them time!