Oxford and Cambridge current students - discussion thread for anyone with daughters, sons etc there for Michaelmas 2020 (and not just freshers!)

[DadDadDad]

A continuation thread for those attending Oxbridge for the first time this term, but it makes sense to throw it open to anyone with a DC there (or other family member, or maybe you're a student yourself or teach / work there - all welcome!) Share your thoughts and questions on college life, courses, etc. A certain virus has made it a bit different for everyone this year...

I have a DS who is a fresher at a small Oxford college in a small subject. We will be taking him there in just over a week.

It is interesting to see how very varied the approach is to handling Covid restrictions.

@Coleoptera, that sounds like an idyllic start to his time at Oxford. I hope it continues in that vein. And I hope life settles happily for DT1 at Cambridge too. Early days. They will, I'm sure, meet so many like-minded people and have a fabulous time. Get that bike delivered so you can relax!

We had a phone call this morning... she has a bit of a hangover, so I am guessing that the board games in your household was a bit raucous. There seems to be 3-4 things planned for them each day. I am missing her but she seems to be settling in ok.

River in Oxford is on a red flag at the moment so there’s no rowing for anyone. It was closed for most of Michaelmas and Hilary last year too. I so hope the rain will stop and they’ll be able to row.

Ha, @Unescorted, I've just discovered that DS texted me this afternoon (didn't spot the notification, what a terrible parent ) - quote "What are common symptoms of a hangover?"

It's really great to have this thread actually, thanks @DadDadDad. So much diversity in how colleges are handling this challenge...and in how that is matching up with our DC's expectations.

Maybe I'm being unduly pessimistic but I rather think it's 'when, not if' Oxford colleges lock down. And yes, I suspect that will suit the introverts a bit better but even they need some human contact from time to time!

DS college is a mixture of face to face and virtual events. There is a bit of a snag that a lot of it seems to be organised through a Facebook page. DS tried to set up a Facebook account and FB promptly deleted it and banned him. So he is a bit out of the loop there...can't say it bodes terribly well for his future as a computer scientist .

Glad to hear your daughter is getting into the swing of things, @AChickenCalledDaal. It's giving me hope for the next few weeks.

Dad she is well practiced in hangovers. They are off on a pub crawl tonight so I suspect there will be more practice.

PantTwizzler I have warned her about trying to swim when pissed - especially as she can't swim.

She seems to be coping OK.

There's certainly a difference between colleges. DS phoned this evening. He and his bubble are getting on really well and being very sociable. But he went for coffee with someone he'd met online at a different college who said everyone on her staircase hides in their rooms and she hasn't spoken to anyone for two days! She was desperate for that coffee chat.

DS has discovered his college library has a tower and there are hidey-hole reading corners up in the spire. He is in seventh heaven. (Literally? )

@gizmo that happened to my D1 when she tried to open a FB account as her contact for her college parents. Immediately deleted and banned. She did manage to get round it somehow.

@monkeyonthetable

There's certainly a difference between colleges. DS phoned this evening. He and his bubble are getting on really well and being very sociable. But he went for coffee with someone he'd met online at a different college who said everyone on her staircase hides in their rooms and she hasn't spoken to anyone for two days! She was desperate for that coffee chat.

DS has discovered his college library has a tower and there are hidey-hole reading corners up in the spire. He is in seventh heaven. (Literally? )

Alas DD2's household is also like this and very quiet. She sees other households having so much fun together and as they are told they are not allowed to mix outside households, she us feeling lonely.

@monkeyonthetable I've DM'd you

DS had chocolate for lunch (DGM gave him a terms worth).

@stucki, your poor DD. It must be mental torture to see others having a lot of fun, wanting to join in but being prevented. I hadn't really thought about it before, but there's something quite unhealthy about encouraging the development of cliques. Particularly if you don't feel you fit into your own clique and instead have to watch others' bonds strengthen. Hopefully her college are alive to this and are encouraging students to look outside their bubbles, even if online. I believe DS's college are doing some kind of online speed dating so people can expand their circle of friends. Joining a club, even if online, should help, I'd have thought. Also, going out to coffee with people from outside her bubble, maybe after plucking up the courage to introduce herself at some point. Hope it gets better.

Delivered DD1 to Oxford today - did there and back (6.5 hour round trip) in a day because we left DD2 at school, then home alone. She has a small but characterful room, and a lovely spacious shared kitchen with table and chairs for her staircase/bubble. However, she was visibly deflated that none of the friends she'd got to know on her college Zoom calls are in her bubble....she was very quiet, couldn't eat much lunch and looked overwhelmed, which was heartbreaking to watch :( She did knock on the doors of a couple of people in her staircase to say hello and said they seemed lovely, so hopefully she will get to know them soon enough. I know she met up with two of the Zoom friends after we'd driven away, and last I heard was in the bar (hopefully having managed to eat something.....) I am trying to resist the temptation to text her but feel I need a reassuring update; equally, I know I have to get used to no longer knowing much about where she is/what she's doing...

That is tough @stucki. Is her college having a Fresher's fair (online or otherwise)? Snap's suggestion re joining a club to expand her circle of contacts is a good one.

Jelly, hopefully she’s still in the bar! I bet she’ll be in touch when she’s ready. I always text back as soon as I can and drop everything to answer the phone if DD calls, but resist the urge to text too much. I am lucky in that she phones most days though...

What a mix of experience. Mostly, things will turn out fine, even if the start is slow - it's just so painful for those having a tough time at the outset, and painful for parents too.

It's been an odd few days, juxtaposing Cambridge and Oxford in their respective freshers' weeks. Cambridge was more subdued, but then perhaps it's quieter anyway? I thought it was lovely - I've only been once before.

DS4 and DD4 now installed in Oxford. I have to say that I can't quite see how colleges aren't going to be locked down very, very soon in Oxford, given the way things are being done. I'm not at all sure that all this mingling/ contracting the virus/ acquiring antibodies/ moving on is a bad thing, but I just don't see how a major outbreak in colleges is going to be avoided.

Nice to be home with the doggies and the central heating on for the first time :) But very odd to not have a single DC/ any noise.

It must feel very strange goodbye but it sounds like you deserve some major time to yourself and some pampering. And I expect as soon as you relax one of them will be in touch needing something 😄

Placing so much emphasis on the household as the primary social group does have its drawbacks, especially for Freshers who won't have a ready-made group of friends and will have to make an extra effort this year to meet others outside their household. In first year it's always the luck of the draw as to who else is in your flat/staircase but this year the stakes are higher.

DS's household doesn't have a proper-sized kitchen where they can sit together to eat, chat or play a board game. However, he does have access to several peaceful outdoor spaces, which is more than many students at other universities currently have. DS's college family met up for a (masked, distanced) walk in the college garden today. It makes socialising a bit weather-dependent, but is better than nothing.

Thankyou Biscuitburglar. I'm going to have to be very disciplined so as not to be left fielded by the peace and quiet.

In spite of efforts being made for the welfare of freshers, this was the strangest drop off in Oxford ever - the whole vibe was different (even though DD4 is at one of the most relaxed colleges - still weird).

Thank you, @ofteninaspin and @SnapSnapDragon.

@nokiabrick, not a St John’s parent so no idea what the restrictions are like there. I hope the situation improves quickly for your DD.

DS’s college seem to be on a mission to keep their freshers together and onsite at all times. He had his first free hour yesterday afternoon ahead of the college fresher’s fair and pizza evening. Households are either going to bond or be sick of the sight of each other by the end of the week. DS says he is looking forward to some time in his room with his recently acquired supervision texts.