Oxbridge 2020 (6)

[Justneedatemporaryname]

New thread ready for when the old one gets filled up!

If I were you I'd go out on Tuesday, Coleoptera - with no phone! And not return home till about... February?

@Coleoptera Have I correctly understood that DT1 was offered a place at Durham last year but turned it down so that he could re-apply to Cambridge this year? And now he is at risk of not getting an offer from either? He surely must want it rather a lot in that case.

However, you are saying that you won't be completely happy for him if he gets a Cambridge offer unless his twin gets an Oxford one?

Coleoptera even within families there is a desperate urge to make everything equal for our children and their siblings! Even now I agonise about treating them fairly, and the elder child is 40! I totally get where you are coming from!

I gave my children equal opportunities, one did well, one is struggling, despite equal cleverness. Sometimes life throws curveballs, and they must learn how to deal with them. We won't be here forever.

I have a brainy grandchild, if he gets a place at Oxford, that is fab! If another good university, also fab! However, his little brother has special needs and is unlikely to go to university at all. We celebrate their successes as individuals, and love them equally.

My sympathies are entirely with @Coleoptera here. Are there three or four twin parents posting regularly on here ? Don't recall exactly. I know we have Cole, Millie. It is different, more nuanced and emotionally challenging than straight sibling comparison. My circs a bit different as DT2 not going for Oxbridge but we are in a situation where DT2 has an amazing offer from Durham when DT1 doesn't (yet, I hope its just yet). (Some might recall the unconditional.. in fact that was a UCAS error and the offer is conditional albeit extremely achievable). DT1 far far more academic, ambitious and able and this openly , frequently and humorously acknowledged at the dinner table. I will be frankly gutted if DT1 doesn't get Durham/StA offer and DT2 does. Cole has been very honest about her feelings and why coming on here allows her to vent. Go easy x

She put 'wrong twin' in quotes... those of us who were on last years thread understand she means that there's one who will cope ok with a rejection but the other may really struggle. It's nothing to do with her supportiveness and fairness to them both.

Greetings to all. Just checking in ahead of next week. DS having an uneventful few weeks, although we’ve just invested in a new (old) car for driving practice which is providing a very welcome distraction from Next Week. I’ve never seen him grin as broadly!

Overall I think so much depends on the personality of the applicant. All was highly stressful with DD last year, probably because she was stressed, and she’s also the eldest (so it was all new) and because she wasn’t keen on any of her other choices. This time round DS is very chilled, has slightly better predicted grades, a statistically low chance of getting in, and a great alternative destination.

I would be very supportive if he didn’t get in and wanted to reapply, but he just wants to get on with it.

I can't imagine how hard it is to be in this "twin" situation. I had a long-term twin boyfriend and his dm was always fretting about equalising their lives. Bf was always feeling guilty, and being guilted by his dm, about having a gf/better job/more friends etc etc. I remember reading about Will Young's brother who really struggled with his dt's fame...

Unless you are the Cheeky Girls and doing exactly the same thing (!) or indeed on completely separate paths, it must be hard being a twin or twins' mum.

@IrmaFayLear.. on reflection I still prefer this bit to synchronised breast feeding!

If it reassures anyone, my DS1 chose not to apply to Oxbridge after falling in love with a Durham hill college on an open day. He had an amazing 3 years. There are lots of students who have Durham as a first choice and nobody lets the Oxbridge reject thing bother them. My DS3 is at Cambridge now and also loves it. Wherever they go, these painful months, I am sure, become a distant memory and they move forward quickly. Long time lurker here so sorry to impose.

First time poster on the Oxbridge thread, but am popping by as DD had an interview for Cambridge so we are playing the waiting game till the 15th too.

She's had responses from 3 of her other choices, not heard anything from Durham yet, which she's also pretty keen on, we wondered if they were holding on till Cambridge made their offers.

Nipers we're waiting for History at Durham, also Edinburgh! Thanks rowan!

DD has suddenly shown renewed interest in Edinburgh as an insurance if she doesn't get ABB for Durham. I would prefer her to put York with ABB as insurance, as York is flexible on her subject grades & it would save me another year of funding! Hopefully Durham will come up trumps with the college of her choice next month if it is her firm, then I suppose I will have to start fretting about single v double rooms.

Durham History is notably slower than other departments, along with English. None of my History DC heard back before January whereas my DC applying for other subjects all did, with one exception (one Law/ January). Things change of course but that's been the pattern in our house at least (three History, two Law, one science, one Classics).

What's the Edinburgh offer Hoghgyni? Lower than York or the same?

I completely understand what @Coleoptera means. She's referring to one DT being able to manage his own expectations and move on philosophically if he doesn't get the offer, whereas another twin has set his own self worth up on the success or failure. She's not favouring one over the other, just being honest about the different impacts rejection will have on the two of them.

Both my two have put in requests for full-size pots of Ben & Jerry's on the day, either to celebrate or commiserate with, and they;ve asked for their favourite food to be cooked on the respective days too. (Ooh - a new thing to fret about instead of Oxbridge - have I raised them to comfort eat? )

@Hoghgyni - is ABB likely from Durham? DS1 was offered AAA.

Ah, it's the Durham college offer not the uni itself she's waiting on. I see. Thanks Hugo.

Ben & Jerry's takes me back to my California years with a small DD1 and expecting DD2 when we'd have a whole pot of Hogs and Dogs (aka Haagen-Dazs) Macadamia Nut Brittle literally every night @ $1 a shot. Washed down with a bottle of local Gallo Sauvignon at around the same price. Ah those were the days. Nothing wrong with that sort of comfort milliefiori :)

Oops perhaps less than half a bottle a night while actually pregnant but about that in the interval between DD1 and 2, before the GPs on the thread tick me off. Really good value though, out in the Californian desert.

Also my DS’s Durham offer didn’t come until early Feb. I am a sixth form tutor so know several boys who are nervously waiting for an email next week. I know the emails can come as late as 5pm ( and that was a Cambridge offer) so brace yourselves!!