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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

The CDE of University Life (2019/20 cohort) - assignments, flat-hunting, Halloween and the end of their first term fast approaching

999 replies

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 30/10/2019 15:56

Previous thread - Obvs the end of term is looming sooner for some than for others? I guess the Oxbridge posse will finish by the end of November or just into December?

OP posts:
Shimy · 16/11/2019 20:45

@LillianGish Just catching up with the thread and saw your post about DD. So sorry to hear she's having a rough time of it, kore so because DS is also at Cardiff. I also thought i'd share, that DS was ill this week, fever, splitting headache, so I went up to see him yesterday, thankfully he is much better after using Paracetamol and Nurofen. I think his recovery was so swift because he already had the flu jab.

More to why I'm sharing this, I mentioned pages back that DS chose a very quiete hall not close to where the more popular hall, ':Taly's' where clustered. On drop of day, I really thought he had made a mistake, it didn't have the same upbeat vibe and just seemed very 'docile'.

DS is very introverted and is not a drinker at all so i thought i cheery environment would ensure he wasn't by himself in his room all the time, he thought he'd be better in a quiete place so reluctantly we left him alone.

His hall is on a quiete residential street, 2 mins walk to his dept. nice people, everyone friendly. DS shared yesterday that he loves his hall so much. Apparently on halloween night he went up to the Taly's for a party. He said there were at least 300 people there - shouting, screaming and just generally pissed out of their minds. He said he enjoyed the party but ever so thankful he was living there as he just couldn't cope with the drinking and noise. His goes out with his flatmates sometimes to a bar or they all just hang out in the kitchen and its not party central every week. I think choice of hall really matters because the experience they have there will be their view of the university in general. I hope she finds a more suited course @lilian, sadly the drinking thing is a very British thing but there are people who don't tow this line, hopefully she'll find some.

Baytreemum · 16/11/2019 21:13

Bouledeneige - so glad to hear that your cossetting weekend is working so well - your DD seems to be getting her strength back which is great.

Ginfordinner · 16/11/2019 21:38

Bouledeneige I was happy to see your update. I hope your DD finds a nice house for next year. Flatmates really are a lottery.

I spent a lovely day with DD at the Christmas market in Newcastle. The weather was utterly grim, but we enjoyed ourselves nonetheless.

She says that while her friends enjoy a drink they don't get stupidly drunk or enough to be sick. They take their studies seriously, but aren't boring. A bit like DD really.

She was complaining about her messier flatmates, and pointed out a chip that had been on the floor of their kitchen for a week!

In a flat of eight, there are three of them who will clean up the entire kitchen, one who just cleans up after herself, and four who don't bother at all. They all get on, but it really vexes the three tidy ones just how skanky the others are.

I chatted to DD about the fire and suggested that she has her "escape pack" ready just in case.

Chillywhippet · 16/11/2019 22:06

So glad to hear your update Boule
lillian well done to your DD for knowing things weren’t right for her. It will soon be time to reapply and in time it will just be a setback in the grand scheme of things.

I’m trying to persuade my DD live in halls again for year 2. Her course is 4 years so this time next year she would know people better.

She is going to look at some houses with some friends she met in freshers who like clubbing. DD has found out she doesn’t much Confused Her other options are course mates or some society people.

She is sociable but also likes and needs a lot of downtime.

Ginfordinner · 16/11/2019 22:11

"She is sociable but also likes and needs a lot of downtime."

She sounds like DD.

HoldMyLobster · 16/11/2019 22:30

That sounds good Bouledeneige. Hopefully you'll leave tomorrow feeling more reassured. I know when I visited DD during a rough time it was as much for me as it was for her.

I concluded, after nearly 5 years at university, and several post-graduation years with lodgers, that it's good to live with fairly quiet, calm, peaceful no-drama people who you like. You can still go out and have fun, but you have a safe place to return to. Seems like lots of our offspring are working that out for themselves too.

LillianGish · 16/11/2019 22:36

Thanks for your message @Shimy. I do think DD would have been happier in quieter halls - your description of the Talys sounds exactly like hers. She is sociable - she’s out tonight and was out last night - but would have liked somewhere quieter to retreat to. Sounds like yr DS has got it just right. The bigger problem for her has been her course, but all these experiences will hopefully help her make better choices next time.

Shimy · 16/11/2019 23:22

I notice my post if full of typos, just couldn’t be bothered to correct them. I’m sing very old equipment.

bigTillyMint · 17/11/2019 07:47

There's an interview with the VC of Bolton, a student from the flats and president of the SU on BBC atm - sounds like the uni are doing their best to support students. They have found them all places to stay and given them all cash for essentials.

Piggywaspushed · 17/11/2019 08:15

Ds has started house hunting (organised of him!) with two lads. They have their eyes out on stalks at a luxury pad (25 minutes uphill from the campus!) which is £130 pw, more than he pays now for his nice, conveniently located place.

His mates are on full loans so no parental contributions . We pay the accommodation, so are more likely to veto things than the other lads, I guess. This sort of thing is why it becomes difficult for groups of (not very long established) friends. I am trying to persuade him that a house, with a garden, would be cheaper nicer.

It's amazing how few 3 bedders there are for students!

Ginfordinner · 17/11/2019 09:46

DD and one of her friends went to a year 2 accommodation fair, even though they were already sorted. She came back with a bag full of freebies (and gave me the jellybeans as she is vegetarian Grin)

justasking111 · 17/11/2019 14:28

DS halls are going up £15 next year to £175, he is moving to a new block of halls being built at £150 per week, however, the lease is for 51 weeks, which is a bit of a cheek.

bigTillyMint · 17/11/2019 17:21

Gosh that's expensive! Is it London?

justasking111 · 17/11/2019 21:12

No Leeds I thought London was dearer than that.

hopelesschildren · 17/11/2019 21:37

Ha ha, £175 expensive? Dc's student accommodation is £275/wk (but for 40 wks only)

Ginfordinner · 17/11/2019 21:39
Shock DD's is £137 per week. It is only a year old and is really nice with an en suite bathroom. This is in Newcastle
simbobs · 17/11/2019 22:17

@ginfordinner, my DS pays half that in Sheffield. Not en suite, though. He is managing his money well but would struggle if he had to pay much more for accommodation. None of his group of friends has even had a conversation about next year's accommodation yet! Seems odd, but he still doesn't know who he wants to live with.

Jano69 · 17/11/2019 23:04

DS has found something half decent in Durham City for £135 per week! He's desperate to sign the dotted line tomorrow and has found the house hunting palava all really stressful.

bigTillyMint · 18/11/2019 07:23

I'm sure DS has said his max is £130 p.w for Durham house rental next year, if inclusive of all bills. But they havent looked much/found one yet...

Ginfordinner · 18/11/2019 10:15

DD's rent for next year will be £130 per week, and that includes bills.

mum2eim · 18/11/2019 12:43

Hi I’ve been very quiet but following the messages. I’m still feeding back to DD that ‘on mumsnet it was said ...’Grin
@Bouledeneige I hope your DD works out the house share. It was the same situation my DD was in but opportunities arise. Hope you had a lovely weekend together.
@LillianGish what a brave DD you have and like other posters have said not everyone drinks my DD included. One of DDs friends has also decided to leave Uni this week.

DD was home this weekend which was great timing just when she needed a hug from mum. Not that anything is bad but hugs are good! While she was here she found out her room mate is moving to a single room. Quite understandable really but DD has felt very safe having someone there every night so it will be a big change. I treated her to some fairy lights and a throw for the spare bed she will have. She’s going to have to seek out company a bit more.

Good news is that she has signed for a house. As a group they decided to live a little further out and so are only paying £106 a week incl bills so 2nd year will be much cheaper. It’s a beautiful house with a garden and shared living space.

I realised this weekend that she will never come back home now except to visit us. She’s made a new life for herself which isn’t where we live. I feel quite sad but also hopeful for her future. Reflecting on DD everyone’s DCs journey since the summer, it’s such a period of growing up for them at the moment so no wonder there are wobbles along the way. Being adult is hard!

MrKlaw · 18/11/2019 13:24

@mum2eim - you never know where they'll set up roots. Uni is just temporarily transplanting your seedlings (to stretch the analogy)

They may move back home to help save up, they may move somewhere completely different in search for work.

The relationship has definitely changed though

Ginfordinner · 18/11/2019 13:33

I don't expect DD to move back after university. There just aren't the opportunities in our area. We expected that and are fine with it.

I feel that reading posts on here and on the WIWIKAU Facebook page represents a good mix of people's university experiences. I admit to feeling sceptical about parents who assert that their DC love university. Really? Every single aspect?

DD likes her flatmates
She has managed to accumulate a couple of nice friendship groups and is rarely short of company
She says her course is interesting and enjoyable
She likes the city she is in
But she has never professed to actually love anything about her university experience.

DitheringDan · 18/11/2019 13:39

DS loves it, Gin. I wasn't sure, given he's grumbled mildly about:
-being away from his girlfriend
-the flat being overheated
-the flat being noisy
-being older than most of the students and teasingly known as 'The Grownup' (he's 20!)
-not getting the modules he wanted
-getting some pretty to-the-point feedback on his first essays
-the rain...

But I asked him this weekend how things were going in general, and he just said 'Love it! Life is great.'

mum2eim · 18/11/2019 14:05

I think my DD does genuinely love Uni. She loves her course and the social activities shes part of. However her past 5 years at school and sixth form were in the main horrendous so she’s coming from a very low starting point. That’s why she won’t be home much unless it’s to visit us because there is nothing for her at home apart from family and a bed. That isn’t to say she hasn’t had her wobbles at uni but she’s worked her way through them and survived. From a teen who was withdrawn and ‘haunted’ she’s positively glowing now.