The ABC of university life (2019/20 cohort) - Will NewModelArmyMayhem18 forgive me?

[MrKlaw]

previous thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/3701968-The-ABC-of-university-life-2019-20-cohort-settling-in-we-hope

Hope you don't mind - people have pent up comments about cheese graters and traffic cones to get out of their system!

Dd (Newcastle) sent me a photo just after midnight of her and her flatmates, possibly from around the Bigg Market. I don’t what to say too much but It was not in the same category at Lacrosse...

DD is being very uncommunicative these days. I hope it is because she is too busy to chat, and not because she isn't enjoying herself. Although she did ring me last Sunday, but that was because she was upset about it being the anniversary of when she started going out with the boy who dumped her recently.

She isn't one for posting much on social media or taking selfies either.

It might be that she doesn't feel the need to keep in contact all the time as we are visiting the North East a lot because we are selling my late MIL's house. We have already seen DD once since she started, and will be seeing her next weekend as well. She also has cousins in the area, so doesn't feel so "cut off" from the family.

Ds refused my offer to buy him a clothes airer when he was moving in. 3 weeks later he has brought a large bag of washing home because the washers & dryers are rubbish and is regretting rejecting my offer!

DD found out that she is not a 'pup-person'. She went, stayed, talked to people but did not enjoy it. She is more the brunch and breakfast type.
Last night my e-mail notifications started buzzing like anything. Turns out they were advised to forward their e-mails from the uni account to a reliable adress. Her course allocations came in (you are accepted for module nr x group y)

For those of you booking trains home for Christmas (or any other time) don’t book via the Trainline or individual rail company websites, use a ticket splitting website like Trainsplit or SplitYourTicket.

They don’t change the journey at all, there’s no catch, but you get the tickets at a fraction of the cost. I use them all the time and just booked DS’s train home for Christmas for almost half what it would have cost

Did you mean pub, or does your DD not like dog cafes Prokupatuscrakedatus?

DD hates clubs and crowds. She loves socialising, and is just as happy, if not happier to socialise in her flat or her friends flats than going out somewhere, although she does enjoy pub quizes and other events held in pubs. She would love to meet friends for brunch as well.

Gin Dd doesn’t tend to communicate much except when she needs to rather than general chat.
The photo last night is hysterical but in OMG territory. It’s the first photo she sent me, no explanation or captions, but I am sure she would be laughing at my motherly reaction to it. Oh to be 18 again...

Five weeks in now. DD seems to have a large group of good friends so always someone around. Changed rooms, still sharing, but getting on really well with her room mate. She was very tired at beginning of week so it trying to get more rest. She has to study another subject alongside her degree subject, happy with whats she's chosen but finding it hard, so may do a couple of lectures in another subject that interests her.

She's visiting an old school friend today, who ended up at her firm choice of uni. It'll be interesting to hear what she things of the area as her firm and insurance were very different.

I don't think dd does want to stay there over Christmas because the other day she was telling me exactly which day she would be planning on coming home. Mid week as soon as lectures were over.
And yes, her 'I'd rather stay here' was more that she wants a lift than she actually wants to stay.
Well she will have to wait a few extra days if she is relying on a lift. It's 'only' a little over 2 hours away so not terribly far. But more 4 and a half hours to drive there just to pick her up and come straight back. Compared to £18 for a train ticket.

We may well get her but it wont and cant be exactly on the day she wants as it is very busy for me at work at that time of year so no chance of a midweek pickup.

Zanda I've only had food photographs. It would be nice to have one of dd at some point, but she doesn't do selfies so I think that's not going to happen.

DrMadeline I suspect if dd had been closer she'd have been content to wait a few days for a lift. At 5+hours away she knows there's very little chance of that for holidays.

Thanks @MuttsNutts!

Zanda Friday night at the Bigg Market is notorious.
DD's best friend is visiting her this weekend.

You’re welcome @Benjispruce!

And for those of you with DC here in Durham, it’s a beautiful sunny morning (but they’d best make the most of it because tomorrow’s going to be rubbish).

Gin I knew the Bigg Market back in the day. Doesn’t look like it’s changed!

Must remind my two to get their tickets home for Christmas.

Mine do all use ticket splitting, but find the changes in reserved seats can be a bit stressful - they tend to try to find an unreserved seat at the start so they can stay there. The last site I looked at said they were trying to improve that, so you get the same seat reserved all the way.

Ds still up and down - being home last weekend and seeing us and his girlfriend, and then going back to Manchester with a cold, obviously hasn't helped.

The work's going fine though, and he was out last night for a flatmate's birthday, so it's definitely not all awful! I think in general we get the messages/complaints about the crappy bits - last weekend when we could talk in person there was much more chat about people he was seeing, things he was doing - quite reassuring.

@AtiaoftheJulii I use Trainsplit.com and have always had the same seat reservation all the way through the journey so not sure if they do something that other sites don’t or I’ve just been lucky.

Either way, for the difference in price, I wouldn’t mind changing seats halfway through if need be.

I have just bookmarked the train splitting websites. I have never heard of them before, and have always used The Trainline. I have a fairly good idea of the geography of our rail network so I know that taking alternative routes can be cheaper.

You don’t even have to take an alternative route when ticket splitting - it just takes advantage of the ridiculous rail travel pricing structures without you having to spend hours working out which legs of a journey to buy separately to pay the least.

All explained here

Going to Nottingham tomorrow to take DS for lunch .... very little communication... have no idea what he's up to !! ... a little worried about whether he isn't liking it and that's the reason... I hope he's enjoying himself !

Mutt - think you have probably just been lucky, as it will depend on routes and times - just checked on TrainSplit to see if they did have a better system than other sites, and I can't see reservations without actually buying a ticket, but it says Although we'll try, these may not be available and on some trains it is not possible to reserve a seat at all. Also please note that if you use split tickets, you may have different seats reserved for each section of the journey. so no guarantee. Hoping that the further ahead they book, the more chance of having just the one seat they have.

I’m sure you’re right - I do tend to book very early so that must have helped.

DS swinging between confident enjoyment and moments of panic about admin and IT issues. He is texting me brief updates in the happy moments and phoning and ranting in the stressed ones. He doesn't want suggestions, just to rant. He is desperate to get all of the admin-y things out of the way, but keeps hitting snags, and of course there are far fewer people around to help at the weekend. I keep telling him that it will get sorted out, but he tends to panic (dyspraxia). Then a few minutes later I get a calm text about him having resolved something else. All very roller-coaster. I'm trying not to let it get to me - he was rather the same about starting sixth form college - but it is hard.

Do you always respond straight away @SchrodingersKitty? Maybe try a different tack. Ive had so many alarmist texts from my DDs over the years, the cause of which have miraculously been resolved within less than 24hrs, that I try to take a step back now. Easier said than done , I know.

The problem is that it is the phone calls which are alarmist - the texts tend to be calm! I am trying to de-escalate him as much as possible.

I see. I feel for you as you have enough to deal with right now. Sometimes I think mobiles make it too easy. Would it be really bad to suggest not always answering? Maybe the delay will mean he steps back from the panic a bit. It’s been said before but I think we are their sponges. Most of the time that’s ok but when you’re already at saturation, it’s hard. 🍷