Are they many of you that have persuaded your dc to go to local universities and stay living at home

[EleanorReally]

i am sure i heard this was a thing now, due to expense.

@StanleySteamer

Hmm not sure I've got the name mentioning thing correct. First time I've done it! Apologies if Ive called you twice

@NumberblockNo1

My Dd gets £2,300 per term which covers her accommodation and leaves some money left over to live on, (about £400) but her accommodation is expensive comparatively even though it's one of the cheapest her uni!
That's not the full loan it's the middle range one.
We will need to top her up but not by £800 a month.

As you said all this in the present tense "My Dd gets...which covers..." I assumed she was already at uni. Still, as I mentioned earlier it is still not too late to do stuff to make life cheaper. Her uni may hand out bursaries, for good attendance etc. do have a click around on the websites I mentioned. Best of luck. pm me if you feel the need.

I didnt say that - was I quoting someone perhaps without proper quote marks. I rememebr one poster said she had to top of 800 a month and I responded to that!

Right! Now I understand! Using a new forum can get complicated! For instance there seems no way to edit a post once you have posted it, which is something I am used to on other sites.
I hope the person you quoted is still reading this thread then otherwise...

Hehe. Yes the lack of editing is a problem for me as I type badly on my phone and offen only notice after 😳 .

Thanks your your help. Im hopeful when we get to uni stage we will navigate it as I want her to do well, but I'm well aware od the differences dinaces make. I need a better job!

I think DS1 will be going further away. He had been harbouring hopes of commuting to a top London university from home, which would have been about an hour and a half commute entailing a bus, a train and a tube. We could have scraped together the price of the travel card and limited his student debt, which he was hugely in favour of.

Unfortunately, when we did the open day he hated the rush hour travel, hated his dream university and hated being in the middle of London full stop. He's had a similar but less visceral response to other city universities. The local non-London options have really low entry requirements so I guess he's leaving home.

He will get the minimum loan so we're in for a brutal few years expenditure-wise, but I think he's very much ready to launch and leaving home would be the right outcome for him.

Our major issue is challenging his sense of where he belongs and where he deserves to be. He's come away from some of the universities, particularly that London one, saying, "I can't see anyone else like me here. I don't fit in." I'm worried that he'll let that feeling close doors for him rather than understanding why he feels uncomfortable and pushing back against it.

One thing that seems to work well for London raised children, is a gap year. Live and work elsewhere for a bit (a ski season, Camp America, something with other young people away from home for the first time) earn some money, have a break from school, and gain some independence, and then return home to go to University. Good for parents too, as the break gives a chance to renegotiate who does the cleaning, cleaning, washing etc. hen DS came home he just accepted he did the stuff he had to do when he rented a flat. (Though rarely said no to the offer of a shared meal.)

Those that live in london really are at an advantage for "local" universities. Particually as many rule out london unis based on living costs!

@SoundofSilence can he articulate what he means when he says there's no-one like him there? Is it because he is very quiet or reserved? Remember the students that are helping on open days are not likely to be the very shy ones, but they will be there.

@SoundofSilence. Your DS needs to understand that it is in precisely the unis where he feels he doesn't fit in that he has a chance of getting the best degree which will sort him out for a better job in the future. The Russell Group universities are full of Public School types who, without really meaning to, on Open Days, can scare kids off who do not come from the same background. One of my students who ended up at Balliol getting a 2.1 in PPE felt exactly like that when she went for the open day. If DS does NOT come from a public school background then he has a hidden advantage. The Russell Group unis are obliged to give more places to students from state schools. The student I mentioned actually wrote an endorsement for my book about getting into a top uni from a state school. PLEASE pm me if you want further info. For years it was my job helping students like him with this sort of problem, hence the book.
I commuted to my uni in London and I had fellow students do it from Birmingham. For one thing he will not necessarily be travelling in the rush hour, many unis deliberately time lectures to avoid this, he also most probably wouldn't be commuting back in it. The time can be very usefully spent, I used to do most of my exam revision in the tube. Also I used to work late in the library, until it closed in fact, (They did close in those days!) and commuting back after that was a doddle. hope to hear from you. Stan

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords It's difficult to unpack because there were different threads to it and so much of it was feelings rather than solid information that he could point to. Things that bothered him at one university, such as not seeing anyone else of the same ethnicity that day, didn't have the same impact at the next. He's definitely not quiet and reserved, and one of the things he mentioned on a couple of visits was how many people were, and how to his eyes they were being escorted around by parents expecting to make the decision for them. I suspect these are the things he could put words to, when his underlying feeling is a mixture of race and class consciousness. When I look at the result of the feelings rather than the justification he has given, the more prestigious the university, the more he has disliked it. We have two more Russell visits to go which might buck the trend.

Sound. How about a gap year?

Going to university should mean meeting different people from different backgrounds. However for many, living away from home, tackling degree level work and the rest is sufficiently overwhelming that they seek out people who are the “same” as them.

A gap year allows you to step outside your comfort zone, really get to know people from different backgrounds and to see your own in context. DD was working with nannies, kitchen porters, handymen, and more during her ski season. It was hard work and the people she respected were the ones who pulled their weight. It has helped her maintain quite a broad group of friends at University. Far better than some of the more narrow groups she can observe both on her course/university and amongst some of her school friends who wound up studying together.

Part of the reason why we have seen some London kids change their minds during a gap year. London becomes less the city of their childhood but one which offers some top notch, international and cosmopolitan Universities.

He's quite keen on the idea of a gap year, but worried that there's an element of 'use it or lose it' in high level maths. There's also a worry on my part that he's thoroughly sick of school and loves being at work, particularly helping his dad in a skilled trade. He's already secured a small decorating contract in his own right to do one weekend. If he enjoys his gap year too much, university might fall out of his plans entirely. I have hopes that the last two universities we have left to visit will work for him.

Equally a gap between school and university might help clarify what about academic study interests him. And give him a better understanding about why a degree would be useful. FWIW, I think about 50% of DC we have known have changed their minds about what they want, or where they want to study. Often not dramatically but enough to improve their eventual experience.

DD was lucky. Without really thinking about it she has wound up on a very hands on medical course. She too likes practical and essentially spent her gap year cooking and cleaning, and is now getting into DIY. Not all bright DC are naturally studious. DD is enjoying having a balance, and being at a University where there is lots of scope for sport and outdoor activities. Could your DS be worried that a University with high entry requirements might demand long stints in the library. And fear that others, who did not seem like him, would fit into that environment more naturally?

In short, perhaps he is aware of what he does not want to do, but is unsure of what he really wants. 17/18 is still quite young. His ideas will evolve. My view is that taking an extra year to gain experience and think, is often worthwhile.

It depends on the child. I did A levels at 17 in England and may be was an ideal gap year candidate and as I did better than predicted people a neighbour did suggest a year out and oxbridge but I definitely wanted to get on with it. I was very keen to get the education stage finished and press on with life . I am glad I didnt' have a gap year but not everyone is the same.

Sound, my children didn't even do university visits! So if people assume that those with parents are most of the students that might be well be wrong as there will be some who did not think a visit would such as mine (I have 2 at Bristol at the moment). On ethnicity we are white but the vast majority of children at their school are not and they did have some friends pick partly on grounds of where there were more people of their background eg someone might pick a London one or Warwick over Bristol (although to be fair to Bristol and my sons' non white friends there it is by no means all white). I just fund this interesting Bristol paper www.bristol.ac.uk/media-library/sites/sraa/Website%20bme-attainment-gap-report.pdf It says one reason BAME students get worse results may be because their parents force them into taking a subject or they pick one for career reasons rather than one they love and want to do.

SoundofSilence my DS went to one of the countries most famous independent schools having looked at a few of the universities his peers were looking at; Durham Exeter etc he decided he wanted to be with “normal people”. He had already booked to go to Edinburgh and saw the University of Glasgow had an open day the preceeding day no one at his school had even mentioned it or arranged to see it so decided to have a look. According to the Sunday Times it’s in the top 20 of UK universities but most come from the state sector well over 80% and I seem to recall and most of those seem to be Scottish (apparently for many Scots it’s their 1st choice). He does maths and I’m sure I read somewhere that it has the biggest math dept in the UK. He says that generally the teaching in the maths dept is very good and there’s loads of support.
Of course there are downsides we live in the south and it’s a hell of a journey, it rains a lot in Glasgow and the winters are freezing and he feels on some days it barely gets light! And for those of us who come from the south the accent initially seems impenetrable I though they were speaking Gallic at first!
But there are upsides. I knew nothing about Glasgow (I’d been to Edinburgh a few times) and many who I suspect know nothing about it seem to think it’s very poor city full of people living in slums like Gorbels used to be the with a high crime rate but it is very very far from this. It’s a very large very cosmopolitan city, the Scottish government seem to be putting loads of money into it, (Edinburgh looked positively scruffy in comparison and full of tourists), there is loads of culture sport things to do to suit all restaurants and cafes everywhere of every type imaginable (food is very big in Glasgow). But what he really likes are the people Glasgow is a really really friendly place (in contrast to Edinburgh) and they quickly realise you can’t understand a word they are saying and slow down! Student accommodation is also cheaper than many big cities. It’s a big city the 4th biggest in the UK but if you have transport within a 20 mins you can be in breath taking countryside we were at Loch Lommond the other week it’s simply stunning.
There is one other downside for us so happy is he there that he has decided to make Scotland and likely Glasgow his home but we also like it so much that I suspect in the future we’ll eventually join him.
With regard to a gap year my DS took a gap year because for a deeply personal reason (he had sadly suffered serious emotional trauma) and that despite having three A*’s at A level he had decided he wasn’t going to university. It was the best thing he did. Time away from education gave him the space to get his head around what had happened. He worked abroad for a period and did unpaid work with animals, my lovely bright highly articulate DS had by that time virtually stopped speaking and no longer laughed he then finally realised he needed to go for counselling to come to try terms with what happened. He is “exceptionally brilliant” at maths and despite doing no maths since sitting his A levels so about 15 months by the time he started at uni he quickly picked it up again. He would say you do need to practice it to be good at it but you don’t “loose it” within 2 weeks of starting uni it all came back and he got an A at the end of his first year. The Scottish uni system means that the first year is less intense their degrees are 4 years instead of three and in the first year you study up to three subject he did a MFL this would also give home time to get his maths brain in gear again.

Lots of good stuff here.
Firstly on ethnicity. If you son or daughter come form a minority ethinc group they will find it easier to get into a Russell Group uni, for the same reason that I mentioned earlier, they have to offer more places to them.
Secondly, for Maths, I had a really top student go to Imperial and he loved it there. You might want to look at that.
Thirdly, about a gap year, your DS could look at getting deferred entry then taking a year out which I am sure would help him. Or he could take the year then apply, especially as his grades would be confirmed then. Unis actually prefer to take students with a bit more life experience.
It looks to me like the world is his oyster but he may need the year out to resolve some of the issues mentioned.
And as for Glasgow, one of my grandsons has just done a degree in Music Technology there in 2 years. Yes it was intense and he did not have the uni holidays other students had but he loved it, finished with a 2.1 and is now living on the island of Seil (yes I had to look it up!). He and his partner have set up a business and he commutes to Glasgow from time to time. By doing the 2 years he saved a fortune in fees etc.
Speaking as a person who advised students on this professionally for many years, I can say that the advice on here from most posters is well sound and I hope you and your son find what they want. As I said before feel free to pm me as I have dealt with students with all sorts of problems and worries, from anorexics to students who were so arrogant that they thought they needed no help at all and 99% eventually got to where they wanted to be, I did have one who for some reason sought no advice, didn't want advice and ended up doing a degree in a place that made it far harder for her to get on as well as if she had done it in a RG uni, which she could have done but...
There are some people you just cannot help! But your son sounds amenable.
Absolutely all the best. Stan

There are some really helpful thoughts here . This weekend's excursion was positive. He really liked Southampton so there's at least one RG in the final line up.

I think we could all sleep for a week when we get back from the last visit next week.

Best of Luck. Warwick is RG too so me may be spoilt for choice!

meant "he" obviously! (Urgh!)

DC is having a gap year and is currently abroad. They phoned last week to say they had changed their mind completely about university.

They now want to live at home rather than the other end of the country in a hall of residence.
They want to do a different degree course.
They exceeded their offer so want to apply to higher ranked universities -LSE and UCL.

Travelling in to London will cost £20 a day. So we estimate 2k a year. This is cheaper than 9k in London halls or 6k in other-end-of-the-country halls.

A Gap Year has been a great decision. They had never considered a London university before. It was all about going away but not being sure their degree choice. They will probably spend 10 months of their gap year living away from home, with 8 months overseas. It is good that they value family and home that they happy to live at home and commute.

Good to hear your DS is doing well Greyarabs.

Since we live in London zone 2 and our children could have done any course they wished within easy commuting distance of our house, I did have a little fantasy about them not leaving home, for about 5 minutes. But I soon got over myself! Of course it is a good thing that pfb is living away from home and having the whole University experience. And in a non-RG University too no less .

Been to Warwick yet?

Yep. Highly ambivalent about it. He's very conflicted and the strain is starting to show. There's a slight possibility that he might walk out of his MAT test this morning, but I'm hoping that was the stress talking and his inability to ignore a maths challenge will carry him through.