The ABC of university life (2019/20 cohort) - settling in we hope

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

Previous thread - sorry about the lame thread title but done in a hurry!

CFS is a bastard it certainly is. Dd3 has made a great friend at her new school who has this. Only 13 i didn't know much about it before, was ignorant enough to think it meant you got a bit tired. Glad to hear your dd is managing to enjoy uni.

Yes, MarchingFrogs, that would be my ds.

He wants to study, read, eat, sleep, do his own thing. He doesn't see the point of "banter" and only likes "serious" conversation. Can't bear drunk people. At school he preferred the teachers to the other people his age.

He is "extreme," he's also autistic or you could describe him as already about 65. Some of your dc would describe him as "boring," he would think that it's "boring" to drink and talk about non-topics.

He's making friends on his course (of sorts) but he'll only really want to talk about the work with them.

Horses for courses, so his course is to stay at home.

897654321abcvrufhfgg and Rags My DS is in the halls opposite and mentioned the fall to me yesterday. He said they are all a bit upset as they don't know what actually happened. I hope the young man is ok. Told by DS to be extra careful and could feel his eyes rolling through the phone

Sounds like my DS Dangling. DD was asking last night if there is such a thing as an Autism soc that DS could go to. There isn't at his uni, but I was thinking such a thing could provide a support network for them as they navigate their way though uni and into adulthood.

Surely a "non-alcohol flat" is different to a "quiet flat" generally.

Yes I agree, but I think some universities just offer a choice of quiet or non-quiet and don't specify alcohol vs teetotal. (And for obvious reasons won't offer drug-free vs druggy.) I think also the quieter non-partying students may not realise quite how unquiet the non-quiet can be! If your socialising in Yr 12 and 13 is more cinema and Wagamama, you're not really familiar with the concept of 'pres' and coming back from clubbing at 4am every night for a week - so you might just think non-quiet means that people won't tiptoe. In reality that student might be happier in a 'quiet flat', but won't choose that because will be afraid it means nobody speaks to anybody at all.

Glad to hear some universities ban initiation rites!

Visited DD at uni yesterday. This the girl who really wasn’t convinced Uni was for her, thought she’d be terribly homesick and find it difficult to find like minded souls.....

Well, she’s settled, confident, happy with her flatmates, some evidence of work being done, participating in her hobby related society and generally loving life. I can’t tell you how relieved I was!

That's great!

Good to hear VanCleefArpels!

Sounds like your DD is key to her flat's success Chemenger - my DS would love someone to make him banana bread and would happily be sous chef to someone who knew how to cook.

DS really wanted catering at Durham but got self catering as that's all what was left when he was finally allocated a college at the beginning of September. I think he's coping okay, pizzas, pastas and stir fries so far. We sent him up with huge pots so he could cook big meals such as spag bol and curries but don't think he's used them yet. DH is a great cook so gave him lots of lessons over the summer.

@notaflyingmonkey, it would be a great idea for unis to have clubs for DC diagnosed/with ASD traits. I work with a lot of ASD children and the relief and the joy when they find others that will engage with them and they make friends

Lots of unis have dedicated support and run or host groups for ASC students - Wolverhampton, UCL, Swansea

I think if DD had been given a choice of 'quiet halls' she probably would've taken it, but I think it's done her the world of good to be around people who are more about going out than she is. There is a solid mix of different people in her flat and they're all (so far) getting along very nicely. None of them are at all bothered about DD not drinking, or wanting to be in bed before midnight etc.

She's settling in well, talking happily about field trips later in the year etc. The only fly in the ointment is getting her registered with the local GP, it's been fuck up after fuck up (mainly uni not giving correct info) and she's having another crack at it on Monday. If we'd have realised what a long drawn out pain it was going to be, we'd have done it directly with the GPs the day we dropped her off (we literally passed their door). Luckily her existing GP gave her a good supply of meds to tide her over, so she's still got a couple of weeks before it becomes an urgent matter.

Has anyone's dc not had the student loan yet? It says online to paid sept (can't remember date I think about 24th) but ds still hasn't had it yet.

DD's was due on the 23rd and arrived on the 25th she said before that it said 'pending' online.

I think he probably needs to ring them to see what's going on.

@icanbewhatiwant DS hasn't had his yet - he is at Durham though so only went last Sunday and officially enrolled on Tuesday. Student Finance website just says it is pending confirmation from the university, so hoping this will happen soon. I've told him to ask his mentor this afternoon as the site also says he may have to provide his student finance confirmation letter to the uni.

Had a lovely long FaceTime with DS yesterday, he's settling in really well, thoroughly enjoying the social side and says he feels he has known some people for years rather than just a week. His college has a 'no device 'rule in the dining hall and amazingly (as he is normally attached to his phone), this is something he is raving about, saying the conversations over meals are great and have meant people have got to know each other much quicker. The college also seems very nurturing generally - he has a college mentor and is due to meet this afternoon for afternoon tea with him/her and a group of 20 or so other mentees. Next week he will meet his college mum and dad (older students, one of whom will be doing his course), and his college siblings.
The only fly in the ointment so far seems to be the dreaded initiation rites - he has never experienced anything like this before, and though he is generally confident and sociable, it's really putting him off joining anything, which is a bit of a shame.

What uni is he at tinsel

Jano I think she’s just lucky with her flat mates, they seem sociable but not too wild. She’s had a gap year with some travel so is much more independent than she would have been if she’d gone straight to university after school. She would have been 17 then (Scottish system) so always planned to take a year out. The halls themselves are pretty basic and very poorly maintained- three weeks in and they’ve only just got hot water in their kitchen and wash hand basins, one hob is broken and the main door of the block was broken when they moved in and has just been fixed (for which they are all being charged, despite pointing out that it has never worked). However, it’s still much cheaper than what we paid for her sister four years ago (Glasgow vs. St Andrews).

@Tinseltrauma, that sounds great - he's at Durham, isn't he? Does he know of particular initiation rites/societies? DS hasnt mentioned anything but then we haven't really had a proper conversation with him

Has anyone's DC actually witnessed or been involved in any initiations?

Tinsel is he sure there are even ‘initiation rites’ for any of these clubs? Dd at Newcastle hasn’t experience any. I know Newcastle is particularly sensitive after a boy died from one a few years back, but I don’t think the societies she’s joined ever had any.

Has anyone's DC actually witnessed or been involved in any initiations?

Yes. It wasn't awful. Fancy dress and then to the pub!

chemenger is she in Murano?

Yes, Murano, her first choice after she visited friends there last year, sunny Maryhill!

@ZandathePanda @Trewser @juicy0 @bigTillyMint yes, he's at Durham. He hasn't experienced anything yet though some of his new mates have told him stories, some won't talk about it at all, which is possibly worse. I think he knows that some of it is bravado and hearsay but it's still putting him off. It seems to be that it's the sports ones which are the worst - I think he could cope with eating a raw onion for example, but definitely not with some of the more outlandish things he has heard about! He's going to take it slowly I think and chat to his 'parents' next week.

Meant to say, he's heard stories re high school initiations and other unis, not actually Durham so far.