The ABC of university life (2019/20 cohort) - settling in we hope

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

Previous thread - sorry about the lame thread title but done in a hurry!

Just had a FaceTime chat with DD and I was telling her that someone stopped me in town to say that she is clearly having a great time judging by her Instagram feed.

She laughed and said she has met some really nice people but “I have been so anxious and now I am really tired.” So how things look on social media and the actual mixed experience can be quite different.

I’m not really worried about her being a bit anxious as it is understandable and especially for her, a sociable introvert. She has a quiet flat and has not seen anyone there for three days! But it suits her to be able to go out and then slope back to her quiet flat when she has had enough.

I’m going to go down tomorrow with my mum to take her to a carvery for a decent lunch and to take some stuff she needs. Will also take some Iceland Meals in a Bag.

Proud to be 🎒 🎒 🎒 parent

@MrKlaw, that's good. Do you feel a bit more relaxed about him now?

@Witchend, is she staying in a Traveldodgy?!

Oh, and DS has requested his skateboard when we go down. The skateboard he got when he was about 13 that still has pristine wheels!

Just back from York. Dd couldn't wait to get rid of me. She grudgingly came to a supermarket for shopping and a quick lunch, but then there were tears when I left. I know she's stressed about meeting everybody. Fingers crossed for her.

For those worrying about new friendships in the first term - my ds (now graduated) hated his first term as he had nothing in common with his partying flatmates. He joined everything in sight and by the 2nd term had found his "thing". All his social life from then on was with friends he'd made in 2 societies. So join lots is the message!

However the next hurdle is finding flatmates for 2nd year - also stressful as it seems to happen December/January/February - so they may not have found their particular friends yet. Ds was invited to make up the numbers for a house in 2nd year by a course mate, and that worked out fine, then in his 3rd year he shared a house with friends from one society. He had to pluck up the courage to put it out there in the February of 1st year that he didn't have anything organised for his 2nd year. But he was very proactive at working to find the 4 of them a suitable house, and sort agreements/bills etc. People are usually kind about it if asked, so if a person is looking for a place they will point them in the direction of others if they're all fixed themselves. Difficult and stressful though.

@tommyshaircut that sounds good, though I'll hate chaos at the end as I'm driving the big car. Still not packed yet. I hope your leaving him part was ok!

DrMadeline what sort of place do you want? There's a big Ask by the Minster, nearest car park is marygate or Clarence Street. They will likely have tables. Or you could go back towards a64 and turn towards Scarborough. At hopgrove roundabout take left hand lane and turn back towards York at next roundabout, first off there's a Toby ca4very on the left but if you keep going you get to a round dabout, take second exit and that's the vangarde shopping centre which has several food places and parking right outside.

Sorry forgot to tag you properly @DrMadelineMaxwell

@bigTillyMint no with my family down in Yorkshire, so they need to leave early tomorrow.

In a lot of ways I wish I could be there. Otoh I think I would find it harder to leave her, especially if she's in tears, which I think is about 50/50 at present.
We've had all sorts of tearful thoughts from her over the last week, from me not seeing her room, through to the last time she'll do things (which she will do definitely at the holidays so not the last time).

But it is now the situation that she is no longer fully at home, and I married at the end of uni, so

Dd2 has had a sob. Ds thought about it, then asked if he can move his drum set and budgies into her room. I said no!

@bigTillyMint yeah it’s a relief. That was war and peace compared to his usual messages. And he’s prepared for a call from mum - shes never FaceTimed so that could be interesting :)

Thanks @Northernlurker .
We drove around in circles for a bit then found the car park at marygate and are now currently in panda mami

MrKlaw I often have my kids shouting “Mum I am FaceTiming you. Move the phone away from your ear.”

DS said only one left in their flat this weekend, the others live much closer to home than he or the other flatmate do. I think you have to get used to this and find others who do not go home regularly. He is taking the antibiotics, I am pushing orange juice and any food he fancies down him. He wants to go back tomorrow, first lecture Monday which is a health and safety one. We shall see. On top of tonsillitis he has an awful barking cough.

Driving in circles is obligatory in York. It's not easy to find your way around.

I remember DD coming home the second weekend. I was worried that it was too early, but she was a little homesick & was going to be the only one left in her flat. Weekends are surprisingly quiet at university sometimes.

Thank you for responses. He is at university with his girlfriend but in halls on opposite sides of the university. So if she says “they” didn’t go somewhere and he says they did something isn’t right.

I think going home at weekends happens more at some unis than others. Tricky for those left, especially now before they have made a range of friends/have a routine.

Well he is lying to someone. I would steer clear, he is your son she a girlfriend who as much as you like her ( and I have loved some of the girls my sons had over the years until they found the one) may not be a permanent part of your family. Keep your counsel and support him as much as you can.

Hopefully when they become bogged down by work they will not feel lonely and will all be in the got to get x done by Monday mode.

897, has he registered with the GP? Been to Student Support Services? If not, can gf get him to go/go with him? It sounds like he might benefit from some extra support?

We’ve arrived at our Premier Inn. Under 4 hrs driving plus a stop to eat. No traffic, so much better than last time.

@Benjispruce - great! DS is saying he doesn't want to be first to move on tomorrow

@bigTillyMint You can tell him he won't be. Dd needs to be moving around 7am to get there in time for her moving in time.
I think it's better to be there first than last though, so in that way I'm quite pleased that she was in the first arrival time.

I feel better tonight !! DS wanted DD to go and see him today ! She took him out for food .. he said he hated first few days and wanted to come home but now settling in well .. I did backpack and send him some curry and bolognese to put in freezer !!! DD said Broadgate park in Nottingham is just like 2000 fools all bumbling about not having a clue !!! .. so I feel better now he's not the only div !

Good luck today for all the mover-ins!

@Northernlurker I did no driving in circles, thanks to your directions. The ring road was very slow for a while but it got us there. Thank you. When doing the Sainsbury’s shop I spotted the John Lewis. I didn’t realise you had one. Somewhere earmarked for future side trips now!