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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Our DC are nearly all officially students now (going to university 2019/20) - seizing the moment, spending, socialising, societies and studying!

999 replies

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 17/09/2019 16:00

Previous thread

[Edited by MNHQ to fix the link]

OP posts:
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strawberrieshortcake · 23/09/2019 15:09

I’m not sure why we are mention nationalities on this thread when talking about people displaying anti social behaviour in halls.

I promis you it’s not just a ‘foreign’ thing to be disrespectful to roommates.

From my experiences the way British freshers drink to excess during nights out often meant vomit everywhere and when they did bother to cook for themselves, the mess was disgusting and they never cleaned up.

I hate this MN thing of blaming everything wrong at their DC’s university on ‘foreign students’ especially when they claim that the foreign students don’t want to integrate. If your DC went to China or Nigeria to study I promise you that they would stick like glue to the few other British students there simply because it’s more familiar.

I think it would be better in the future to leave nationalities out when talking about complaints about roommates.

blametheparents · 23/09/2019 15:15

@RaptorInaPorkPieHat - Is your DD at Nottingham university?
DS manage to register with the GP today at the main University of Nottingham site, and even got a Meningitis vaccination.
He said that there are times advertised to go and register based on the course that you are on, presumably just to spread people out a bit.

Mustbetimeforachange · 23/09/2019 15:17

I wasn't going to mention it but thought there was an interesting parallel. I did say it wasn't meant as a negative comment, and of course all students can be difficult towards flatmates. And yes, the vomit & drunkenness can be partcularly offensive.
My apologies if I have offended anyone, that wasn't my intention at all.

Biscuitburglar · 23/09/2019 15:21

Just wanted to say to those with DC struggling that it will be OK! DD started last year at uni and the first term is really hard. It’s a huge transition to start the equivalent of a new job in a brand new city, living independently for the first time with no friends or family on tap, so it’s not surprising that most new students have a LOT of wobbles. Stay calm, support as much as you can, be available when they need you but don’t push contact and add to their stress. It takes until Christmas for them to find friends and start to settle, that really doesn’t happen in the first week or two.

Cailleachian · 23/09/2019 15:37

Cheers for that @Biscuitburglar, and everyone else!

On positive note, the accomodation service phoned me thinking they were phoning him (he probably put my no down as the accomodation contact) because they have found a way of sorting out some ID for him quickly. Things are looking up.

ifonly4 · 23/09/2019 15:39

My DD struggled when she started boarding a couple of years ago (her choice not ours). It's not easy, but I think all you can do is make it clear you're there to listen and offer support. The turning point was when she decided she was going to make it work one way or the other and throw herself into everything.

If any DCs aren't happy with their accommodation/roommates they should be able to apply for a transfer, so that's one option. DD;s uni said they have to wait six weeks, but they're already startied making transfers.

It's can't be easy, but knocking on doors to say hello, ask if other roommates want to do anything like eat together or if they'd be interested in going to a freshers event with them. Chances are there are others feeling/vulnerable and want to meet others. Freshers activities should be starting today, as well as course talks and course events. Hopefully that will give your DCs chance to start making contacts. We were told at a parents meeting, Xmas is often the turning point when they feel they've formed proper friendships.

There were plenty of non drinking events at DD's uni and even at parties it's not compulsory to drink alcholol. In fact, DD is in with a large non drinking/smoking group who went ot the pub at the weekend.

justasking111 · 23/09/2019 15:46

DS has bought multi vitamins. Well my gast is flabbered. Grin

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 23/09/2019 15:47

@blametheparents Nottingham Trent, Brackenhurst campus so 14 miles out at Southwell and much smaller numbers to deal with (I think it's 1500 in total on site). I think that may make them a bit less organised Wink If she was at the city campus the stands are there all week Hmm

She's enrolled and got her student card, just needs to link it up with the bus pass. She's said she's going to go into the city on friday as it's her first free day. It's just such a bloody faff.

ZandathePanda · 23/09/2019 15:51

Strawberries Thought that may happen if I mentioned the word ‘foreign’. There are different nationalities in the flat all mingling along. This flatmate is ‘humanly’ odd. Dd introduced herself and smiled and the girl refused to give her name. The only thing she said to Dd is ‘are you going to have a party?’ When Dd said no she shut the door in Dds face. Dd was worried she had said something wrong but the others said she just scowled at them and didn’t speak. She’s going to have another go and smile at her (and not complain about clearing up the kitchen mess).

DishingOutDone · 23/09/2019 16:07

Thank you to everyone providing reassurance it is really helpful.

strawberrieshortcake · 23/09/2019 16:09

@ZandathePanda So what was the point in mentioning their nationality at all? You called have simply said ‘flatmate’, there was literally no need or reason to mention ‘foreign’.

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 23/09/2019 16:10

Back in my day (old gimmer alert) you got a big envelope with all the info inside along with a map of the campus. Much easier than all this piecemeal nonsense.

I've been saying this for the past week. I think drip feeding info doesn't necessarily lead to retention of it, and with info spread across a number of emails it's not always easy to track back if you don't recall what info you need to remember! Hard copy has a place even in the 21st Century!

OP posts:
Xenia · 23/09/2019 16:10

Might be worth warning students about scams - I saw this today:

" HMRC warns universities to protect students from tax scams

New students starting university this year could be targeted by a fresh wave of tax scams, HMRC has warned

The tax authority has written to UK universities advising them to warn first-year students about tax scams sent by fraudsters to steal students’ money and personal details.

Over 620,000 tax-related email scams were reported to HMRC last year – up by 20,000 on the previous year – including thousands of reports the department received about scam emails targeting students.

As with the general public and business, fraudsters are likely to use a range of methods to target students, most commonly by sending fake tax refunds using seemingly legitimate university email addresses (often ending in ‘ac.uk’) in order to avoid detection.

Criminals could obtain a range of valuable information from students, and could steal money, set up direct debits, make purchases for valuable goods on online sites or even take control of their computers and their webcams.

Jesse Norman MP, financial secretary to the Treasury, said: ‘Cyber criminals use every means they can to steal money and personal data from students. That’s why HMRC is asking all UK universities to make sure students know how to protect themselves.

‘HMRC is doing everything they can to clamp down on online fraud, but students and their families need to be vigilant, especially amid all the stresses and strains of going to university. I would urge university principals to take a lead in helping to protect students from these cyber thieves.’

The letters to universities were sent out from HMRC’s head of cyber security, and call on colleges to raise awareness of tax-related scams at the start of the academic year and to integrate scam advice into guidance for new students if they do not already do this.

HMRC advised university leaders that students are ‘more likely to be taken in’ by tax scams because students may have ‘had little or no interaction with the tax system’. This could make the offer of a tax refund from a scammer seem attractive, especially when on a budget.

If students receive an email offering money sent to them by someone claiming to be HMRC and it seems too good to be true, then they should report it to [email protected]

Alistair Jarvis, chief executive at Universities UK, said: ‘This action will help to raise awareness of the risks of tax scams. The security and welfare of students is always a top priority for universities. The message to students is to remain vigilant and question anything that seems unusual.

‘We would encourage any student who fears their account may have been misused to speak to either their university support services, banks, or to the police.’

HMRC-related email scams often spoof the branding of GOV.UK and well-known organisations in an attempt to look authentic. The recipient’s name and email address may be included several times within the email itself. It is important to check the email address carefully as these are frequently personalised emails purporting to look official, using the education prefix ac.uk.

As well as email tricks, phone scams are also being used increasingly by criminals in an attempt to threaten taxpayers into handing over cash – HMRC had over 100,000 reports of such scams last year, compared to 400 in 2016. HMRC has since introduced defensive controls with Ofcom and mobile networks to curtail these scams."

Piggywaspushed · 23/09/2019 16:16

Leaving this here:

MrKlaw · 23/09/2019 16:28

Back in my day (old gimmer alert) you got a big envelope with all the info inside along with a map of the campus. Much easier than all this piecemeal nonsense.

I've been saying this for the past week. I think drip feeding info doesn't necessarily lead to retention of it, and with info spread across a number of emails it's not always easy to track back if you don't recall what info you need to remember! Hard copy has a place even in the 21st Century!

Hear Hear - DS is all 'oh its on my phone' - yeah and when your battery dies?

Definitely agree on the 'spread all over various websites' - so easy to miss something potentially important.

Ginfordinner · 23/09/2019 16:34

I think my DS's problem is that he is used to being part of a wide social group at home, and indeed, being one of the pivotal organisers of social events. He just isn't used to being alone or just having 1 or 2 people to call on,

DD is the opposite. She doesn't have a wide circle of friends and was looking forward to making new friends.

icanbewhatiwant · 23/09/2019 16:42

@Ginfordinner yes my son doesn't have a large group of friends and was hoping to make more friends.

@Piggywaspushed that backpack song brought back memories.

ZandathePanda · 23/09/2019 16:47

Piggy darn that backpack song (shouty Dora in general) - it has haunted me for ages. That’s why I usually say rucksack!

DishingOutDone · 23/09/2019 16:50

@Cailleachian been scrolling up and down, can't see it so apologies if you said but did you find out why it looked like your DS was in a wood?

And Gin did your DD get a GP appointment sorted out?

Ginfordinner · 23/09/2019 16:54

No idea Dishing. She isn't being very communicative.

Piggywaspushed · 23/09/2019 16:59

I say rucksack, too. I blame Dora for people in the UK saying Backpack!

I did love Baby Jaguar though and learnt lots of Spanish...

Cailleachian · 23/09/2019 17:00

@DishingOutDone - not my DS. I think you have confused me with @Decorhate!

juicy0 · 23/09/2019 17:10

I've set up a thread for parents of 2020 freshers who are about to start the process that we have just been through. While it's fresh in our minds what advice would you give, knowing what you know now?

Pop over to the thread below so other people can benefit from the brilliant support network we've enjoyed here 😊

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education/3699702-what-one-piece-would-you-give-to-parents-of-2020-freshers

justasking111 · 23/09/2019 17:31

ah Dora many happy memories.

Decorhate · 23/09/2019 18:02

@DishingOutDone No idea why ds appeared to be in a wood. He says he was where he should have been, ie in a lecture hall. This is not the first time being able to “see” where a dc is has freaked me out.

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