Our DC are nearly all officially students now (going to university 2019/20) - seizing the moment, spending, socialising, societies and studying!

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

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[Edited by MNHQ to fix the link]

@Cailleachian is he registered with student services for extra help? Once they get through introductory leathers etc they’ll be teamed up in mentor groups with second years so that can help - having a smaller group doing the same subject

But definitely see if he can get in touch with someone in support services at the uni - they’ll definitely have people that can help

@simbobs - same here. We saw a couple of boys moving in but it’s a small flat and a bit isolated. So there is a risk people will keep to themselves but once they’re doing freshers stuff that will help expand his circle

nightclub in Leeds Pryxm I think it is called.

@Mr Klaw he already knows some people there from school and will do some freshers stuff with them, but I think he had expected a more sociable living experience. After all, they are not "out playing" all of the time. Well, actually my DS usually is... He has just said that he doesn't want to move, I think he just wanted to offload.

I think it's often the case - these flats sound like a communal thing, but actually it's hard to know if anyone is in their room. If they have made contact before on social media (DS2 had) it's easier. DS1 didn't particularly click with his flatmates & was at the end of the corridor so rarely saw anyone after freshers. Fortunately he gelled with his coursemates. As I commented a while ago, these days it's easy for them to hide in their rooms and game or watch netflix. We didn't have such luxuries in the 1980s!

You know reading all this if you don't drink what is Freshers week for?

My DD is lonely and doesn't have much to do, she has a self contained flat in a complex with nearly 1000 other flats, she has one friend from her college but really what is there to do? She's been on a walking tour of the city and has met some people from her course. Her room is too hot and the noise from the street 4 floors below is so bad that on the phone last night I thought she had people with her shouting in her room. Really fed up as I changed her room, she previously had one that faced into the student's courtyard but I "upgraded it" - wouldn't you know it, its the street outside that seems to be attracting trouble .

She could have stayed here another week and done everything she needed to do registration etc in one or two days. Sorry for everyone whose DCs are unwel, anxiousl or in appearing in car parks and woods!! Its like a test of nerves!

Many universities are now having events which are not alcohol related such as tea parties, walks, pizza etc. DS doesn't drink but he still socialises with the people who are. Unforyunately self contained flats are always going to be more unsociable.
Has DD had the freshers' fair yet? That's an opportunity to sign up for events more in line with what she enjoys.
It's a shame about the noise - universities & ciy centres are noisy places unfortunately. Wait until people start setting off the fire alarms on a regular basis...

My DS looked for his flatmates online but they weren't present. One of the lads is a bit older, been working for 3 years and now doing a Foundation Degree. He was patently uninterested in buddying up when we met him briefly.

freshers does seem quite stretched out - although for Bath at least there is only seemingly one big night for drinking/dancing - the rest seem fairly leisurely activities.

I think they can need that time though - subject introductions (DS has 2 per day Mon-Thur so thats 2hours per day used up), then Sports/society/fair is three big open sessions to sign up for new things. And of course getting registered/library card/learning how to use the laundrette - life stuff can take some adjusting to.

I think perhaps this is just a correction for many from whatever they'd built up in their head - maybe they thought it'd be like the sofa in friends (or whatever the modern equivalent is) and reality is not quite as exciting.

@simbobs good that DS maybe just needed to vent - that would be difficult for me to handle without trying to solve things for him, but important he's able to.

@Cailleachian so sorry to hear about your DS. My DD has ASD and she tells me that higher temperatures can trigger her into ASD difficulties. She says it’s a common experience. I would suggest the student wellbeing services. A quick look on the uni website there is a tel no you can ring. Yes it might be a bit ‘backpacking’ but if you phone, you can find out what help there is and let your DS know. Most unis have specific support for the kids with ASD. My DD is on a 2 day induction course, and she’s found out there’s an hour when the freshers fair opens early with no music etc. Other unis have student mentors. Brighton ( thAt is where your DS is?) will have something and the website says it has student support and guidance tutors. Good luck. I hope he finds his tribe soon

@Mustbetimeforachange DS has already experienced one early morning alarm call (fire alarm) yesterday morning.

I am sorry to hear that not all are feeling super chipper at the moment. It is natural to have a 'low' after the initial excitement 'high' of moving in. Suddenly it's no longer a dream but a reality.

DSib who is one of the most sociable people you could hope to meet, says that even they can remember the early days of university, 'flying solo' doing things. I think it is probably more common than not to take a few days to start settling. Those who are used to being happy in their own company at home, even with well established friendship groups, aren't necessarily going to change overnight.

Hold strong everyone.

I think my DS's problem is that he is used to being part of a wide social group at home, and indeed, being one of the pivotal organisers of social events. He just isn't used to being alone or just having 1 or 2 people to call on, and with no obvious place to hang out. Hopefully it will settle down. I have pointed out to him that he is a better position than many.

Lots of fluffy kittens for the people whose kids are having a wobble,must be really tough.

If it makes it easier my best friend's boy who is Mr Confident and you could leave him on top of a mountain and he'd find a way back down in one piece, travelled all over the world etc,found the first 3 weeks of uni very hard, didn't know what he was meant to be doing but once everything got going he was much better and now loves it.

I am very cross hearing about these rooms which are too hot/ tiny/grubby/have windows that don't open. They cost a fortune and quite frankly it's piss poor on the uni's part.

@simbobs it is frustrating for them but once lectures etc. start they will be in a much better position, even if flatmates are nervous to socialise.

DD's college sent us some info about ways to support your new student...

Allow your student to figure out how to fit in. There is a surprisingly wide range of what is normal or okay.

• Your student might fail at something. Poor performance in a course or rejection by a student group isn’t the end of the world, despite how it feels; it’s just a piece of the experience. Help your student see it as an opportunity to learn, grow, and build resilience.

• Try to have regular communication, but don’t force it. Don’t be concerned if your student isn’t always responsive. One way to show interest without seeming critical or meddling is to ask about what’s happening on campus in general. Have conversations without ulterior motives—these talks may reveal areas of concern more effectively
than asking probing questions.

• Expect some tough times. Learning to cope with new people, responsibilities, and ideas may cause your student confusion and discomfort. These are normal growing pains.

• Remember that parental and family support can have a powerful impact. This is especially true when you send positive, reinforcing messages:
“You have what it takes to be responsible.”
“You know how to take care of yourself.”
“No one knows your strengths and limits as well as you do.”
“We trust you to get help when you need it.”

Actually my DS's room is really cheap, but as it only has a convection heater which has to be manually switched on I think it will be cold more often than not unless he forgets to switch it off at night.

Dd has just phoned. I deduced from our conversation that the ‘car park’ was a lecture theatre or benches. She’s gelled with 5 out of 8 flat mates (2 nice but don’t come out) though one of the foreign students didn’t answer her door and wouldn’t acknowledge anyone, then appeared in the kitchen later with two (non flat) foreign friends and used every work surface and everyone’s cooking cupboard equipment to make a big meal for themselves, ignoring everyone else. No one else could get into the kitchen.

The other five ‘bonded’ over the !!?! moment. The joys of communal living!

Sorry can’t count - shes one of the 5 (8 in total).

one of the foreign students didn’t answer her door and wouldn’t acknowledge anyone, then appeared in the kitchen later with two (non flat) foreign friends and used every work surface and everyone’s cooking cupboard equipment to make a big meal for themselves, ignoring everyone else
This is EXACTLY what happened to DS1 2 years ago. He only ever saw the girl 3 times & each time she was with others from the same country & cooking with them. He decided that she must cook more often, just not when he was around!

simbobs yes,ds's room had a convection type heater in his room. I suppose in some ways it'll be good as he'll have control over how warm his room is.

ZandathePanda

That made me chuckle,there's nothing like someone behaving oddly to make others bond

Zanda I had someone like this in my flat at uni. She was Nigerian, 35 yrs old to our 18/19 and used to use all the pans and the whole cooker to cook for a group of her friends, then take the full pans to one of their flats to be consumed. She was not too quick to wash them afterwards either. Chips & curry sauce for tea again, sigh!

Dh said last night that Ds has told him he was quite surprised that he seems to be the only one properly cooking,the others are living on takeaways,ready made meals and pizzas. In some ways I'm pleased as Ds has a nut allergy and I had visions of an enthusiastic student making almond milk and chopping up pistachios all over the place! I cannot believe ds is cooking, he says he's only managing chicken breasts,rice and veg atm ,eggs and spinach for breakfast and I think he probably gets something on campus for lunch,it is a minor miracle as that is what I worried about most ,the fact he was hopeless in the kitchen and no enthusiasm to learn. Clearly he just needed to leave home and get on with it! He managed to do some washing too yesterday Machine is £2.40 do not hugely expensive.

Just name changed )but have been in thread before) to say if your child has asd / anxiety whatever then I think it’s ok to offer more support and worry more.

I read on another thread that weekends are especially hard when first at uni because the days are long, you don’t have friends so you are either alone or with people you don’t know but are pretending to be friends with.

With my DC we are coming up with plans like Now, next, later so that the day has more structure. So breakfast, chill in room, lecture, lunch, walk, tea, social (with option to leave early in taxi as long as they have told people they are leaving).

And reminding them to eat 3 times a day, drink five or six drinks of water or squash, go outside for some fresh air.

If anyone thinks I’m micro managing, that’s right. DC has a disability ASD that makes change and enforced socialising especially exhausting.

Perhaps we can have an Aspie offspring at uni thread later

Binglebongle I think that's good advice. It's not micro managing,it's helping.

@simbobs, DS1's flatmate was Nigerian too. It's obviously a cultural thing (that's not meant as a negative, more of a positive social thing - just a shame it impacts on others)

DD is trying and mainly failing to do her admin today.

The doctors were onsite on friday, registering patients but aren't anymore so she'll have to do it by post (she needs to speak to them to sort out her repeats). And the bus company were there fri/sat for bus passes (which she's already bloody paid for) so she'll have to travel into Nottingham to activate it (2 hour round trip).

No-one told her, and they certainly weren't anywhere obvious.

I totally get that they're adults and it's uni and they're supposed to use their initiative etc. But all she's had from the uni is a couple of emails and then the info seems to be spread out over several different bloody websites and none of it is joined up at all.

Back in my day (old gimmer alert) you got a big envelope with all the info inside along with a map of the campus. Much easier than all this piecemeal nonsense.

DD seems to be taking it all in her stride (so that's something!) but bugger me they're not making it easy!