When your child goes to uni, what happens to their bedroom........

[ItsTheKissing]

So, I'm interested in what people do or have done, if there were any issues and how you decided.

DSS has left for uni and has the second biggest bedroom in the house. Two other siblings have much smaller rooms. DP wants to keep it as a guest room and for DSS (their DS) when he's back at home whereas I think the middle sibling should be offered the room and DSS takes middle siblings room.

Middle sibling has a room which would fit a double (at a squeeze) and we have guests approximately 10 nights per year.

Current situation is that DP has said that middle sibling can have room in three years but still doesn't really agree with that and thinks even this is unreasonable.

We have discussed this over the last twelve months and still can't agree.

What to do?

Forgot to add that DSS also has a room at his other parents house and generally shared time 50/50.

We are giving my stepson's bedroom to youngest stepson when he goes in a couple of weeks, youngest is in a tiny box room. If eldest wants to come back and stay he gets the little room which will become our guest room. I don't see the point in keeping a large bedroom empty for most of the time.

I agree with you. Presumably eldest child has always had the biggest room? Let someone else have a turn. And I would promote youngest to middle room as well, and they can shift when guests appear.

What does DSS think ?

it is still their room until they fully move out.

@bengalcat good question! He hasn't been asked (that I know of). I imagine he would be happier to keep his room and that would probably be his expectation. He loves his Stepbrother but can't imagine him offering his room up.

My DS has already asked if he can have his room but I've said not yet

Leaving the second biggest bedroom empty is madness. Even if DSS comes home in the holidays, there is no guarantee he will spend all his time at your house - it could as little as a week and Christmas and a few weeks in the summer.

I suspect DP wants DSS to still feel welcome and worries a bout him retuning after university (it can sometimes take a while to get a job).

Talk about it as a family with input from the DCs. Go from there.

If I'm honest I don't know why his opinion matters - of course he's not going to give up a bigger room if he's asked! But it's a bit selfish to expect his brother to sleep in a smaller room when he's not even going to be there.

@CassianAndor I take your point. How would you explain to younger siblings that they can't have the bigger room despite it being empty for the majority of the time?

Middle sibling will almost be leaving home when DSS finishes university.

Should they not all have opportunity for a bigger room as they grow?

I do realise that this is all relative and not everyone has the luxury of their own room but am asking the question in relation to this specific situation

@OttilieKnackered yes eldest has had big room for last 5 years

Nope; the eldest doesn't get to keep the bigger room now he's gone to university.

Kids who are living at home 24/7 should be given the larger rooms. No point having someone squashed into a small room while a big room is empty most of the year.

DC should have a home for as long as you can feasibly offer one if they need it. That doesn't mean they have to have the same room. I'd discuss it with him like an adult - not 'big or small room?' but the whole picture of how life will look and what's fair for everyone.

We discussed this when DD1 went to university and it was decided that initially the rooms would stay as they were but DD2 could use the room as a '2nd room' - so mainly as a dressing room or if friends over etc.
As it happened DD1 dropped out and came home!
Now at the stage where DD1 is back home after graduating and DD2 is away - so keeping the same arrangement at the moment.

As it happened DD1 dropped out and came home!

quite.

DD1 is off to university on Saturday, and DD2 will be moving into her room - she can't wait! DD1 will still have a room for when she comes home, but it will be the single. As someone else said upthread, no point in leaving a larger room vacant for most of the year.

Incidentally, our double room does double-duty as our spare room, so if GPs come to stay DD2 has to vacate for a night (as DD1 did). That's the drawback!

That's mad, why would you deny one of the other DCs a decent sized room?
Our DS1 moved to uni on Saturday, I'm moving all his stuff into the smallest room so his brother can upgrade.
He is in full agreement with this.

It's insanity to have a large room empty 355 days a year, when it can be productively used by another child in that time.

Put a small double in the second biggest room, and turn that into a guest room that your oldest can use when he is back. When middle child leaves for uni, they get the largest room in their turn.

Sorry, that was really unclear - when the middle child leave for uni, the YOUNGEST gets the largest room in their turn!

Omg, I had this discussion on Mumsnet years ago and got absolutely blasted for it.

My position was that there is absolutely no point having the most spacious room empty for most of the time. My own DD is now in the biggest room and when she goes to uni it will definitely be given to DS who is stuck in the box room with just a bed and a chest of drawers.

It's a no brainer. Battle it out with your DH.

355 days a year? How d'you work that out? Uni terms are pretty short.

Keeping it for now. If stops coming home in holidays then will reshuffle.

@Fantasisa yes I posted with a hard hat on but I am really interested to see what the consensus is and rationale.

DSS would also spend half the time he's home at his other parent's house too.

DS's room is his room. Our house is still his home so we are maintaining the status quo.

If and when he actually leaves home and gets his own place we will review.

Slightly different in that both dc have similar size rooms, but if that wasn’t the case I think it’s fair for the one at uni to have the smaller room for when they’re back outside term time.