When your child goes to uni, what happens to their bedroom........

[ItsTheKissing]

So, I'm interested in what people do or have done, if there were any issues and how you decided.

DSS has left for uni and has the second biggest bedroom in the house. Two other siblings have much smaller rooms. DP wants to keep it as a guest room and for DSS (their DS) when he's back at home whereas I think the middle sibling should be offered the room and DSS takes middle siblings room.

Middle sibling has a room which would fit a double (at a squeeze) and we have guests approximately 10 nights per year.

Current situation is that DP has said that middle sibling can have room in three years but still doesn't really agree with that and thinks even this is unreasonable.

We have discussed this over the last twelve months and still can't agree.

What to do?

DD would not have liked to lose her room when she went to university. It's a big step and one that they take with trepidation but to take their room from them seems very harsh. Also I knew she'd be back regularly and would need the room to study. However, whilst I wouldn't have considered it, she didn't have another room somewhere else. Also I know she would have been upset but another child may not care. What we have done now she has fully moved out having graduated 5 years ago, is given the room to my son but with a double bed in it so that when DD and her boyfriend stay, then he moves back into his previous bedroom/boxroom.

If you have asked my DM about me having the box room she would probably say I didn’t mind. But I certainly did, a constant reminder that my older DC part time living space was more important than my full time. There is a lot of mentioning the older child mental health but very little regarding the younger ones. Some maybe happy staying in the smaller room but as a parent you cannot guarantee that.

Well ds1 went off yesterday. He has been in the 2nd biggest bedroom for around 18 months as he had got too tall for a single bed & it was the only room that could fit a bigger one.

He has reluctantly agreed that ds2 can sleep in there while he is gone (it was ds2’s bedroom for a long time & he had swopped without any fuss). However, after I spring cleaned the room today ds2 has swopped most of their belongings around. He knows he will have to relinquish the room any weekends or holidays ds1 is home. But I think ds1 will still be a bit miffed to see ds2s things in there! Hey ho

DS is going to university this week. DD wants his room. DS said no. DD does not get his room. I have asked him if I can store Christmas presents in there and he said yes, DD wants to use his wardrobe and the floor for exercising. I've told her to ask her brother. It is still his room and still his home.

It depends on the house. We have two DD and university is now coming over the horizon for DD1. However, they each have a bedroom of similar size and so there's no reason to move things around.

I had a similar set-up at my parents' house. My first year at University turned into a bit of a disaster and it would have been even worse if I'd lost my room at home as that was my safe place.

My eldest had the biggest room and had had it for 14 years. His brother had the box room despite being 14 years old and over feet tall.

My eldest went to a university which is a 4-6 hour drive away. He clearly was not going to be coming home regularly. I told him his brother would be taking over his room. He wasn't happy & suggested that when he returned on holidays he could have his old room back. I don't think that's fair on the youngest so said 'no'.

As it turns out he loves his university town and barely comes back here. I did decorate the box room to make it into 'his space' but it's crazy to keep a big bedroom for someone who spends about three weeks a year here when the permanent resident is crushed into a tiny room!?

Yes, I think some of you are being very unfair to the younger ones! The child who has departed for university may consider the bigger room "theirs", but it's ultimately a family house, and DH and I will decide what's best for everyone.