When your child goes to uni, what happens to their bedroom........

[ItsTheKissing]

So, I'm interested in what people do or have done, if there were any issues and how you decided.

DSS has left for uni and has the second biggest bedroom in the house. Two other siblings have much smaller rooms. DP wants to keep it as a guest room and for DSS (their DS) when he's back at home whereas I think the middle sibling should be offered the room and DSS takes middle siblings room.

Middle sibling has a room which would fit a double (at a squeeze) and we have guests approximately 10 nights per year.

Current situation is that DP has said that middle sibling can have room in three years but still doesn't really agree with that and thinks even this is unreasonable.

We have discussed this over the last twelve months and still can't agree.

What to do?

We left it for the first year so that DC1 had a familiar space to come back to as they transitioned into their new life. Then the younger kids all got a room promotion and DC1 now always sleeps in the guest room, their choice. They didn’t want the smallest room kept for them so we turned it into a study.

I'm one of 5 - the oldest had the biggest room and as each went to uni the next in age would get it, with the uni leavers then getting the smaller rooms. All very happy with this and felt very fair.

We didn't make any changes, our younger son's room is only smaller by a matter of a couple of inches so there wasn't anything for him to really gain.

I did put some more storage in his room though which I found useful, by way of another large Ikea Billy bookcase which was identical to one he already had and fitted both together. This meant moving out a smaller Billy bookcase with a door on it (the half height smallest narrowest one that they have available) and he went ballistic when he came home and saw it. I even offered to buy doors for it but he wasn't having it and it had to be removed.

The silly thing is that now he's back home after graduating, he's in need of more storage so the extra bookcase would've been ideal.

How old are the other children? Old enough to have a discussion between themselves and make a decision? It does seem madness to make a younger child squeeze into a smaller room when a bigger room is available most of the time.
But no changes until Christmas at the earliest.

Ds moved into the box room after A-levels as he will be at uni 41 weeks of the year. Box room is big enough for bed, drawers and desk so not too shabby imo.

I'd maybe leave it a little while until he's settled (maybe til after Xmas break or something?), a lot of people are totally fine with the transition, but the first term can be really difficult for some to adjust to (one of my friends ended up coming home every other weekend for a while) and so might be wise to keep things the same until you both feel he's settled? Then if things are going well, it's perfectly reasonable for the next child to have the room and even if he does happen to drop out or something, there would still be a room there for him, just not the biggest one!

Why did dss get the bigger room in the beginning? I know he is the eldest but he also has a room at the other parents house, so now he has 3 rooms.

I think the idea of waiting until the start of the 2nd year is a good one in general. We didn't have the issue as all our bedrooms are the same size so Dd1 and Dd2 still have their own rooms here.

Because of the disparity in size between our bedrooms, my dc have swopped around several times to suit their needs at the time. So there is less a feeling of a particular room being “their” room. I know of a family who used to make their kids swop around every year!

Dd went into the box room when she went to uni, though as she had more clothes and has spent most of the holidays at home, I’m not sure that has been totally fair on her.

Ds1 currently has the 2nd biggest room, mainly because he is tall & a bigger bed wouldn’t fit in his old room. Ds2 is planning to move into it when ds1 leaves for uni & he is the only one at home. They are currently arguing about what will happen in the holidays!

All of my friends who had older siblings that went off to uni got the bigger room when they left (unless there wasn't much difference in the room sizes anyway)

We discussed this with dc1 weeks ago. He's swapping with dc3 this week. Dc1's 'new' room will also be the guest room, so visitors may sleep in it with us telling dc1, but it will be his room during the holidays.

As dc1 is not likely to be at home for longer than 3w at a time for the next 3-5years, the room is only temporarily his. The furniture and layout have to suit me as well as him. But if he returns to live at home full time after uni, then the room will become permanently his again, and he can buy whatever furniture he wants and arrange it to suit himself.

visitors may sleep in it without us telling dc1

I would definitely move the bedrooms round, but we did that anyway. I did not really think it fair for one child to always have the largest room, just because s/he was the eldest, so would move them round every few years.
So definitely if the one with the largest room goes to university, there is no point in the best room being empty for most of the year, so swap, and give younger child a turn.

Could middle child move up to bigger room, but when older child comes home they get option of staying in their old large room or smaller guest room? Middle child would have to agree to that before being given room and probably reminded well in advance of returns, but it could work, as long as middle child isn't horribly messy.

I found the first year of uni very unsettling because I felt I didn't belong either at home or at uni. I think taking my room away would have really made me feel unwelcome, which I would think would be what your dh is worrying about.
I was at uni for approximately 30 weeks a year, and home for 22-that's a lot of time to feel a guest.

Also middle sibling's room isn't that small if it can fit a double bed in. If I was moving one I think I'd move #3 in and leave middle sibling alone.
I also think it sounds like it would be quite a nice guest room.

I was the box room child, with the hobbit furniture and underneath the bed was valuable storage space. There was 10 years between myself and DB1 and I never got to get his room. Didn’t help with the feeling he was the golden child and all because he was born first. Of course if there is no difference in the room sizes why would you change. But even if the older ones do not go to university it would be fair to have some swapping of rooms if there is a big disparity in sizes. DS1 is swapping with DS2 and if he comes back and DD leaves for university it will be swapping again. None of them will lose a room just a different one.

This happened in our family. We had a 3 bedroom house and I had the second biggest room. My 2 brothers shared a room ( bunks ) but there was an 8 year gap and the older of them was 6ft 5!

I left in the September. He got my room. He had his own room for the first time in his life! 5 months later I was back with my tail between my legs and had to have my room back. Not long after that he met his dp and they bought a house pretty quickly

I always felt bad on him but I couldn’t share with my 9yr old brother at 19.

It's interesting because my elder sibling had a room that was over twice the size of mine. But it never occurred to me that we'd change when she went off. Even though she went for medicine and had only 2 weeks holiday.
Ds' is planning all sorts of things when dd goes. From getting a dog to turning her room into a full sized aviary 😂, but no suggestion he would move in.
We might swap the beds over because she prefers his bed and shortly ds is going to need a bigger bed, but not sure it's worth the hassle.

I’d move them

My kids rooms will remain their rooms until they move out permanently. Don’t underestimate them having their familiar rooms as their security and safe space when they are home and knowing it’s there. I won’t make any changes, they’re home more than they are away

Exactly?

**sorry random question mark!!

We’ve swapped rooms around every few years anyway, so that no one got the little room for too long. The eldest goes to uni next year so over the summer we’ll redecorate the little room for her, and the brother who is in that room now will get her larger room. She’s still got a room, it’ll still have her stuff, just not keeping the biggest room empty half the the year.
The child in the biggest room moves out and shares with a sibling when we have guests - this does tend to make the middle-sized room the most popular!

I actually have been thinking this for a long time, should DS1 and DS2 swap the room. But I never asked, then DS2 just asked DS1 himself, and DS1 said no. Then I added that DS2 can use DS1's room when he is not at home, DS1 agreed. DS2 seems fine about it. I will ask DS2 if he would like to sleep at DS1's room once DS1 leaves, but he has to keep the room as it is and move back when DS1 is back.

I now think I will keep this for a few more years, as DS1's school term is not that long, he will still be home a lot. As an adult, he certainly need his own space. Like now, he often stays in his room. But DS2 is not a teenager yet, he still stay downstairs most of the time. After a few years, when DS2 would like to stay on his own more, and DS1 doesn't come home that often, they can totally swap.

Agree with cassiandro...leave their rooms well alone!! All three of mine have been or still are at Uni and their rooms remain their room . The terms are short and when at home they need their private space and headspace. I do admit though that husband sleeps in empty room ...snorer !!

I have to balance the elder one's need for a "safe and familiar space" when she comes home with the younger one's need for a room that's big enough for college study. She's in a much smaller room currently.

Also, she's going to miss her sister (who is thrilled at the prospect of a lovely new campus bedroom), so it's nice for her to have a little project fitting out/decorating her own new room.

We are also redecorating and accessorising the smaller room, so when DD1 comes home from university she will have her own space.