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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Going to university (2019/20 academic year) - and the fledgling freshers are off!

999 replies

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 04/09/2019 14:56

Previous thread

OP posts:
Piggywaspushed · 09/09/2019 15:22

simbobs , there are a few who feel like you on this thread : don't worry!

Am I the only one who uses microwave rice pouches ?? Blush

CointreauVersial · 09/09/2019 15:30

True, re: loan payments, Piggy.

I can safely say I have never cooked rice in a microwave, except for the month when our kitchen was being renovated and we were cooking in the dining room. DD1 will use her shiny new IKEA saucepan!

simbobs · 09/09/2019 15:36

GaraMedouar I'm glad mine's not the only one. He was meant to have menacwy at school but told them he would get it done by his GP, so I made the appointment and took him but he freaked out and wouldn't let them do it. He is really needle phobic and they said it would be a breach of his human rights to jab him while I distracted/sat on him.
I had a conversation in the dentist waiting room and he said that he does want to go, but as cointreau suggested wants to eke out the last bit of summer. This is a bit disingenuous as all his social group not going to uni this year are back at school or college. He admits that he has no idea of freshers wristbands etc and hasn't looked at what is on offer. He is not going to a quieter uni town (Sheffield) but he is secure in his friendship group here and is concerned at the prospect of mixing with youngsters who haven't been out much.
Once dd is away we have just under a week and I will try and get him focusing then.

MrsPellegrinoPetrichor · 09/09/2019 15:38

Ds will be dealing with his money, only way he'll learn to budget. We will pay his rent which we'll transfer in October and then the rest is up to him.

Original poster
NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 09/09/2019 15:55

Leaving DS to look after his own finances here too. His maintenance loan will cover his rent plus leave a little left over per term. We will pay top-up maintenance money into his account monthly (but not over the summer months) to live on. He has done nothing with his small allowance he's had from us in recent years to indicate that he's going to go totally mad. He is quite sensible.

I do agree that even as a full fledged adult, I would probably be a little quiet and unenthusiastic at this stage, put in their position. It is a massive thing. So many new things to be dealing with all at once.

I am just pleased that there's quite a posse from DS's school going to his university even though they're not local to it. Not a whole, established friendship group but their secondary school is small enough for them to all know each other reasonably.

OP posts:
Shimy · 09/09/2019 17:29

@simbobs I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. I think there’s quite a few ds’s here including mine who are the same. Today though we received the posters ordered for ds’s room as a surprise and he looked really excitedHmm.

simbobs · 09/09/2019 17:46

That's a nice idea, Shimy. I'm not sure mine is allowed to put anything on the walls other than on the pinboard but will check.
Dh thinks it is too soon for ds to be concerning himself with all this pre-uni stuff, which I find bizarre. I suppose my main concern arises from the fact that ds is out with his friends all day, and sometimes overnight, and isn't reading the things being sent prior to joining. I would have been really excited to see what was in store at his age.

simbobs · 09/09/2019 17:47

I hadn't even considered the possibility of holding ds's loan and giving him an allowance. I will run it by him but am pretty sure that he will think it a mad idea designed to give me control.

MrKlaw · 09/09/2019 17:49

@simbobs it’s about 10 days out - when does your DH think is the right time to think about it?

Bh2579 · 09/09/2019 18:02

@simbobs. I understand. My quiet, non drinking, non partying, young for his age DS is about to go 200 miles away on his own. Right now he even needs to be reminded to take his violin to orchestra or a key when he leaves the house 😖. His brother who is 2 years younger would have no problems coping if he was going now. I tell myself he will have a hard few weeks and then learn the hard way.

simbobs · 09/09/2019 18:10

MrKlaw, I know, he's being an idiot. My ds is perfectly capable of navigating the world he currently inhabits, namely organising the social curriculum of his group of mates. He can cook for himself, shop for same (though at the moment his diet seems to largely comprise smoothies and all day breakfasts) and is intelligent and articulate. However, I think he was an ostrich in a former life. He has an astonishing capacity to completely ignore anything he doesn't want to engage with. In recent times this consisted of school work, and without parental intervention he would not have finished his course. I hope that he makes a bit more effort in the coming days. Dd is only home for 1 more week and then won't be back till xmas and he did promise to spend some time with her.

Shimy · 09/09/2019 18:12

@Simbobs they’re not allowed to stick things on the walls but there’s a large pin board that they can affix posters to.

I’m nodding to quiet, non drinking etc.
On the remembering things front, they’ll just have to learn.DS forgot to wake up for his driving theory test...we decided to let him face the consequences. Some things can’t be taught, they’ll learn it through experience.

MrsPellegrinoPetrichor · 09/09/2019 18:34

Ds was really pleased with a small magnetic white board I bought for the fridge. Not sure why that was worthy of such excitement ConfusedGrin

bigTillyMint · 09/09/2019 18:43

@simbobs, Sheffield is not a quiet uni city Smile - there is loads going on - clubs, music venues, sport, pubs... He will have a ball! It was the insurance for both my DC, but sadly they both got their firm - I went to uni there and loved it!

bigTillyMint · 09/09/2019 18:45

Also simbobs, the SUs there (both Sheff and Hallam) have loads going on, unlike some other unis. DDs bestie from primary school is there and loves it!

ZandathePanda · 09/09/2019 18:46

Has anyone got any info on whether command strips are allowed in halls? They are sticky velcro things for positioning photo frames on the wall btw not anything dodgy!

bigTillyMint · 09/09/2019 18:50

@zandathepanda, I would have thought not if they have to be attached to the wall.

simbobs · 09/09/2019 19:07

I know Sheffield is not quiet, but my party animal ds is perfectly capable of blowing a whole term's cash on clubs, music venues and pubs. He could enjoy the city without ever looking in on a lecture! My dd, on the other hand always has loads of money left from her loan as she doesn't drink and is vegan. Oh, and studious to a fault.

ZandathePanda · 09/09/2019 19:43

Does anyone know if this happens in real life??

I can imagine Dd taking off the paintwork!
MrsPellegrinoPetrichor · 09/09/2019 19:59

I wouldn't trust anything not to spoil the walls. I think most rooms have a pin board,they can use that unless they want to be fined for it!

ZandathePanda · 09/09/2019 20:05

We bought some Command Strips from Wilkos. It’s so tempting to try them out!

icanbewhatiwant · 09/09/2019 20:14

We use command strips for posters. They have never marked the wall.

Ingles2 · 09/09/2019 20:14

Guys, I'm not sure taking loans off them and give them a weekly amount is a good idea! They're now adults, they have a contract with student finance and it's up to them to work it out, I'm sorry, but I think this amount of involvement is not healthy (for you.. the kids are fine)..
I have a nearly 20 and a just 18 going to uni for the first time... we've gone through their loan, talked about how much they will need a week, talked about moving rent money into a saving account. and that should be enough! They're intelligent enough to get into Uni, they can deal with this. Have faith :D

MrKlaw · 09/09/2019 20:19

If you’re on minimum loan then you pretty much need rolling up for rent so there is no loan for living off. Simply easier to transfer it all out and then we pay the rent. Covers situations like having to pay a deposit up front, loan coming in late etc. Tbh that’s how we do most day to day budgeting ourselves, it’s just practical. Move big stuff out if the way into separate accounts so it doesn’t get touched

We are paying his living expenses monthly not weekly so he will have to learn to budget a bit

Purplepooch · 09/09/2019 20:21

@Ingles2 I totally agree. It's their loan and their debt. Learning to budget is a key skill going to University.