Going to university (2019/20 academic year) - wave goodbye to family, say hello to fellow students and key uni staff and they're settling in (hopefully)

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

Previous thread. Possibly a little precipitous but for some of our DC their university start date is only just over a fortnight away. Yikes!

Piggy could it be that the 15 mins slot is just the arrivals time or is it clear that you’ve got to be away at the end of that? 15 mins seems crazy!

We have a first thing arrivals slot but it doesn’t give a time to be gone by. There are parent talks but not until lunchtime. I was thinking that it will take us a while to unload the car and then we would have time to go and do a food shop before the parents talk.

Piggy you know your DS best, but if possible I would caution against joining a day late.
I have 2 older DS who’ve both been through this and their experiences were quite similar in that the students bonded and made friends on the first day, both in their flat and the ones next door. From shopping and sharing pizzas to going out together on the first night. And going through that first night away from home together.

Would it be possible for you to book a cheap b&b perhaps with the intention of doing a quick partial drop off on the first day, then a more leisurely drop off of the remaining stuff, and food shop on the second day?

And yes I know parents who arranged to stay in the uni city for a week when dropping off their only DC. They were disappointed that DC spent more time with uni friends than with them.

No ours is definitely a 15 minute slot. The spaces are students' parking permit spaces.

DH and DS are stressy people so it'll all be fun fun fun!

I am also not sure everything will fit in one car boot but we definitely won't be allowed to park two cars!

error we can't drop off on the main day (in fact, I think lots of people aren't) as it's a Friday. DH and I are both teachers and won't get a day off for this. DH has already said it's unnecessary to book a hotel (I suspect this is football related!!) and we are only 1 hr 45 away so does seem a bit OTT (plus, I imagine they are all booked up). Even if we did the leisurely stuff on the second day there would be nowhere to park the car!

Nothing even really starts at the uni til the Monday so it does seem they have to do a lot of time filling. Wish they'd get rid of Freshers' Week, tbh. Not a fan.

Dd can't see beyond freshers

She's got her outfits sorted but when i mentioned stationery she just looked blank

It's a shame he didn't get his first choice which had Sky TV in a lounge downstairs. It seems a silly thing to worry about but I think it would help him to meet people if he could watch football and not have to venture out to a bar or pub to do so.

Not silly at all Piggy! - i think a communal tv lounge is a really good way to encourage low key socialising. I'm not convinced that the new style halls always work as well as the old corridors type - so much depends now on whether you click with the relatively small number of flatmates. Still, we work with what we have - and when the flats do go well i think they can be good. Box of chocs or equivalent now added to shopping list. Has your ds (or you!) checked out the list of clubs and societies - is there anything football-spectator oriented that he could join?

I think it's a good idea to remind the quieter less gregarious dc that friendships won't necessarily happen immediately and that's fine. The first couple of weeks can be a rocky road!

I genuinely wish dd was quieter and less gregarious. They are the people who will eventually make lasting friendships and probably do actual work and do well.

Dd is going to hit that uni like a ton of bricks and if she doesn't immediately meet loads of people who want to party she's going to be fed up. I just pray she does some bloody work in the first term

There is a football watching society. But it does seem to involve fancy dress which will put him off! I doubt he'll join anything ...

Lincoln FC are on the up football wise so I am hoping he'll find someone else who might want to go and watch some actual football.

I think Freshers' Week is great for the already gregarious but I think it can intimidate and isolate the already less sociable . And, must be honest, I don't like its connection to unbridled drinking. Which is terribly hypocritical as I drank loads at uni! Not convinced DS will even know what to do in a pub. He may need lessons. Bless him.

He might surprise you piggy!

Things have definitely changed with young people. Ten years ago, I used to find that when students were picking unis they rejected some because there was no SU (York) or 'no social life' . This is how NTU became really popular and it does still retain a party reputation. Now, I find more students select on the course itself, and whether they think the uni is in a nice place. They are also these days very influenced by standard of accommodation.

He might ligresa! He might suddenly develop a hobby, who knows? He will have to go to the kitchen to make coffee so he will have to encounter other humans! They only have mixed flats in his accommodation but I hope there are some decent chaps in his flat. I can see the point in the questionnaires that some of your DCs' places do.

Dd chose course and location and was initially worried the social life would be poor. Judging by the amount of outfits and shoes she's taking I think she's changed her mind on that score.

@Benjispruce AQA remark back - up 7 marks but not enough to change grade, dd upset all over again. Over 70% on 2 papers but less than 50% on the 3rd.

@errorofjudgement dd thinking of gap year now, waiting to hear if she can defer her place although she has had to accept accommodation in meantime which seemed weird. Been following this thread regardless.

Wish they'd get rid of Freshers' Week, tbh. Not a fan.

Agree! I think it's vital to reassure them that not enjoying Freshers week doesn't mean they won't enjoy university.

Ligresa your words are comforting for the quiet ones, thank you! If your dd's gregarious she should be able to find some fellow partyers, even if not in her flat. As for the working thing, I expect/hope universities set work to be handed in fairly soon, for precisely that reason - so with luck that will follow fairly automatically!

I just hope she channels it in the right way. If she joins some societies and does some volunteering she could really make a success of things. If she meets a bunch of chuckleheads and spends all her time clubbing and nursing a hangover, she's going to screw this up.

DS1's drop off slot at Birmingham four years ago was a very strict 15 / 20 minutes, so I am a little sceptical of DD's insistence that hers only mentions one hour slots, with no further restrictions within them. Different halls, though. DS1 also had the assistance of a moving in team, who stripped out the car in about 30 seconds flat (I just managed to retrieve my overnight bag in time!).

Yesterday, DD saw a message on a group chat saying that the jobs in her new home are induction...

Fortunately, her pans are compatible, though by accident rather than design.

Oh that is upsetting LIZS , commiserations to dd. It's so hard for them - sometimes they just have a not so good day on the day, and with the new 2 yr A levels so much rests on so few exams.

Would an upgrade have affected which university place? Are there any more remarks to await? If dd isn't 100% convinced about the insurance, deferring sounds as though it could have advantages.

We had a 15-20 minute drop off 2 years ago. Again helpers to strip the car & pile it up on the pavement with the parents given instructions about where they could go & park. We then took him out to lunch, then the supermarket, made his bed up & fled. Ditto DD in a different city.

Fancy dress piggy, oh dear, yes i can see that might put people off! Though in practice it may not be taken that seriously after the first couple of occasions?

I think the mixed flats can work very well - .your ds may end up making friends with the women, after all! Couldn't agree more about the isolating/intimidating effect of Freshers Week - not sure how/why it's developed into such a big thing. Though aren't more universities introducing sober socials to try to provide something for the non drinkers?

Not a popular view, but i am also coming round to the idea that coming home for (some?) weekends can in some circumstances be a good way of managing the transition if it's turning into a bumpy ride. I know the view is that it prevents students really settling in - but it may be a good half way house between living away from home and staying, for those who are finding it difficult.

chuckleheads

Dd is not at all interested in freshers week.

There is an orientation day on the Sunday. I did book the local travelodge for dropping off day. We love the city she is going to so are going to play it by ear.

We could stay over and breakfast with her the next day then go and sightsee with dd2.
Or we could just drop her off. I can cancel the room up to that morning if needed.

I'd happily stay but dh has never stayed in a hotel! Not sure he wants to..
Or whether to inflict his snoring on the people in the rooms nearby.

@SoonerthanIthought yes difference between an Oxbridge place or not. It was a longshot, but with such an anomaly and her convinced she had written a decent essay, if on a tricky 3rd paper, she was still hopeful. All remarks back now.

@errorofjudgement No need to apologise. Ds is very lucky in that he got into his firm choice in spite of grades being significantly lower than his offer. So the remark was only because it was such a near miss - and school were keen also as it helps their data.

@SoonerthanIthought I bang on about this all the time. It is the norm in many countries for students to live at home & go to their local uni or at least go to one close enough to go home at weekends.

As you say, it eases the transition. In reality, most universities are very quiet at weekends- the social events tend to take place during the week. Weekends are for catching up on study or going home or visiting friends at other unis. So I don’t agree that anyone misses out by going home every weekend.

At ds’s uni we’ve been told we can drop them off anytime between the 18th and the 22nd. No specific date, no specific time . So we could drop him off and find there’s no one else in the house till the next day or a few days?? Sounds a bit silly really, not sure wether to ring them back and ask again.

DS has finally managed to buy two tickets for freshers. My gut feeling though tellms he won’t attend them and just be holed up gaming in his room...can drag a horse to the water, can’t make it drink.