Going to university (2019/20 academic year) - wave goodbye to family, say hello to fellow students and key uni staff and they're settling in (hopefully)

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

Previous thread. Possibly a little precipitous but for some of our DC their university start date is only just over a fortnight away. Yikes!

@Piggywaspushed my ds is similar. He has been to the pub with mates once and didn't see the point. He's never been drunk and never had a girlfriend.

I was in Sainsbury’s today and they had some pretty good home stuff that would be useful for university.

I think a chat about consent, or a YouTube link would be very useful.

Ah I think that’s really refreshing actually. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Just had a quick google. It seems most universities have online pages on consent.

YouTube! Good idea!

@Benjispruce - that’s really interesting. I’ll look up something for DS and send him a link.

@Piggywaspushed - I figured if it was on YouTube then I had half a chance of DS watching it!

@Benjispruce don’t think SFE will pay you the loan - has to be in your child’s name.

If your loan doesn’t cover accommodation there are a few options we looked at

1. you find out how much the loan is each term, and the cost of accommodation each term. Then pay the difference into your child’s account so they can cover accommodation. Requires Getting hold of information which maybe you don’t have access to so relies on your DC providing that. You know exactly how much to pay, and if you pay early that can help cover in case a deposit is needed. But if loan is late might be a problem? I’m sure unis are used to that though.

2. you pay the accommodation directly to the university each term, then DC pays you the full loan when they receive it. If you can afford to pay upfront this is probably simplest and is what we’re doing. Less calculation needed and makes sure the full amount is paid when needed - if the loan is a little late it’s less of an issue maybe.

3. you pay the accommodation directly and leave the loan to your DC to cover living expenses. This so what we originally thought about but it’s IMO too much per week. We calculated if we pay £75pw as living expenses (should be plenty) that’s £2250 per year. Vs £4150 minimum loan. So that’s a decent £2k a year saving for you.

Thanks MrKlaw will need to get figures from DD. She is fully catered so her only expenses are her social life. She is paying for this as she’s been working 8 hrs a week plus extra in holidays for the last 2 years. We’ll pay the shortfall in accommodation and any travel or equipment she needs. We pay for her phone(set amount-she pays anything over) and we have family Spotify, Netflix etc. At least this way it’s her money she’s potentially wasting and she’s quite careful when it comes to paying from her own money

My ds neither, Piggy: never touched alcohol (and definitely not drugs), never had a girlfriend, doesn't go to pubs or clubs.

Mind you, when I was 18, there were probably just as many boys like that back then because girls always went out with much older boys/men and could get into pubs and clubs at 13, whereas our male school peers just hung out at the park still!

As a mother of 2 DDs I am honestly quite heartened to hear that some of your sons are on the innocent side. I worry about my DD as though she is sociable and likes a party, has worked for years and gone out to parties and clubs etc, she’s not experienced with boys(no bad thing) and went to an all girls school.

My ds is 12 and we ve already had the talk on consent. And it will.be referred to periodically over the next few years. Must admit I'm gobsmacked over how sheltered some mn s children are, I cant imagine how they can be if they attended a normal comp and have access to the internet!

University is a good stepping stone to independent adult life, they can make mistakes but support will be out there for them. I'm sure they will all have a ball, with or without the demon drink!

We've definitely had the consent talk, many times. He's not sheltered; he chooses not to drink or go out. (He would like a girlfriend but is too shy to ask someone out - and the girls he's liked at school have already been going out with much older people anyway). Teenage boys can have a really hard time fitting in - much more than girls.

I agree with the last few sentiments. What I like about this thread is that the posters on here have DCs with a range of abilities and personalities, and no-one is trying to outdo each other or be superior or patronising. Some of the higher education threads are scary, but the support here is amazing.

My ds invited 6 male friends round a few months ago for his 18th. I could hear them chatting about girls. I heard them telling my son he must talk to girls. He named 2 that he speaks to, they both have boyfriends already. I think he finds it hard to speak to girls. He's working full time and seems to be getting on with the girls at work (only 3 girls) So hopefully that will change. He has 2 brothers I don't know if that doesn't help. I'm obviously not a good female role model!

Yes another one here with a non-drinking, no-drugs, non-smoking, no girlfriend DS. Hoping he comes out of his shell when he starts at university. Also hoping he's in a mixed flat, so that he makes friends who are girls.

He has a sister and is very close to his same-aged cousin, so not entirely unused to being around girls. Although it's only in the past year or so that he and DD have struck up an 'entente cordiale' having spatted continuously in their younger years.

Oh that is so true tapas !

I do wonder if sending our DDs to an all girl school was the right thing given they have no brothers. Their primary was mixed though. It’s paid off in terms of achievement for sure.6th form admits boys but there were only about 10!

I agree this is a nice thread. Some MN threads are so aggressive. This one has really helped me.

2) you pay the accommodation directly to the university each term, then DC pays you the full loan when they receive it. If you can afford to pay upfront this is probably simplest and is what we’re doing. Less calculation needed and makes sure the full amount is paid when needed - if the loan is a little late it’s less of an issue maybe.

This is fair enough, if one is giving them back the amount (from the money that they have borrowed and will be responsible for paying back) that takes the total they have for the year up to the full amount that they could have borrowed, had one's household income been below the minimum contribution level. Not really so, though, if the amount of pocket money one decides to allow them from their loan, plus the cost of their accommodation, is less than this.

Me too - my ds also has never had a girlfriend, has always had good group of friends, but doesn't go out - I've offered to take, fetch, etc but no, he doesn't want to. He likes studying, watching films, doing things as a family. He talks to everyone at school and is friendly enough but in a quiet way. He is happy with his own company. How funny that so many of us are saying this. I have to say - all 3 out of 4 of my children are not bothered about meeting up with friends like I was, when I was younger.

Yes, I (and by implication my DS) have been savaged on some other threads, as some of you know

Oh @Piggywaspushed that's not playing nicely, is it? .

Not everyone can be an 'alpha' everything (talking about my own family here!), can they?

I have loved reading through this thread too.
Another fairly innocent DS here. Has lots of friends who are girls (from rowing) but never had girlfriend and blushes like mad around them.
He has just found out he is sharing a flat with 7 female student nurses.