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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Open Days - Did you go?

176 replies

Faultymain5 · 08/07/2019 19:34

Just querying whether you went with your DCs or if they went by themselves (or with friends), to University Open Days. I didn't go to University straight from school. But I did everything myself as I parents wouldn't have a clue. My DH is the same, he did everything himself and he went straight from college to University. Any help, as we're expecting DS to be a little more independent, but not sure if kids today just need a little more handholding.

OP posts:
Fibbke · 12/07/2019 07:56

Well, you would have missed out barry as we had a great time and having me as a sounding board was useful to dd. Shame some posters don't have that kind of relationship with their kids, but I'm sure both end up having teens that do well in the end.

ErrolTheDragon · 12/07/2019 08:14

It really is a 'you do you' thing - except of course the primary 'you' is the student, the parents are secondary.

howwudufeel · 12/07/2019 08:27

So people who don’t go to university open days with their dc don’t have good relationships with them? Really?

ErrolTheDragon · 12/07/2019 08:45

So people who don’t go to university open days with their dc don’t have good relationships with them? Really?

No, that's a frankly ridiculous assertion. As are the jibes about 'mummy and daddy’s baby.'.Hmm

I don't know why a few people seem to get either aggressive or defensive about what parents and DC do re open days. So long as you're not being a nob hogging seats in talks or dominating the conversations just do what suits your family.

PantTwizzler · 12/07/2019 08:46

It really is a 'you do you' thing

Agreed.

So people who don’t go to university open days with their dc don’t have good relationships with them? Really?

Quite! Because I’ve raised a confident, resilient young man who can navigate an unfamiliar city on his own I don’t have a good relationship with him 🙄?

TapasForTwo · 12/07/2019 09:06

So parents whose children lack self esteem and self confidence PantTwizzler are crap parents then? Hmm

TapasForTwo · 12/07/2019 09:08

There is far too much competitive superiority about parenting on this thread Hmm

Kazzyhoward · 12/07/2019 09:10

There is far too much competitive superiority about parenting on this thread

No, there's just the usual lack of empathy and lack of appreciation that people are different.

PantTwizzler · 12/07/2019 09:13

I literally said “you do you” Tapas — the opposite of what you’re imputing to me. I was responding to the PP who weirdly alleged that not going to open days with DCs was a sign of a poor relationship.

PantTwizzler · 12/07/2019 09:14

And btw my younger daughter is very likely to want me to go with her. Horses for courses innit.

Fibbke · 12/07/2019 10:22

I didn't say it was poor parenting. I said I felt it was a shame for some parents to have missed out on those days. But then the longer you are on mumsnet the more you realise that there are genuinely posters who think once your kids are 18 you should wash your hands of them or they will be living with you until their 50s Grin

TapasForTwo · 12/07/2019 11:33

No, there's just the usual lack of empathy and lack of appreciation that people are different

True. And I think many posters don't realise that for some of us public transport is extremely inconvenient. For example - driving to Warwick university is much easier than the train journey which involves 4 trains.

Kazzyhoward · 12/07/2019 12:17

And I think many posters don't realise that for some of us public transport is extremely inconvenient.

We researched the trains for 4 of the uni open days. All 4 would take a lot longer than by car and the cost was extortionate, and that was looking in advance to get the cheaper advance fares. Not only that, but 2 of the 4 trips would have needed overnight accommodation due to poor train timings, yet we could do them in a day by car.

IrmaFayLear · 12/07/2019 12:28

To be fair I don't think very many people are advocating that dcs go it alone. It is no longer the 1980s!

What is a recurring theme though is people who look on open days as a family day out . By all means drive - I did. Sadly it is usually much cheaper and more convenient to sit in a car than faff around with costly public transport.

I went to one open day with ds. At 17 he was, frankly, pathetic! He was horribly nervous, overwhelmed and hated it. In fact he had a bit of a meltdown in Turl St and so we had lunch and went home. The lesson learned was that he needed a gap year! So good job I was there.

As I said on this thread (or the other thread?!) universities should simply state "one applicant, one adult" and that's that. By all means have granny and grandad, various aunts and uncles and siblings look around the town, but butt out of the tours and talks.

TapasForTwo · 12/07/2019 13:14

"We researched the trains for 4 of the uni open days. All 4 would take a lot longer than by car and the cost was extortionate, and that was looking in advance to get the cheaper advance fares. Not only that, but 2 of the 4 trips would have needed overnight accommodation due to poor train timings, yet we could do them in a day by car."

Yes, that was exactly our situation.

BubblesBuddy · 12/07/2019 13:19

Having accompanied both DDs on visits, I certainly can say parents were a complete nuisance at: Oxford, Cambridge, Exeter (where they were asked to leave a talk and refused to go), Leeds and Bath. Just dominating Q and A sessions and clogging up subject areas. Yes, I only went to each open day once and it was a while ago so hopefully things have moved on. Exeter ran out of food and we waited 90 minutes for a shuttle bus so DD missed her first talk. Hopefully that’s been sorted out too. If it wasn’t a jolly for extended families, the buses wouldn’t be so busy.

Just because people work in universities it doesn’t mean they can operate an effective open day. The truth is, they need more of them or they need to say one DC, one parent. Only one or no parent allowed in student oriented talks. It needs policing but it doesn’t seem to be. Or wasn’t!

Also parents have paid maintenance down the generations. It’s not new! Also students don’t have loans in the conventional sense. They may never be paid back unlike a bank loan. So if DC don’t get that £100,000 a year job, who cares? Free degree if they earn less than £25,000! So what has changed for parents? Not much except DC value parental input and that’s fine.

Some schools do need to up their game re advice to DC about aiming high. There also
needs to be accurate advice about “loans” which are a grad tax and not a loan at all. This stops many DC from looking further afield and leads to choosing less prestigious courses because they stay local. The evidence strongly suggests RG degrees lead to higher earnings. I do accept other universities have their place but students with higher grades should aim high.

TwistyTop · 12/07/2019 13:22

I did all of mine on my own and was fine. I was in the minority though - most of the other students had a parent with them.

Kazzyhoward · 12/07/2019 13:23

There also needs to be accurate advice about “loans” which are a grad tax and not a loan at all.

Including the fact that middle earners will not only have to repay their loan, but they'll also be repaying a huge amount of interest at an extortionate interest rate.

Lower earnings will never repay it. Higher earners pay it off sooner so pay less interest - it's another example of the "squeezed middle" who end up repaying more and subsidising either end of the earnings spectrum.

Benes · 12/07/2019 13:49

Just because people work in universities it doesn’t mean they can operate an effective open day

You do know that at most universities they are organised by events teams.... it’s not just some hapless academic having a go.

The quality of them can vary. The universities you mention are over subscribed and don’t really need to run lots of open days as people will apply anyway.

Universities who need to actively recruit tend to run more and, in my experience, often run better quality events because they have to make a good impression.

TapasForTwo · 12/07/2019 15:54

The best open day IMO was Warwick. DD didn't like Warwick at all though.

daisypond · 12/07/2019 15:59

No. And nor did DD go on open days either. She looked round on her interview days, and I didn’t go to those either.

daisypond · 12/07/2019 16:05

Going on university open days would mean me taking days off work and it’s also very expensive to pay for train tickets etc, as we don’t have a car.

barryfromclareisfit · 13/07/2019 00:49

I ‘missed out’ by not going to dd’s uni open days? No. She had a great time and I enjoyed knowing she was adult enough to sort things for herself.

TapasForTwo · 13/07/2019 07:21

Sadly, at (an unconfident) 16 even at the end of year 12 (summer birthday) and being a non driver DD wasn't "adult enough to sort things for herself". Your post does come across as a little smug and patronising barry

Fibbke · 13/07/2019 10:06

My dd is very confident, drives well and is a strong, intelligent woman. She is also 19 as she repeated a year due to illness. Still she enjoyed having me there, because, weirdly, she likes my company and we enjoy bouncing opinions off each other.