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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

Open Days - Did you go?

176 replies

Faultymain5 · 08/07/2019 19:34

Just querying whether you went with your DCs or if they went by themselves (or with friends), to University Open Days. I didn't go to University straight from school. But I did everything myself as I parents wouldn't have a clue. My DH is the same, he did everything himself and he went straight from college to University. Any help, as we're expecting DS to be a little more independent, but not sure if kids today just need a little more handholding.

OP posts:

Benes · 09/07/2019 07:20

I used to organise open days at my university. It was unusual for a young person to turn up without a parent....unless they were brought as a group by their school or college.
Lots of places have specific info for parents.

LooseAtTheSeams · 09/07/2019 07:26

DS has done 3 so far. I went to two and he did the other one himself. He's also planning on doing a couple with friends. I must echo Sandybayley and say I really valued the time to just chat with him so I would go again if he wanted me to.
(My plan to check out accommodation was thwarted though - he isn't interested. Apparently if he has a bed and a desk he's happy!)

EskewedBeef · 09/07/2019 07:26

I suppose tuition fees have made parents a stakeholder, and it's normal to want to know where your money's going. My instinct would be to encourage them to go alone because it's what my generation all did, but of course things have changed and the norm is now to go with parents.

ifonly4 · 09/07/2019 08:23

DD visited LSE in London with a friend. We took DD to other five, for company, ease of travel and out of interest. We totally left it up to her to chose talks, approach staff and ask questions. She probably did 50% on her own, we sat at the back for a couple of talks. Enjoyed looking around accommodation. You'll see lots of other parents.

Definitelyrandom · 09/07/2019 11:58

DS1 went to a couple a few years back. We didn't go with him. I remember him being bemused by the numbers of people attending with parents. DS2 didn't go to any but he would have gone on his own had he done so. Both were quite decisive about what they wanted to do and where and focused on the academic content of the courses rather than accommodation etc. Luckily they were both very happy with where they ended up.

Most of their friends went to open days on their own, I think.

mummymeister · 09/07/2019 15:07

Its been up to my DC. generally they have gone to local/easy to reach ones on their own but have taken me or DH to ones further afield. We have made a weekend of it though - not just the uni visits but trying to fit in other activities as well. I have been around some unis with more than one child but looking at completely different subjects and its amazing the different impressions you get between courses at the same uni and going with individual children who all have different levels of confidence or are looking at things from other angles. What I really cant understand is the number of people who come as families - both parents, siblings, grandparents in some cases. But, each to their own and it doesnt impact me or my DC.

BubblesBuddy · 09/07/2019 17:12

Extended family can certainly influence queues in cafes, food running out (Exeter) and just generally moving around a university at a busy time that becomes too busy with people day tripping. Definitely don’t take grandparents. Or siblings. Places should be limited to immediately interested parties!

BubblesBuddy · 09/07/2019 17:13

Oh and queues for taxis, buses from out of town parking etc etc.

stucknoue · 09/07/2019 17:37

Just a hint - if you do subject tours, it's your dc's that need to be asking questions! Too many helicopter parents have resulted in parents being banned from subject tours here, they are being given complimentary refreshments and being wowed by the marketing department during the tours now. It is your dc's decision let them step up and ask.

TapasForTwo · 09/07/2019 17:39

DD wasn't interested in going to any of the local universities.

Serin · 09/07/2019 22:02

This thread pops up every year.
God forbid any DC turns up at a uni with a parent "handholding".
Some DC will have additional needs, some will be from the other end of the country and have been unable to find a suitable public transport link, some may actually like their parents company and be enjoying a day out.
We have done open days with 3 DC, sometimes they have gone alone and more often one or other of us have gone along as well.
It really doesn't matter.

TapasForTwo · 09/07/2019 22:07

Well said Serin

BackforGood · 09/07/2019 22:45

What Serin said.

We're doing the rounds with our 3rd dc at the morning.
At every single open day we've been to with each of the dc, the overwhelming majority have been there with a parent (or parents). There are always some students who have come alone or with a friend but they are very much in the minoirty.

I think, after you've been to a couple, then it becomes easier to go on your own or with a mate, but, in truth (as we are able, between us), we quite enjoy actually spending that time together with whichever dc it has been. By this age, you don't often get to spend a long time toether, so it is nice. Plus, it is nice to have another person there to talk the things over with afterwards.
It isn't about 'handholding' or 'babying' them - most of us lilke another person along when making a big decision.... I used to take my Mum when looking round properties before I bought my first place...... many people will take a mate with them if buying a dress for a big occasion.
If you can't (work, cost, time, other commitments) , then you can't. However, if you are able, it's a nice thing to do.

TapasForTwo · 09/07/2019 23:02

And well said BackforGood

Sometimes threads like this become very competitive between parents of children who have been completely independent since the age of three

Shimy · 09/07/2019 23:12

I don’t think anyone has been berated for going with their child? Unless this aspect refers to another thread. OP asked wether dc went on their own or parents went with them and posters have responded without any judgement.

I personally found going to applicant days much more useful (not to mention economical than attending open days). Like OP we wanted DS to start being a bit more independent and take ownership of the process from scratch. In the end he only applied to one of them and chose four he hadn’t visited at all. The applicant days were a brilliant opportunity to find out more about the course (with an offer in the bag), and it was a great bonding experience.

TapasForTwo · 10/07/2019 08:09

It crops up on every open day thread Shimy

Due to DD taking a gap year we did the rounds of open days over a longer period. By the time she went to the offer holder's day I just dropped her off and met her later. She told me that most of the students had parents there, but I was done with subject talks etc by then.

Original poster

Faultymain5 · 10/07/2019 08:49

Thanks @Serin,

But the thing is I'm pushing independence because he won't talk to people and will us his 'best friend' (me) as his buffer. He can't continue to do that in the real world. So yes, to me it seems like hand holding. Further we get to spend a lot of time together (we even tap dance at the same class together and play tennis as family together) and when he wants to talk to me he sidles up to me on the couch and starts a conversation or helps me cook. Not every parent parents the same way, not every child is the same, so I'm asking the question if you don't mind. Sorry if it bores you, however, I haven't seen any judgment on the thread, but if you don't think you could add anything of substance (without defensive statements), then you have a choice not to.

I don't spend every year on Mumsnet, so this year (the year it effects me), I'm asking the question and as the search function never works for me, I used this method. Can't understand why I feel the need to qualify it.

OP posts:

TapasForTwo · 10/07/2019 09:02

DD wouldn't talk to people either, but her gap year has been good for her in that respect - work, volunteering etc. She is so much more confident than she was a year ago.

coral13 · 10/07/2019 09:09

My mum went with me. I'm an only child and very very independent.

It was always going to be 100% my decision and it the end it was obvious. However, it was nice to have someone to talk it through with who had actually visited with me.

coral13 · 10/07/2019 09:11

Also I went to 3 different open days and everyone had parents with them.

Kazzyhoward · 10/07/2019 09:18

But the thing is I'm pushing independence because he won't talk to people and will us his 'best friend' (me) as his buffer. He can't continue to do that in the real world.

Our son has always needed a lot of "hand holding", but he always gets there in the end. When he started secondary, we virtually had to dictate answers to his homework, but stood back over time and he ended up with a string of grade 9s at GCSE without any help at all from us in his GCSE years. The first couple of Uni open days we went to, he was a rabbit in the headlights and didn't speak nor ask any questions - we went to Durham last weekend and you couldn't shut him up - he was freely asking questions and talking to staff and students throughout the day and we very much felt like unwanted guests. He's now planning his next to go on his own. Different people have different personalities - my son is always very unsure with anything new outside his comfort zone, but very quickly develops. If we hadn't gone with him at first, I genuinely don't think he'd have gone, and if he had, he'd probably have just sat somewhere quiet waiting for time to come home again! He has always needed that nudge with us behind to support him and then he flies.

fishonabicycle · 10/07/2019 09:20

I went to a couple - then he did the others on his own. He did the offer day with a couple of mates.

titchy · 10/07/2019 09:24

But the thing is I'm pushing independence because he won't talk to people and will us his 'best friend' (me) as his buffer. He can't continue to do that in the real world.

Leaving him to do an open day by himself won't encourage his independence though. He may well hate the whole experience because he won't have talked to anyone - pretty much everyone goes with parents, or friends and don't really make friends to hang around with on the day.

Whereas once he's at uni, he'll have no choice but to talk to people - and everyone will want to talk back! And he'll be looking forward to being there if he had a good open day experience.

howwudufeel · 10/07/2019 09:24

The flaw in these arguments is that if a dc can’t manage an open day on their own, how will they manage university.

TapasForTwo · 10/07/2019 09:24

Your son sounds very like DD Kazzy.

DD wanted to visit entirely different universities and for different subjects from her friends, so going with friends wasn't an option.

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