Open Days - Did you go?

[Faultymain5]

Just querying whether you went with your DCs or if they went by themselves (or with friends), to University Open Days. I didn't go to University straight from school. But I did everything myself as I parents wouldn't have a clue. My DH is the same, he did everything himself and he went straight from college to University. Any help, as we're expecting DS to be a little more independent, but not sure if kids today just need a little more handholding.

Went to one with first DC, as that was what she wanted - very focussed about her course and where she wanted to go.

Went to several with the second DC, at her request, zigzagging all over the country, racking up a fortune in rail fares and some hotel stays and kept seeing the same people ! It was worth it as different unis treated the same apparent subject very differently and the prospectus didn’t necessarily reflect that. Apart from the company, she found it very useful having a second pair of eyes and memory for when she was later trying to decide on her preferences - going with friends, she might have been swayed by their reactions or not had time within the group to look at particular aspects that were important to her.

I can understand why parents are so much more involved now, with the increased costs, but it is a lot different than 10-20 years ago. When I applied I didn’t consider for a second that my parents would come to the open days with me, I researched and booked the transport, and went on my own, chatted to other students who were also on their own. The few that had parents with them stood out.

I do a lot of careers fairs etc to represent my industry. I’m really struck by how little the majority of students are willing to chat to us people on the stands at these events. I spend most of my time talking to parents.

When it’s an event where the parents aren’t invited the students are more than happy to chat, engage, ask questions. I much prefer these, and now avoid volunteering for after school careers fairs as they are the ones that parents generally attend and I find them a waste of time.

The flaw in these arguments is that if a dc can’t manage an open day on their own, how will they manage university.

Because by attending open days with a parent, universities will no longer be unfamiliar, perhaps overwhelming or scary environment. At the start of her trips round universities for open days, DD was still quite shy - by the end of the process at interviews and offer holder events she was much more assured and comfortable, the parent might or might not be needed merely for transport. She was absolutely ready for university by the time she was actually going.

OP, you may need to quite consciously position yourself behind your DS, maybe do things like initiating conversations with staff and student helpers but not dominate the conversation- the uni people will understand this dynamic and want to engage your DS more than you. If appropriate, you can split up for some of the time (I got the thrilling task of talking to accommodation staff about rental locations and costs after the first year).

"The flaw in these arguments is that if a dc can’t manage an open day on their own, how will they manage university"

I'm sorry, but I don't think that this ^^ is a valid argument. How will children ever develop self confidence if they don't naturally have it in the first place, and aren't given a bit of a boost to start with? Some 16/17 year olds just don't have that innate confidence to make the first step.

The sink or swim approach simply doesn't work with some children. Would you rather just watch them sink or give them a floating aid to start with just to build a bit of self confidence, so that they can then set off on their own without it?

I have watched my daughter's confidence grow so much over the last year. It has been gradual, but this time last year she wouldn't answer the house phone, wouldn't talk to anyone she didn't know on the phone, wanted me to come into the GP's surgery with her, was needle phobic, wouldn't travel on her own on public transport other than the school bus or our local train service.

Now she will ring the GP, ring to enquire about job vacancies, travel about the UK visiting friends at their universities, she has just come back from an interrailing holiday with her boyfriend, and has three tattoos!

She managed this because she just needed a confidence boost at the start, and I am so proud of what she has achieved.

Your DD sounds quite a lot like mine, tapas - tattoos apart!

I think a lot of youngsters are, perfectly reasonably, 'look before you leap' types. A bit of cautious assessment and then they go for it wholeheartedly, possibly in a more mature manner ultimately than (some) of the more gung-ho kids.

I see both sides of the argument. Thanks all.

I believe that this depends on the young person wishes and the logistics of attending. I am 19, however due to personal reasons I have only just finished year one of sixth form, so I am beginning to look into this.

I personally whoud encourage you DS to attend with either a parent or a friend, As I believe that it is important to have a second option.

However, I know that my parents will be very Reluctant to take me to open days, as my parents where involved in an accident last year and now has a fear of driving. To put it into context, I live in Colchester and am looking at Plymouth . I don’t drive so it’s going to be a bit of an issue ( I want to do a performance course, so it’s going to be very complex when I have to actually audition! I will probably attend all the London unis/ drama schools myself, however the only way I will be able to attend the ones further away, is my parents or possibly friends, however they will ask for some sort of fee, which although I understand, I will be unlikely to have.

Please bare in mind that some universities will have a policy that all under 18s must be accompanied by there parents or guardians at open days/ Interviews. I personally believe that it’s a bit ridiculous, as I feel that A little bit of independence is needed before that, but I don’t make the rules

So far, two out of our three have not wanted to apply to a university they haven't seen (and DD is contemplating a third visit to one which she reluctantly didn't firm due to it's very specific subject grade requirement, as the course is in Clearing and if she has managed to pull off the grade, she would like to be in a position to be ready to leap if she decides to). I'm pretty certain that DS2 will be the same, although he already has some idea about what he likes / doesn't like, from school visits and tagging along with DD to a few places. And yes, I have gone more or less everywhere with DD- for the company, occasionally to provide transport (most visits were by train, though, as that is how she will be travelling most of the time, wherever she goes) and because I like getting out and seeing places. I have only been to two or three 'parent talks' and a similar number of subject talks - that's the DC's province. Where we have visited places with which I am already familiar (university and/ or city), I can suggest places for her to look at; otherwise, we explore together.

I’m early 30s and went to uni straight from college, so over a decade ago now. My mum came to the two open days I went to, and my dad one of them. I didn’t see it as a lack of independence thing. It’s a huge decision and I wanted my parents involved, and their opinions were important to me. There were a lot of parents at them too, so it wasn’t uncommon. I think they went to a few open days with my sister as she was looking too. Its not wrong either way.

"Please bare in mind that some universities will have a policy that all under 18s must be accompanied by there parents or guardians at open days/ Interview"

What kind of courses require this? I have never heard of this.

I went with dd. We really enjoyed the days. Always had breakfast out and occasionally stayed overnight and went to the pub

We never saw a single person without a parent.

I did draw the line at going into the one to one she had with a tutor. She was the only teen in there without a parent askingthe questions!!

pups I have never known a university have a policy like that in place.

Totally untrue that universities require a parent to come. Some students are under 18 when they start the course!

As PP have said, it all depends on the personality of the student and the family’s circumstances. My DC so far haven’t particularly wanted/needed me to come on open days and logistics would be tricky for me anyway.

And the logistics of getting there on public transport

The flaw in these arguments is that if a dc can’t manage an open day on their own, how will they manage university.

Because they'll all be in the same position - all turning up new, on their own and not knowing anyone or where anything is.

Compared to open day when most will be with parents and therefore unlikely to talk to each other.

Mine will mange just fine, thanks, howwudufeel. He has done NCS, he has organised holidays for himself, he is about to take himself off to a foreign country for an extended language learning course without anyone he knows being on it, he is planning his gap year to give himself a wider background in what he wants to study.

The fact that he fancied having a parent on an open day doesn’t mean he won’t cope at uni. And I promise I didn’t helicopter and didn’t ask a single question. He did the asking when he wanted to otherwise he listened and then we shared out thoughts..

Wanting a sounding board doesn’t mean immaturity.

Yawn.

@ howwudufeel - how very rude. I think a lot of DC enjoy the experience of looking around Uni with a parent. Mine certainly did - wonderful quality time investing in our DC's future - taking an interest, showing you care. My DD also did NCS last year and she knew no one on her 3-week course ...not only that she was 1 of only 2 private school DC attending NCS...

Flaw ??? Perhaps the flaw is 90% of DC who attend Uni open days - attend with a parent...does that not tell you something?

I’m coming at this from a different angle. I really wanted my DC to go to open days and they just didn’t. So they went to very few, and I only accompanied once. I know for certain that some attendees go without parents because mine did and so did some of their friends - either alone or with friends.

My circumstances don’t permit me to go to many open days and I can see that it’s a nice thing to do if the DC is amenable and the parents have the means to do it.

However, when I was going round open days in the late 80s literally no one went with their parents. What is the radical change?

However, when I was going round open days in the late 80s literally no one went with their parents. What is the radical change?

Fees. Once you charge someone for something it immediately becomes a commodity. Applicants become consumers, and with relatively little experience as consumers of a high cost service, parents feel the need to become involved.

What’s the big deal with NCS? Loads of dc do it. It’s hardly a major achievement.

PantTwizzler someone will say tuition fees but it's far more than that. In the '70s and 80s parents were nothing like as intrusive with things at school level either. It's a radical change throughout the whole education system, not just Open Days. I don't know why - but then I'm old school on this.

"However, when I was going round open days in the late 80s literally no one went with their parents. What is the radical change?"

Fees and loans as titchy says - as another pp has said, if a dc is going to incur £50k of debt (even if you don't repay unless you earn etc....) s/he may want more parental advice than in the old days, and dparents may feel they should be more involved.

I also think perhaps dc/dparent relationships may be somewhat different these days - perhaps dc are less resistant to involvement and advice! To put it bluntly perhaps in general they get on better these days - just an impression, obviously!

Having said which I think either is fine - and as another pp has said, some dc do feel they want to go alone.

I don't remember there being any 'open days' at all in the late 70s when I was applying to university. There were interviews, which included a bit of a department tour for the applicants only. One in London was a train ride I was familiar with so I went alone but met up with DB afterwards who was a postgrad there at the time and he showed me round a bit. Another two were in close succession which meant a combination of coach, train and 2 overnight stays - so DM accompanied me for the travel only, visited friends in one of the cities and probably explored the other a bit. I think DH's DF drove him to his interviews and walked around the campuses, but that was about the full extent of what a parent could do.

I suppose the whole 'open day' thing has developed in the years since then, especially after the rapid expansion in student numbers, the shift from small numbers with grants to a large market funded by loans.