DD spent some of her student loan on a holiday abroad

[Hilaryhilaryhilary]

So DD has just booked herself over a week abroad travelling with her friends. It's to a country that she's learning the history of, so will go and visit many sites when she's there. Most of her friends are her couresemates. I asked how much this would cost and she said £1000, but don't worry she will get £500 from her summer job. So I asked where she'd get the other half from? Her student loan!

Should I be outraged she's spending her student loan on travelling? We aren't short of cash (pay all her bills, but absolutely no luxuries), but no way would we fund a holiday.

So you pay some of her bill's and she saves for a holiday, i wouldn't be happy either

Yes, but why?! The OP has said that they're not short of cash, she agreed to pay some bills to help her out - why would you be upset that she'd responsibly saved?

Is there a level of penury she should be living in? We've established that saving money is unacceptable - what about eating hot food? She could just eat beans straight from the tin. What about new clothes? She could just sew old tea towels together!

Presumably she's worked hard to get to university, she's working hard at university, also working part time, and has saved up to go on a holiday with course mates - instead of booking the cheapest flights they can find to Magaluf for a week of cheap beer and STDs they've chosen to go somewhere that's an overall benefit to their course.

I don't know how people manage to be mean spirited all of the time.

You said it’s to a place that features in her education.... so no it isn’t a ‘holiday’ it’s a learning opportunity. Like going to a different country when you’re trying to learn the language. I’d say give her a break on that

I spent a fair bit of mine on cocaine and weekend trips whilst I was at uni so could be worse! Her trips sound beneficial and cultural.
It's not your money to dictate what she does with it, as long as she isn't leaving herself short for actual necessary 'living' costs what's the issue?

I always used my loans to go on holiday with. I was an adult and so is your daughter. You need to keep your nose out.

I have to say, I have had some issues with DD2 living the life of Riley at uni. In our case she is abroad in an expensive city and not receiving a loan, so it was difficult to pitch the right level of funding for her and make it comparable to what her older siblings got.

She seemed to have a lot of cash to do naice things like brunch and meals out. And had lots of new clothes. On closer inspection though, the student life in her circle in an expensive tourist city largely consists of going round your mates’ house for a few drinks and her clothes were from well stocked charity shops. She just spends her money in a different way to my other kids.

Basically now I just give her the money and she spends it how she wants.

I really am aghast at the level of downright mean-spiritedness some people display toward their children. How mean must you have to be to actually be upset that your child a) has found something interesting and educational to do with her time and spare money while at uni and b) that she’s sensible enough to have a job, budget and save toward an opportunity that many people won’t ever have.

Mind boggling. What an unhappy person one must be to actively disapprove of one’s children being happy and living a little.

It depends.
If the agreement was that you would fund her basic lifestyle so she wouldn't take out loans then, yes, I can see the problem.
My parents didn't have much money when I was at uni but they paid my rent and gave me £30 a week for food and bills (late 1990s/ early 2000's). I got a loan for my fees and worked for everything else. I admit I was scared of running up too high debts and so I wouldn't have used my loan for a holiday - I think that would have disappointed my parents because they did their absolute best to ensure I didn't have a huge loan.
Some of my friends took out the maximum loan and used the money for a deposit on a house in their first year after uni!

But what is wrong with a loan? Could be a free holiday! Most students have the loans. Around 50 % won’t pay them back. If you earn loads you pay them back quickly. So there’s an incentive to get a very decent job! So many people are anti loan it’s astounding! If parents want to pay for everything and can, do it. For standard parents it makes no sense to do this.

@Hilaryhilaryhilary Please come back and clarify on the points people have asked you

The maximum loan for maintenance for my DDs was around £4000 pa. Not much of a house deposit in London or in many places even if they saved all of it. Halls of residence were £7500 pa in London so not taking the loan didn’t make any sense because it was needed. Certainly wasn’t possible to save it!

OP, would you have been happier if she had just eaten more expensively during the year? I lived incredibly frugally as a student, rarely went out, got my clothes from the Salvation Army shop, and then spent what was over of my student loan on a language course during the summer. This then helped with my career. Your dd by the sounds of it is also spending her money on her education rather than on everyday comforts. Good for her.

Baby boomers who had (the minority) free university education or (the majority) guaranteed jobs the week they left school, dictating that their own children must live on cold baked beans, never have fun, and be grateful for it, before being ejected to spend two-thirds of their income paying off baby boomers' mortgages - and be ruddy grateful for it!

For the 9,999th time on this place.

I very much doubt the OP is a baby boomer since the youngest of them are approaching 60 so she would have been a very old FTM 20 years ago. More likely Gen X, which educationally is a split generation, the older half had tiny numbers going to university in the 80s, the younger half were the generation who benefit from the expanding number of degree places in the 90s but who no longer had housing benefit and were the first to have loans which we spent on interrailing.

dictating that their own children must live on cold baked beans,

Or buy a kilo sack of dried beans and soak their own drinking the water afterwards to save the water bill.

I wouldn't begrudge my own daughter a holiday! It's her money in her name to spend however she wants.

If you give her a set amount then she is within her rights to budget around that and not feel like she needs to pay you back.
Unless you sat her down and made this clear at the start, it's fair enough.

I can't believe you'd be so mean to your own daughter, don't you want her to have lovely experiences?!

Totally agree with you @Ninkaninus I am shocked at times the way people on here talk about their own children as if they are evil scroungers!

Btw, I really hope no-one took my previous post seriously (although the tone of the OP does rather indicate that they do think they've been had).

At the end of first year, DS1 went off on holiday with a group of friends. They travelled round bits of Europe I'd never been to (Albania, amongst them) and to do it even more cheaply, they flew with Buzz and shared a very small luggage allowance.between them. I was impressed with their budgeting skills, but had they actually decided to fly with a 'big' airline and stay in nice hotels, I would really not have minded - you know, people do go on holiday...

ADrop
Baby Boomers are people born up to 1964.

I'm one (just) and I have a 13 year old. So most probabably the OP is a Boomer. As are many of us who are saying she is being unreasonable.

Bloody hell, this must mean that the date you were born doesn't necessarily dictate your views on things. That people are good and bad regardless of their age. Who'd have thought it eh?

No I dont think you should be outraged. I think you should be pleased for your daughter. Unless either of you are in serious financial bother in which case it was a silly thing to do.

I honestly think students should just spend their student loans on having fun. Sure you have to make sure your parents can afford to pay your rent/bills/food, or you use your student loan with that. But whatever is left over, at least have some fun. You won't remember the £500 you saved in the bank 50 years later, but you will remember the great week you had inter-railing or that £100 you spent on a dinner watching the sunset in an idyllic greek island. Live a little. I know I didn't regret it.