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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

DD spent some of her student loan on a holiday abroad

120 replies

Hilaryhilaryhilary · 09/06/2019 21:12

So DD has just booked herself over a week abroad travelling with her friends. It's to a country that she's learning the history of, so will go and visit many sites when she's there. Most of her friends are her couresemates. I asked how much this would cost and she said £1000, but don't worry she will get £500 from her summer job. So I asked where she'd get the other half from? Her student loan!

Should I be outraged she's spending her student loan on travelling? We aren't short of cash (pay all her bills, but absolutely no luxuries), but no way would we fund a holiday.

OP posts:

tictac86 · 09/06/2019 22:34

I would be furious. If I was paying her Bill's and she spent money on a holiday.

AppleKatie · 09/06/2019 22:36

I don’t get what you thought it was acceptable for her to spend her money on?

Or the outrage that a young person would want to travel somewhere relevant to their university study?

Bizarre

MorondelaFrontera · 09/06/2019 22:36

would be furious. If I was paying her Bill's and she spent money on a holiday.
why? If she has a set amount of "pocket money", why does it matter what she spends it on?

mrbob · 09/06/2019 22:42

I spent a significant portion of my student loans on going travelling. Long uni holidays are one of the few times in your life as an adult you can go and explore properly without the time constraints. I don’t regret it a single bit- they were some of the best experiences of my life and changed my world view. And I am nearly mortgage free at 40 and have an excellent job so it hasn’t totally financially ruined me long term ;)
Let her go. She is an adult and is making adult decisions.

anothernotherone · 09/06/2019 22:44

Hilaryhilaryhilary this is quite peculiar. Do you demand an abstemious lifestyle as a condition of paying her bills? Is the "absolutely no luxuries" a moral imperative?

If you pay all her bills and don't think she should have luxuries because you're supporting her to live the life of the mind
in monastic austerity and humble gratitude until she's earning enough to fully support herself, what do you expect her to do with the loan?

Is your objection to her taking out a loan at all, given you pay her bills (but no luxuries)? Do you object to usury?

Objecting to a student going on a rather earnest holiday/ field trip with her coursemates is quite an odd moralistic standpoint. It's hard to untangle quite why you object to the money coming from her student loan except morally.

Do you think you might be infantilising her by paying her bills directly rather than giving her an allowance of a similar amount?

Did you go to university? If so did you get a grant? If you didn't your peers who went almost certainly got grants...

HollowTalk · 09/06/2019 22:47

I wonder whether the posters who say "she's an adult" and "it's up to her" have actually been in this position, where the DC will need money to live on and has spent their loan on a holiday. The money will have to come from the OP - please stop acting as though the DC is an adult, when she's actually a dependent.

TuppenceTwo · 09/06/2019 22:50

It’s up to her to budget herself! And it’s hardly an outrageous expense, especially when she does have a part time job.

DIZZYTIGGER87 · 09/06/2019 22:53

I did this every year, however I also paid all my bills and had a part time term job as well as holiday jobs. Mum and dad would do a big shop (food) for me at the start of the year, after that I managed to juggle everything and always had enough left over once exams were done to back pack in Europe for 4-6weeks. Then I'd come home and work my arse off all summer before back to uni in September.

Personally I think my travelling enhanced me more than the (pointless) degree. I will also be happy to encourage my son and any future children to travel and broaden their horizons.

titchy · 09/06/2019 22:55

The money will have to come from the OP - please stop acting as though the DC is an adult, when she's actually a dependent.

Where does it say OP will have to pay for it?

She has a loan and a summer job and has budgeted her income from these to pay for a holiday.

OhTheRoses · 09/06/2019 22:55

Oh come on HollowTalk. Ours were barely eligible for grants. We made up the money for rent, etc, and they had theor termly allowance. Neither had term time jobs; neither so far have had overdrafts. They have holidays. We help if necessary. The DC and I (21 and 24) have booked a week in Greece in a fortnight. They and I need a break - DH can't come.

DS has worked and done a Masters. DD has worked hard at uni this year. She has 8 weeks work lined up over the summer.

ShesABelter · 09/06/2019 22:55

This wouldn't bother me at all..students need holidays too.

BackforGood · 09/06/2019 22:59

Hollow - presumably, if the OP is posting at this time of year, she is talking about a dc at the end of at least their first year. So they have loan money left.
Of course, we are all "presuming" as OP has posted and run. If / when she comes back to answer what people have asked her, then we will have a better idea.

Yes - I have one at university at the moment, one I am looking round universities with, and one who has graduated, so have been in the OP's situation.

anothernotherone · 09/06/2019 23:00

HollowTalk it's possible to be an adult and a dependant - sahp are adults, or do you disagree? This young woman appears to have saved money fromthe academic year which is coming to an end, and is working in a summer job. There's no indication she will need to ask for additional money from her parents.

Do you think she should have lived as frugally as possible and saved as much as possible of the loan to pay her parents back for her rent, or whichever bills they've agreed to pay? If not what's your objection to her saving some of it to use on a holiday/ study trip?

Do you think students should take a vow of poverty for the duration of their studies, as a result of government funding being removed?

It's ironic how so many parents won't accept anything other than their offspring aiming for university and going to some university or other regardless of grades, and would be mortified if they went straight into non graduate employment or a trade apprenticeship, yet begrudge funding their student offspring and feel compelled to punish them for continuing to be financially dependant.

HollowTalk · 09/06/2019 23:00

@OhTheRoses. It sounds as though you have enough money to help fund your DC. You make up the money for rent and give them a termly allowance. However if they had £500 grant and spent it on a holiday, then it stands to reason either you'd have to give them £500 more or they'd have to earn it. It doesn't sound as though the OP's DC was going to earn it.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 09/06/2019 23:01

We top/topped up our kids’ minimum loans to the same as the maximum load would have been. (And to be fair, even then they had less money than kids with bursaries etc).

So I have no problem with them budgeting as they see fit. They have all had jobs to pay for luxuries anyway. DD1 scraped £1000 together and went to Thailand with her boyfriend for a month. Life can be joyless drudgery sometimes. I’m really glad she got to spend a month of it just having fun.

magneticmumbles · 09/06/2019 23:01

She's an adult. Mind your own business.

Reallybadidea · 09/06/2019 23:01

I just don't get why you'd begrudge your daughter a holiday. We give our son at university a monthly allowance that we can afford. What he spends it on is totally up to him. As long as he studies hard, I don't think that it should come with other strings attached.

howtotrainyourdragqueen · 09/06/2019 23:04

@EleanorOalike so because you have some students who can't afford anything, they all should live like that?!?

That's ridiculous ideaology.

When I went to uni (a million years ago ), student loans were just coming in (in my final year) I got LEA grant and my parents gave me the rest. It wasn't thousands per term but I spent it how I liked. I budgeted the rent etc and at the end of term when I had £30 left, I ate toast for a week so I could got out on the last night.

That's life surely? You give her money but 'no luxuries'
If you are giving cash, rather than paying the rent directly then she will spend it how she sees fit. You can only advise, she is an adult.

HollowTalk · 09/06/2019 23:04

I think you are on the wrong track entirely, @anothernotherone. My children (and I) have MAs and I am as far from your description (objecting to education) as it's possible to get.

I was a single mum and did what I could financially for my children, but I would have been furious (and very upset) if they'd spent their student loan on a holiday because I would have had to step in and pay that for food/rent and that would have been a real struggle for me.

They worked, though, and used that money for holidays.

It's not being tight to object to children spending student loans on holidays - there are many other factors to consider.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 09/06/2019 23:10

But Hollow the OP’s daughter is not asking for any more money. She has budgeted for the holiday.

anothernotherone · 09/06/2019 23:12

HollowTalk her daughter has a summer job and must have saved the money from the loan for the financial year which is ending, where are you getting the argument that her parents will have to give her extra money?

It has to be a moral objection because the circumstances don't point to it being a practical one.

I didn't say you begrudge education but that it is ironic that so many parents expect their offspring to go to university because they as parents would be ashamed to have their children take any other path, whilst simultaneously having an almost punitive attitude to funding the strongly expected degrees.

I presume that you got a grant yourself, in which case nobody could tell you how to spend it.

SkydivingKittyCat · 09/06/2019 23:17

Students are taking their own lives left right and centre currently. Let her enjoy her holiday (which sounds like it's going to benefit her education anyway, rather than getting wrecked in Magaluf) before she spends the summer working before getting back to the daily slog of university

Duck90 · 09/06/2019 23:24

Life is short, you should enjoy watching her have fun and experiencing life. She has plenty of years ahead of bills and responsibilities.

Do often grudge her good times?

DippyAvocado · 09/06/2019 23:27

Totally agree. I hope if I can afford it when they are at university, I will be able to help my kids go on holiday. It's not as if she's spent all of her loan money on a piss-up to Magaluf and then come begging you for more.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 09/06/2019 23:32

If she's saved half the money already by budgeting carefully and she's spending it on a study trip, I say good on her. What she spends her loan on is up to her, she'll be the one paying it back. My DD has done similar and I'm delighted that she's saved enough for a worthwhile cultural trip abroad by being sensible with spending and not pissing it up a wall like some do. I'm cheering my daughter on, can't you bring yourself to see the positives and do likewise?

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