Oxbridge Jealously

[eginma]

I’m not sure if I just meet a fair amount of bat shit parents, or if it’s a wider problem..

DS is a 2nd year at Oxford, his choice, we didn’t force him into taking the offer.

Anyhow, ever since he got in, we’ve had snide comments such as
“They’re bending over backwards to let state schoolers in”
“What’s the point studying that? Why doesn’t he study Law/STEM?”

The best of all, my son got a call from Oxford on results day asking if he wanted a place for Economics, as he got AAA in his a levels, but he turned it down for Birmingham. My ds assures me from working as an admissions helper this is a load of tosh.

Why is it that other parents feel the need to be arsey about the whole thing? DS works in a public facing role and he’s now ashamed to say which uni he goes to if people ask ! He’ll skirt around the topic unless directly asked.

I've had snobbery in RL. I go to a former HE college which is now a uni. There is an RG university in my city too. I've had countless sad faces when I say which one I attend and I have even been asked why I didn't go to the RG one. Its because it doesn't offer my professionally accredited course which will see me walk out into an awesome job
That's why!

Mmm, it's so obviously not true that Oxford or Cambridge phone 'exceptional students' on results day. They would have to have an arrangement with all the exam boards phoning up to tell them the most exceptional results of all those students who hadn't applied to them. And of course the application process is always based on more than A levels (hence the many stories of rejections by people even post A level with flawless results).

But irrelevant to the gist of the thread which is that there are some very rude people around, though thankfully not too many. I know a woman who responded to someone else's news of their son's Oxford offer with the response: "Oh, Oxford is so overrrated these days. All the top students are applying to the US". So graceless.

I went to Cambridge, neither of my DS are going to uni at all. I congratulate my friends DC (and am genuinely pleased for them) whether they're going to uni - be that RG or something more along the lines of CCAT (which I think is now part of Anglia Ruskin) or doing something else. Honestly who cares? If they want to go to uni, any uni, good for them. Ditto if they're doing an apprenticeship, going to work or whatever. Provided the parents aren't massively bragging about said kids achievements or making some snidey comparison between their kids and other people's, then it's all live and let live.

I just remembered one time many years ago when I was at law school (Guildford, v v middle class, I stuck out more there than at Cambridge!) at a party a friend introduces me to some ultra public school type who's been chatting her up 'oh Velvet this is (insert posh boy name) he went to Oxford -Velvet went to Cambridge' so I say hello, mention the college I went to and ask which college he was at, he squirms and sheepishly says 'Brooks'. He never got anywhere with my friend, not because of the uni he went to, but because he lied about it.

I think there will always be a bit of snobbery, if you will, when people try to "upgrade" where they actually are.

VelvetSpoon's Oxford Brookes is a good example, and indeed Anglia Ruskin (Cambridge) or University of the South West (Bristol). It's a shame because they are making clear they are awkward about their choice. Actually ime it's the parents who are prone to doing this, not the actual student.

say hello, mention the college I went to and ask which college he was at, he squirms and sheepishly says 'Brooks'

Cringe! Why on earth do people do this? They inevitably get found out.

Oh gosh, yes it’s off thread, but...

when people try and pass UWE off as Bristol, that really gets up my hooter

I can identify with this. My son is due to begin at Oxford this autumn. I've had the odd negative comment, (mainly from independent school acquaintances) querying whether he has been advantaged by being non-selective state school educated. He is Scottish to boot and the other comment I've received is that we are mad to consider paying tuition fees unnecessarily. And yes, he IS studying law.....

Our area is full of batshit parents like this. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 It's horrid that you work hard for something. Achieve it and get knocked down for it. If it's any comfort a lot of entitled smug bastards round here didn't get offers this year. Ha!

I'm not surprised to hear it OP. I have lost what I thought was a good friendship (haha) through jealousy that my DC was offered an Oxbridge interview and hers wasn't. Literally stopped meeting up or communicating after a five year friendship. My DC was considered dead cert to get in - they didn't and when said friend found out then the nice emails started again (obviously I decided not to pick friendship back up at this point). There are some utterly nuts parents out there.

Had to dredge up this thread as I had a good one at the weekend.

Saw a relative and of course I didn't mention ds. After a while she asked how he was doing. "Fine," says I.

Then she says, "Hmmmm. I'm sure it'll all come out over here like in the US that you people have been paying to get your kids in."

I just did a bit of a goldfish impression and said nothing in reply. She probably took that as a tacit confession but I couldn't think of a smart answer on the spot!

Ah, sod them. Getting in via state school is a huge achievement.

@sendsummer - It is interesting the effect accents have in making WC DCs feel ‘them and us’ when visiting universities that might otherwise be a good fit for their ability. It should be reinforced time and time again that most students with ‘posher’ or southern accents will be perfectly normal and potential friendship material.

I agree @sendsummer

An accent doesn't necessarily define your class & does it matter if it does - ? Ds's great friend had a northern accent - got a better degree at Oxford than did he. She was told ( at school ) Oxford was not for the likes of her. She did brilliantly - DS's circle of friends came from so many schools and backgrounds. They all got on well.

My father was a Yorkshireman, whose father started as a casual agricultural labourer (hired in the marketplace a la Hardy) and ended up in a cokeworks ... dad got a scholarship to oxford prewar. DM was a Lancashire lass who did her teacher training at Homerton during the war, when few women could go to Cambridge. So, my main perception of prejudice was the historical sexism, rather than class or regionalism!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 there is no way Cambridge called a random student to offer them a place on results day. How would Cambridge have the results of 'exceptional students' who had not firmed with them. Unless the dc firmed with them -which in your story they didn't, they firmed with Birmingham, Cambridge would have no way of getting the results. Every dcs results don't get sent out to every university. It's nonsense.

It does seem improbable. However, one of my dd’s friends had no offers for medicine yet on results day got a call to offer her a place. Don’t know what the mechanism is for communicating results between the exam boards & the unis. Perhaps they can also ask for the results of any applicants they have on a reserve list?

I got the impression from somewhere (and may be wrong) that med schools operate their own clearing system - and also afaik somehow communicate with each other re offers as few candidates ever get more than one or two offers?

Med schools do have a reserve list and let's the applicants if they are on the list.
The universities get the results earlier than the students and can contact applicants on their reserve list on the results day. At least that's what has happened to some of the applicants who did not get any offer first time around but had A's and A * s on the result day.

There is less of jealously when it comes to medical applications when compared to Oxbridge from what I have read on this thread so far.. in my experience.

My friends Dd is on a reserve list for Medicine and is incredibly working hard to get the grades and hoping for a last minute offer !

Errol my dd had three offers & a girl I know who is applying this year also has three & is on a reserve list for the 4th. I don’t think there is any co-ordination between medical schools & I thought they were not allowed to know where else applicants had applied to?

Birmingham are well known for making unconditional offers to solid students who are pretty much certs to get the required grades.

My DD put Birmingham down as a choice when she was having something of a crisis in confidence with one of her A level subjects. She had pretty good but not exceptionally amazing GCSEs. As anticipated, she was given an unconditional offer.

However she then got to grips with her subject more thoroughly, was confident she was going to hit her target grades anyway and turned the offer down. She was also a little worried that the security of an unconditional would lull her into slacking off.

So, in my experience, you don’t have to be exceptional and amazing for a Birmingham unconditional. Solid and competent I’d say.

One of DD’s mates got into Cambridge. I’d say she was the brightest kid I’ve ever met. Very quirky, never quite fitted in at school. Apparently she is loving it.